20 000 Leagues Under The Sea Review

note; my typing has a speech impedinent
20 000 leagues under the sea
this is my review for 20 000 leagues under the sea (the 50s version)
according to tcm; this is a horror movie
you'd think it would be sci fi
I recall seeing a cartoon in the 90s about this story
and I recall seeing a movie where a guy was under water fighting a huge squid with an electric gun or something where my dad said they drew the electricity on the film
im not sure about muxh of the story though
its been over a decade
aw gross
widescreen
ooh
Richard Fleisher directed it
loved his ancestors animations
so its set in 68
1868
just after america lost the war
this underwater thing busts a ship
then it cuts to a guy offering double pay for a job he claims has no monster
some crippled guy describes the "monster"
a guy pokes fun at the job guy and the cripples smell and gets a stick busted over his head
then the cops come and everyone scatters
later peter lorre and a europeany guy need to sail to som Asian place but theres no sailers
oh no
hes French!!
nooooooooooo!!
hes a professer
like in pokemon
and hes looking for monsters
like in pokemon
but the press twisted his words to jack up sails by exaggerating what he said
looks like those dinks were bad back then too
we need someone to clean up these commies
hold em accountable
they've ruined too many lives
then this guy talks to the proffeser and petter lorry about going on an expedition
they agree
they go searching the south pacific for sea monsters 1 quadrant at a time
those oceans are full of daemons and such
they terrify me
its a boundless abyss
an infinite void
u lose ur body in there it aint coming out
might as well be in space
I say we nuke the ocean
burn away those seas with nucular flame
so after a long search they find nothing and plan to end he mission
this guy in a weres waldo shirt and blue jeans (who poked fun at that guys stink) sings a song
hes fun and charismatic
after the song a nearby ship is busted
they go right to it and suspect its the monster
then the monster charges at em
they open fire with cannons but it does nothing
it rams the ship and waldo shirt tries using a harpoon
the professer and the peter lorrie get knocked off into the sea and cling to a wood piece
the ship ditches em and they find the "monster"
its really an underwater boat
not like spongebob
they go in and its got indoor lights
then weres waldo shirt comes by
the professer gets separated and they look 4 him
b4 it turns into a slasher film, peter lorrie finds him watching a ceremony underwater with scuba men
and the scuba men see em in the ship through the window!
the 3 guys try to book but get ambushed by the scubas
the other scubas men return to the ship
then unscuba guys come in and capture em
they all dress the same like the grunts in pokemon games
they meet captain nemo(not the guy from the crow city of angels)
he wants em left to bite it as the ship they were on attacked em
nemo knows of the professer and lets him live
nemo seems malcontent at society
if only he knew how far it would sink
the prof would rather die with his homies than work for nemo
so he leaves em outside the boad and lowers
then immediately rises up and saves em
wtf
what a fake out
like when a comic book kills off a character
they has dinner with nemo
also weres waldo shirt eats with a butterknife
they enjoy dinner until they find its various sea life
like squid food and whale milk
weres waldo shirt finds it gross
what about japan?
its an island country so they get their food from the sea
I've had squid, spicy crab, tempura shrimp, and other things
love that Japanese food
nemo is glad that the prof is willing to risk his life for his droogz
also they smoke seaweed
they get to a sunk island where they farm the ocean and weres waldo shirt/peter lorre go out
so does nemo and the prof
we get some good underwater footage with peaceful music
like in mr rogers
I just remembered that whale milk is full of calories and fat
I wonder, what does the ship run on?
Protoculture?
also, nowadays, eating sea animals would be seen as bad by hippies and vegans and other losers
nemo and prof find treasure in a sunk ship
but when they get it out, a shark comes for em!
wait, its not them
nemo wounds the shark and it flees
nemo gets mad at weres waldo shirt and lorrie going after treasure and shows hes got a room full of it
this would make a great video game
weres waldo shirt wants to leave with the treasure and prof wants to learn from nemo
seems like adam and eve and the apple and the garden
the prof sez weres waldo shirt's life has no meaning compared to science
yeah, tell that to p o w's used in human experimentation
they'll understand
we get a montage of nemo playing his pipe organ and weres waldo shirtmaking a banjo out of a turtle shell/ a bone
then weres waldo shirt jacks treasure in his banjo
but a seal out him
but he worms his way outta it
the prof sees the engine room
its run on some kind of nucular light like a micro star
prof thinks nemo's power could save the world
nemo thinks it could ruin it
he also hates humans for their faults and injustices
sounds like a loser on tumbler lol
they go to some island/prison colony and nemo goes on a tirade against people mining to make war weapons
1st, he don't know what the phosphorous mined is used for
2nd, wars are often a necessary evil to prevent worse injustice
3rd, this is a PRISON colony! these people are probably degenerates or killers or druggies
nemo sez he and hiz men escaped from there, made the ship and fight injustice
why was nemo in prison?
is he a purvo?
a killer?
a theif?
a drunk?
a druggie?
nemo then rams the ship carrying nitrates and phosphorus and it busts apart, killing everyone
so nemo is like an anti hero?
like magneto, venom and dr doom(in da commix homie)?
weres waldo shirt is disgruntled by sailors just like his getting burned alive and drowned
nemo claims he did it to save others who would be killed in the wars
then sez his wife and son were tortured dead
I assume they were skinned alive and he was force fed it as they watched
that's sick
maybe they were b0ned dead like in a Serbian film
peter lorre sez nemo likes killing people and the prof is turning nemo
he tells weres waldo shirt and they plan together
weres waldo shirt isn't wearing a shirt and is pretty beefy
they plan and go off
they check maps but book when a guard comes
they're in nemo's cabin
they check his map and plan/learn
this would make a great videogame
jules verne is public domain right?
quick! someone make a Gameboy or NES or mastersystem or genesis 20 000 leagues game!
the seal finds em but they feed it cigars of sea weed and get out
that seal's gonna O D
weres waldo shirt wants to use bottles to send messages in bottles(like that kevin scotner movie in da 90s I reviewed)
weres waldo shirt socks peter lorre for spying on him but lets the peter lorre slug him back
then they became friends
just like in anime
also weres waldo shirt swallows a sea creature in a jar
remember that urban legend of a chick who thought shes preggers but its just an octopus egg she swallowed growing in her butt pipe?
