Grandma's Boy Review

note; I spell like a civil war survoivor
grandma's boy
this is my review of grandma's boy from the distant futuristic year of 1922
its got my fave silent comedian Harold Lloyd
my fave film by him used to be a sailor made man
but this starscreamed it and is now my fave silent comedy
it was later remade as a crass adam Sodom sandler comedy in the 2000s like mr deeds but I never saw that
so it starts with the hero being 11 months old and this other bay takes his cookie
hes a candy a55 and keeps letting people walk over him
in grade school the same guy I think takes his snax
then he's 19 and still a wiener
hes haroild Lloyd and has this chick hes into
but this rival is bada55 and a bully and has been kicking Harold Lloyds a55 since they were in diapers
the only way it could be worse is if they were twins and he was beating him up in da womb!
so bully comes by, sticks Harrold in da a55 with a pin and hits on his girl
they sit down and Harold and billy hold hands each thinking its the girl
when he finds out he kicks down Harold and takes credit for his ice cream making
then starts undressing him and throwing his clothes down a well
then all of Harold goes in
but I guess its not deep as he easily crawls out
bully and girl go off and Harold follows
wait
he goes home and his gramma has a hobo staying on her property
she sends candy a55 Harold to ge rid of him but hes too meek
so Harold sends a dog but hobo scares the dog off with a roar
he beats up haroild and gramma chases him off
Harold is feeling bummed over his cr-ppyness and gramma ghives him his granpas suit he got in 61
also girl tells bully to come over so Harold wont miss him
she just don't get that this guy is tormenting him
freekin bimbo
meanwhile, Harold accidentally burns his removable collar after nearly burning his a55 on the candle
whats with all the butt stuff?
I can imagine in the adam Samuel sandler versoin he gets a Gameboy stuffed up his butt
at night the girl has a party or we and Harold is dressed like its the slavery days
which looks normal to us in the 21swt century
and their black butler has the same outfit as Harold
so girl plays a love song to Harold and Harold accidentally gets his finger stuck in a bottle
at least it wasn't in his a55
also the family's many cats come after his shoes
guess there were crazy cat ladies in the 1900s
he cares em away with a dog statue
then he puts mothballs in his suit in the candy bowl
she then feeds him a mothball and he struggles to stay composed
 then bully shows up and eats some moth balls
when girl goes to get something they run to clean out their mouths and accidentally drink gasoline the butler was getting to a guy
after puking the bully beats up harld
then a posse comes in cuz of the hobo ruining town
he busted a window, jacked jewels, beat up a guy and capped another
this light heartyed 20s comedy just got dark
sherrif deputizes the group but runs utta badges b4 Harold
so bully gives him his badge
hobo probably is a malcontent ex ww1 soldier
like in I was a fugitive from the chain gang
probably killed a lot of good german and Austrian boys and had fun doing it
so Harold stays back at da house and the posse goes off leaving him... alone in the dark
he f's up and f's around at night stumbles about comically
he makes it home and hides in bed
da next dae hes bummed over s-cking and granny tells him a story of how his grandpa was a wiener
her story is told in flashback by hailld Lloyd playing the grandpa
I assume inbreeding was done
but in the civil war he was in the confederacy and was sent to steal general bell's code but he was a candya55
but this witch who was p-ssed off by the union gave him a  magic charm that gives him luck
he beats 2 yankees by luck accidents and gets the chutzpa to do it
btw this old confederate witch might've been ripped off by pumpkin head
so granpa knocx out a cook, takes his clothes, puts stuff in the punch and serves em
1 guy spots his confederate pants and he takes hi out with a head shot and says the drink was too strong
then again with another
1 by 1 he takes em out but the last guy catches on and they sword fight
after taking him out the boys in gray come in and he takes off the coat revealing hes one of them ands gives em the code
granny gives him the charm and its really nice
man grannys like 4'8
he goes out all bada55 and beats up a bag of cr-p he puts in da chair
then tells off a guy who nearly ran his a55 over
the guy listens as hes got the deputy sherrif badge
then a guy sez they traped da hobo but hes wounded 5 men
Harold jacks a horse and rides off like napoleon dynamite
he gets there and its a shoot out
he runs in but the rest run off
then dartz around and nearly gets his head busted in with a stick
but keeps being called out from going in by various things
he goes in the other door as theres a blicketee black cat in the 1st one and clubs out the hobo
but hoboi recovers and gets out and scares the town away and carjax a guy
so like 16 guys pile into 1 car and hang n the sides like they still do in the 3rd world and Harold falls off
but hes right wit the hobo
so he uses the charm as a fake gun and sticks him up
thy walk on and have comic misadventues like them going separate ays and reuniting or Harold making him carry him in a wheel barrel
but Harold falls out and gets a car and chases him
run his a55 over!!
Harold drives with his feet on da wheel and makes a lasso but falls out
hobo is chased by car chased by Harold
he gets back in and goes after him
hobo gives out from outrunning a freekin car and Harold ties him up
the town gives up on getting hobo but then bada55 Harold comes inwith hobo in a wheelbarrel
hobo roars and freaks em out but haroild busts his head with an item
I just realized this bad a55 bad guy who's super human in a comedy was used by mel brooks in blazing saddles
remember hum punching out dat horse?
