The Boy In The Plastic Bubble Review

note; i spell Bubblicious (It took e a while to find how that was spelled by typing it on youtube and wikipedea and seeing the dro[ down suggestions)
the boy in the plastic bubble
this is my review on the boy in the plastic bubble from the distant future year of 1976
its directed by Randal Kleiser who did grease, the blue lagoon and big top pee wee (where he gets g cup implants)
it stars john travolta, P. J. Soles from Halloween 01 and Carrie, Kelly WaRD (who's a dude) who was Fitor in GoBots(eww!), Vernee Watson  from the 80s G I Joe Movie and no one else I know of
its based on real peoople with crippled dna or w/e
so it starts with a dr dropping by a couples farm to say they ate pregnant
they hope this one lives and worry it might have 0 immunity to stuff
then title and a montage to sofy piano of her going into the hospital to poop it out
wtf buzz aldrten is in this?!
so after a sterile offscreen dilivery, they put him in a glass bo and da rents see him
but dr comes in and sez he has 0 immunities and has to stay in a sterile environment until he evolves an immune system or they find a treatment
i vener saw this b4 but seinfeld made fun of it
so i assume he bites it in the end like that aids carrier in The Cure or Philedelphia
people with severe medical issues dont survive these kinda movies
at least he's not in africa, where they think b0ning a virgin cures aids and they are outta virgins ecept nerwborns
thats not a joke. look it up
although he has no immune system so not sure aids would do anything to him
so later the rents talk about how hard it would be to arrage a sterile envoinrmtnt to have him teravel as a healthy kid plays on the swing with his mommy
so yars later, hes a kid with jet black hair unlike both his parents (making me think of maury) and lives in a plastic area shielded off og humanity withgloves in da wall like hes nucular
later they are taking his tank around as the medis wateches and this blonde sees him and he sees her
i assume they are gonna fall in love
what is this? the butterfly effect?
later the battlepod gets the air cut off and they kid coughs
why?! hes onyl not getting oxygen
his body wont kknow he's getting c02
wait, he was choaking on a marble
my mistake
so they slap his back and he coughs it up
btw, the famil'ys name is lub-tch
like ernst? the excellent austtrian jewish director from the 20s?
he did good stuff
student prince in old heidelburg
i cried
later he's in this glass area and the blonde girl (like in every speilburg movie?) comes by and wants to play with him and they mouth on the glass like in midnight express
ohhhhhh billy!!!!
later some teens are smoking cuz its cool and they talk about the kid who's always inside and has no friends his own age
and he has a little pet germ free mouse
my cousin has a peet snake and i had a pet tarantula
our pets eat your pet!
so i guess its the futturte as hes not devolved into john travolta, despite none of his official parents being el italiano(you are NOT the father!! black guys: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!)_
later da dr coomes by and plays chess with travolta and sez theres a japanese treatment that might evolve him an immune system
dr sez travolta has the best excuse to not grow up and is being chilidish
he's malcontent and dont care abotu the world (rambo; f==k da wolrd) and gets a little b--chy
later he eats dinner  next to his rents and they say the school board donated a closed curcit tv system that lets him skype with school to take classes
he gets triggered and goes to bed as they are eating dinner at 10pm
then he watches a neighbor through the winder like some kinda degenerate
in the real version he was probably j-rkin off and she was getting changed
as no one can come in. imagine if he was j-rkin off all the time and the area was coated in j-zz
sounds like the adam sandler version
so later da schoolhooks the tv to the thing and hes on a tv screen and has a cam that moves to watch  the class
he chesks out this chick and they talk about truman and kennedy and l bj and f dr
1 kid is chewing gum which is banned in 90s schools) and travolta knows of the new deal
he makes faces on the screen and the class laffs at him
later the teens are at da beach and the chick is wearing a bikini
she sez travolta wont go out in punblic in his bubble as it would make him feel like a freak on display
now we got my 600lb life where people shower and get hosed off in the back yard on live tv
so travolta is dancing lim a jacka55 to bad disco  and chick comes in wearing a coat over her light blue bikini and sees him
woulnt he be in his undies all the time?
i would
i am right now!!
he has an open area with a vent that keeps germs out and he cant go past and they talk
he sez he miight get out someday and she invites him to an independence day party at da beach
later they drive him around in a glass box at da beach and he seez chick riding a horse
wouldnt he be milky white from getting 0 sun and burn easy?
so he likes her ghorse and seeing her ride it
later its night and 1 teen offers a chick 2$ in 70s money to hold someones hand through the fireworks
oh its travoltia
she dos and gets him to think she likes him and fireworkks go oof
imagine her j-rkin him off with those reversable gloves?
maybe in the adam sandler version
she runs off to get her cash and he wants more of her but she sez it was a dare and not srs
what a b--ch
f--king with his heart
he's gonna snap and shoot the place uop
he spazzes out and thrashes around wanting to be let out
so they take him to toe hospital and give him a special room for immunity f;d people and he has a room mate in another bubble
they guy is knda annoying and travolta ignores him
thhis f;;s the room mate and he spazzes out and goes mental
this annoys travolting enuff to talk to his a55
later room mate talks abou how he misses chicks and as soon as he gets out hes gonna find a h--ker and live in filth
up next on tlc!
