Wednesday, February 17, 2021

The Guns Of Fort Petticoat Review

 Note I spell like a 1800 guy

The Guns of Fort Petticoat

this is my review on The Guns of Fort Petticoat from 1957

its got aufdie murphy and no one i know

its directed by Hamilton Luske whp did Fantasxia, Pinoccio, The Reluctant Dragon, Cinderella, Alice in Wonder Land, Peter Pan, :Lady and the Tramp, 101m dalmations and mary pooppins

its by Disney b4 they went evil and Walt was a producer

its in color and widescreen

so after credits we get text saying near the end of the civil war, da gov tried to keep the indians on the rerservatrion

a union soldier talks with indiansd abotu staying on reservations and about them trading with others

he reports to his boss he found indians but not the ones who iced peopole as they came from the south

but boss wants to attack em aND main guy warns him that it would cause problems

boss hassles him for being from Texas and when he talks back hes locked up

should've sided with Jefferson

unions are usuially the bad guys

soviert union, european union, union vs confederatem, ect

so boss goes out and main guy goes out on horse and the union soldierrsa attack the indian tent city

kinda suurprised theyt'd have the indians as  victims aND AMERICANS AS BAD GUYS

THATS MORE LIker a 2000s film

main guy cant stop the attack and books it to a border town in Texas

the locals wonder about him as hes in a union outfit and he sez hes from texas

but then the indians attack and cuz its texas, everyone whips out their guns and fight back


the indians loot the place like a race riot in the 2010s and main guy is welcomed by the Texas

huh, John Dierkes from, The 50s The Thing, Red Badger of Courage, X: The Man with the X-ray Eyes, and The Omega Man is in here

later main guy goes to see his gf whos married and hasd a kid(waiit itsa her husbnasnds brother) and he wants her to get to saftey

but they dont like him cuz he fought foir the union

he goes around and gets more of the same ashe betrayed the protoculture anbd think its a union trick

1 chick opens fire on him and he is gonna slug her until he sees shes a chick

later he comes across a burned farmwith human corpses and brings 1 around to the people who didn't trust him and they change their tune

also its implied the indians b0ned her

A rich chick comes in on a busted wagoin and needs fixing but they got indians coming

then a guiy fakes an indian attack as a joke and gets slugged by main guy for it

they decide to stay there and stand their ground as the men are fighting foir freedom in the war

also most of the chicks know how to use a firearm as its Texas and evertyones bada55

they ready the base and main guy gives shooting lessons

also theres this tough older woman like the Praxian Amazons in Robotech II The Sentinels who's bada55 and strong

1 blonde chick sez the training isn't fun and offers to b0ne him

Also he trains em in hand to hand combat and has em bring water up a thing so the enemy woin't have it

1 chick can't take the stress and her bf dont wwanna marry her yet and she as a secret

main guy blows the well so the indians dont get it

huh, according to wikipewwdisa, the boss yankee who did the attack on the village took pieces of his victims, some crotches, some babies

later they are maKING STUFF OUTTA PETTICOATS AND MAIN GUY MAKES THE RICH CHICK usse hers instead of her slasve or w/e

he chats withs his ex gf about her husband but she sez she don't like da husband

Then brother comes in and points a gun at main guy and hesez he already has a chickk

he sezits the gun chick from b4 and he tells kid its a secret

the guy who joke indian attacked sez to da chix theres no indians and they gotta book it

so main guy frees the horses but joke guy gets a horse and trys to escape

main guy jumps him abnd they fisty fight and min guy wins

they all talk about how main guy is a deserter and so is joker guy, and main guy wanted em to not go as they might out him as a desserter

then they see smoke and 1 of their farms was torched

later kid tells gun chick and main guy he didn't tell the secret of them bewing a couple

in jail joke guy sez sorry for being a  jacka55 to his gf and he wants to marry her

he sez if she helps him escap[e, they can get pmarried and she aids him

but he shoves her on her a55 and books it as she crys

he's the kinda guy who yuou'd see on maury and saying he's not the father, but is!!