both were beat in comic ways
so Harold gets a 1000 $ reward and the town and girl love him
then comes in the bully and he don't know of harolds victory
he f's with Harold and Harold has enough of his sh-t and stands up to him
he slugs out harold and they have a bare knuckle brawl
its like if mma wasn't a gay p0rn0
they beat on eachother like Kenshiro and raoh in the last eps of Hokuto no ken and Harold keeps getting up after being knocked down
kinda like double dragon on the sega master system where you get infinite continues
bully tries to run and goes into the upper deck of a barn and they fight and nearly fall out
then they fall out and splatter into a mess of guts on the floor
jk
there was a pile of hay there
Harold dodges his punches like the clock king in batman tas and nails him in the butt
Harold kicks his fat a55 and finds he dropped his charm
just like in the crow salvation , he thinks his power was up and gets his a55 kicked while trying to find it
he find it and bull begs for mercy
Harold shakes his hand but he tries a sneak attack with a bucket
Harold dodges and slugs his a55 down the well
I think transformers the movie did that with optimus and megatron
but no hot rod to interfere
then gramma reveals the charm was fake and the story of granddad in the civil was all lies and it was a placebo to get the candy outta his a55
it was all him and he had the power all along
now his hidden powers are unlocked like in dbz and bully fears him
Harold has chutzpa and boldly asks the chick if she loves him and will marry him
she consents and they go off with him carrying her over rocks on the river but they fall in the water
the end
that was grand
it holds up
its better the 1st time cuz of the unexpected factor but its still and great film
Harold Lloyd is my fave silent comedian and is just good clean fun
he actually got his hand blown off in nam
and by nam I mean he was holding an item he thought was fake but really blew off a thumb and finger
he used a special glove with fake parts to cover it and I didn't know until I heard it said on tcm
this movie is solid
it works well and fits great
I showed it to my thicc gf and she loved it
its got heart and humor
what a grand experience
and its only like an hour long
for grandma's boy 2 I want the bully to break the hobo out of jail and work together to beat Harold and get back the girl. to do this they do a black magic ritual that fuses them into one body with 2x the organs and twice as thick limbs and bones. he goes after Harold but Harold has been working out and is now big and buff like hulk Hogan and is able to fight him off. so he retreats and gets a bunch of his ww1 malcontent buddies to go after him one at a time. its also a fighting game where you play as a roided up Harold Lloyd and fight various freaks from around the world who fought in ww1 from different countries involved in it on sega genesis, super Nintendo, neo geo, Atari jaguar and turbografix16.

The Basketball Diaries Review

note; drugs are for losers. as is spelling right
the basket ball diarers
this is m review on the basket ball diaries from da 90s
its based on a book by a junkie I never read
its got Leonardo decaprio, Michael imperioli, ernie hudson and mark Wahlberg
and other dinks I never heard of
I never saw diss b4 butt I red da wikipeeda page
it starts with leo in bed and a woman praying franticly across the street
then he sez at 8 he invited God to watch the world series with him but God never showed
1st; that's not how God works
2nd; baseball s-cked
then after an a55 paddling at catholic school in front of da class, he and his 90s droogs go out for a bit o de ultra violence
they hang onto the back of a bus, harass a hotdog man and sniff napkins on a boat
someone needs to get these kids a sega
I think this is soviet new York as they have those accents
then threy go to another school to play a b ball game
they sign a ball for bobby who is either bobbys world or that little p o s from king of the hill
coach offers to help leo get a good scout to find him and go over schools
oh it is sovirt new York
they talk like joe pesci
so reos good at the b ball and his mexican homie breaks into lockers and steals during the game
the mexico looks like joey jeremiah from degrassi jr high
hes got the hat and coat
at a burger place the team orders more food than coach can pay 4 so he don't drive em home
then they fight the guys who mexico stole from
so is this like clockwork orange?
the main guys r da bad guys?
at night they're hanging out and a probably drugged up h00ker comes by offers a cheap b0ning
they dump trash on her and leeo sees his sick friend and gives him the ball they signed
sick friend is the best player on da team and his best friend
just like zeo or faust or tobey or w/e his name was in beyblade metal masters
Beyblade ripped off a movie about drugs
leo breaks him out and wheels him around at night and lets him read leoz poems
then thry go to some place where a chick takes off her clothes in a room
sick friend don't like it as I think it turned him queer so ryo takes him back
later leoz mom wants him to getta job to learn responsibility
he writes poems and worries about some psycho following him
then this big black guy comes by and plays b ball
I like the look of this film
very mid 90s
then his droogs come by and read his journal
he gets p-ssed and goes off with em to screw around in da park
they go by a cliff and mexco friend don't wanna jump
so 1 guy jumps and eventually so does mexico
b4 they jump, 1 guy tellz leo hes gota surproze
1 guy takes leo to meet 2 girls, winky and blinky
what are they? pac man ghosts??
she gives him drugs and sez it'll make him like superman
Donald trump and weird al never did drugs and would turn this down
but leo isn't as moral or honorable as em
so he b0nes the girl and writes some cr-ppy poem
he keeps rubbing is nose so I think he did blow
later he goes to da medicine cabninet and does drugs
then leo sees his sick friend who just bit it
after a b ball game in the rain (which I like torrents but not b ball) he gets into drugs at the mexicoi's basement
his mom tries talking sense into him but hes too high
then he has confession and tries to tell the priest his sins but cant get it out
after he starts a tirade the priest shuts the window as he don't want this little c-ck suckers b--chyness
after more drugs and the head priest seeing him, he has a drug fantasy of shooting up his class
wait, its just a dream
we all have crazy dreams
I often slice through people or bust their heads
later its time for sum b ball and they do drugs to get em through it
but cant tell which ate boosters or lowrers
1 homie; i'll see you in the nba
me; is that the b ball version of; see u in h-ll?
so they play  ball all drugged up and f it up
what do ja know, arcade games are right
winners don't do drugs
hitler was big on meth
now people do drugs on his birthday
so the cops don't fine any drugs but they get in trouble
so leo and droogs quit school and the team and life
1 guy stays behind
hes called neutron
is he an autoboot??
well leo's character is jim so I guess this is where jimmy neutron came from
an r rated drugs and h00kers movie
well both basketball and jimmy neutron s-ck so I guess it works
lotsa ugly a55 characters in it too
at least dexters lab was cool and fun and had babes
so 1 homie and leo are still high and are more worried about the missing drugs than their lives
he sez f u to his mom and she's had enough of his sh-t and kills him
jk
she tells him to gtfo and he goes to da streets of new York to get b0ned
He should never have gotten into drugs
On Blue Bloods: This girl nearly bites it from an overdose. She says"I don't do drugs! I only tried it once today" Me: I don't f--k raccoons! I only tried it once today! See how much sense that makes??
