Monday, February 15, 2021

Future Hunters Review

 Note; I sp[ell fuuruticstic

future hunters

this is my review on future hunters from 1986 (the year the Robotech II The Sentinels was gonna happen)

Its got Robert Patrick from Terminatioor 2 asnd Double Dragon and no one else i know

its directal by Cirio H. Santiago who did Equalizer 2000, The Expendables(from 88), Bloodfist 2050 and other cr-p I never saw

This is one of Robert Patriocks 1st films and he's pretty cool

I never saw this b4 buit its on Comet and I think it could be good

so narrator sez its 2025 and th workld is sh-t. But the Spear used to pierce the side of Jesus is the only hope

now this guy is tyrying to find it and theres wasteland warriors and sh-t from fist of the north star

so this main guy drives a bada55 car as bikers chase him across the road in the desert oif probably soviet california

he uses an arrow with a thing on it to bllow the car chasing himbut more warrtiors come after him and aim guns

btw,. 2025 is when Transformers Victory happened

so then main guy is in a base and beating up guys and capping em with a big a55 gun

hes in a temple and its surrounded and tanks get called in

main guy finds a glowing blade and tanks attack the temple

then credits to epic music

then its the late 80s and this chic in at this stone place witgh a guy to nice music

she has exams and needs more info from looking at a rock wall and guy wants to watch a ball game

he sez ever since her dad bit it she's lost her way

then some bikers get em and fight the guuy and beat himn down

main guy wakes up in the area the couple just was and bikers catch the chick

main guy fightsd da bikers and gets shot but walks it off as the bikers dissolve into goo

bf comes too and he and chick take maIN GUY TYO THE DR

they sez they out of l a but he dont know what that is and he sez they need to join the sppear and the shaft and asks what date is

they say june 12 1986 and he sez theres a holocost comming

then the future guy bites it, huh, i thought he was the main guy

so later guy sez to chick he got a dcrop dusting job and she sez she found stuff about the names future guy gaev em

then this blonde guy cvome in and se he wants the spearhead and his minion busts the place up a bit

then some people come by and blonmde guy sez he's gonna be back later

the people outsiode leave and she goes to the university to look into things

proffesser sez he lost contact with a guy and they show him da spear head and he wants it but teens say its entrusted to em

proffesser sez he can get the guy to get in tough with them and she gives him her number

they drive on and noitice they being followed and the chasers open fire on em

bf wants to give up the spearhead but chick dont wanna and they gotta find this guy

so the car chasing them crashes and blows and burns and the heroes go to asia and are diven by not bruce lee

so in this building hotel some guys catch her and bf and not bruce klee save her by icing the guys

bf gets a guy in a lock and grills him AND he sez this expedition was missing in the Venus Valley, a place with amazion warriors of legend

later the couple in in bed in undies but not b0ninbg and bf nearly wacks a telegram guy who comes over with a note inviting them to dinner

mwanwhile, blonde guys boss b--hes at himover getting nucular stuff and sattilites and other sh-t nto wipe out the people on urth he dont like

oh and they're nazis (or nat zeds in soviet canada)

at dinner blkonde comes over and sez hes a dsr's aid and they try to back out and run

blonded pulls a gun and theres a chase and a fight and blonde catchs chick and takes her off

bf beats guys out and jacks a jeep and goes after em

then its dday and i guess he was driving all night and he busdts intoi a home and starts wastting guys with blades and guns

he finds the professer and as a nazui andhes got the real professer they were lookjing fgoirt and girlk at gunpoint

real guy sez no one know where the blade isd and only the shaft is in the valley, but fake proff shows hes got it

fake prof and blonde guy leave em in tthe room and take off in a choppper and the couple free real prof

tthen the chopper fires bullits and misiles at the homeas the good guys esacape


they fly and bad guys chopper sees em and calls em on radio and tells em theres a  charge under the seat

they jump out anbd the chopper blows (Why did you tell them!? yuu eeee deee ottt!!) and they land in water

so they go to a plane place and bf ties up a guy and he jacks this plane

they fly there and have only 11 parachute and no place to land so they ditch da stolen plane and share it with him hugging her

pretty sure she'd slip ourt whjen the chute goes and splatter

so now they in da jungle and  fall down a thing after frewakjing outr from a big a55 snake and wind up at gunpoit bby the bad guys

so they're tied up and not ewxecuted for some reason and some hoprse riders bsaattl;e the nazies weith guns vs spears

the main guys get away and dda nazies follow and bf sneak attacks 2 and shreds em woth a gun

the sound gets the others attentionb and they run and cross a bridsge

bf takes out guys cropssing da breidge but falls throiugh and grapples a guy as gf runs

her gets out and 1 guy has a grenade go off and blowws the bridge and he climbs bacxk up

they go on and see the horse guys and go into a cave and al;ll these people come ouit and catch em

the cave people know ewhere the vallley is but needs help to figfht some guy bugging em for years

so they go out and the came guys and bf take outthjese guys with steallth and sneak attaCKS LIKE CAVEMAN NINJA but noit joe asnd mac

the chick uses a crossbow to take a guy out and the cave guys save bf from tthe sword weilding enemys as he sword fights em

Man tthis is like a silent film as its no chat all action

so aafter like 20 mins of killing, the midget cave guys bring them to the volcano and the mnain guys go in

they find da nazzies and run and fight but are caught and told to give tjhe spearhead

then bikini chicks fire arrows at te nazoies and fake proff gets away

the good guys are caughtb and taken to this primitive village and told they can have the spear if they can get it

but 1st there much be a match aainst te champion and if chick don't win, she bites it

she has to have a sword fight on a log over a pit in a fire circle with gaters in it

chick knox oer the champoin with a torch and the amazons spear her as the gaters eat her

looks like feminists are hardly ever pro life lol

so the couple goes into the cave and bf throws a snake away and she gets the shaft

but then fake propf comes in somehow and wants to genetically engeneer the world so the less evolved won't be there

he fights bf and ofers him a chanceto join him afyter saying they shouldnt exist

chick puts the spear together, throws it to him and he shanks fake prof

then for no reason., the area crumbles and the heroes are stuck in the think by rox

the cave midgets dig a way to themand they get out to inspiring music

then she lifs up the spear and it just ends w/o mentioning the future or w/e being saved

then credits to adventure 80s music

the end

I lilked this

its 80s direct to video cheese, but has good music and action

robert patrick delivers and its got a plot that keeps twisting

wtf is this movie?!

w/e it is, i enjoyed it

its got good stuff and is in proper fullscreen without black bars eating half the screnn

for future hunters 2 i want the nazies to regroup and try their world nuking plan and its up to the chick and the bf to stop it. tHEY USE THE SPEAR TO USE POWERS LIKE HOLY ARMOR OR invisbility or energy blasts or super jump and take on te bases with nazies to stop em. aLSO its a 16 bit action game like metroid on sega genesis, snes, tg16, atari jaguar and gba where you go around and use different powers of the spear to get through these bases.

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