Sunday, April 12, 2020

Weekend At Bernies Review

note; my spelling makes more sense than this movie
weekend at bernies
this is my review on weekend at bernies from 1989
it stars no one i know of and was directed by Ted Kotcheff who did first blood(rambo 1) north dallas 40 andfamily of cops
i saw this b4 bbut usually i started half way in so i thought it began with them going to burnyz
last time i saw it i saw the 1st hour and it wasmnt that great
so these 2 80s dudes go to work on da weekend a d1 is fun and ones a stick in the a55
its hot and the work turned off the AC so they go to da roof and sit in a kiddie poolbut then they find the same life insurance check was cashed 4x on4 different dates
they go to da boss's building and nerd sees a chick hes gay for and dude wants him to ask her out
after he f's out talking to her they go have a hot dog and dude whines about sometone having a better life than him in soviet new york
btw this wwas rated 16+ in germany, 15+ in sooviet england and sweden and 6+ in norway
so later nerd gets a date with his crush but lives with his rrents and needs a place to take her
huh, vool guy was in prett in pink and Mannequin
then they see burny and he sez the policy has mulitple parts to it but they say they were issued after he bit it snd burny is impressed and to not tell anyone yet and inbites em to his place
then burny tellss his crime homies they gotta ice the guys and crime homie's wooman is into burny
they choose to ice the guys andd make it look like a murder suicide but after burny and woman leave, crime guy wants to ice burny too as hes b0ning his woman
so nerd is dating crush and shes ggoing back to college soon
hipe its not a waste of cash like gender studies
so they go back to his place and he trys not to wwake his rents and he makes up excuses and lies to cover that he lives with them
this is a55!
get to the dead guy!
then dad comes in the kitchen in his undies and nerd sez its his butler
after dad tells nerd off, she books it
so then its day and burny is having a good time and tells the hitman to not ice the guys while hes around
so hitmann injects burny with drugs and puts shades on him as he goes to h e double california
the guys arrive on the island annd at burnyz place this bikini blonde comes in saying burny's around
they find him and move him around thinking hes asleep or something and find a lot of drugs on him
nrd realizes berny is dead and guys comes in thinking he's alive cuz he's got shades
turns out every weekend guys come to party
dude dont wanna ruin the weekend so he twists things to get nerd to not out burny biting it but nerd only goes with it when he sees his crush
so later nerd and crush go to a light house and he gets light in his face and falls
then they make out on the beach and burnys corpse washes on shore and he books it and gets dude to help him bring burny back
then berneis woman coomes in and is p-ssed as he's cheeting on her
she goes up to his room and b0nes his corpse not knowing hes dead
the hitman sees this and thinks burny is still alive
then its the next day and dude hooked burnys arm to a string to wave and plays monopoly with a corpse and i think he cheats
also he jacked burnys rolex and nerd gets pp-ssed at that and dude latting his sleep til 11 30
crush cimes by and nerd almost tells her burny is in h e double england but just sez hes his boss, but eventually sez hes dead
she dont buy it after his lies b4 and
meanwhile, dude dumps burny off the patio and hitman fights him until burnie is dead
nerd takes crush to see burny but dude comvers it
btw, shouldn't burny start to bloat and stink?
imagine a scientiffically accurate more realistic remake where burny is all swollen in the heat and microvbes in his guts and he starts blasting gas out both ends.
then hee falls and his gut busts open and his rotting organs spill out
with all these modern mroe realistic less fun remakes, i;d say theyd do that
nerd pix up da fone and finds a message saying bernie was gonna ice em
they realize bernie is stealing from the coompany and they find a note saying dude stole from the company to pay for his secks change sergery and couldnt take it when nerd loved someone else
totally not like dog day afternoon
they realize that berny sed not to ice em when hes around so they get bernie;s body to keep around em as a body guard
they get him from a kid beerying him in the sand but kkid uses a cap gun to make em think they'd being fired on
they staple burnies toupee back on and go out wwith hm with burnys legs tied to theirs to try to get to the ferry back but it leaves w/o em
they go back to da house and the gardener who burny fired comes in and they bust his head
then another gardener comes and nerd busts him too
they go to burnys boat and f around as they don't know how it wotrkls and cause damage
bbernie falls out and is hanging by a rope and bangs into boueys
they go back to burnyz hhome and crush sees em and they show  her bernies dead
then hitman comes in and empties his gun in bermie
then sees the heroes and they book itas he opens fire
in the chasem bernies body treips him abd as hitman fights the corpse,  dude ties him up in a comic fight with a phone cord
so the cops come and hitman has gone nuts and they take burny away but the ambulance bumps something and burny fallls out and lands behind the heroes
the kid then stars berryong burny in the sand where his gasses will leak out and stink up the place
oh and the blonde chick sez: see you at da party tonight!"
the end
that was nice
a silly fun 80s film
costume  guy; richard "dick" butz
david outlaw
danny spine
is this a p0rn0??
but i liked it
its a mild offbeat fun movie thats not too dark or srs
it works abd seems sorta like biodome with 2  slackers doing cr--p
yeah its kinda dumb but its bright, sunny, colorful and entertaining
i liked it and its got good fun
for weekend at berniiews 2 i wannt it to be the night andno one knowsbernie bit it. they party but slowly his parts start falling off and no one notices. aso he starts swelling up fron thw gas and decay in his tract and eventually blows open and his innards splatter all over. its also a 32 bit party game on ps1, sega saturn, n64 and gba where you play as up to 4 party babes and do different events before bernie blows and whoever gets the most points wins. also there's a final round where you gotta clean his guts off the room and whoever cleans the most off gets a bonus thing.

No comments:

Post a Comment