later his droogs are breaking into cars at night and riding in em
the take it to a guy but da car gets toed
the guy is 1 guy's brother and breaks his arm for f ing up the deal
later they do drugs, drink and talk about their experinces
lyos mom prays for her junkie son for God to save him
later the h00ker from b4 comes by and I think they b0ned
then the guys break into an ice scram shop and eat cr-p and trash da place
mexico is drinking cr-p he made and 1uy busts his head and ditches him as da cops get him
he's gonna get b0ned dead
man they lost 3 guys from their gang
at a bar they see newtron at an all American game on tv
that could've been him
later 1 guy I think goes to see winky and blinky but they are clean now and theyre dad is there and they say they don't know him and guard kix his a55 out
later a skinhead beats up leo over not giving him back 20$ for the bad drugs he gave his gf
so leo is left to bit it in da snow and the black guy comes and saves him
he wakes up at black guys place and black guy flushes his drugs as leo attacks him
black guy sez lreo helped him b4 and hes repaying him
then loe is  jonesing an detoxing at black guys place
hes moaning and drooling and crawling around like an animal
in the real version I bet he was smearing his own waste on himself and the walls
so after that he's writing in his book but don't know what to write
he digs around and finds the key and gets out and asks the h00ker for drugs
she gives him change and tells him off and they yell at each other like pushy new Yorkers
they he meets with a 1 guy and buys some drugs
but they goy jewed and 1 guy chases the dealer with a gun across the empty streets of soviet new York
you'd think there'd be more h00kers out
and homies
they chase him to a rooftop and drug dealer falls off and Wilhelm screams
1 guy gets caught and beat by new Yorkers and da cops get him
then leeo comes home to mama like the prodigal son
but instead of wanting to come back he wants cash
he has an episode and she lox his a55 out
he also sounds sorta autistic
i'm getting gilbert grape flashbacks
maybe one of the drugs he took was a flu shot
mom calls the cops and they eventually take his cady a55 away to be put to sleep
after 6 months in jail and getting clean cold turney
later he meets his mexco homie and hes a junkie
also 1 guy got 15 years as he was tried as an adult
then leo gives a speech about the various kinds of junkies
its to a high school audience or something
then text sez leo wrote the basket ball diarieahs at 17 and at 22 did more books
he lives in soviet new York and does stuff
had he stayed clean he'd be a b ball star
the end
oh and tobey huss from king of the hill and Halloween 2018 is in here
that was pretty good
the music was good
the credits music is pretty early/mid 90s
huh, it was written by the guy leo played
good acting
good effects
good story
good 90s feel
as a 90s kid I enjoyed it
wtf
although this film is based on actual persons, events and cr-p are fiction
so its all fake?
but I liked this and watched te pg version on fox with te swearing and drug use and nude scenes removed
for the basketball diaries 2 I want him to be successful on his new book but the guy who went to jail gets out and wants revenge. he is huge and muscley after years in jail and is on roids now. he wants revenge for leo leaving him in jail and don't know leo went to jail roight after him. also he wants to get himk back on rugs and chases him with needles of chronic. its also an 8 bit platform game where you play as the jail homie and hunt down Leonardo and try to throw drug needles at him to addict him

The Winslow Boy Review

note; I like the 1900s but I don't like England. so either way I spell bad
the winslow boy
this is my eview on the winslow boy from 1948
it stars a bunch of brits I never heard of
its directed by Terence Rattigan who did a buncha films I never saw and remade a few this century
its produced by alexander korda who was good
I saw this a few times but never got around to reviewing it
wait
its directed by Anthony Asquith who did Pygmalion
so this brit family is doing ok in soviet England in the 1900s
dad busts teen sons a55 over wasting his time and money at oxford
his tween son (now just called son) is in the naval academy, I assume to learn how to play card games on battleships
after a montage and narration of sons life at duel academy, son comes home but hes f'd out
if this were made today, he'd have been b0ned by a classmate
so a guy wants to marry dads daughter
dad grills him as his teen son plays radio too loud
so dad accepts guys bid for his daughter and they gon wed
but son (now I called boy) returns with a note he was gonna rip up
not sure how he'd keep it a secret from dad as they'd probably call him about it
hes been accused of theft of cash and was kicked out
at least they didn't crucify him like the romans
or use him for weapons testing like the Japanese
but in Canada they'd arrest the guy he stole from and call the theif as a witness if he tried anything
so boy went through h-ll for 10 days and I think they were b0ning him
probably did in the real version
dad finds out and confronts boy
he beats him til he's a pile of mush and starts eating it
jk
really hes firm yet gentle
so dad goes to the academy to tell them his boy is innocent
later dad goes to a play or whatever they had instead of movies in the slavery days where a guy sings "who were you with last night?"
that's pretty 18+ for the 1900s
wait
its the daughter and bf
wait
dad is there too and he meets a guy to make a letter to the academy
he meets the higher ups and ants a civil trial
but they don't wanna open the oppertunity to let commoners sue em
dad sez as his son is a subject of the king, condemned w/o a trial, he has rights
in America, its we the people. in England its we who are subservient to the regent
wasn't this king Edward?
the obese purvo who went to p0rb0 shows and gorged on high calorie foods?
so dad sees his member of parlement and does other things to get his trial on
and has the press hear his story
later he reads the lawyer won in the paper
then has his son examined by a lawyer
he hears boys story and grills him hard
but its only to see if he's really innocent
its pretty harsh
he finds issues with the kid that make him look bad like im practicing signing signitures and flaws in his words chosen
the kid breaks down but doesn't admit to stealing
later dad finds hes burning cash
and takes teen outta oxford as its a waste
later a higher up sees a show where they sing "just, you, wait and see" and talk in rhyme about current events like the winslow boy
also dad and wife are having issues with the stress of defending their son from false accusations
so is this like a brit version of to kill a mockingbird?
I mean now with people falsely accusing anyone to get ahead or get revenge we need films like this tpo show how bad it can be
not just for the accused, but their loved ones
so the fam suffers from it and daughters future husband dumps her over it
and the maid or slave or w/e has to be let go
dad wants to end his attempts to clean his son as his daughters bf is ditching her but daughter don't care and wants to battle on
so the trial starts and lawyer sez its boys right to defend himself as otherwise it assumes the king can do no wrong
he wins the right to try the case as the gov wont block it
its the case of winslow vs the king
its like that fight where a 150lb mma fighter fought a 700lb sumo
so the trial goes on and lawyer seems to be a master of twisting the court
acting volatile one moment and peaceful the next
hes like trump a bit
but trump is manlier
also kid is cross examined and he revealed he smoked
also lawyer sez the bad lawuer will say finding the kid innocent will make England go to h-ll and the germans to celebrate
good
zee kaiser is cooler than the king anyway
so da next witness reveals he was court martialed at 22 for jackin a cops helmet
but he got away with it as he had homies stickin up 4 him
but boy had none and was only 13
then the handwriting expert who nailed the boy is revealed to oly do things by his own method and he was wrong b4 and nearly sent an innocent man to the noose
then bad lawyer introduces cr-ppy evidence that's basically "he looks better than him"
also its revealed that lawyer turned down the job of lord chief justice to continue the case vs the king
sounds like the king might've been using it to keep him from beating him
huh
this was based on a play that was based on actual events
but the kid bit it in ww1 on Halloween 1914
also the trial scenes were offscreen in the play
so later dad and daughter talk and she feels it aint worth it
then this cockney chick comes in and sez winslow boy was found not guilty
also the trial and ordeal took 2 years
isnt this around the same time jack the ripper happened?