weres waldo shirt is gonna get butt pregnant!
they arrive at an island and peter lorre sez he wants to go ashore to collect specimens and weres waldo shirt will row the boat
nemo sez yes cuz the islanders are cannibals
when pirates of the carribean 2 had island cannibals, all these malcontents whined
weres waldo shirt goes off in the jungle to escape but the peter lorre cant leave the prof
he finds a thing of skulls on posts and books it
he runs as the cannibals chase him and throw spears
ohhhhh
the cannibals got boats too
the guys escape to the boat but nemo makes excuses for em
nemo electrifies the ship and the cannibals leave
he has weres waldo shirt sent to the brig and nemo fights a warship
but they take a hit
water is getting in
and the brig is flooding
and the power room is flooding
they stop the flooding but are now 5000  below litims
then a tentacle monster Attacks!!
it starts hugging the ship so the shock it
but power gives out and they gotta go out to fight it
they surface and now its a storm
this sounds like phantasy star
the teantacles get in and start wiggling around
nemo goes out and takes on a colossal squid with a harboon
he has to aim for its weak point
he gets it between the eyes and it weakens
I assume its a pressure point
his men fight the tentacles
nemo is grabbed
also weres waldo shirt breaks outta the brig and fight the squid
he sticks it and it goes under with nemo
but weres waldo shirt tries to save him
he does
nemo gives him good treatment
nemo regrets that weres waldo shirt saved him and sez he wouldn't have saved him
prof points out he's all malcontent and disrgrunteld
nemo complains more and sez he's gonna show prof this power at an island of vulcania
but all these boats have found it and got there 1st
they dive and go through an undersea cave to reach the lagoon
btw, shouldn't they get the bends from going up and down in the sea?
nemo goes to his lair and weres waldo shirt yells to the guns shooting at em that he sent the messages
they keep shooting
nemo returns but gets capped
he leaves ijn the ship but drives bad
I assume those were alcohol tipped bullets
nemo stumbles around and sez he;'s taking the ship down 1 last time
he wants everyone to go to h-ll with him
but weres waldo shirt wants to live
nemo goes on a monologue and bites it
oh and he set his island to blow
this would be great for a video game
fighting your way to the controls and taking on a biosuit captain nemo or his super soldier or robot
on man I was right!
weres waldo shirt fights his way out and takes on a big buff guy
they're about to leave and the prof goes back for his diary
just like in robotech
but weres waldo shirt slugs him out and carrys him to saftey
then the island blows up
and the ship sinks
shouldn't the wave from the exploding island take out the boat the 3 guys are on?
the end
for 20 000 leagues under the sea 2, I'd like for a modern guy to find a note sent by the weres waldo shirt guy and goes to find the island. not only does he find the hidden vault of the most prized secrets of his works. but the ship that went down was saved by sea demons who reveal they were the ones who nemo made a pact with to give them their evil tech in exchange for a chance for revenge. but using 80s style tech, the new hero takes em on and fights to stop a revived captain nemo from wiping out mankind.

The Postman Always Rings Twice Review

niotwe; bad spelling happenes
the postman always rings twice
this is my review on the post man always rings twice
I don't recall mr mcfeely or reba the mail lady doing that
maybe its a 40s thing
for some reason I used to think this was a movie I saw as a kid where this guy is in a kitchen and fights a guy and cooks his face on a grill and chopps it with a turkey carver
1 guy was in a suit
it looked 90s or 80s
so the main guy gets a lift from the duistrict attourty and stops at a gas station
he gets a job workin there but is gay for the gas station guy's wife
shes shown in something the 40s would find "too hot" but nowadays we see on sailor moon or power rangers
she hassles him with menial chores cuz she wants the place to "be something"
then they kiss
I assume they were b0ning in the real version
they don't talk for a few weeks but retalk soon
the main guy gets a new sign put up
the wo man sez her husband is worried the main guy would take credit for it so he congraduates the husband on the idea
the husband plays guitar and wantso dance
but she keeps making excuses
I assume it was b0ning and not dancing in the real version
esp when he watchs her dance with the main guy
then she stops and sez; its too hot 2 dance!
then the main gujy and her go to the beach
I assume they b0ned
later they talk and she reveals she had guys coming after her since she was 14
and she married her husband for some reason
but now shes into him
later she leaves a note saying shes leaving him for the new guy
they walk but eventually change their minds
when they get back they see the husband drunk driving and nearly driving into a truck
the main guy wishes the husband would drunk drive off a cliff
what a p o s
husband comes in he sez he's a bit "high"
I assume hes doing blow
thwe main guy considers leaving and talks with her
they admit loving eachother and she wants him to wack her man
she sez he said it 1st but he sez he wasn't srs
they plan the assassination and get ready to pull it off
he goes outside and she goes up to wack him
then a cop pulls up and notices a cat on the ladder and leaves
then the cat gets fried on the power thing and the wo man screams
she sez he's still breathing and they gotta save him cuz the cop saw the ladder
at the hospital hes a veggie but wakes up and don't recall what happen
the cops check the scene and find the fried cat
they notice nothing wrong
1 cop is obsessed with the cat
I think hes a necro zoo seksool
I assume in the real version he b0ned it
later they find out the husband wil;l be right back after these messages(1 week)
the main guy sez it was the happiest week he had
I assume that's 40s talk for they were b0ning
he decides to leave and spends a few weeks in LA
it don't say what he was doing there
I assume male prostuiute
but then the husband finds him and brings him home
the husband sez hes gonna move in with his sister in the soviet republic of Canada
the wo man don't wanna leave and goes mental
he sez his sisters crippled and they need a wo man to help
but the woman is selfish
she talks the main guy into killing him
they set up a thing where he's drunk and they play a traffic thing
the main guy fakes being drunk while the district attouiry is there
they drive up to a place and he busts the husbands head open with a liquer bottle
once again, alcohol claims a life
this is why I don't drink
it don't show the guy's head but I assume it was smashed open like a bowel of chef boy ar dee
once in grade school we did a drunk driving thing and I played a victim who got his head busted open
I used a ziplock baggie of pasta and sause(it stayed closed and it was the brains)
they drive the car downs but its hardly damaged
so the main guy goes in and pushes v but falls with it
JUSTICE!!