main guy sz to gun girl hhe had da horse to lead the indians away if they found it

joke guy goes out to an empty farm and jaxcks some booze but some mexicoes are there and seem drunk

they string him up by his armpits and want his cadh

he has none and they gonna cap him and he sez the place he escaped fropm has gold and jewels and is run by chix on guasrd for an indian attack

the mexicans cap  him so he don't tell and they dont gotta share

so later the kid sees someone comming and its the mexocans

they let em in and they say the joke guy sent em and they want da gold

they beat down main guy pull a gun but the chicks scare em off with guns


then the indians come andchase the mexoicxos aNd catch em

to save them,selves they out the town of having gold and women and the indians take em,

the base guys go on the roof and the indians think the town is empty

the indians then cap the mmexicans right as they realisse the chicks are on da roof

the indian gang leaves but kid has an accidental discharge  and the indiaN FORCES COME BACK


the indians attack and the americans open fire, then break off and retreat

the church lady dont wanna kill anyone as theres a commandment agianst it, but it really says THOU SHALT NOT MURDER and David killed Goliath

the indians attack and 1 chiuck gets it and oh its the joke guys gf

church chick sez its cuz shes a sinner(spoiler; all have sinned) and they reground

after some stress and freak outs, the rich chick sez sorry for judging the h--ker

the indians bang drums and send scouts to collect their fallen

ex gf sez she's learned love is important and she's gonna ditch her husband for him

main guy chats with gun chick as shes malcontent over something

ooh, a lovbe triangle like in robotech

gun chick chats with h--ker about her feelings for main ghuy and main guy sesz they can hold off til they get burned out, or attack em

tough chick trys to takje pout their shaman byn stuffing her gun wityh more powder buyt it blows apart

this gives main guy an idea and he has gunpwder burried outside

gun chick sez sorry for beinmg b--chy at main guy and kisses him on the face without consent

so later the inddians advance aND  the chiox fire on the gunpowder and blow ep around

main guy jacks a horse in the confusion and the chiox cover him

bada55 chick gives the kid a gun to aTONE FOR HIS SIN

main guy falls off his horse but uses a gun and iced 2 guys, then capps their shaman

more shooting and chicks getting it andf the rich chicks slave gets it

the church lady snapps and yerlls and the kid gets capped trying to save her

then she trys to run out with a gfun but is pulled back

an indian gets in and h0--ker uses martial arts to counter him and tomahawked him dead

more chicks get it and more indians do too

main guy brings baCK THE SHAMAN AND athey string him up from the church and the indians stop as its their protoculture

they book it and main guy sez to gun chick hes gotta go and pay his time for desserrting

back at his base he is court martialled and his boss sez he dont buy his story

then the chicks come in and back up his story and church lady is packing heat and willing to fight

then a higher up guy sez hes gonna try the boss for his role in ther massacre and main guy is set free

gun girl gets with main guy and they go off together

the end

that was pretty good

they'd never make this todayt as movie companys are too candya55 topp make good films anymore and fear being un pc

its a good mostly clean film and has a souther as the hero and the yankees and indians as the bad guys

its well made, has good msuic and looks and feels mand tells the story weell

i'm glad i saw it. these films from the 50s were great

before the beatles devolved the protoioculture and made everyone a junkie

For The Guns of Fort Petticoat 2 I want America to have split into Union and Confederate and the main guy from the 1st movie bis married and has some kids with the chick. but the indiansd have regrouped with a stronger medicione man who sdummons daemons that threaten the confederate state of texas he's in. so he and his teen kids and wife go onb a fight to beat the demon soldfiers that were summoned with holy water dipped bullets to beat the new daemon shaman. its also a 16 bit run n gun game weith up to 4 players on ssegas genesis, snes, tg16,  atari jaguar and gba and you go through devolved german exprtressionist towns and fight weird h r gigar/ urotsukidoji monsters

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