like a few years off??
dads cripply so he has teen help him walk to meet the press
also lawyer is kinda f'd out and needs brandy
the drink, not the h--ker
although naga from slayers likes 1 and looks like the other
daughter tells him she knows he gave up that cushy job to save the boy
also he hides his emotions
but cried at the verdict
that's the britz
gotta act like they don't got souls
then he and her have a smoke as he sez her feminism is a lost cause
yeah shes a feminist
but despite that hes not evil
she walks back to him and it fades to credits
I think they b0ned in the real version and they had to cut it to avoid censors
the end
that was pretty good
its over 2 hours with adds and don't feel like it
good clean 40s film
I like films set in the 1900s and this had class and kinda heart
good acting and writing
good protoculture
important lesson on how bearing false witness against ur fellow man can cause damage to those who love him
thats why theres a commandment against dat
homie
I liked this
and its public domain so you can legally watch it for free online
or get a cheap vhs or Betamax or dvd or laser disk of it
plus its based on actual events
sorta like law and order
and show how people lived at the turn of the century
for the winslow boy 2 I want it to be him returning to the academy but the other guys there hate him for going against the king. they torment him and mo lest him and try to drive him out. eventualy he cant take it and snaps and goes berserk and mutilates one of em with his bare hands. he tears him open and eats his organs. the hunters have now become the hunted. he realizes he's f'd if the higher ups find out so he hunts down the rest of the witnesses until he's torn em apart and eaten em. also the tormentors cant tell as they'd have to admit they drove him to it. its a slasher film. aso its a 16 bit game like shadow of the beast on sega genesis, snes, Atari jaguar and tg 16 and gba and you go around as the winslow boy hunting down the teens and tearing em apart in various levels at the academy. Oh and he tries to make it look like jack the ripper is back.

The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio Review

note; I spell like whatever year this film is
The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio
this is my rebiew on The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio
its got woody harrelson, juliane more and laura dern
its based on a true story or something
i've never seen this b4 so this is a new experience
so after a buncha logos and credits of 50s stuff
huh its got Jordon todosey from degrassi next gen
so main chaick is a monther of 10 and housewife
she submits to contests ort something to get free cr-p
later they sets up a bank thing with her husband and get a house
she wins more cr-p and dad don't ant them to keep the freezer cuz the kids might get killed in it and it'll cost power
that's 2010s thinking
not 1950s
later main chick writes slogans to win stuff
also husband goes mental over a baseball game s-cking
he beats on the freezer and goes berserk
another victim of baseball
the cops come and shred him with gunfire
jk
they cool his a55 and leave
huh, its also got Trevor Morgan from jurass9c park III and the 6th sense and the patriot and the glass house
then a priest comes by and comforts main chick
later her husband was in a car accident and it f'd his throat for singing
no wonder hes mental
its like a painter nearly going blinde
later husband suggesrts going hunting and a girl mentions hes often at the liquor store
this f's him up and he gives main chick his cash but its not enuff for steak
he goes to work and isn't making much
later the baby cr-ps its diaper and the kids get it on their hands trying to change it
as they clean up the milk man comes by and he aint got enuff to pay
until the mailman comes by and she wins 2$ in a contest and pays him
also throughout the film are little "mini skits for the audience" where main chick talks to the watchers and tells em how things are
in this one she says how mail in things work and the lesser are weeded out
she wins a shopping spree
dad isn't glad shes outdoing him
also she wants to buy flaming yawn and prime rib
spoiler; hamburger is superior
later she does her shopping spree and gets a full kart of cr-p
btw the colors in here are sorta bluish
like its got a cooled shade over it
later they're going through her winnings and husnand takes food out of the freeezar and throws it on the lawn
you'll get coons
she don't see that her husnand is unhappy and upset
she gives her kids caviar and none want it
hope its beluga caviar
she likes it
he eats out of a can alone and she gives him better food and invites him over for the table
over da next few years she wins more cr-p
later her husband is disgruntled over their cr-ppy home
on tv is a contest to come up with words to their jignle
husnand says bummer stuff while main chick says positive stuff
good contrasting of their attitudes
later ilkman wants cash for milk but she needs more time
if she don't pay next week shes cut of
husband gets mad at her for blowing money
he tugs her or something and she falls in slo mo and the milk busts on the floor
the glass cuts her hands a bit and husband is really freaked out over it
after ghetting back from the dr and getting fixed up shes ok
husbnanf says sorry and they reconcile
later they win a soprts car and a trip to soviet new York
later 1 son steals rom some woman and gets in trouble with da cops
husbande beats the blackoff his son for it
give him the Hebrew hammer!
so she don't go to new York and son joins the army rather than going to jail and getting b0ned
I wish we brought back the whip
instead of cramming people into overcrowded jails and them getting b0ned, just give em a few lashes and move on
I mean murder and other srs crimes would get jail time
but if its like shoplifting or traffic issues, just get the whip
i'd prefer it
not that I commit crimes
I don't even drink
later another winner of a contest contesants contact her and they bond
Shes invited to this gettogether and husband don't want her to go cuz of gas costs
also 1 kid uses somewones name to win a contest
she has that kid drive her  to the gettogether but youngest kid gets flowers from her neighbors yards and the neigfhbors are p-ssed
so the trips off
later her daughter learns to drive and they go to the getotghher
along da way the car overheats
its husbands car and she f'd it doing something he told her not to
imagine I borrowed ur sega genesis game and left it outside and it got f'd?
her daughter (played by the chick from degrassi I think) tries to make her hate her husband and says w/o him she'd have a better life
main chick sez that's sh-t and comforts her
so at da gettogether one of the chicks is in an iron lung
they chat about rhymings and grammer
its not grammar its grammer
f u spell check
at least it doesn't add extra u's in color
cuouluouru
later they drive back and theres a dr pepper add they gotta finisgh
at home the husband locked the kids out
hes worried about her being gone for 10 hours and when he grabs her arm as she walks away, the teen daughter jumps on him and goes mental'
the kids pile on him and she defuses things by splashing him with jello
after the kids go, he sez he was crying and didn't want the kids to see him like dat
he cried cuz he thought she left him
see what happens when you do things like that?