later he meets buzz aldren who was on the alleged moon landing and gives him an item and they talk about his quarentine over space aids from the moon
oh its on a tv special
nowadays he's have a reality show like those midgets
chick is watching and feels bad abotu ignoring his crippled a55 all these years
she sees the only way to atone for her sins and whips out a katana and comitts seppuku
jk
later she gets work at soome pplace as she needs cash an she's not ready to be a h---ker
she goes to help travolta but hes disgruntled over her b--chery
he asks why shes doing this and thinks  his dad made her andthat shes being payed
shesez yes and hat she wanted it
hes kinda aiutismy with taking things literally as he never watched all in the family amd she explains she was gonna do it 4 free and they talk about theeir teacher
he sez he only wears shorts as its warm in thereand cant shower but as theres no germs theres no stink
later they talk about woody wilson and his cr-pmobule the league of nations and travolta combs his hair like hes italian or something
ayyyyyyy vinnie barvarino danny zukko!!
later she comes by and sez she couldnt come yesterday as she had to stay after class and danny zuko dont believe her
she's f ing out at school ezcept in art cuz i guess shes a bimbo and barbarino offers to neuter i mean tuter her for a 1 doller an hour
she asks how he likes her hair and if he finds heer prerty
she wants to cheet off his paper and he does so even though theres no reason to have him  on screen during a test
teacher catches him but he sez hes finished and he's ok with it
later he goes out in a box to getta tan even though hes el italiano
he sez his rents never do anything for themselves and theyask if he blames em for allowing him to be born
he sez he loves em and is glad they made him
good pro life message
even the disabled have the right to exist
look at that britmo steven hawking
he couldnt wpe his own a55
would it be right to put him to sleep?
i mean he's in h-ll now, but when he was alive i mean
later i think his rents go to vacation and chick comes by saying she  did better at school with his help and wnts to dom do something speacil with him
so battlefiend earth comes out in his box pushed by a hag and chick
they have a battery and extension chord on his box for the air or w/e and he watches her ride a horse
hes imppressed by her speed (wait til he sees sega genesis!) and wants her to jump his extension chord
wait, he waits her to jump over hiim
well this will end welll
holy cr-p it worked!
i expected it to knock him over and he's bite it
so they smooch through da glass like kirk and spock in star trek 2 but with mouths
so his rents come back and ask if chickjumped the travolta but pulp fiction sez she  was drunk annd he wants a space suit to go to school
that will totally not make him stand out
also; isnt that just a big c0nd0m?
so he goes out in a red boroid and goes to school annd tthe class claps for him
he has to plug his suit in (jack in mega man!!(although hes more Zeri as his suit is red)) and sits alone and the other 25 year old teens come to chat with him
he can go for 90 mins on 1 charge and they offer to walk by the football field
they say its not a joke and he has em turn his bat terry on
he se he sh-s and p-sses like astronaughts; in a diaper
at the field they hold him down and gand butt hammer him all over as he screams for help
jk they just laught like idiots and i think they are doing chronic
travolta sez he uses mind techniques to out of body travel
you mean astral projection?
that's dangerous
some daemons might get ur empty body
they are on drugs and think hes from space and he bets a guy he can beat him in push ups
my guess; he p-sses the guy off and the guy kills him later
so travolting wiins ashes not a syoner and his air tank buzzes and they gotta get him to the bubble
they get him there and he brings his suit in even though it was on the grass where jocks bleed steroids and aids and gatorade and he sez "dont tell my dad"
daddy's gonnaa whip yo a55 boy!!
lsster its night and chick is rhere and p-ssed at him nearly getting iced and he sez he wanted to ahow hes not a cripple and wants to be a real man
He Man!
she gets disgruntledand se shes worried of being more than friends and leaves
shhe gets home and travolto calls and asks to go to the beach
lateer shes in a one piece cuz she didnt shave get belly and hes in his red zaku and they fly a kite
later its nighht and he sez ne never had the red suit as a id as he never thought about going out
they cuddle in his latex condo and soft piiano plays
in thereal vetsiob they were b0ning
later its graduation day and the guy from carrie isin his red eva and goes up in ablue gownd
he graduated high school although i dont thinkhe did grade school
later chick coes by and sez she got a college to sovuet new york for art and its all cuz of him like lom chaney in the unknown
then da dr comes by and tom jtaviota wants to know when he can leave and what would happen if he left now
dr sez he dont know and theres a chance a cold could ice hi
then dr leaves as 3 sentences was worthh a car trip and coouldnt be done on da phone
later its knight and travolta sleeps naked, wait, hes got tight boxers, and puts on a shirt andleaves his plastic womb
see you in h-lll jonny boy!
