The Cisco Kid Review

 Note: I spell non mexican but still bad

The Cisco Kid

This is my review on The Cisco Kid from the distant fiture year to Billy The Kid of 1994 (590 years before i mean 50 the Third Robotech War)

Its a tv movie directed by Luis Valdez whio i didnt see anything else by

its based on the series The Cisco Kid from from i mean the 1900s i never knew of

it stars Jimmy Smits from Bless the Child/Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones/Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith/Rogue One: A Star Wars Story/Pee-wee's Playhouse/The West Wing, Cheech Marin from Oliver & Company/Ghostbusters II/Ferngully: The Last Rainforest/The Lion King/From Dusk till Dawn/Santo Bugito/South Park/Judging Amy/Storm Hawks/MADtv/American Dad!, Sadie Frost from Bram Stoker's Dracula, Bruce Payne from Solarbabies/Dungeons & Dragons, openly commie Ron Perlman from The Ice Pirates/the live action Crying Freeman/Alien Resurrection/Titan A.E./Enemy at the Gates/Blade II/H=llboy/Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters/Batman: The Animated Series/Bonkers/Animaniacs/the cartoon of Aladdin/Mighty Max/Tiny Toon Adventures/the 0s Fantastic Four/Highlander: The Series/Mortal Kombat: Defenders of the Realm/Hey Arnold!/Superman: The Animated Series/The New Batman Adventures/Godzilla on Fox Kids/M=n in Bl=ck: The Series/Jackie Chan Adventures/Justice League/butt f--king Teen Titans/Danny Phantom/The Batman/Justice League Unlimited/Afro Samurai/1000 Ways to Die/Star Wars: The Clone Wars/Robot Chicken/Batman: The Brave and the Bold/American Dad!/the 2010s Teenage Mutant Ninja TurtlesTransformers: Power of the Primes, Tony Amendola from The Mask of Zorro/Blow/The Legend of Zorro/Seinfeld/Chicago Hope/Judging Amy/The West Wing/Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, Tim Thomerson from Baywatch/Xena: Warrior Princess/The Angry Beavers/Sabrina, the Teenage WitchSwarmed, Pedro Armendariz Jr from The Mask of Zorro/The Legend of Zorro, Roger Cudney from Amityville II: The Possession/Total Recall, and a buncha guys i never saw in anything or aint on back door, banana crammer, frooty booty, aids bag, sodom bottom, necro pedo, girly man, hippie vegan stoner peta tree kung fu based on plants wikipedia

i never saw this but it was by Turner and they often did good things

I missed tbe 1st 2 mins but its te 1800s and soviet mexico byt in this prison is these exicans and the main ugy maks friends with a smaller mexico with a similar nameand main mexico is gonna be executed as he tried to save this chick

the frenchies have a firing squad and take ou sme mexicoes like its the cartel and other same name mexico is a priest by cheech but not chong

before thefenchies execuite the mexicoes theres an attack by some  group and main guy and priest escape in the chaos and mexicoes raiding as a general of the evil french fights mexicoes

so priest and main guy ride off on an a55 andtal and main guy thinks priest is in a resistance and offers to get him guns and stuff from the American Civil War

they stop by a town with a tax colextor stealing pesoes by law andmain but takes a gun and caps the guards, then shpots off the chains and has 1 buillet left so he makes the tax collector bring him to taxy's place witha chick there

Proest wants them to give the money back to the people = and he's eventually guilted into it and nearly iced the taxy buttaxy offers his woman

chick sez if he forsed her to b0ne him se'd suicide byt he sez he never forces cghicks to do what they dont want

frenchick sez her unloe is some big shot who'd ie him for this and he tells the people his long uncut mexio name but they cant remremdr that so priest sez hes the sisco kid and they ride off on horses a55es

they stop by a town and see wanted posters empewrer maximillion wants iced and the people wants its country back from the frenchies

the kid has money from taxy andoffers to get em guns

a scuzzy guy goes to the general and this other guywas accuzed of bringing guns from America including av gattling gun

greneral sez they can get him the gun or he'd execute em and hes good at being an evil frenchie like a less effeminate trudeayu

french general has a plan to get aztec gold from when Cortez took down Montezuma and on Xmas is wheen it is revealed and he sends the gun guyz to get it so the people in the area that see it as their saving treasure will crumble

priest reveals hes actually not a friest and its a cover and he has over half a dozen kids with his women as mexicoes are very productive, as in REproductive and the 7th kid is still i her mexican womb

the mexicoes go to church anfthese thugs i think the gun guysbust in and open fire like they're mus lims or in india and the kid fights em off like Americans when a gender offender attacks

a candle falls in straw as they keep straw by candles and the church brns down and the kid is ko ed bt comes to and saves an ugly kid who stays there whining bt busting out the window on a rope

so the saved kid was priests daughter and the badds stole this statue or graven idol thepeople needed and goes off with priest on a new mission

they go to some s-summy mexican place, like a raist klansman or a lusty frenchie, and all the guys have face scars like hokuto no ken

priest sez the item mighr be in the governers or enerals or w/e plavce and the raiders wo attacked te chuech come in

he cofronts em ad shoots the guns outta their hands which myth busters sez would bust their hands

a 1 eye gets priwst at gunpoibt andkid puts a gun in his eye socket under the patch and it fades to the next scene as i guess in the unct version he blew his head oen likr hokuto no ken

a;so its like a serbian film with the guy getting his eue hole b0ned dead

so the kid does rodeo things in a rodeo fo the general frenchie like pulls cow tails or horse a55 tricks, and i think the chick from b4 is in the uudience amd her name is dominique like the SM Chick in Double Dragon V on Sega