she runs for help but finds the D A
later this guy visits the main guy and gets him to sign a confession by claiming she was trying to kill him
oh its the DA
also the husband had an insurance policy for 10 000 $$ taken out right b4 the main guy came back
on his way out the DA meets the main guys lawyer
in court he sez hes gonna plead the wo man guilty
in private she turns on the main guy and has a "cop" take her confession
turns out it was a ploy by the defence laywer to get the bickering out of the way
as it was the DA's plan to drive her to confess
they alsdo argue on if the guy taking the confession is "a dick"(slang terms for detective, like dick tracey or private dick)
I haven't herd the word "dick" used this much since grade school
the layewr gets her off with time served as the people have no real evidence
they then return to living at the gas station and become celebs
kinda like OJ
but the guy is nervous about living with her as she had 1 guy iced
they wind up getting married
wait
what about the sister?!
she was depending on her brother and wife to care for her
then the wo man goes to visit her mom
but the main guy cheets on her with a blonde
they spend a week b0ning in mexico
when they get back they find the fake dick (who sounds just like fred flintstone) who wants much cash for the confession he wrote
she tries to seduce him and the main man beats on him
they make him call his comrade and bring the confession
when he comes over they sneak attack him and get the evidence
but then the wioman finds out he cheeted on her
wait; she cheets on her man but hates being cheeted on?
that's like a boxer getting mad that the guy he's punching punched him
after paranoia and suspicions, they reveal they were worried about the other betraying them
her 1st husband wouldn't have betrayed her
she reveals she was gonna run away
also she reveals shes preggo
she decides to go for a swim
they swim out as far as they can but she sez she wanted to do this as a suicide/trust thing
what about the baby?
its innocent!
this chick is just awful
they swim back and on the drive home they car accident and she bites it
and the innocent baby in her
how sad
he's found guilty of killing her and gets the gas
he reveals this whole movie is his confession to a priest
hes only worried about her last thoughts
not his child
what scum
then its revealed that evidence was found that fingers him for icing the husband
the wo man left a note b4 they went swimming
it was for him
so even if he's found not guilty of killing them, he'd still get the chair for the husband
he sez its like waiting for a letter and forgetting the mailman rings the doorbell 2x
im pretty sure they don't do that
he asks the priest tio pray that he and the wo man are together in the next world
spoiler; it means h-ll
esp since he never mentioned the baby(who was innocent, unlike them)
the end
for the postman always rings twice 2 I'd like for it to start with the guy about to get the guillotine but at the last second its stopped cuz some hippie gov nut banned capital punishment in w/e state this is in. but a family member wont have it and attacks! causing the guillotine to go off as he's getting out and slicing open his head. the dr's save him but he's unable to tell phantasy from reality and has trippy visions of self discovery in this dream world. its a weird psychedelic offbeat weird a55 60s movie like something the guy who made "The Stuff" would do(Larry Cohen).

Pygmalion Review

note; my spelling may s-ck
Pygmalion
diss iz ma re vew om Pygmalion
its got leslie howard being lovable despite playing a real a55
it starts with some text saying the ancient story of a guy who made a statue so sexy he had the pagan gods give it life
sounds like a Castlevania backstory
its said this is the modern version of that story
kina like how the  history channel plays the texas chainsaw massacre despite it being 99% fake but 1 guy wore something similar to something this deviant wore
might as well have the yugioh movie on the history channel
there were pharaohs
there were sorcerers in egypt
there were tombs that the discoverers died after opening
teens in japan and america play card games
its more realistic than 10 000 bc
that's overplayed on the history channel
so the film gets going witjh some Englishmen in england
its also the slums
this awful cockney slum bum is selling flowers and talks worse thacreepy a55 clockwork orange guys
man I hate cockney accents
people say german is an awful language cuz of the pronounciation
but maaaaaan
cockney is just awful
leslie howerd has been writing her cr-py talk phonetically and people think hes a cop
he otta bust a cap in her candy a55!
jk
English cops cant have guns
kinda defeats the purpose of being a cop if u aint armed
ur just a guy in a suit
leslie howard is a charming and buttholian Englishman who can tell where someone is from in egnland just by listening to their creepy brittish accents
he nails each accent origin perfectly
he insults her cr-ppy English with class
if this were made nowadays she;d probably be talkin like a homie
blicketee black
barfalicious
bone a roni
wiggle wiggle
radd 2 da x
mondo cool
wurd
wiz-ord
1 guy he meets is a guy he wanted to meet and he sez shes gonna stay in the gutter cuz of her cr-ppy talkin
he gives her cash andc she takes a taxi home
later leslie howard makes a microphone shaped like a human ear
the guy he was looking for can pronounce 24 vowel sounds
leslie can do 130
as my black friends often say
MY A55
its like a high def tv that displays more colors than the human eye can see
the flower girl comes to lesbkie howards place and sez she wants speaking lessons
to be fair; claude rains took lessons and had an epic voice
she sez she'd pay a "shilling" for em
leslie sez a shilling is 60lbs to her
she goes mental as she don't got 60lbs
he sez he could pass the flower girl off as a dutchess
hes kind of a butthole to her and treats her like an inferior
just like those English to have a false sense of superiority
as an american ive seen how they see us
they think they're so grand
but we saved their candy a55 from the Kaiser!
mauybe we shouldn't have
might've prevented ww2 and communism
later she is given a bath
its her 1st real bath in her life
she also is afraid of being nude
meanwhile in japan; baths are for multiple people and showers are for 1 at a time
she also fears her reflection
and goes mental at being washed in the tub
we don't see her long shoelace like nipples in this movie
if it were made today we would
maybe she'd tentacle leslie howard with em
this is turning into la blue girl!