they play a 70s song and its kinda niice
he goes out and feels air and outside
btw this is fullscreen so no black bars eating half the pictue
he meets chick and feels her face and sez its soter than he imagined
soundd like a serial killer line
wjat is tis? face/off?
they rife a horse together and the credits roll
the end
that was pretty good
nice, light, meaningful, positive, heart, good pacing
i'm told to mention fabio in this review but i'm notr sure how or why
i liked it and it has a good feel and look to it
sorta like carrie
the music and actibg is good and its got good wood like colors like the 70s had
they could put this on the history channel as its semi based on real people
better than 10 000 bc
for the boy in the plastic bubble 2 i want him to have a reaction to the outside world and the virrus's clash witrh his immune system and he devolves into some kind of slug like aope. the movie is him devilving as his rents try to find a cure and soon he's a living ple of slop that's not fully solid or liquid like that guy in batman beyond after inque gave him half a dose. also its a 16 bit puzzle mini game collection on gba, snes, gensis, tg16 and atari jaguar where you play as the devolving travolta and gotta do things to get enopugh points to unlock the next area and it gets harder as you devolve more.

Plan 9 From Outer Space Review

Note; my spelling is as quality as this film
plan 9 from outer space
thhis is my review of plan 9 from outer space from 1959
its directed by Ed Wood who Tim Burton did a biopic on and is considered one of the best so bad its good films
its got tor johnson and vampira and has criswell the psychic and a fdew shots of bela lugosi who bit it years b4 this was filmed
so it starts with criswell talking about the future and this is the full tory of what happened some day
is this all dont in 1 take?
man, so much for being the worst film ever
then credits on tombstones and then these guys hav a memorial for someone who just bit it
with much overdone narration
afterward this plane with a curtain instead of a door for the pilots encounters a flying thingand they are rather calm about it
o the grave diggers out there for the guy see vampira and she ices em offscreen
so the husband of the chick who dbit it (he was married to vampira?! hot!!) can't take being without her and goes off and bites it
after he's put in a crypt thse friends of his  come by the wacked grave diggers and get the cops
officer tor johnson and his bumbling underling show up an look around
laterthe pilot tells his woman of the thing he saw and how da gov made em not report it
and it happened b4
then it flys by and blows em around by air blasts or w/e
same with the graveyard
so then the husband is undead and comes out, covering his face like dracula andhe and vampira take out tor after he uselessly fires at em
the other cops get there and find his body and start eating it
jk
so its peobably the same night and they berry tor and the next day or month or w/e (its never said) the flying things go over soviet california or w/e this is set and everyone seez
they go all over america back in the 50s when people werent sissy's who spazz out when you dont call them by their fursona namme andthe army attackswith stock footage
it does jack sh-t and jack is j-rkin off
wait... is this where Roboteh Season 2 got it from?
the military going all out and doing nothing?
Robotech ripped off Plan 9?!
a army guy sez they tried contqacting em b4 and when da zenttraedi attacked, da gov covered it up
its said this attack was a traiining nanueever and they wrre firing at clouds
on the space things, the invid say they tried contacting da gov and nothing worked so they gonna try plan 09; making zombies
so this is b4 george romewro did night of the living deaad
so they go down to da urth from a mother ship like in robotech season 2 and dont seem evil
pilot comes out and has a moment wth his woman and goes off to work for a few days
so they bring back the husband whos sometimes bela lugosi and its daytime
later this chick is in bed and totally bela lugosi comes in covering his face  and she runs out like hes a purvo
its night now and she runs through the graveyard and vapira is there
tor rises from his grave as azombie which i think alteree beast took this from and has an iconic face
she runs and it keeps switching from day and night and a guy gets her in his car and drives away
so later da cops come by and i guess theres some kinda eclipse as the graveyand is dark anf the fields are light
the perytons  invide the zombies into the shiip and takesd off
the cops think the stories are full of sh-t and 1 detective sez somethings up
they chat if its an alien and they see the tor cop grave is robbed
so this colonel sez to a general that if he openly sez they are seeing space things, it could get him court martialed
in real life thy'd just ice him
colonel sez its real and now they have a lannguage computer that translates their stuff into english american
he plays a message saying how they know they can understand em and they are far beyond em and they can wipe out earth  if they want but wanna try peace
also they see the humans ignoring them as them not wanting to be friendly on terms and humans might destroy the universe
he shuts off da tape b4 it sez  more and tells general to check out soviet california
in space the head of the tiresians sez to the guy in charge of the earth mission he's f--kin it up and is having his fleet reduced
then tor comes in and nearly wacks the earth mission guy and they stop him
they go over their resources and plan to sacrifice not lugosi
they want to shock the people awake by showing them the walking dead
so later general goes by and chats with pilot about his sightings and they noticesomething out there
they see not lugosi and empty their guns into him for no effect and eventually the tirolians use a beam to ice him into a skeleton
then check the tor grave and the karbarrans send tor to get the humans in their space thing
the haydonites talk about how they might have to ice em to save the universe
the cops come in with guns and the spherians show themthe wife of the pilot was fainted
they tell em the govrefuses to accept them and goes on a wordy tirade about how mans weapons are getting too strong
with nukes they can f sstuff up and noe they might use a sun nuke that the humans will figger out sooner or later
it blows sunlight and everuthing it touches and he goes on bad logic saying how its possible
so he spazzes out calling them stoopid too much and gets slapped out
they admit they believe in God (totally not like the day the earth stood still) and how when humans make da sun nuke, it'll blow everything the sunlight touched
and thus; the universe
I Xyz Summion: Number Infinity! The Universe!! In Attack Mode!