he was probably really scared and hurt
everythings f'd for him
and his kids hate him
he otta beat that teen daughter til she pood out her guts
later it turns out the husband took out a 2nd mortgage and its due
the house is gonna get f'd
they might have to sell the kids
milkman helps out by offering them laundry jobs
but she turns him down
then dr pepper sez shes a finalistin a dr pepper thing
she buys dr pepper with husbands last doller
what?
doller is spelled wrong?
its not dollar its doller
its not a phone collar its phone caller
so the dr peper guy comes by and interviews her over cr-p
after he goes dad is cheerful but his candy a55 kids drag him down
little c-cksuckers
he otta give em a throuorgh (thur row) beating
main chick is bummed
so she wins the dr pepper contest and driving daughter goes mental thinking they f'd out
driver girl is b--chy over her dad probably not changing and main chick sez hopeful cr-p
then the fam spends time together as husband plays guitar and sings
main chick sells the trip and pays the mortgage
she akes a vacation later and her kids do well
after her husnind bites it its revealed he cashed his pention checks in a secret account so main chick didn't have to worry about cadash
after she bites it the driver teen gets the typrighter and has a moment remembering her mom saying some good advise
its heartwarming
then we get photos of the kids and what they did
driver girl wrote the book this filme was based on
the end
that was actually nice
good mostly clean story of 50s life and sticking with it
it doesn't make the angry dad the bad guy
it shows multiple sides to the issue
its got heart
the 50s were pretty cool
I liked this one
its got hope
for The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio 2 I want it to be the 90s and the grandkid of the main chick from the 1st movie wants to enter a contest to come up with a new slogan for a 90s brand thing. but he struggles. so he starts using black magic to reawaken his grandma's genes to give him the ability to write like her. but it screws up and turns him into some kind of hermaphrodite and opens the gates of h-ll and unleashes daemons. so he's gota use his hermaphrodite powers to beat em al up and send em back. also its a 16 bit action game like crusader of centy on sega genesis, snes, atari jaguar and turbografix16 where you go around solving problems caused by the daemons and free the areas from their rule.

Bedtime For Bonzo Review

note; I spell ape style
bedtime for bonzo
this is my rebview on bedtime for bonzo
its got Ronald Reagan who was the prez who helped beat the soviets
as a 90s kid my rents kept saying "bedtime for bonzo" but I never knew what that was.
I sorta connected it to the muppet gonzo
after credits the cops go to Sheridan college
1st; I went to Sheridan college as  a 20 something
2nd; nowadays if college calls cops its cuz someone saw a note that says "its ok to be white"
the firemen came too
turns out theres someone gonna jump from the building
Ronnie is called to help as hes a pasycoloogisrt and climbs out on the side of the building
the jumper is a chimp
all this work for an ape?
to quote dbz; he was just, a monkey!
so ronny trys psychology to get ape bonzo not to jump
ronny carrys bonzo across the building and gets him in
meanwhile the dean talk with a guy about how theres a guy under a fake identity
the gu is called brekenridge like that queer movie by gore vidal
rons dad was brekenrifdges cellmate
imma call him myra
after chatting with ron myra leaves
ron is glad to know his dad loved his mom
but dean don't like ron cuz his dad was a crook
even though a lot of good people had bad dads
although j fk had an awful dad and he was pretty awful too
ron sez if his dad had better chances hed have been good
also his teacher and class aid crime is genetic
but they allowed disagreement
man, college allowing differing opinions
the 50s were great
oh and dean';s daughter is engaged to ron
dean don't ant his daughter marrying someone with bad dna
is this a eugenics movie?
promoting selective breeding and evolution?
cuz God can heal peoples genetic issues
plus brain plasticity
ronny tells the dean something off color off screen
I assume he told him to get f'd
later gf comes by and wants to heal the rift
but ron wants to elope
they agree to call of the engagement fore a while
ron wants to change deans mind and bonzo is on a hunger strike
I suggest rectal feeding
ronny helps bonzo by compforting him and bonzo thinks ronny is his dad
and ronny is gonna raise him to be a good boy to show environment is the biggest factor
later ron cals professer and sez 6 women he tried to hire to raise bonz9o turned it down
bonzo is going mental and a chick named jane comes by for da job
she raised her 5 bros and they talk with her thinking bonzo is a real boy
she seez bonzo and freaks out
she hears himn whining and sez its like a baby
also somehow he flipped his crib over
she helps dress bonzo
I assume hes in a diaper or he'd be sh-ting all over the place
man wer're 20 mins in
that was qwik
then gf comes by cuz he's been away for a while
he makes up cr-ppy excuses for the weird stuff going on
and claims to leave for a bit
later he returns like batman in 92 and jane put bonzpo to sleep
jane sez her bro gus wasn't as cute as bonzo
I assyume he has some bizzare x men mutation
later ron's shopping and tells  guy hes doing a experiment on baby food giving people higher energy
just charge ur ki
later they is havings breakfast and bonzo throws white goo on ronny
also cuz bonzo is jealous of ronny getting ore attention
they mentoion Oedipus, who wanted to b0ne his mom
also thy start caling eachother momma and poppa to help bonny feel more comfy
even though it has no language experience with those words
also they choose to show more affectinn
interesting themes
rony didn't now his dad and janes mom bit it when she was 14
now they gotta be parents w/o much role models
so later ron makes notes but its in handwriting
later ronny tells gf about the experiemt
she wants to come over and thought bonzo was another women cuz he was avoiding her
that's both gay, interspecies and pedo
later ronny mises dinner and later at night a bird scares bonzo at the window and hre runs to janes bed
later ron comes home later and thinks bon got out cuz da windows open
 after earing the story he finds bonny opened 2 doors to get to jane
later bonzo took a necklace outta a thing and she tells him to put em back
she acts sad to twist him
he gives em to her
later he opens the vacuum and its bag sprays dust when turned on
this freaks him out and he escapes out a wimdow like kaiba in Yugioh season 1
later the baby food guy is getting his energy raised and can ride a bike fast after eating baby food
placebo? or fact?