later the girtls dad comes in wanting money for her
hes a real sleeze
they talk about pretty much nothing for a long time
we then get a training montage thatwould have an awesome rockin song were this made in the 80s, of her being taught how to talk less cr-ppy
later lesblie went to see his mommy and they talk about the girl
is mommys homies come in
after some talking the gurl comes in andmeets the mommy
she fakes speakin non cr-ppy english
she seems like she don't have a soul
when jean claude van damme made his late 80s/early 90s his English wasn't that good so his acting was kinda cr-ppy(but in a good way)
but his European and recent films have pretty good acting in it
the girl don't get proper brit subject talks and speaks like someone not like the other brits
1 brit seems a bit inbred though
she suggests her aunt got iced and talks of her 30s aids or w/e
she also uses a lot of slang
manga writer toshio maeda (Urotsukidoji, la blue girl, demon beast invasion, adventure kid) is pretty much fluent in English but has a thick accent
one of his twitter posts sez he uses a lot of slang and sounds like a P|MP!!
true story
after the failure of her being refined, his friend sez they otta call it off cuz its not good for her
leslie dont care and want to pull it off
its like me spending over an hour on the ice level of valis 3 on sega
we get a training montage of him trying to teach her more
also the inbred guy is gay for her but keeps being sent away
she also learn ettiquite
this reminds me of that sailor moon ep where se was trying to become a princess at some school and s-cked at it
the girl then gets a make over(theres a word I haven't heard much of after da 90s) and they go to some embassy to have some high class thing
at there lesliev meets his former student who's trying to outdo him
he can identify a man anywhere in Europe by listening
this is like a kung fu movie where the guy who left the dojo returns and claims to have surpassed the sensei
he mistakes her for being the real thing(a dutchess or w/e) and leslie howenrd wins
but shes having some issues
she and leslie toss around ideas and talk back and forth
leslie regrets teaching her non cr-ppy talk
she leaves and meets the inbred guy
they nearly kiss in public and a cop stops em
wtf
love is banned in England?!
I knew it was evil!
he talks to the girl but the cop stops him
don't let the regents forces oppress you!
he don't even got a gun
you can take him
his uniforme isn't even armored
its man on man
although this guy's inbred so he may have a disadvantage
wait
in pokemon inbreeding gives your pokemon better chances for good stats
he may be some kind of ubermench
and since England don't allow firearms he can take over with his superior abilities
he could be the next George Washington or Robert e lee
 the girl returns to her slum
leslie howarde cant function without her and he goes out to find her
he don't find her but the girls dad returns
he's gotten rich cuz some american guy has given him 3000lbs a year for doing something easy
what do ja know?
capitalism works
take THAT commies!
so then she returns and is talking brit talk
he refuses to accept her as an equal and sez she's gonna return to the gutter
he gets her to let her cr-ppy cockney talk slip out and she leaves
leslie and the girl argue for a while
they may have hetero feeling for eachother
a bit
they argue more and she suggests several possible paths she can take
she tells off leslie and he likes it
sounds like masochism
man both these brits are awful
we need the kaizer to return and kick some kandy a55
she leaves him and goes off in an automobile
leslie howard goes on a long walk in a montage
he returns home and accidentally turns on a record of them talking b4
then he turns around and she's there
he says acts casual about it like nothing happened
the end
I liked this one
despite it being about kinda horrible brits
well
slumdog millionare showed how bad india
this is similar
despite being a butthoel leslie howard is likable and fun
even the cockney accents are tolerable
I liked it
and its based on a true story
for Pygmalion 2 I'd like for the girl to have gotten into a death match with leslie howard after taking too much of his cr-p and has eaten part of him. she develops a taste for human flesh and goes around England eating people. she teams up with the inbred guy and they breed a lot and have a buncha kids who are superhuman from the inbred guy having inbred super abilities. but leslie howard returns with severe mutilation and mechanical parts from having been eaten and crippled. it also lets us use a different actor since leslie howard bit it in ww2. leslie howard trys to eat her so he can regain his body and has to fight her many children to get to her. but she's trying to take down England and its elites so people can be free and equal. its also a 16 bit sega genesis and super Nintendo game and you play as either the girl trying to eat the big wigz in brittin or leslie fighting her superhuman and half-inbred kids.

Mighty Joe Young Review

note; im doing like 3 other things while reviewing this so there might be tyypoes
mighty joe young
this is my review on mighty goe joung
ooh
jogn ford
hes cool
too bad hes a commie
so its set in afruica
this girl gets a pet ape by trading her fathers stuff
little brat
he otta whip her
she names it joe
her dad comes home and seeing it in bed
he nearly capps it
maybe he shouldve
he finds out she traded his flashlight
he don't want her to have it and should've cooked it and fed it to her
but instead he lets her keep it and sez its gonna be a huge monster in the future
a dozen yearls later this j johan jameson looking guy called max o hara is a newspaper guy and wants a good story
wait
I thuink hes an animal act guy
hes going to Africa and a cowboy comes too
in Africa is gonna do a nightclub show and makes up storys about cannibals and such
this brittish guy heasrs an animal noise and gets his gun
its a big a55 Claymation gorilla
and it knocks over a lion cage
it rips it open and the lion gets out but thwe ape goes after it
on one doc about a chimp they thought could use sign language, it kept trying to b0ne cats
the cowboy stops the brit from using a gun and gets his lasso
an american stops a brit from using a gun?
that's like a spider eating a bird
like in the jugnle
the cowboys rope at the ape but he fights em off
realy good editing btw
1 guy beats on the ape with a stick
if this were made nowadays the humans would be seen ss the bad guys attacking an "innocent" animal
the ape is gonna throw a guy 30 feet but the girl from b4 comes in all growed up and solves the thing
the cowboy and friends go to the girls farm in the jungle and she goes mental over her ape nearly getting shot after b0ning and nearly killing a lot
on one show about chimps was this couple who raised a chimp instead of a human child
one day(after years of knowing em) it went mental and tore apart the "father"
he pushed his wife under a table but the ape mutilated him and he's crippled for life
the girl lets em in but not their guns
the j Jonah jameson guy offers her a contract to be in a show with joe the ape]
the ape goes mental but she calms  it down
later they make it to California and are in a show in a jungle themed nightclub
man this movie has a good speed
it feels like under 20 mins but really nearly 40 in
btw
nightclub?
like
...
the Roxbury?????????