after some bickering and space jockey sez cr-p about his planet
btw; the space monkeys not being evl and wanting to do good at the cost of men is from robotech
so tor has pilots  woman like hes cesar from the cabinet of dr caligari and the garudan sezhe can have her iced at any time
da bumbling cops see tor and decide not to use guns as they failed em b4
1 cop nails tor in the skul; with wood like hes marty mcsorely and saves the chick
theres a scuffle in the ship as the cops are otside and female ptaxian trys to get it in da air
the asjjip catches fire and the humans beat up the guys and leave em as the ship taks off
they see tors bones and expect vampira will skeletonie w/o the space monkeys and there may be more
the ship blows and the guy from the start sez "can u prove this didn't happen?" and points out several inventions over the 20th century seemed impossible and now are common
He asks God to help us in the future and credits to over dramastic music
the end
what a ride
its cheezey and hokey and silly
but charming
is not much different than most bad 50s sci fi schlock and aside from the bad acting and writing, wasnt too bad
i liked it and ive seen bits of it b4 but watching it from start to end was nice
plus its fullscreen and in b/w
its inspired a lot of 80s things and has heart and fun and yeah, it took a bit from day the earth stood still, bust has its own charm
nowdays this would be released by the asylum and be cheesey on purpose
it has some good ideas and is still entertaining
its nowhere near the worst film ever made and i enjoyed watching this cheesy b movie
for play 9 from outer space 2  i want it to b the 60s and j fk is prez. the space guys come and j fk surrenders to them thinking america is no match. but nixon takes over and nvils he's reverse engeneered a battle fortress from their captured tech and engages in a battle with them. using a lighter form of the sun nuke, they are able to target which sunlight pops and use it to blow away the ships. but the space junkies decide to take out earth b4 they get more advanced to the full sun nuke. they gang blast the earth and wipe out many countries but using the solar nuke, they clear out the fleet. then in plan 9 from outer space 3; the people are surviving in a nuked wasteland in the 80s and its got cyborgs and hovercycles and wasteland warriors and some of the aliens are living with them and have devolved into savages who eat people alive. also they are 8 bit nes, gb sega master system and game gear,  tg16, atari jaguar and lynx and atari 7800 games where in 2 you play as the battle fortress and use a grid based thing to plot how the sun nuke goes and in part 3 its a beat em up like doubel dragon.

The Blob Review

Note: i spell B movie style
The Blob
This is my review on The Blob from 1958
I never saw it b4 but hear its good
its the 1st movie to star steve mcqueen and no one else i heard of
Robert Axelrod from Power Rangers and Robotech was in the 80s remake but I never saw dat
so it stars with a cheesy 50s song beware of the blob to weird animation
so these teens in their 30s are in a car and see a shooting star (dragon in attack mode)
so something hits the ground and this dog barx at it and this farmer goes to czeck it oot
he finds a meteror (black dragon in attack mode) anf this j-zz is on it
it gets on his hand and burns and he scrapes it off and runs
the teens go up to find the shooting star dragon and nearly runs into the farmer wjo's spazzing out over the goo on his hand
they drive him to a dr who sees his hand has rotted black
main guy goes back to his car and some teens say he beat their champoin somehow by going to town and they wanna race
he don't consent but they pushh and  he relnts
they race backwards and i think he wins and the cops show up
the cop hassles him for reckless driving and main teen mcqueen admits to driving backwards
the cop lets him go and mcteen chats with the other teens and they are gonna go to the movies
meanwhile, dr sez the j-zz on the farmers rm is assimilating it and he needs help
meanwhile the teens in their 30s find the meteor and play with it
they go to da farm house cuz they hear the dog and it comes out
it bites steve mcqueen in his man parts and tears em off in a spray of red and white as he screams and violently deffacates
jk
the gf decides to steal the dog saying it would stave with its owner gone (for all they know, its just for the night)
a nurce comes to help farmer but farmer is gone and devolved into the goo and is a jelly sphere
so is he dead or is his consciousness still in there and needs to be freed and is aware like in devilman with jinmen?
