The Emoji Movie Review

 Note; i spell like emojies are; cr=p!!

The Emoji Movie

This is my review on the emoji moive from the distant fuiture year (to alan turing as the brits drove him to suiciode evenm though he saved their candya55es from the Germans) of 2017(5 years before soyylent green and robotech ii the sentinels)

its dirfected by Tony Leondis who did igor and probably is gonna commit seppuku cuz of this movie cuz peopel saidf it s-cked

the only one who said anything non negative was familyfriendlygaming who are like if ned flanders reviewed things

this was by sony weho has since devolved into being all mental and censoring babes in video games, there by driving away 90% of players while nintendo has ther uncut version(a reversal of the 90s)

but at least nintendo learned the error of their ways after mortal kombat sold better on genesis wwith the optrion to have blood

as for ore samma, i hate emoji's and never use em, unless it auto sodomozes muy text into faces when i never weanted it to

can't say 4:3 or it makes some c-ck sucking facve i never weanted

to quiote a murderer from a movie; yes emojies deserve to die and i hope they burn in h-ll!

then again, i never saw thius sdo for all i lknow, i may likemit

it stars T.J. Miller from Cloverfield/How to Train Your Dragon/Yogi Bear/Gulliver's Travels, the openlky brittish alleged male James Kimberley Corden from Ocean's 8/The Late Late Show with James Corden, the ex mrs chris pratt Anna Faris fromscary movie 01-05/The Hot Chick/Brokeback Mountain/Yogi Bear/King of the Hill/Mad TV, Maya Rudolph from As Good as It Gets/50 First Dates/Bridesmaids(ewwwww!)/Turbo/The Mighty B!(f dat show!), Steven Wright from Desperately Seeking Susan/Reservoir Dogs/So I Married an Axe Murderer/The Swan Princess(classic)/Natural Born Killers/Canadian Bacon\The Simpsons, curvy blnde Jennifer Coolidge from A Night at the Roxbury/Austin Powers 2/Zoolander/A Cinderella Story/Igor/Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day/Seinfeld/King of the Hill/MADtv/Father of the Pride/The Secret Life of the American Teenager(disney making deviancy in 2008)/Rick & Steve: The Happiest Gay Couple in All the World/Napoleon Dynamite the animated series(which was pretty good)/The Loud House, the openly feminity/ahtiest/pro suicide Patrick Stewart from Robot Chicken/American Dad!\Family Guy\the hallmark A Christmas Carol/Animal Farm/Star Trek: The Next Generation(kirk eawas better!)/Coronation Street(gayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy)/X-Men: Days of Future Past/X-Men: The Last Stand\X2/Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius(f dat show/movie)the 00 X-Men/Star Trek Generations\The Pagemaster(which i liked but the genesis game is a55 unless you use a password)/The Nightmare Before Christmas/Robin Hood: Men in Tights(Loved it)/Dune/The Plague Dogs\Excalibur, Christina Aguilera froom p0rn0 i mean music videos, tthe eviil Sofía Vergara from The Smurfs/The Three Stooges\Dancing with the Stars(ew)\Modern Family(devolved), Sean Hayes from will and grace/How Murray Saved Christmas/The Three Stooges (he wwas laarry??!! wow!)\Igor/The Cat in the Hat, Jeff Ross ffrom The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle/Stuck on You\Drunk History\faMILY GUY, Jake T. Austin, NOT THE kid from 2 anmd a half man, from Justice League Action/svu/Drop Dead Diva/Justice League vs. Teen Titans(f da teen titanms), Rob Riggle from Bless the Harts\Golan the Insatiable/Ugly Americans\Glenn Martin DDS/The Cleveland Show\American Dad!, Conrad Vernon from shrek and its sequels/The Boss Baby, Liam Aiken from law and order, and a few dinks i never saw in anything

people duimped on Rainbow Brrite and Care Bears and Transformers for having movies, but i liked those and they wentg on to be enjoyed

so after logos we get natrration sayiong da world we are om in magic and its revealed he means the cyber world where people send messages

so like Yugioh VRAINS? or Digimon? Or Mega Man Battle Network?? Or .//Hack? or Tron?? Or Ghosty In the shell?

actually this came before VRAINS so it might be ripped tyhis off

so these teens are talking about how a cjhcik he likes might have sent a message and how like all gen z monkeys, their lives revolve around their cr-ppy a55 phones

makes me miss the 90s when no one had cell phones. i blame steve jobs, he's currently doing 15 years insoolitary in DANTE'S INFERNO!