also no one knows who the mysterious "joe young" is
reminds me of gabbo from thwe simpsons
also a lot of this movie is like king kong
sorta like go nagai making shuten doji similar to Devilman but with different feels and Protoculture
joe comes in by lifting up the piano the girl is playing
also I notice joe has no parts
I think he was neutered
don't want him getting everyone pregnant with ape babies
then 10 musclemen in tarzan outits come in and break things with their muscle
no poles though
we poles are good bodybuilders
1 is rssian and called Rasputin
they get in a tug of war with joe but he pulls em in the mud
good effects btw
1 guy gwets in a fistfight with the ape
then gets chucked into the audience
after the show they lock the ape in a cage
good
don't want it eating people
after a timeskip/montage, the ape wants to break out and wont eat
hunger strike eh
time for some rectal feedng!
she want out and the cowboy sez the contract aint good cuz shes underage
is he b0ning her too?
after another timeskip theres another show
theres a lottery game for free champiagenn with the ape
sounds like Mario party
1 guy nails it with a liquer bottle
and a drunk guy (maybe the same guy) hassles a cigarette girl
the drunks then take some booze and give it to the ape
once I saw this internet vid where these African soldiers gave a chimp a gun and it opened fire
after 2 bottles the ape is hammered
but andre the giant could handle a whole jug of wine and a buncha beers w/o getting tipsy
and he's far less meat than this 10-15 foot ape
the ape breaks out and goes on a rampage
wait
if it can break out when drunk that means the cage couldn't hold it in the 1st place
it tears apart the nightclub and swings from a thing on the celing
im, surprised this room can support his tonnage
also he breaks open the lion area and kills a few
but some get out
the drunk guy gets mutlated by a lion bujt the ape kills it
he busts up the place and it caves in
the cops come in but the girl trys to help the ape
the cowboy and friends slow the cops as the girl gets joe back to is cage
then the cops cap the lions
then theres a timeskip that sez the apes gonna get put to sleep
they keep worrying about the cops shooting joe
but in Hawaii this elephant went berserk and took nearly 100 bullets to bring down
that gave me an idea
imagine if an elephant went berzerk and they blew it up with a rocket launcher! it probably wouldnt even blow it all up! maybe just bust a huge hole in it! maybe they could jamm a grenade up its A55 and it blows it apart! maybe it crawling around A55LE55! and trying to A55 B0NE the guy who blew it up with its trunk!
the j johan jameson guy fakes a heart thing and keeps the guard and cops away long enough for the girl and cowboy to get the ape away
they carry the ape in a moving van
after a chase they come to a burning building
using red tint to the film(which is b/w) it gives it a firey look
the ape  save the people from the building as it comes apart
it also shi\elds a kid with its body as the building falling on em
one guy sez no ones gonna shoot the ape now
so doing a good deed absolves him of his crimes
later the j Jonah Jamison is watching a film reel of the cowboy and woman and ape being happy in africa
the end
for mighty joe young 2 I'd like it if there was a hunter thing going after the ape as a buncha huners were sent after the ape by a rich guy. turns out it was the drunk guy  was crippled by the attack he had with the lions let loose by the ape and wants revenge. after the ape has killed and eaten all the hunters, the drunk guy arrives with a mechanically enhanced body that equips with a car and becomes a powerful exosuit strong enough to take on the ape in 1 final deathmatch. also its a 16 bit sega genesis and snes game where u play as either the ape fighting the hunters or the drunk fighting commies to get the gov to give him funding to fund his mech armor project.

Alien Review

note; not as many typoes as usual
alien
this is muy rview on aliehn
they usually show the sequel aliens on tv non stop so seeing the original is a treat
but that was a great sequel
gross
its widescreen
so its set in space with a 7 man crew carrying 20 000 000 tons of mineral ore in a space thing
I love the spaceship design and how it looks real
better than cg
the automated systems awaken the crew from hyperslee4p and they are in white undies
kinda like in that 80s anime LILY C.A.T.
after they've dressed and whizzed offscreen, they're eatingbreakfast
1 guy is smoking
on a spaceship with an enclosed air supply??
you cant even do that on a sumberine
and they can surface
they go to their posts and find they aint near earth
theyre only 1/2 way home
the comp woke em up cuz it got a message from something unknown
and if they don't check it out they don't get paid
not much happens in this film but it stays entertaining
kinda like the 1st x men film
its got good pacing and build up
I also notice the space shots of the starship are like in Robotech
they land a craft on the planetoid where the signa is coming from but something gets screwed up
when they explore they find a strange construct like a weird star ship or temple
they go into it(hope they have weapons) and find this fossilized giant demony thing
its had something tear out of its torso from inside
meanwhile the computer has deciphered part of the transmission and its a warning
the team goes in deeper into the place and finds these eggs
one opens and a monster comes out
really good effects btw
better than the cg used in alien vs predator
the monster latches onto the smoker
but he's in a space suit
despite being against protocol, they wanna bring hm in
a guy opens the door and they take off his spacesuit
the space monster has burned through his helmet and is wrapped around his face
they cant pull it off so they put him in a scanner or microwave or w/e
its got a tentacle down his throat and its keeping him alive
they cut at it but acid spills out and burns through floors in the ship
they try to catch it(not sure what they were gonna do abouit it) but it stops
later the tentacle monster just dies and falls off
they try to leave the planet and do so
later the smoker is awake and hardly remembers wjhat jhappenerd
as they have a meal the smoker talks about when he gets back to earth
but then he starts gaging and a phaIIic monster breaks outta his torso
fun thing
i was trying to get a friend  to do voices for my urotsukidoji abridged
he thought urotsukidoji was a P0RN0
i said
most P0RN0ES dont have skinnings and beheadings and bone and organ removal and corpses puking out their organs and the guts turning into daemons
he sed
most horror movies dont have giant D-CKS killing people and dripping with goo
i replied
what about alien? the creatures are very crotchular and phallik
so we both had good points
the monster runs away and the ship launches the smokers body into space
the crew prepares to look for it to launch it into space after capture
I like the interiors of the space ship
its sorta like a direct to video 80s sci fi thing
they find something but its just a cat
why is there a cat on this mission?!
also
its just like in LILY C.A.T.