nurse throws acid on the joo and dr trys a gunbut nurse knox over a lamp when spazzing out and it eats her
he shoots the gell as bullets will totally work on a pile of ooze with no organs or bones and the teens arive at the drs place
mcteen sees the dr being b0ned by the slime in the window and he  freaks out and tells his gf
at da cop place the cops talk about chess (as batman plays chess and is cool) and the teens tell em the goo ate the dr but the cops dont buy it
they check it out anyway and 1 cop stays behind and plays chess on the radio
so other cop and mcteens chech out the drs place and theres nothing
gf wonders where the dog went
who cares?! its a dog! peoople are being eaten alive and you worry about a rodent?! what nextt? worrying about the cenitpedes and wasps?! he ewas just... a monkey!!
so the cops think the busted up place is by the teens and its a trick
a geezer comes in and sez the dr left for a medical con and mcteen sez its not true
she has logical explainations for everything
they think the teen is full of sh-t and leave
later 2 mechanics are working in a garage and get eated by da blob
at the station, gf's dad comes by and thinks mcteen is up to no good and the teens sitck to their story
mcteens dad sez mcteen is not a liar and gf se she didnt actually see what mctwwn saw
da teens go home and the cops wonder if something is really happening
later at home, gf tells her kidd bro who sounds like he's 2 but looks 10 shes going out and she'd bring him a dog
mcteewn meets with gf and goes over the events of the movie to 50s soft msuic
he wonders if its real and she supports him
they go to da movies to get their teen homies and try to get em to walk outta a movie they paid good 50s money for
they do and hee tells em of the blob and they need to make people believe it
and unlike global warming; its real
manwhile, da cops say theres places with no people and the place is still on like the guys just vanished
its the rapture!!
if only the cops were baptized!
so mctwwn goes to a party and are mocked so they leave them too be devoured
the teens ask the townspeople what dto do like in zelda or castlevania or a jrpgs and no one is useful ike castlevania 2
steve mcafrica goes to this guys stotre and no one is there
then they see da blob and gf faints so mcnugget carrys her out
imagine if this were today and she was a fat chick and he couldnt lift her 400lb body?
they hide in a room but da blob starts oozing under da door
didn't revenge of the living zombies aka flesh eater do this too?
a young couple hiding in a place during an apocalypse?
so the blob leaves em and goes for the dog and gf crys for it cuz she's a p-tz who thinks animal lives matter
spoiler; pigs are smarter than dogs and people eat bacon
and octopi are smarter than apes. we eat takoyaki
so they look out and it seems clear and they book it
they meet the other teens and say the thing is in the store and call da cops
the cops dont buy it and think the kids are after em cuz of his war record
the teens decide to take matters into their own hands and theres a lot of noise outside
the air raid signal goes off and i think its the commies commin for us
its red dawn 0!!
the gfs rents see gfs out and bro sez shes out
mcaids is in the town square and sez he made da noise to gettheir attention and just wants to talk but the people want him strung up
mcflurry sez hes not joking as hes scared and not laffing and 1 cop buys it and lrts him tokk
cop then tells everyone to go home and tells his men to get da uns as in america its we the people and in england its we who are subserviant to the regent
so at the theatre da blob comes in aand eventually da people flee
mcwhopper, gf and her bro and others are stuck in a diner and da blob is coing in and on it
a cop wants to drop a power line on it to zap it and calls diner to telll mc mac and me to get to da basement
it does jack sh-t and tthe diner catches fire
if the blob is a poison type, use psychic and ground to beat it
btw this is in fullscreen and color
so it looks like they're f'd and it trys to be bummer
they fire extinguisher the fire and the cold c02 makes the blob retreat
is it a dragon type?
is this where goodra came from?
they somehow tell da cops wjo get all the c02 things to blast da blob
so in a few hoursthe sun will thaw it out and cop calls da army to fly it to da artic
all in a few hours??
is he tommy wiseau sending chris r to jail?
so cop sez it cant bw wacked they got it stopped as long as the aetic stays cold
then they drop it in the artic
the end
then the the end turns into a  ?
that was pretty good
nice clean 50s movie
good feels
good sense of danger and feel with a warm look
its got good music and color and acting and a good atmosphere
good twists and a nice lite but strong feel
it hold upnd never drags
goees by pretty fast actually
its got good flow and the effects are well done
for the blob 2 i want the soviets to make their way to the artic to get the blob and use it for their research to fight america. half of it is their trek to there to fight mammoths and yeti and snow daemons and the other half is it getting loose and eating them as they try to stop it. its also a 16 bit action game on sega genesis, snes, tg16, gba, and atari jaguar where you play as this soviet with metal limbs after he was drawn and quartered by the Germans in the war and fight the snow daemons and other cryptids of the north. and the final boss is da blob.