BURN YOU C-CK SUCKIN SON OF A B--CH!

YOU WENT GACY ON THE LITTLE BOY THAT WAS OUR BLUE AND PURE WORLD

so now the teens talk in emojis and thwsrerwss a world in the cyberspace like f--kin reboot and theres all trhesae emojis that do what their personality is based on

they are slaves to doing w/e they are programmed to do and this guy talking is meh which i hate

but he doesnt fit with his programmin for soem reason and has emotions that dont fit as he dont act meh at times

the monkey emokjies sdayiong they have business, monkey business somehow got me to grin

so its meh emoji's 1st day on da phone and he finds this digital workld so cool somehow and struggles to be meh

also he bumps into emoticons which are text like XD or (__Y__) and 1 sez "ohh, my colon" as this was writted by a gaymo

so he rides a red balloon like that 40s movie or w/e and the town looks like a MOBVILE PHONE GAME

HIS RENTS ARE PROS At acting meh and dad sez hes not ready

so wait, these 2 same emojies b0ned and made a new one? isnt that inbreeding?

also patrick stewart plays the poop emoji as jordon peele is too devolved to have a sense of humor anymore since ditching MadTV for disgruntled horror movies

so talking poop laughs at the idea of washing their handds coming outta the cr-pper, which makes me think his kids are his waste and he flushed the ones he dont want

this too kinda got a grin outta ore samma

so he weants to fit in and dont but wwants to prove himself and his rents worry he'd do something wrong like make the wrong face

he egts em to let jhim try and smily face emoji with a big toothy grin and blnde bimbo hair and make up explains howe each face has a cube on the emoji bar

if they are chosen they lite up and the scanner scans em and sends it

there's also a facves session of the popular ones and and high 5 is not let in to the popular area as hes james candya66 corden and no one likes him

he wants to get help from main guy and get inthe cool area burt is sent to his corner no one goes to anymore

main guy egts to go to his cobe and his rents watch from the stands

then in the human world, or ningen kai, da teacher teaches heiroghlyphics and the kids dont carfe as they are little c-cvk suckers who dont belong in our blue and pure worlkd

main human chooses meh and the emoki spazzes out and make a devolved face and  it sends it

he jumps out and the emoji selecting device thats a finger of metal spazzes out and bsuts the cubes

so bimbo emoji thinks hes a malfunction and and they gon haeve a board meeting to decide his destiny

k so he f'd the world and now beeds to go on a jorunry to the west and prove himself and save the day right?

so he thinks hes a malfunction aka a mistake and his rents are there for himeven thought they act like they dont got souls and they want him locked away in trhe apartment to protect him like the queen of soviet englands grandpa did to his handicapped son

so now he goes to prove himself and goers to the meeting that just ended and pop sez "its an accisent, we all have em" and is told"ur so soft poop" which gets another grin from me

then bimbo emoji coems out and brings him in and makes a noose outtafloss and sez if he 'fs out, then the kid might  lose faith in the phone and the town will be erased

so now shes gonna delete him which this just went into assisted sucide like soviet canda and he runs from the antio virus bots

fun how they are "anti virus" but attacking something non viral, like dr assisted suicide spreading to more people

so high 5 emoji sneaks in and bumps inot main guy and they esacepthrough a warehouse area and staircase and to the loswer area the unpopuilar emokies are in

high 5 finds the anti viras bots were not after him and the losers are afraid of him beign a malfunction

so being an effenimante brit, hgiuh 5 has clear nail polish and tells main guy to get reprogramsed to be a real meh and they decide to toleave the city and get high 5 done too

is this a thing on repairative therapy to help people turn straight?