1 guy goes after it but finds the c monsters shed skin(eww)
good tension in here with him walking in an empty place and no dialogue
then the phaIIic monster has somehow grown huge (eww)and kills him and escapes into a cooling duct
the humans wanna blast it into space through the air ducts
they seal the ducts and send guys in em while watching on a screen
but it gets em
the other chick (not sigorni weever) wants to escape and the black guy wants to fight it
sigorni weever checks the computer for help but it only wats to bring the alien back above all others
y'know
in Robocop
his prime directives were
protect the innocent
uphold the law
serve the public trust
directive 4???
here humans don't matter
then this guy beats up sigorni qweever and trys to stick anewspaper in her mouth
the other humans try to stop him but he grabs the black guys nipple
they fight back and his head comes off
he was a robot full of milk
the company wanted the alien as a weapon
they plug the head in and ask how to kill it
he seZ THEY cant
its the perfect organism
u mean
the ULTIMATE LIFEFORM??!?!
they plan to nuke the ship and escape in the shuttle
also the black guy flamethrowers the robot
sigorni weever goes after the cat
why's she calling its name?
cats never respond
it jumps out and scares her like in pet semetary
the alien kills the black guy with its extending inner mouth
then the other chick
she goes to check it out(but theyre obviously dead) and runs away
she sets the ship to self detonate and find the guy who was 1st taken into the vents earlier
I thought he bit it
he asks her to kill him and she roasts him with a flame thrower
that wont kill him
ill  him suffer worse
she runs through the ship and goes back to the controls for nuking the ship
she does something but the ships still gonna self detonate
why does the ship have a suicide option?
incase they're captured?
by who?
she gets the cat and runs to the shuttle
1 minute to go!
1 minute to go!
1 minute to go!
1 minute to go!
she flys off and the ship nukes
shouldn't she get microwaved by the explosion?
or the after effects?
she puts the cat in the hypersleep machine and takles off her clothes so shes in her undies
shouldn't the whole crew just be in their undies?

why wear uniforms?
its just those 7
then the alien is in therewith her
it moves slowly with a strobe light
she gets dressed in a space suit and gets a gun
she gets out while singing andseatbelts herself in
she blasts it with steam or coolant then opens the airlock
it clings to the door but she shoots it with a grappling hook gun so it flys out
the door closes and the alien gets burned up in the ships thrusters
she gives a report of her experiences into a recorder and goes to hypersleep
the end
I liked this
way better than 2001
things made more sense here
and they actually had weapons on a long voyage
and stuff actually happens
this is like if 2001 was done right
plus we actually fight the space monsters
for alien 2 I'd like a new team of explorers to be sent to the planet with the fossilized demon and try to get stuff for the company to use as weapons. then we jump ahead a few decades and the aliens are ll weaponized and the company uses them to go to war with the race the fossilized demon was of as they knew they were gonna attack the earth and needed to fight fire with fire. the weaponized aliens are bioarmor that is a living suit of alien but a human can wear and control and it has equipable things and blades.

Gold Diggers Of 1933 Review

note; m,ty ytpning bad but im iroving
gold diggers of 1933
this is my reviewon gold diggers of 1933
I assume this is based on a true story
I like early 30s films
right after the silent era and just when sound was dawning
like playing an early sega genesis game
so it starts with a rundown of who plays what
I miss how films did dat
now they expect you to know all the stars right from the start
but ina fw yeas one remembers em
the film starts with a cheerful jolly positive song about having a lot of cash
the girls are in bikini like costumes made of coins
its like o baa maa claimed his rule would be like
so much for that
then the repo men come by and take all the sets and costumes
then we get a montage and the 3 heroes (who are chix) get a note that the landlord needs the rent
they all live together in the same apartment but never get 18+
for breakfast one girl swipes their neighbors milk bottle
she tells a story about getting 500$ from as guys pocket
I assume she was b0ning him
then this lady comes by saying someones got work
but they don't have anything good to wear
so they take the lady's clothes
they don't show the undressing
they would if remade today
after 2 chix leave, 1 girl listens to this pianist next door singing a love song
this other girl advises against her being with him
then the blonde calls saying the guy is pitting on a show and its not cast
he comes over and tells his high plans for his show
then the pianist starts playing and the showe guy wants him
the pianist comes over and plays a song
its very 30s-40s
like snow white or mr toad
its a bit down thoygh
but beautful
then he plays another song and the show guy talks about how the show is about the depression
he likes the pianists music and agrees to use it if his gf is in the sh\owe
he wants the pianist to sing but the pianist declimes
and he sez he's all set but he needs cash
he's been set for 6 months but needs 50 000 $
but he can do it for 15 000 $
the pianist sez he can fund it but everyone thinks he's joking
then he goes back and plays piano
the show guy loves it as its perfect for his show
the next day this guy called giggolo eddie comes by
also these quadruplites come by (the kentucky hillbillies)
they want to be paid
then the pianit comes in and has the cash
later the girls suspect the pianist got the cash illegally
this seems like the room
on opening night the main actor has back issues so the pianist takes his place
they perform and the 1st song is "pettin in the park"
I assume its about b0ning
then it has couples and an ape couple swaying to the song
then theres a roller skating thing
then a snowe thing
how'd they get snow in a broadway musical?
in both of em is ether a kid or a midget
wtf we'ere like 40 mins in the movie
was I in a time warp?