Mommie Dearest Review

Note I spell so bad its good
Mommie Dearest
this is my revuew on mommie dearest from 1981
its based on a book by Chrustina Carwford qho was born on my b daty and was adopted by crazy joan crawford
People denied this happened but you never know
its got faye dunaway from Bonny and Clide (I almost said benny and joon) and no one else I know
its directed by frank perry and i never saw this but heard its crazy
it got razzies and became a weird cult flm
so it starts with it being like 4 am and someone gets up and scrubs her hands and face mentaklly
the music is pretty good and she goes to a limo and reads a script on da way
at mgm studios she gets made up and goes to do a  film scene
later shes cleaning and looks over her perfected house and whines about a mistake that was made
in real life she had severe ocd and once had the pipes torn out of the house after learning a plumber cr-pped in her toilet
to be fair; people while when theres stains in the toilet
which is also insane as ur not meant to eat outta it!!
what next? whining about dust on the doormat?
so after taking a shower with a guy she visits some kids and later she sez she wants a kid
she had 7 kids who bit it b4 bbirth with her last hiusband abnd her bf who's a laywer sez no agency would let her have a kid
also it would be bad for her career
she tries to adopt but the agency sez she's not fit andd she gets kinda  b--chy a bit and leaves
to  be fair; she had some teeth ro,oved to make her cheekbones stand out
she might ritual sacrifice the kid to get better parts too
so sonehow they get her a baby and leter theres a carmival or fair or w/e for a birthday dor the kid
joan has her call her mommie dearewst and she adopts a boyu
kid has a grass stain and gets cvhanged and they take studio photos
later kid getsa doll aND LOVes it and joan lets her keep that 1 butthe rest go to poor kids
bf comes by and gives her a present and joan lets her keep it too
later joan makes her dive in the pool over and over to get it right and joan dont want her kid to ber spoiled so she keeps her stressed
joan b--ches to bf about not getting a role ahe wants and gets him to try to get it for her
joan then swims with daughter and wins desopite getting a head start and after losing again, daughteff dont wanna play anmore
joan b--ches out, beats on her, and locks gewr in a poolhouse
in degrassi next gen; that;'s where zoe got b0ned
later joan is eunning against a car to atay in shape and afyer comming back all sweaty and gets a call saying mayer of m g m (he's the m) saying joan gets da part she wanted
she sees daughter pretending to be her and b--ches out at her cuts out the setting llotion from her blone haiir to ruin her for school
then they both cry as oan was nuts
later she meets some bankers and a studio guy (ogh its mayer) for dinner
later she b--ches about being usedas a hot chick to makke the studio look good and bf tells her she shouldve just played ball
she b--ches about her career and bf sez she gottta adapt
she sez she knows iof all the dirty coveriups and how bf was in on em (as its soviet california wherepeople get b0ned dead)(weinstein noo!)(No woody allen! I dont consent!) and bf shakes her a bit and tewlls at her
she tells him if he goes, dont come back, and he gets outta that madhouse as she sez "dont leave me!"
crazy b-ch
soo later shes cutting bfs face outta da picturesand her kids come infor a few secs aand leave as daughter sez"if she dont like u, she can make u dissappear"
so they did j fk and daiana?
later da kids are playing in da garden and joan b--ches out about then playing loud and yells at the help
later daughter sez sorry annd joaan sends her to the room and catches daughter talking like joan to a doll or her brother(i cant tell which)
later daughter acts for joan
si joan meets lewy b mayor and he wants her out asshes box office poison
she blames the scripts and directors but mayer sez they woorkked with others
he sez they already packed her cr-op and are loading her cr-pmobile car
at night she goes mental and destroys her rose garden and gets daughter to bring da ax and cjops down a ttree
later joann works with the help to prqctive a scene from minerva driver or mildred pierce or w.e
later the hekp comforts daughter
later joan tryss to make daughter eat raw meat saying its rare as cooking meet ruins its vitamins and woont let her get up til its done
later its night ands shes still sitting there and joanmakes her put da meet in da fridge
the next day, joaan wants her to eat the cold meat and makes her put iit in tthe trash
laateer its da oscars and joan wins but shes at hime woth a cold
she greets fans outside and later she goes through daughters closet and finds a fdress on a wire hanger
she freaks out and emptys the closet to see if theres more and finds 1
then she whips daughters a55 with a wire hanger and tells her to clean up the mess
then asks her if she scrubbed da bathroom floor and makes her call her mommie dearest for the 3rd time this filmn
then they scrub the floor as its not good enuff for her
like people who vaccuum every week ever if theres not dirt or no one went on it
after spilling chemicals everywhere, she tells daughter to clean up the mess
son ofers to help but daughter sez no as she dont want him punished too
later its christmas and they do a radio thing of act like its a good fam
later daughter gets this nrw bf a scotch and joan is doing some weird cat like leg thing and later daughter sees em nearlu b0nning
so joan sends her to this school to live and then i think its years later and shes an adult and in an acting class
later she has dinner with joann amnd joan orders  steak rare which s-cked as steak is a55
burgers are good but steak you gotta chew like 30x each bite and its never done
joan b--ches at her for standing up for herself andhas her come over tohelp after joan let the help go
at home joan sez shes low on cadash and needs aughter to do a work scholorship program
her contract with warnes f'd out (warner f'd her tract) and she crys
later daughter seez joann blacked out and the new help sez shes drink and bought a lot of cr-p the other day
latter at school, daughter is making out with a guy and joan b--ches at the headmaster and takes daughter home
later this geezer chick is in the house and joan told her daughter got kicked out
daughter sez its a lie and when she stands up to joan, joan slaps her and b---ches out
daughter asks why joanie adopted her and joan b--ches out more aboyt not getting respect
daughter sez shes  not one of joans fans and joan trys to  kill her by strangling
good f--k man!!