so they sneak around and leave the city to this empty plane and find the border or the app

btw high 5 is a hand with a face and limbs like that alex kidd thing

so they leave the bpoundary and find these colored cubes and a galaxy floor print and the cubes are buttons and apps that each is a world

they find a world of bubblepups that are stickers that add hearts to things

then a world of peop;le sharing posts and like main huamns posts

none of em know him and high 5 sez being popular is better than having firnedsa

if you wanna be popular, just do weird p0rn0

all the deviants will like and follow

so main emojis rents decide to find him and bimbo enomi wants to wak him and main emoji and highh c make it to the piracy app thats disguised as a dictionary app

main emoji; what would a teen boy wanna hide from his rents?

me; hes a furry!

they are in a party of dingey rock and playing we're not gonna take it and meet a troll and virus and spam

the bartender sends em to the hacker and its a chick as it has to be cuz guys cant be cool anymore

also she's got putple blue ish hair and it probably what inspired emma ghost gal in Yugioh VRAINS

she dont wanna help em but finds he can do beyond his normal programming like robin williams in bicentennial man and the anti virus bots come

hacker helps em fleeas the bots delete the various 1 shot characters and she sends em on a tunnel to escape

they wind uip in candy crush and main emoji is stuck in the clear board game thing and now they gotta get him out

to save him, they gotta play candya55 and match all the canddys below him and avoid the yellows or he'd get iced

would he? i eman are the candy date deleted?

does it goe to another server?

to quote batman beyond: teen: what are youm doing? prograsm: im downloading myself knto your body! teen: then where will I be? proigram: whwerever deleed programs go!

that was f'd up

plus later the programs soul is erased and its kinda freaky

so human main guy trues to talk to the chick he likes and his phone spazzes out and she leaves and he books an appointment on his phone to fix it

but if ur phone is f'd why use it to book an appointment?

its like; my car broke down, better drive it to the shop

so using a magic jewel like in columns on sega genesis, 5mo clears all of 1 kind of candy and gets main guy to the bottom but he cant get out

so hacker sez to line him up with the other candys and hope he goes to the special candy jar

she does and he swells up like deviantart and pops in a spray of yellow goo

but this was hacker fantasizing and she moves him and hes in da candy jar with a candy expanding him b4 he spits it out

then hi5mo licks him as he wants to see if hes candyt and is probably gonna b0ne him

so the caladnyer sez main huamn is havign a appojntment at the phone store and the emonnjies spazz out as its to erase the phone

so hacker sez to get to da cloud and reprogram him, kinda like in dragon half wioth mink wanting the people potion to turn human to get dick saucer the hero knight as her butt buddy

btw is hacker a program or a person?

also they gotta get past a firewall and its got race recognition sofeware and she's blocked but hopes he can fake being otyher emojies and get out

also she goes on a femionist tirare about men taking credit for woman things 

they go to youtube and see a japanse guy dancing and wait its the rents and they see the anti virus bots after em

so she has the vid look at cat videos and the anti virus bots stay and watch and the rents split up as the mom dfumps the dad

so the main team go undergorund lim,e sonic or beast machines or cvleopatra 2525 and 5 o is having a syagr rush even though sugar dont make u hyper its a muth

hacker wants to escape to the cloud and be free as theres too many rules and main emoji dont recall a hacker emoji and she brushes it off

5 mo barfs up a candy and eats it again and it made me grin and they get to this dancer app and hand turns it on and the hacker i mean anti vcirus bots hear it

so they gotta play just dance and if they f up 3x its the end for them and hacker is a cr-ppy dancer

they play jitterbug from wham and and the gay hand emoji does well

wait its weake me up b4 u go go

so main guygiuves encouragement and hacker emnoji does well and come up with their own dance move to tery to make it in free dance and the cgi instructor likes it

were they trying to make that happen in real life?? like for fansd of the movie?