then theres a rain scene where the kid/midget lifts a screen with chix behind it
but they aint nude
after the show the pianist is recognized and hes part of a rich fam
then his fam comes over and whines about how they hate him being in theatre
he sez he likes his music and they wont stop him
they don't want him marrying his gf  and might cut off his income
they use the SLURR g-ld d-gger
1 guy of the fam recalls b0ning one in his youth
they go over to the girls place and tell this blonde to break off with the pianist
she sez no
the milk stealer trys to seduce the fam member who b0ned a gold digger in his youth
the girls decide to mess wityh the rich guys since they offended the girls
the giggolo (who looks like jack black)(jack back as a giggolo?! brings a hat and delivers a hat and sez it costs 75$
they get the rich guys to pay for it and they play up the thing of needing more things
thern this girly voiced guy (who's probably a hermaphrodite) comes buy with another 75 $ hat
the rich guys pay for it and they all go drinking
btw they think the blonde is the pianists gf
then the girl who sang the 1st song in this movie comes by
later the guy who b0ned a gokd diggur jhas a hang over andf the other guy(ther piasnists big bro) wants to seduce the blonde
the girls and pianist wanna keep the game going but 1 gurl wants to come clean
the girl seducing the guy who b0ned a gold digger(whos a lawyer) gets a dog and sez its like him
if this were made today the dog would whiz on him
later the girls and the guys go dancing
the pianisrt fakes being jealous for the blonde
the opening song blonde trys to seduce the lawyer but the milk swiper tryes to keep her off
the big bro talks to the real gf and she embellishes her story to sound better
the blonde makes a scene and they leave
at home the big bro sez he loves the blonde and is drunk
they make out
he blacks out on a couch and the milk swiper comes by
she has him put in the blondes bed but the blonde dislikes the scheme
they wanna make it look like he b0ned her out of marriage
if this were made today it wouldn't be so shocking
but in the 30s its like showing him being b0ned
he wakes up he next day and don't remember last night
the milk swiper plays up his acts and has him sign a check for 10 000 $ for the night
he leaves but the blonde feels bad for him and is gay for him
also the lawyer sez he told the milk swiper he loved her
then the big bro and lawyer see the newspaper thing about the pianist marrying his real gf
the big bro comes by and the blonde sez she never really lied as she didn't say she was the gf or w.e
she has the check on the wall and never cashed it
they fall in love and make out
he sez he wants to end his pianist brio's marriage but she defends em
then theres a musical at a theatre and this guy is singing about somehitng
oh, itsd about love
also a blonde(not sure if its the gf blonde or opening song blonde) is in a skimpy dress (that would work in an anime)  and singing
theres also a cool thing of guys in full black suits with white glowing violibns in a dark room
wait, its chicks
and some really good 30s dance numbers
if this were made today we'd have too much cgi and swearing
also it would be widescreen and have a tacked on sad moment
after that its revealed t6he lawyer is married to the milk swiper
and the bro tells the pianist hes gonna end his bro's marriage
he tries to have the bro arrested but the cop is really a cr-ppy actor
then theres a musical thing with smoking
nowadays they'ed try to censor it
these commies keep trying to censor smoking thinking seeing it in movies makes people wanna do it
meanwhile they have crime, drugs and b0ning in films with teens and its seen as "representing reality"
swearing too
the musicial thing is sorta like a 50s thing
sorta blues too
then theres a ww1 thing
too bad we didn't swith zee kaizer
might've prevented ww2, communism and the depression
this ww1 song is very meaningful
esp for me, a descendent of ww1 survivors
then it ends
that was great
they otta show this on the history channel
better than 10 000 bc or the (cr-ppy remake of) the texas chainsaw massacre
for gol;d diggwers of 1933 2 I'd like it to be set in the year of 2033 and america has gone commie and everyones poor again. the descendants of  the original charactors are trying to find husbands while avoiding commies who try to have them arrested for owning money(as only the gov has that right now) and they join the resistance to free america by spreading 80s things to remind people of how cool things were in da 80z.

A Clockwork Orange Review

note; my typuings cr-ppy but im getting beter
a clockwork orasnge
this is mt review on a clockwork orange
spoiler; its a P0RN0
its set in the not too distant future of England
but we call it; da 80z
homie
why is the 80s always the future?
even in yugioh gx (set in 2004-2008) when they see possible futures for themselves, the bad guys have an 80 look(spiked mohawks, leather, maker up, piercings, ect)
the filme starttes with these purvurts in some room full of naked manniquins drinking milk
I like the crteepy slang they use in here
right horror show day for a bit of the ultraviolence eh wot me droogs?
they ease you into it and its easy to pick up
unlike oliver with thast frooty cockney talk
might as well be in Japanese
I'd be able to pick up some words
so alex(malcome MacDowell) and his himies beat up a drunk
then we see these other punks b0ning a naked chick
shes got a big butt
like in a rap videothen alex and droogz come by and fight
all to classical music
this is like something go nagai would make
its just violence and naked chix
it came out around the same time as go nagai did hisd violent p0rm0; violence jack
that had more hermaphrodites though
go nagai has a thing for em
every 3rd book he writes has at least 1
later alex and droogz go to someones home and beat him up/b0ne his wife/trash his place while singing the song from, singin in da rain
kinda fitting as many classic song are msused today
good morning from singin in da rain was used in an add for b0ner pills
man, this film was rigjht about the future
also theyre wearing masks wirth male organ like noses
afterwards they return to the milk place
wtf, he pours milk from a naked manniquins nipples
then a manlylady sings the Beethoven song they used in milk adds in the 90s
wtf
this movie was right about the future
one of his droogs makes noice while the manly lady sings and alex nails him in the b0ner with a stick
wtf he still lives with his rents
and at the place he lives its all run down and has wallpaintings of naked mebn
how fitting, his rents don't know their son is a maniac
just like nowadays
wtf
theres a lot of nude art in his place
then he puts on a different Beethoven song and starts j-rkin off
in the AM his purple aired mom sez its time for school and he sez hes not feeling well
he pulled a ferris bueler
his rents think he's out at night doing odd jobs
I never faked sick to avoid school
nor did I ever skip school
I was a good 90s kid
later alex is walking around in his undies and this creepy brittish guy who tells alex next time he's going to prison
I think hes trying to seduce ahe knows alex is up to no good and heard the guys b0ning the naked chick from b4 were hospitalized and mentioned him
wtf
the creepy brit grabs alex's crotch
I think he was mo les ting him in the real version
later he goes into a 70s-90s music shop and seduces 2 chix eating long popsices
I think they were b0ning in the real version
wtf
the very next scene is a sped up benny hill like thing of em at alex's placer and b0ning
this is a weird a55 p0rn0
ahnd I thought Urotsukidoji was strange
later alex walks downstairs and sees his homies
thay act sarcastic and he calls em out on it and asserts his dominance
they wanna stael more worthy things to get more cash
then while walking he beats up his homies
one he nails in the b0ner with a stick
another he slices in the hand with a hidden knife
all in slow motion
I assume in the real version he b0ned em
his homies say theres a crazy cat lad with much cash alone
alex trys tricking her into opening up but she don't buy it
wtf
theres a lot of crotch artwork everywhere
she call the cops and sez the guy at her door used words similar to the guy he beat up b4
alex comes in and shes really b--chy to him
he plays with her crotch art and she attacks him
he splatters her head with the crotch art and the cop sirens show up
as he gets out, 1 droogh busts his face with a milk bottle
the cops have him and he's got a nose cut
when he burps at a cop the cop grabs alex's face would so alex grabs the cops crotch
later the creepy brit comes in and sez the cat lady bit it
the cops say they can hold alerx down if the creepy brit wants to "giv im a bash on da chopz"
I assume that means b0ning him
people think american cops r bad
anything these britys do would get the guy off on law and order
alex gets 14 years in prison
in prison the brits are strict jerks
they take his items and clothes
they get him nude and look up his a55
also we see some of malcom mcdowells hot dog
he's in a lot of p0rn0s
and has many nude scenes
later this priest gives a sermon to help turn people away from sin
but the brits just laught at him and make gas noises
my dad dis prison ministry in his youth
and my black friend was in prison for a while as a guard
and I watch prison movies
my fave?