the new hekp pulls joann off and laater joan sends daughter to aa nunnery with no phone oor leaving and told them lies about dauughter
so its jail?
is this a prison movie??
later joanie marries chachi or w/e annd hes a pepsi ceo
cole tastes better but i dont mind pepsii
later daughter returns annd meets pepsi man and later they are rennovatiing
dauughter needs csoome cash and joan wont give her any
pepsiman sez they gota cut backk on spending but joan wants to live high and dont get that pepsi is a public company and they cant pay everything
later i tthink pepsiman bit it and the board wantsjoans shares bit she wont budge and wants to stay on the broad of directors
she sez she's bash them and f their company and they let her stay
later joann changed her hair amd chats with dauughter who is trying out for a soup opera and joan gives her a necklace
they hug and latr joab watches her daughter in the show
later, daughter is eating and has pain and calls joanie
after they get her tumor fizedand while shrs recoering, joan takesd her daughters part on da show
so later joan is biting it and her daughter accepts an award for her
after joan bites it, daughter reuniteswith the help and they are glad to meet
help sez joan loved her and later daughter finds out joan cut her out of her will
a guy i dont knowsez joan always has da last word and daughtr sez; does she?
the end to good music credits
that wasnt so bad
i liked it
yeah its kinda over the top nut you gotta go that when showing the mentally disturbed
i liked it and its unintentionally fuunny at times, but harsh how she put up with stuff like dat
i wasnt there and some of joans kids denied this story, but ither said its true
its a strong film and i enjoyed watching it and it goes by at a good pace, doesnt drag and doesnt feel like over 2 hours
for mommie dearest 2 i want it to be about the daughter writing the book and dealing with joans fans coming after her to try to stop her. also she's taken ung fu classes and now knows ho to kick a55. also its a 16 bit beat em uo with her and her brother as the players on sgea genesis, snes, tg16, atari jaguar and gba and you beat up fans after you and try to get the book to the publisher.

Varsity Blues Review

Note: my spelling s-cked but sports s-cked harder!
varsity blues
this is my revuew on varsiity blues from 1999 (The year the dreamcast and sdf-1 macross landed)
i never saw this but its on aand imma try it
its directaled by brian robbins who did good burger and norbit and hardball
its got james van der beek fro  dawsons creek, jon voight paul walker 4 he learned to drive, amy smart, ron (MOses) lester, ali larter from resiident evil, rickard linebacj from twister and a friday the 13st sequel, thomas f duffy from dearh wish 02 and the  kid from beethon 4 who's actor vanished years ago (probably like with j fk)
so it starts with narration wherew a guy sez america has laws but texas has its own laws which i assume to mean some kinda mad max thing
so footbatt is everything to them and their city is named after thse city in the bible wherre they ritual sacrificed kids(note; the mayans did that too)
so his kid bro is Religious and wears a cross on his back to play Savior and dad hates it as it interferes with footnball
so ddawsons fata55 friend comes by with a fata55 pig in his truck, theuir black friend in the back with it, and fata55 drinking his moonshine
i think they're red necks
so they pick up a few guys and 1 guy wants to b0ne butt and jokes (i hope its a joke0 about b0ning the pig
now squeeel like a pig!!
or to quote stepmother sin; imagine what she would think of the sight of her mother being f----ed in thr a55 like a pig?!
so they have a poop rally and this christopher walken looking dude vows to win
i expected more blondes in this texas thing
so theres only a few games left and dawdon wants to be over with foosball
also he makes out with a chick
in da lokker room they chat and 1 guy gets a needle in the knee for his cripple-itis
then theres the game and they hammer each other
you know, there aint many old football players
most bite it from brain damage
so after a play, fata55 bites it but gets back up for moreafter an obvious concussuon
his thinkin days are over
so walken is p-ssed at dawson for reading books instead of gettng brain damage and after the game thr black guy sez his knee's f'd
1 pther guy takes pills for his knee
then theres a teen party like in degrassi jr high where spike got pregnant with emma and fata55 chuggs booze as i guess hes not brain damaged enuff
after barfing in the washing machin and offering the barf to a couple making ou, he goes back for more
so later  theres prwxtice and 1 dink comes u with his  own play and walken grinds his a55 for it
later its a bbq and a dad dootvalls and it escalates to an argument about who's som is better
dad puts a beercan on his head for daWSON to nail off and dawson nails him in da face
those eyes are comming out!
later in school, da teacher trys to tewch the kids about b0ning and fata55 goes to the bathroom to j-rkk off
after coming back he blacks out and later in da nurses offce he tells walken nuurse sed not to play
walken gets him to play snyway and i guess thats the end of him
then its da game and fata55 isnt feeling so hot
imagine if his body ruptured abd his gutts spilled all over da floor?