i'd rather do don kanoji from bleach

so her hat comes off and she's revealed tio be the princess emojki who ran away and this is really ripping off wreck it ralf which came out half a decade b4

so then the anti virus bots coem in and the game recognizes them as players  who then download funk protocall like toejam and earl and dance wqell

also they miss every laser blast and the phone is spazzing out in real life and the main kid dleetes the app as the emojies struggle to escape like in the somisons with homer destroying that (super mario)3d land in the halloween special

they save hand emoji whos probably gonna be j-rkin off and an anti virus bot grabs him and pulls him under as the app is deleted

burn in h-ll jhames corden! your kind is not wanted on this world!

so now high 5 is in the recycle bin and thats on the other side of the phone and they are right at the app to the cloud

main guy wants to go back and hacker wants to look out for numbert 1 but main guy sez "wat goods is it to be number 1 if trheres no other numbers" whiucy is actually a good line

like vector killing all weho opposed him and found himself alone in his empty kingdom so he suicided

so main guy sez he cant be meh about anuthign and its his malfunction and hacker likes it and takes a quick cut through spotify

also the bimbo emojui sez they got 4 hours til the phone apppointment and if they dont fix the malfunction they all gon be wiped

then the devil emoji laughs as hes next to the p[ooptrick stew art emoji who is not emused

so bimbo emoji uses an illegal upgrade on the viurus hunter bots and sends it oput

so then in the recuclebiun all the things hit byu the anti virus bots are there and at the end of the day its emptiuied and they stop existing

mweanwhile on spotify is streams that each is a diffewrent song and they surf it in a boat to the recucle bin

in the ningen kai the main kids phoine plays trhe spotify songs and he hears the girl hes into is goping to the place by where the phone is being fixed

btw this is seeming like the lego movie

so main guy asks if princess whistling makes birds come down and she gets p-ssed at stererotytingh and whgines that chicks in the 1st emojies can be aprincess or a bride and she wants more like the chick in beauyty and the beast

they see a whale coming over em and like it fgrom a whale song and he wants back in da cube but she sez if he do then he cant b huimself and she likes him as he is

they are in a boat like in the little bmermaid of the swan princess

in the waste basket; the hand monkey is bummed as he found an email he was in but not sewnt and main guy comes from ther above and saves him as he kicks off a troll and lewaves him to die

then hand sends a rope for the deleted to be to escape and walks off but the rope falls in and the roided up aNTI VIDTUS COMES  around

on instagram the mom emoji walks in a photo and reunites with the dad one and he reveals he had emotions besides his programed one like a tear on his cheek and only knew now

they have a monotone passion speech of romance and hand mo is asked if when she whistles if birds come down and she gets triggered

then the anti virus thing attacks and has a message video feed from bimno emoji and oh yweah, i wanted to say that this is  like the book The giver where they dont have emotions or w/e

she wants him to come with the bot and reveals she s gonan delete him by mistake and thewy run

it extends its arms like wufeis gundam in gindam wing and tangle its arm tentacles up around the programs

they slide under him like contra hard corps and it cant come in to dropbox that they endtered and go on a cgiu data ride thaTS ACTUALLY KINDA NICE

SO THEY MAKE IT to the firewall and she gives him the passwords and he gievs a different expression each time they try one and when it f's uyp it fire blasts him

he mentioned skate or die as a possible password and they cant get it

they realize they need the name of a girl he likes and 5mo sez he read the name of a girl hon an email he nevert sent, but cant recall her name

hacker finds it and the girl is addie liek adolphe and they read the love note

they try the girls name and it works and the firewall opens like the red sea with Moses

they realize they gotta reprogram him and seem unsure of it and is this a thing ojn gender gsurgery?