riki-oh
wtf
he has fantasys of bring the romans beating Jesus and being in biblical was
I mean yeah it was our sins that caused him to suffer
but that infop is meant to drive us from sin
not desire it
he also relates to the sinners in the old testament
that's like wanting to be freekin starscream in transformers
later alex talks to the priest of wanting to be used in a medical experiment so he can get out sooner
the priest advises against it but alex fakes wanting to be good
the priest sez that goodness is choses and being forced to be good isn't true goodness nor being human
after all, humans were given free will
im surprised by all the bible refs in this violent p0rn0
although in the bible is a lot of killing and sin
but they were the bad guys
well...
a lot of the good guys screwed up too
but they were good and making mistakes
not openly bad and having fun mo les ting and killing peiople
1 dr sez medical treatment is the only way to deal with croox cuz they don't care for punishment
alex compliments him only for the guard to yell at him
so the dr chooses alex for his experiments
the warden sez he wants the enemies of civilization punished in return and thinks reform is a waste
he gives alex forms to sign and when he trues to read em the guard sez; DONT READ EM! SIGN EM!
doesn't that go against the point of having a form?
then again, people agree to user things on apple and miscrosoft and google w/o reading
this movie was right about the future
alex is strapped into a thing that wont let him move or look away and he's shown violence and p0rn0
btw he calls his head a "Gulliver"
I thought that meant b0ner
he's given a shot that makes him feel sick while shown secks and violence to force his body to turn against its natural urges
he's then shown ww2 footage for some reason while Beethoven plays
he begs for them not to ruin his fave song but the dr don't care
he claims he's cured and sees violence as bad and he's learned his lesson
but the dr don't care
later theres a showing of the dr's work and alex is unable to do violence or look at a purple haired naked chick as he becomes violently ill
also this brit abuses alex and makes him lick his shoes
talk about foot fetish!
the dr sees his destroying a man as a success
kinda like a lobotomy
didn't the dr who invented that get a nobel prize?
the priest sez that since he has no choice hes not really being good nor a real man
then alex is released and he comes home
he finds his rents rented out his room to a guy and his pet snake bit it and his stuff was taken by the cops
the new guy bashes him but alex pushes him and gets ill
his rents cant kick the new guy out as he's payed his next months rent and they get along
he goes out on his own and meets the drunk hobo he beat up b4
he recognizes alex and takes him back to his hobo gang
they beat him up and maybe b0ne him but a cop saves him since he cant fight back
he cant harm others but he's defenceless
the cop is his droog from b4 and another cop (also a droog) try to kill him
he cant fight back against the bad guys so he just takes it
I think this movie is a ref to taking away guns
they let him go so they can torture/b0ne him later and he later comes by the home of the guy he beat up b4
the guys now a cripple living with this bodybuilder who carry's him around
the bodybuilder looks like Austin powers
he tells the guy the cops beat him up but the guy remembers him as the guy the anti crime thing was used on
the guy feels sympathy for alex and wants to help him
he also stands for individual rights and is against the brits system
but when alex is taking a bath and sings "singin in da rain" the guy recognizes him from b4 and freaks out from viet nam fash backs
later the guy has some friends over and they claim they wanna help him
the papers aid hes unable to listen to certain music
it makes him wanna suicide
alex blacks out from the wine given him(probably drugged) and when he wakes up he's in a sealed room with Beethoven blasting
how'd they know how much wine to give him so he'd be out after they got their info?
he might've blackled out b4 revealing the secret
I assume the guy has done this b4 or is a poison specialist
aex jumps out the window and wakes up in casts
then a nurse comesx out and gets dressed after b0ning the dr
wtf
so the dr who made the treatment is charged with inhuman stuff
his rents come by but he don't wanna c em
they say its partly their fault that things turned out like this
maybe beat him more he'd not be a maniac
later he reveals to a nurse he had a dream of dr's playing with his brain
he's given a test to finish a conversation in the picture
all his responces are just like a teen or 20something would say nowadays
he's recovered from the treatment
lie in Robocop 2
then the creepy brit returns (I think) wait its a gov guy
and he sez the guy from b4 in the wheelchair was locked up for his anti brit papers
also he's looking out for alex's interests and is gonna give him a good job and salary
he's only doing this for votes
also her plays beerthovern music for him and alex thinks about b0ning
the end
the credits are bright colors with text and singin in the rain is played
for a clockwork orange 2 I'd like for alex to have become a celeb for his experience and causes an uprising in England when people recall his violent past. also his popularity lets him get iix and lad an ultraviolence party that plans to legalize anything and the people love it. within a few years, England has become a mad max wasteland and the cops cant do anything as they don't have guns. the regent orders mass executions of anyone caught even saying anything against her (no trial even, just iced in the streets). soon its just a turf war between the regent brits and the droogs. the next series of films is in the 90s England and each deals with a new protagonist in the battle for the brits.