Sunday, February 7, 2021

Mr Sardonicus Review

 Note; still gettijng used to the cr-ppy jkeaBORD. expect bad spelling

mr sardonicus

this is my review on mr sardonicus from 1961 (before the beatles ruined music aand America)

its directed by6 william castle whos always good

it stars Oskar Homolka and no one else i know

i never seaw this but heard reviews

its starts in the distant future year of 1880 in soviet london and a guy whines of the fog and smokes

oh its william castle and he tells about the movie and ghouls

ghouls are grave robbers who eat cropses

like ghouls and ghosts??

then credits to music

so this guy is a dr and treating a little blonde girl like every speilburg movie

this europpeany guy gives nurse a note for dr

so dr cures this blonde girl of cripleing or w/e and a guy talkes to him about using poison to cure people

he gets a needle that puts drugs into the blood and nurse gives him the note

its revaled the chick he was gay for married another guy cuz dr dont got much cash

so tyhen dr goes by train to some mountain place for helping his ex gfs husband mr sardonicus

he asks a local abiout mr s but the guy is freaked out by ther name

note guy comes over ina hrorse cart and he goes on and reads gfs letter about how ex gf needs him

he goers in the casstlevania and finds a chick with leeches on her face and takes em oof

shouldnt there be blood gushing out?

note gu sez she was just an experiment and she has no medical issue reason for leeches

he reunites with gf and they chat and later goes on and seez theres empty picture frames all over

couldnt he have spoons or something?

So he goes up and takkes a bath and leech chick comes up saying she needs him to protect her fromn their experiments

later he asks about a padlocked door and note guy sez onmly maSTER goes there

he listens to the door and hears a weird a55 slurpiing as a guy drinks from a bowl

so dr talks weith ex gf about stuff and she acts like nothings wwrong

then mr s comes in and his facew is likea maSK(and not The Mask wiuth ace ventura)

thery go to dinner he sez he already ate and his mask is f';d

then note guy goes to a room with leech girl tied up by her thunmbs and is gonna give her the leeches as she talked to dr

dr and mr s tallk about sshakespeare and mr s gets triggered by calling iago ghoulish as he knew a ghoul

meanwhile, note guy gets some chicks in the castle promising gold

mr s anbd note guy givers em wine and sez there a chick of each typoe like slentder and busty

mr s talks to 1 girtl but whenshe sez shged like him more w/o the mask, we cut away and she screams

did he b0ne her dead?

so later dr is in bed and remembering scenes from b4, shown as their headsfloating by him like house on hauinted hill

after he wakes upo he goes to the tyerlet and finds theres no mirrors anywhere

note guy sez theres none here and later mr s comes over to his womans room and sez hes gonna come out about his reasons to dr

he tells her to do w/e she can to make dr do something and puts her in a lock as a sample to show what he can do if she dont

later he shows dr a garden with poison plants from nightmare b4 christmas and dr asks about the weird cr-p going on

mr s sez his backstory where his 12st woman biut it and wait, its his mom, and his name wasn;'t always sardinocis

some europeany guys say there are ghouls and men who sink low something, my mom was asking if the flasdhback is him w/o the mask so i didnt hear

eueropeano sez he'd guard the mom against the ghouls

so his dad reveals to 1st wife i think, he bought a lottery ticket and 1st wife is kinda b--chy about it

then he biootes it and past mr s nails the coffif shut

mr s and 21st wife bicker over money and she wants to blow it all oover a vacation

later a guy comes by and sez dads ticket won the lotto

but he dont know where ther ticket is and searches

eventually he realises its in the coat that he was barried in

1str wife wants him to jack his grave like an archeologist and gets him to do it

mr s sez that night he became a ghoul grave robber (which would imply he eats him)

huh, guye rolfe was in ivanhoe and the 60s king of kngs

so he digs up the grave and seeing the rotted corpse f'd him up and he spazzes out and ruins

but goes back for the ticket and aafter jacking it, he comes home and we dont see him as his face is shadowed over

she lights a candle and hsi face is all f'd with a big a55 stretched gril over it

so he sez his face msuclers f'd out and he had to relearn how to talk and he thoguht he was cursed

but now he thinks its just shock and guilt

also his 1st wife iced herself and sez sardonicus is the latin word for a corpses face grinning from rot

also the slurping is for him eating soup and the leaches are for trying to find a cure

also he got rifd of mirrors as he hates his face

he tried all kindz of drs and now turns to dr to retrurn to his human forme

ex gf sez to dr if dr dont cure mr s, she'd get punished(like, SM??)