then ane sent a coded messaqge saying bonzo is in trouble
bonzo is f ing around in a tree
Is this where th4e james franco planet of the apes got it from??
scientists raising an ape in secret ad it gets out
eventually bonzo goes in a window and mouths a phone
operator thinks his gibbering is suffocating and they send da cops
jane goes up a tree but bonny knox over da latter trapping her there
ron comes in to save her
then the cops and firemen come in and save em
alaso bonzo hid so rons claims of the monkeymakes him look nuts
they leave and gf comes by and is p-ssed ronny has another woman
she sez her dad was right and rives off
women driving?
cant have that in north Africa
and this is da 50s
so later ron wants to end the experiment
but jane sez bonny gave back her beads
she runs out saying rons a quitter and fins bonzos gone
ron and proffer drive around at night and find him looking at a necklace in a window
later they do tests offscreen and film it and watch the footage
bonny didn't take a banana from a drawer that he knew was rons
later professer meets dean and deen sez hes gonna sell bonzo
gonna send him to medical research
preserrer trys to explain but dean don't get it
bonzo's gona get aids
later they give bonny a cake and trike
its his b day
later proefeser sez the'll get rid on bonzo and ron sez janes gonna go mental when they get rid of him
but she hears and goes mental
profferser tells ronny shes in love with him and it surprizes him
later bonzo gets out and rides his trike around til he gets to the necklace store
he sneaks in and jacks it but leaves his cowboy hat
ron finds him and the necllacre but cat get back in the store
he calls proff and proff comes with a note from jane saying she booked it
they go back to put the necklace back but a cop gets him and hes arrested
now he might get jail but they don't believe his monkey story
also bonzo wont eat
jane returns and finds bonnys getting sold to the aids factory
they tell da dean and he sez if true he could fire em
jane tells off gf for not being supportive of ronny
she and proff go to the cps to stand up for Reagan like real americans
she has bonzo return the stolen necklace to prove the story and he goes outside
yeah cuz da cops would let an ape run off with evidence
but bonny takes 4 hours to get to the story
but eventually does it
so the expirement is a success and Reagan is not guilty
then bonzo ronzo and janezo (jinzo??) go off in a car and bonzo isn't wearing a seat belt
its like phantasy star 03 where you get 2 chix to choose from and marry 1 at the end of the adventure
they smooch
the end
thar was pretty good
nice lite 50s film
good feel
good acting
ronaly reaon was nice in here
diferent than his 80s self
but still likable
and a lot of films ripped this off
i'm glad I saw it
its nice
good pacing too and good flow
for bedtime for bonzo 2 I want it to be the 60s and the animal rights hippys have taken over California. bonzo identifies with em and they make him their patron and use him to try to give animals rights. but bonzo identifies as a human and not an ape and wants surgery to transition to his inner self. he ets operated on to look human but people want him killed for appropriating human protoculture. so he has to escape to san fran sisko to avoid the haters in California. its also an 8 bit platform game with fighting elements on sega master system/game gear, nes and Gameboy and turbografix16 where you plat as bonzo and get through each level to get closer to freedom

Death Wish Review

note; my spelling is non violent or good
Death wish
this is my review on death wish from thr 70s(the 1st one)
its got charles bronson and no one else I rcognize
except fjeff goldbloom
its based on a book by some guy who I think hated the movies
it was inspired by his stuff being f'd by crooks and him wanting to waste em
so it starts with Bronson on a beach with his woman
after their vacation they g home to new York or some crime cesspool
so Bronson is an architect like that Seinfeld guy wanted to be
at the grocery store these violence jack like punks trash the place and no one stops em
they follow bronsons woman and daughter back to their place
at their apartment they say they are the grocery guys and are let in
they bust in, trash the place, steal their cash, beat and b0ne em
the son in law calls Bronson and tells em
at the hospital the cops fill em in
bronsons woan bites it
after the service Bronson chex with the cops and theres a lot of hp00kers there
is this mad bull 34?
the cops have little hope of catching those guys
so later his daughter is having freakouts and Bronson gets 20$ in quarters to use in a sock to fight
son in law wants Bronson to stay away as he remoinds her of mom and that reminds her of being b0ned by all those guys and girl
its better to tough it out and get over ur issues instead of hiding from em
later Bronson prctices swinging his quarter sock and drinks
later he has a meeting with a texas guy or w/e about the building his planning
btw this is directed by the guy who did parting shots, the movie where a guys gonna bite it and decides to ice everyone who wronged him
at the Arizona guys town theres a fake wild west town where texas guy shows him a show with cowboys fighting
and gunfighting
later they plan the thing hes building and texas wont bulldoze the hills and don't want it to be a slum in 20 years
just keep the democrats out
texas tells him how guns are just tools like axes and hammers
and did much good in American history
but Bronson objected to korea and never served his country
texas take him to the range and does well
bronsons dad was a hunter who bit it after someone mistook him for a deer
it poisoned him against guns
I know how it is
putting up with my aunts dogs made me hate dogs
later Bronson finishes the architect thing better than planned
later he goes back to soviet new York and son in law sez daughter went nuts from trauma
for insurance reasons son in law gets Bronson to have her sent to he nut house
later Brinson gets a firearm and goes out at night
later a guy pulls a gun on him and wants his cash
so Bronson caps him
he goes home and gets freaked out
nexrt day cops check out the mugger who was an ex con
later Brinson sees some punks and takes em out
1 was running away but brnson iced him
later an ambulance trys to save em and 1 is still kicking
they grill him and cant get any info on the guy who capped em
also a guy who saw Bronson wont rat on him
later daughter is sent to the nuthouse and Brinson talks with son in law ABOUT if the cops wont save you then you gotta defend urself
to be fair, the courts have ruled that cops are under no legal obligation to risk themselves to save u
im not kidding
call the cops and maybe they'll clean up whats left of you after you've been b0ned dead
after they take 45 mins to get to your place
this is exactly why we have the right to bear arms
except in Canada where its limited
and England where even the cops aint armed
and even if guns are banned theres still illegal ways
and they'd just knife people
so the cops search for the guy killing crooks instead of stopping crooks
typical new York
its like soviet California banned plastic straws but decriminalized aids spreading
so later bronsons on the subway and some crooks pull knives on him
so he caps em and walks of into a crowd at the next stop
so the mayor tells the crookslayer to stop for law and order
cuz new York is doin such a good job at that
so the cops d-ecide to check familys who lost ones to muggers
you know, in soviet Canada, this Asian store owner was tired of this junkie stealing from him
so he chased him down and tied him up for the cops to arrive
but the cops arrested HIM for infringing on the junkies rights
also they charged him with "carrying a concealed weapon" fir having a box cutter in his pocket as he didt have time to empty em b4 the chase
and they got the junkie to testify against his victim
then again, new York is a yankee state
so it might as well be Canada
later Bronson takes out 2 muggers
but I think he takes a knife hit
he gets away by train b4 the cops can finger him
so the city tries to save the mugger but cant
the news sez people are fighting back against crime
just carry as samurai sword
btw this whole "standing up to oppressors" thing was how America started
the new Yorkers chase down a mugger and beat his a55
later the cops are getting closer to bronspon
but mugging is going down
but the cops don't want people solving their own problems
and if they arrest him he'd be their martyr
so 1 cop has to scare him off
I assume they mean the diana way
as in; make it look like an accident
cop calls Bronson and tells em hes being watched
he lox up his firearm
at night is an 8 year old on the new York streets saying EXTRA EXTRA! READ ABOUT DA VIGILANTE!