He does bullriding on a malcontent bull that idians worship and eat the waste of anddoes well but a black bull like in shadow the hedgehog attacks and he doesa nina flip over it like the power rangers

the duo goes to tisdance like Gone With The Wind andkid is into the chicks but priest wants to find the item

they ccheck their gunes and by that i mean suresnder em so if someone attacks they canrt fightb back and kid dances with chickand talks of if sge'd tell her uncle of him and lt col frenchie ron pearl anti man whos her fiancee

priect called poncho brings towels in likwe a maid or male slave and goes in the command room of general and hides as he comes in to talk with the American bandits who give hm the item

the item is a graven image o gold of the Baby Savior and kid dances more with chick who as the 5kank in dracula

after the dance pancho has the item in his clothes likehes pregnant if men could have wombs and as they leavea fight breaks out andfthe guards only use theo guns to beat at em

so thy escaped after chick smooched her uncle i think aka the general and chpng i mean cheech falls a55 1st on a thing after a jump

so they get cauht by the american bandits who get the item but this h0ker chick dont want them cappee in her house and the duo escapes and gets the stature back

the chick is caught by da american waste land warriors and the duo get back he item to the people but kid wants a bit of tax collectors pesoes and a gun recipt

priest gets p-ssed at him for ot being 1 of them and it devolves into a fight like most weasterns have and kid reveals he needs the letter or we to get back well in America as it was either run guns in mexico like president husein  did or do jail

bt then the frebchies are comming and its like 1776 with paul revere but less evolved and the mexicoes ready for batle

taxy i thinksez it had a lot of chutzpa to kdnap the chick for 50 000 pesoes (which is like 50$) and the statue and kid realizes that someone else took her and lft the note and he races off

pancho does the paul revere thing telling theb people to ready and in a slummy mexco bar the gun guy americans have the girl

the kid fights e and 1 gets a knife in the gut and another has him at gunpoint but pancho wastes him as he had delivered the baby item

1 tells em they got da chic in da mine and i there an american has her string uo by her arms with her clean smooth pits sown even though frenchies like hairy pitts on women

1 gun guy trys maing out her her but in the real version i think he tried to b0ne her, and she busts his eyes and escapes in the black mine

he cathes her but she nails him in da head with a rock but dont try to finish him and tries to run

he catches her and trys b0ning her but kid aves her and the gunshots ts a key pinpoint area and the mine caves in as they escape

at night kid reveals the mexico hes from is not part of soviet canada i mean california and hes going there but se gets along with him and they make out

so sme guys come by mexico with a gattling gun and sez napoleon III gave them their own austrian emperor Max but they refuse to be civilized and hes gonna end em

then chick comes in and sez she sees his real self andkid and his crew come in and take out the frenchies

general books it and kid chases and theres a battele betweenthe frenche and the mxicans

general sez some cr-p and kid tackles him and he falls head onto a rick and bites it and goes to h-ll for being a devolutionized sub human frenchie

then like skies of arcadia and fist of the north star lost paradise, the lower rank guy is the final boss and they fight until he sends h-llboy bak to h-ll

ceech poncho gets the gattling gun and the frenchies surrender like they are known to do

the mexicoes celebrate the end od the reign of the cheese eating surrender monkeys and the president of soviet mxco wjos like 4'8 comes over and is gonna attack enmperer max to send the gaijin back to their homeland, whih is irnc as a century and a half later they invade America and devolve the protoculture

mexiprez sez to not ice the escaping frenchies and kid gets is lette he needs to do dat American cr-p buthe wants to be presient

kid sez by to poncho fake priest cgeech and chik is going back to candy a55 france to be b0ned in the hairy armpits by their circimsized d0ngs

after maing out he leaves and he goes off on his big black horse b0ner and poncho goes after kid andhas a new adventure with him thats not brokeback mountaib

te end

i mea the end

that was pretty good

goes by at a good rate and dont drag or feel lomg

its got nice flow and feel and pacing and the music and acting is good

nice filming stye and its like a 90s show like xena

i like how the french are the bad guys like in real life esp in soviet canada and its mostly clean

not really swaering much i recall and no nudes or gore

i never saw this b4 but its pretty fun and entertaining

glad i saw this one, its pretty cool

For The Cisco Kid 2 I want the kid and poncho t go to canada to quell the french attempt to enfrenchenize canada and take out the frenchies before they spread to America and mexico later. Als its a 2D 32/64 bit Run And Gun game on PS1, Sega Saturn, N64 and Panasonic 3D0 where you plsay as the kid and the poncho and fight the frenchies and the final boss is the head frenchie who fuses with the remains of the dead frechies and devolves into a big flesh monster that you gotta hit its swelling on its body that show up as ou dodge his attacks.