dr is gonna use heat and massage to treat ther f'd face and he puts a warm towel on his face for 30 secs

then runbs his face as we dont see his gross face during thius

is this where clayface  got it from in batman tas?

so hours later, dr sez he's done all he can and that the only treatments left are untested

mr s dont wanna rick the patients life but mr s dont care

after dr sez no, mr s takes him to the dungeon in the tortrure chamber with ex gf tied up in it

he reveals his current life dont like him and if he's not cured, he's gonna f up her face with note guy to look like him

so once she's f'd, she cant reject him

dr struggles against mr s but note guy bonks him out and when he wakes up, he;''s tied up

dr begs to not f ex gfs face but mr s sez he begged dr to fix him

note guy dont wanna chop up gfs face but mr s revelas he f'd out note guys eye when he went against him

so notey is gonna chop up her face but dr consents to tratingh mr s

later dr sends a papper email to ask for drugs abnd equipment aned the home  boys send it

So dr gets some dogs in and experiments on em (which would be seen as bad today as dogs are better thasn people to the evientos)

dr tells me s that the pioson hes testing kills by relqaxing muscles and he can use it to fix seizxed muscles

sppoiler; thats what botox does

so later dr talx to gf and its reveealed she was sdold to mr s so he could cover his debts and not to expose dad as anb embezeler

also dr found a dose that a dog survives but he wants more time to test b4  human use

mr s dont care and wabnts it now and takes em to thelocked room

gf goes in but e  cloeses it and its dark in there but she senses someonein there

can she sense ki?

a light turns on and she seez mr s'sd dads corpse and spwazzes out cold

mrr s and dr come in and ssez if dr doint use the treatment on him, he's gonna make her stay in that room all night

so whast?? its not like the corsde isd gonne b0ne her!

so dr is gonna use the needle on mr s (which is a new invention in the slavery days or w/e) andif he dies, then note guy will torture em dead

dr takes mr s to the ddad rooom, has him tied to a chauir and is gonna use the shock ofthe corpse aND THE DRUGS TO FIX HIM


he s[pazzes out over it being dark and they go on asnd  hisface is human again

dr sez dont taslk as his face is relaxed and it might re f--k his face

he goers outr and opens the covered mirrorts and seez hes a real boy again

then mr s writes a letter that sez as a baron, he ends his marriege to gf


dr sez he owes him nothing and baros writes in the dust on a wall BEGONE

as dr is going, note guy comes over and sez mr s can't open his mouth

dr sez the drugs and sh-t was all just a show and he drugged the dogs to look dead and the whoile thing was in baron s's head

dr sez he knew the past techniquers didn't work and he knew the mind was therway to do it

kinda like how men can have phantom pregnancy's even though they dont got wombs

the brain can do powerful things

the mans strongest organ

but for some of uis, 2nd strongest (deviant grin)

then fran castle sez; has mr s been punished enuff?

and sez if the audience wants to see him punished more more not

he talks to the audience and ads up the votes and sez NO MERCY

the  we see mr s unable to open his mouth and note guy, still malcontent over his eye, comes in and sez he missed the dr and eats and drinks in front of him

mr s trys to stuff food in his sealed mouth but it dont work

mr s is bnummed over it.

the end

i voted mercy and hoped he's get some knda goiod ending

he did wrong, but he was desperate

its a well done film though and has good acting and writing and style

its bada55 but not gory and is mostly clewan and not purvurted

good clasic horror with the gimmick of trhe poicssible altermname ending

castle does it again

for mr sardonicus 2 i wanmt him to have become so desparate that he removed his jaw and as he starts top jaw biting the minion for his failure, the minion revals he did catch em and held back the info. after hearing he removed his jaw for no reason, he beats out the monion and has him tied up in his torture chamber for this and tortutres him the rest of the film with vivisection and feeding him the parts and skinning him and making him eat himself. also its an 8 bit nes, game boy, sega master system and game gear, tg16 and atari 7800 and lynx game where you play as mr sardonicus and torture him in various mini games where you gotta do the most damage.

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