1st; what is this? the 30s?
2nd; he's gonna be b0ned dead!!
Bronson goes out and da cops stop him
he goes in but sneaks out
and the pay phobe the cops were gonna use is f;d
when cop tries to go in, a BUNch of furrys come out
well, this IS new York
a cop uses a later payphone and gets no aweser but he could be in da shower
bronois goes to some safe storage space and gets his gun
cop follows later and hears he was there
I just realized that this movie is basically ivan the terrible and 30s batman
when he capped people
while out Bronson is on stairs and 4 thugs confront him
he takes em out
they called hi "honey" so I think they wanted his butt virginity
send em back to h-ll!
he has a standoff with the last guy but blacks out
the cops find him and hes takes to the hospital
oh and the 4 guys on the stairs1 got him in the leg
at the hospital co shows him the gun they found nd tells him to get outta new York and he'd drop the investigation
then he tells the press Bronson was a victim of muggers
so he moves to Chicago and sees thugs hassling a blonde and he helps her while making a gun motion to the thugs
the end
huh, Christopher guest was in this
that was pretty good
nice pacing and themes
good story
good acting
shows what new York was like in the soviet era
Bronson is cool
the writer of the book hated this
like mary poppins writer
or dragonballs writer
or myra Breckinridge's writer
or the watchmen's writer
or the shinings author
but I liked this
it was cool and simple
easy to follow
and the tv version cutz the swearing and b0ning and gore
the 1st death wish I saw was 4 and it has Bronson having his camera purse snatched.
he pulls out a huge gun and takes out the thief
then the whole slum cheers
good times
for death wish 2 I want his daughter to be recovering from her insanity and she has gained psychic powers and knows her dad iced those thugs. she sneaks out to join him but finds he left new York. So she takes his place and gets a leather outfit made with spikes in that swing out and eject. she goes around taking out crooks and in the end her dad returns and helps her feel loved and comforted. also its an action game like phantom 2040 where you play as her using gadgets made of trash and clearing each level of thugs on sega genesis, super Nintendo, Atari jaguar and turbografix16.

Million Dollar Arm Review

note; I never saw this b4 so I have no connection to it so I don't care to spell right
million dollar arm
this is my review on mllion dillol arm from the 2010s
I saw a trailor of it years ago and think its about baseball or something gay
huh, its by Disney
so it starts with bobbleheads of baseball guys
1guy sez this guy is gonna break the nfl rrecord
but its just him rehersing for saying it to the real guy
the guy is name popo like that dbz monster
popo agrees to getting this guys help for money and wants 1 million dollors as a signing bponus
but guy cant make it happen
he goes to hid car and beats the wheel
and I don't mean j-rkn off
although cuz this is Disney I think they had to censor him j-rkin off with beating the steering wheel
later main guy and his homie go to this basket ball game and say someone took a guy they were GROOMING for 6 months
I assume they mean as in pedo slang
they later wanna try going to asia to get sports talent
as they're into grooming they can try Thailand
homie wants him to get into cricket players from soviet india and he sees cricket as gay
later he tells homie hes not dating a girl whos trying to be a dr as shes not a model
imagine if the twist was he's into plus size models and didn't like this one as she didn't have enough chub
so homie quits on main guy and main guy watches susan boyle on American idol
then cricket
I think its a metaphor for not judging a book by its cover
he decides to try using a cricket player as a baseball player
and use the 1st indian baseball player
no one cares if theres a 1st Slovenian ball player
besides
who cares about their race?
as long as hes good that should be all that matters
it should take 02 years but hes asked to do it in 01
homie sez its impossiboru but main guy sez he knows someone who can help
he gets this guy with 30 years exp and psychology
expert sez it cant be done
main guy sezs if it don't work no one cares but if it does he'd be famous
oh and main guy is named jb like the guy from vr troopers
b4 he leaves this neighbor chick needs help and he lets her use his place while hes in soviet india
he has 3 months in the 3rd world to find 1 guy or 2
he meets his contact who thought he was gonna pick him up tomorrow
also the phone lines are down and hes on his cellphone all day
so in soviet india hey have the stuff he ordered but not acess to it
and they gotta pay money to get it
in other words bribes
what a corrupt cesspool
its like California but less red tape
then he gets the shirts he ordered in the road
in an elevator he meets a guy who likes baseball but don't know the basics
I don't either but I hate baseball
he offers to work for free
better than being in a union
they spread word in flyers using 3rd world kids to spread it
later a geezer comes by and is sleeping in the taxi
I think hes a scout or something
they wake him up and he goes to a hotel until base ball happens
later they go to some h-llhole and all the poor people treat em like kings
its for tryouts and lots of guys show up
they throw b balls over a speedo meter and most guys s-ck
geezer can tell how fast they throw by hearing
is he like one of those old kung fu masters who has decades of exp?
later the chick skypes him and sez she broke his washing machine
then a montage of them looking for a fast puitcher
geezer sleeps a lot
I think he was drunk in the real version but as this is Disney they changed it
meanwhile this teen wants to try but his owner sez he has work to do
also track and field players wanna sign up even though they need croichekr players
wasn't kevin Costner in this?
or am I thinking of McFarland the running movie?