he tells hacker princess hius feelings that hes into her and dont wanna give up his feelings and wants to stay here with her

she sez she likes him as he is but shew had a plan and dont wanna follow her destiny of being a pricses waiting for a prince

to quote chou zenki; wheather you fight it, or accept it, your destiny is your destiny

so being rejected by his giurl makde him go meh and fade and give up on feelings

then he pulls out a katakna emoji and plunges it into himself and 1's andf 0's spill out like seppuku

jk really he's bummed and didnt need the code rewrite, only his heart broioken

then the virus bot grabs him and pulls him out, also the phone is taken to the shop

hand hole tells hacker and she whistles and takes opff her wig and hat and birds dont come until she does a 2 finger whistsle and twitter comes

they ride it like the bird in breath of fire or the dragon in lunar 01 and hand mo sez he'd rather have a real friend than a buncha fans and they go off to rescue him

sobimbo emojji is gonna delete main guy as they are almost time to get the phone checked and his rents come in and ded sez he has the same thing

bimbo is gonna delete em and the other emojies say this is too much, and this just turned into mao/stalin/pol pot/trudeau with a \n evil ruler oppressing the people and removing thjose he/her disagrees with

you know, if the other emojies had delete rays, they could fight back kjnstead of being at tghe mercy of the leader who has em

dad sez he was wrong and shuld have beleived in him and the rents stand in front ofg main guy to shield him

then hacker and hand come in and i think hand is a redf to metropilis from 27 with the hand being the oppressed workers

hacker hacks the anti virus bot and hand mo slaps the button and turns it off and the main teen human deletes his phone

but as this takes a long time to delete data  for some reason, they have only enpough time to send 1 emoji to the girtl to save her

and the proms tomorrow!!

so who do they send? hand butt hiping his own a55 with his naked fingers decides to send main guy as he's al, emojies in 1

but his spirit is broken and he dont got it now

but now he tries and everyones being deleted and hes worried of f--kin it up

so princess hacker gives him confidence and sez to be himnself and has a flashback to the events we say minutes ago to soft pianpo

he gets his cr-p back and sends a lovey emopjithat makes new faces and sends it to the girl he wants to b0ne

the girl he has the hots for who was standign 12 feet away from him comes by and sez "i got ur text, dats 1 super ool emoji" and they bond as he can express himself and agrees to go to the dance as teens dance and they are c-ck suckers

so with like 1 emoji left and 80% dleeted, he pulls the delete thing from his phone and it undeletes it all

thius is NOT how it works!!

so the dad hugs the mainn guy and makes a wink and heart and tghey all cheer for him

so this is knda like horton hears a who, or maybe little nemo as nothing in it mattered and its fiction

so then the hand emojki is popular and the cool club is over as everyone imn anmdf the losers are in and they do that dance main guy made and hacker princess ios the dj

so in the ningen kai the human teen and his droogs are at the dance and take a SELFIE AS THEY are candy a55 c-ck sucking aids spreaders and choose an emoji and its main giuy who does every emoji

what is he? the chameleon from spider man?

in the credits scene is the bimbo emoji with braces as her teeth got f'd and in the llocer club and playing cards

the end

that was honestly, not so bad

i mean its pretty much a normal movie we get today withthe same beats and weaves that they all do now

yeah its kinda dumb but honest;ly, its not hateable

it got me to grin a few times with the poop jokes but i didnt hate it

then again i didnt hate the garbge pail kids movie and biodome

theres no swearing or b0ning and its a clean lite film that kinda inspired Yugioh VRAINS

people dump on it but its probably cuz its cool to hate on it, like g w bush

its nowhere near as bad as everyone says it is

its got decent color and the animation isnt bad and kinda cartoony and even though its widescreen its not awful

i hate emoji's but i dont hate the emoji movie

i mean its not a classic like transformers the movie or pee wees big adventure, but I went in expecting the worst thing ever and this was not it

It had a few good messages and themes that were woven in without being preachy

for The Emoji Movie 2 I want the teen to let his friend use his phone and he goes on some xxx site and a virus gets in and devolves the emoji's into subhuman versions of themselves, but the main emoji is immune to em as he is an abberation and thus not following the main program the virus's corrput, so he teams up with the bimbo smiling emoji and they gotta collect the pieces of the anti virus bot to stop the virus, also its a 128 bit mini gamer collection on sega dreamcast, gamecube, xbox and ps2 where ytouy play as the main emnoji, the biombo or 2 virus's and face off to get the partsd of the anti virus bot that can be used to wipe out the emiji's or the virus.