I like doing his movies and spoelling his name bad
later chick skypes him and sez the rapair guy fixed both their waching machines
later they go to a lucky place with good rep and got some sorta good players
1 guy throws a b ball at 84 miles per hour
f--k you metric system!
centimeters are aids!
as are killo grams
also another guy can throw in the 80s
so they start a school for teaching baseball and they train like shaolin monks in unison throwing and moving
later jb skypes chick and shows her india
he sez it stinks good and bad at times
1 guy in the school is training at night and sez his dad f'd his back and now he has to drive a truck
also most guys there hate cricket
truck guy wants to use the million dollars to buy his dad a news truck
whats he gonna do with the other 999929 dollars?
oh and truck guy was the guy who';s owner said he d have work to do
guess that was his dad
then its daytime and theres a tournament to see whos best
each player gets a set number of throws and whoever does best wins
its like saint Seiya, Yugioh, dragonball, yuyu hakusho, Beyblade and harry potter
1 guy throws fast but inaccurate
sorta like super Mario world
you either walk slow and get no distance in jumps
or fast and no control
i'm more into sonic anyway
truck teen I think does just as fast but better aim
he gets a perfect
wait
I think its not truck teen
truck teen threw inaccurate
not truck teen wins and gets to go to America
the land of freedom and hamburgers
on the car ride back, contact sez the boys there don't have high sports dreams nor leave their slummy villages
is this gonna turn into valley of the dolls?
the 3rd world kid goes to America and gets corrupted into drugs and b0ning?
I think both good player teens got the chance to go as truck teen buys his dad a white truck
but its just gonna get coated in cr-p and show
later they say bye and get a do rag or w/e on their heads and have tea
oh they're meeting the players fams
the mom of 1 guy is overprotective of her kid
so they go to America and in the drive they find out none of the 3 guys like cricket
2 winners and the baseball fan
they are unused to 1st world tech like elevators and its like Beverly hillbillys
also wont they have jet lag from changing time zones?
jb gives b ball fan a video camera to record the teens
not like that you degenerate
to monitor their training
jb goes home and gives chick a mini taj mahal
also she has a big buff guy with her
hes an intern at the hospital and I think they were b0ning at jbs place
later I think the indins were arrested for something and need a place to stay
so jb takes em to his home
they are wondering where is him fam
he aint got none
the next day he give em power bars an they set up a shrine to their gods to pray
but jb don't pray
and he calls himself an American!
the shame!!
so they go to the stadium and expert meets em to train em
they practice throes and kina s-ck
they got 06 months to get em ready for mlb
later the teens are watching teen shows and the pizza guy comes by
they don't know what it is and jb helps em
teens talk about being in America and maybe changing their names
later homie tells jb they ran outta cash
he blew it bribing half of soviet india
also popo might come back to em after hating his new jobn
later the teens don't think jb likes em as he don't watch em play
but hes just busy
also expert sez they ned to feel supported and be having fun
me; bit baseball isn't fun
it s-cked!
esp being at the stadium where you got ants playing catch 700 feet away
in grade school my class was gonna go to a baseball game
I chose not to go and stayed behind and played think tank on a 90s computer
I liked it
far more than cr-ppy a55 baseball
at least in football and hockey people get broken bones
even in soccer with the players jumping around like the 3 stooges trying kung fu to get penalties they have leg breaks
later 1 teen chatz with his mom on the phone
jb takes em to a party to have fun and meet popo
but the guys who jacked popo from e are there
at the party 1 teen eats too much and they are bored
should've gotten em a sega
1 teen got drunk as he didn't know the punch was spiked
jb takes em in the car and drunk teen pukes in his car
when jb gets back, popo accepted the rival deal
jb yells at em and tells em to go to bed
they cant take it and commit seppuku
jk
jb chats with chick and b-ches about how taking care of these teens is like having a fam
she sez he otta pay more attention to em
also she broke up with the buff guy
later jb gets a van and spends more time with the teens
also they improve to a montage of india music
also jb and chick watch pride if he yankees and she crys
then they make out
next day the teens talk with him about it and they think he otta marry her
ater jb talx with a funder and sez they will be ready in 03 weeks
but it also means they gotta be on the media and expert sez they aint ready for it
later 1 teen slices a pitching finger while chick teaches em to make Mexican food
mexico claims another victim
jb tells her of for f ing his investment
later b4 they go to a thing he sez sorry for getting p-ssed at her
they go to try outs and everyone in soviet india is watching on tv at night cuz of time zones
huh, jon hamm was jb
and bill Paxton was some guy
so they f--k out and get rejected
the funder sez he won as in 1 year he got a few nobodys from the 3rd world to mlb tryouts
and he extents jbs contract by 03 years
so we get a minor bummer moment where the sports guys say the Indians s-cked
jb wants to give the teens another shot but funder dont wanna and sez if he does, it ends their deal
he does
later hes looking for scouts and finds geezer who I find is played by alan arkin
he and jb go to a restaurant and introduces him to the head scout for the pirates and never saw the 1st tryouts
later he goes home and chick and teens make a dinner for him to thank him for all he did for em
so in a few weeks is another tryout and he tells em hes proud of em like mr rogers
its kinda nice
so they go to the tryouts and funder is there
so is chick
baseball fan free guy gives a speech about how the teens came so far and indian kids have someone to look up to
also his b baller dreams are coming true through them
avatar
so 1 teen throews a 93mph pitch and aims well
next teen throws accurate and fast
then we get real footage from them being fired by the pirates and text sez what they did after the movie
oh and jb and chick got married
then credits to footage of 3rd world kids playing ball
the end
that was pretty good
i'm not into baseball or india but the story was good
good acting
clean tvpg for like 1 D word once
no forced in love story
it worked here and didn't get in the way
no super forced sad moment
yeah it was a bit bummer but not too bad
alan arkin is always good
I like this
its like 3 hours with adds though
and it don't drag or go by fast
its a decent film
although its title makes me think of; the man with the golden arm, where frank Sinatra got into drugs
for million dollar 2 I want for England to invade india and try to take it over and the guys who came to America to play baseketball gotta go back and fight em off. its also a run and gun game on sega genesis and super Nintendo and Gameboy advance and you play as one or both of em and throw unlimited baseballs to shatter the frail girly Englishmen and their mech suits as its set in 2015 and is high tech.