so fata55 blacks out on fa fiend and w//o him to protech the hero, star player gets crippled
that legs comming off
so dawson comes in and kicks a55
affter a game they say star is crippled and he shouldn't havve been playing
coach walken and dad are only bummed when they hear he cant play
a game means more than health
and people bash yugioh for people neasrly getting crucified playing card games
so dawson takes this blonde home and she changes in the car in front of dawson to seduce him
what a butt sl-t
she was stars gf but is done witrh him now that his cripplege
dont trust her!
she's probably got AIDS!!
he drops her off and she tried to tempt him as he goes
so at da party da cips stop by andthis meathead jokes about the cops being b0ned and they scare him into going
he jack the cop car and drives off
later a cop sez the teen pressed his parts on the glass at a womans club
but coach walken gets da cops to let it slide
those teens need a beat down
my great gandma beat the black off my grandpa in the 20s
he made it to 94.5
these teens are gonna wind up full of holes
and not just in the a55
so dawson kicks a55 at a game and the 5kanks are into him now but he dont like it
on an interview wit a radio guy he acts tough and is actually gettiing into the fame and his gf dont like it
also cripple star (sounds like a handicapped kirby thing) hears the interview
then in practice they give fata55 da ball snd he f'd it up
coaxk walkin rides dawsons a55 for scrwing around
later blonde trys to seduce dawson and later hes in a store and buys c0nd0ms (using a kid to buy em) and goes to b0ne the blonde bimbo
at her place she wears a whipped cream bra and they smooch but he dont want her as he knows shes a wh0re and she gets b-chy about wanting a better life and getting out of new sodom by b0ning guys
they dont b0ne and later dawson talked toblack guy who is [-ssed that coach prefers whites and has been busting fata55es fat a55 over blaming him for getting star crippled
blonde kisses dawson as thanks and gf sees and class starts so he cant tell her
he tells her nothing happened with blonde ands she sez she got tar cripple with her whipped cream bikini
later its night more and the guys are in a biimbo bar and theres strppers and black guy dont drink but they want him to
fata55 goes up and takes off his shirt and hugs the chick whos gonna catch his fatness
oh cripple is there and thanks dawson for being the ONLY one to visit him
1 dancer is thheir teacher and a few guys wanna b0ne her
then its another game and the guys s-ck from drinking and thinking of their thicc teacher
imagine if one had a b0ner and in a hit, it snapped off!!
so after some slo mo plays to AC/DC thnderstruck theteam f'd out and coach chews their a555es for screwing up
fata55 crys and coach eats into him about costing the star player and sends him out
fata55 trips and falls and coach starts b0ning his fat a55 while making pig sounds and taking bites outta him as he screams
jk
afterwards, dad rides dawsons a55 over drinking all night and blowing his football chances and dawson sez he dont want it
then dawson fgpes to see fata55 who's shooting his football trophoees and is malcontent over his whole life being a cr-ppy a55 game of head busting
dawson gets him to come back for the final game
fata55 can't take it and puts the shotgun in his mouth and blows the top og his head off and starts spazing out and sh-tting himself
jk
so at home the kid bro starred a cult and dad sends the kids out b4 they get ritual sacrificed
dawson gets into a university with a full a55 scholarship and dad isnt pleased
fata55 gets a brain scan and hes not damaged and he asks the str-pper teacher to prom who wants them to keep the sceret
imagine if fata55 black males her to b0ning him to keep the secret and she devolves into a fat greasy slob like him from his dna infecting her?
at practive coach awlikin sez he can f up dawsons chances for a college if dawson dont play
imagine if he used this to blackmale dawson into letting him b0ne him and dawson devilved into a sourpuss who's always eating babies
so at night he sees gf and tells her and is all b--chy about how its not pure football anymore and he dont know if he can play or not
also if he wins, coach gets the record of best coach and keeps coaching and might coach his nutty brother
gf tells him to suck it up candya55 and be a man
after a prayer, coach sez this is the only thing that matters and all their pasts efforts are sh-t
we got 30 mins of this movie left with a55 i mean adds
that went by quick
so they football fight to late 90s music
dawson channges the play and blac gut gets a goal
after doing well, black guy gets crippled afyer his leg f's out and coach tells dr to make him accept treatment to strap it together
after a time out, they see dr and coach injecting black guy and team tell him not to do it so black guy wont be crippled
dawson quits the team, fata55 stands up to coach anf team quits
mutany!!
1776!
rebellion!
freedom!
America!
Confederacy!!
coach tries to strangle dawson and team saves him and coach tres to reclaim his power over em
it dont succeed and he walks out to seppuku
dawson gives a speech saying the rest of their lives DO matter and they go back and play
so they have 1 shot left to win and 38 secs and fata55 has to save em
he does and they got a chance now
they have 1 last play and fata55 saves it andruns wth several guys on him
so the main  guys team wins at da last second and main guy kisses gf
main guy dawson sez coach never coached again and he quit foosball went to college and cripple bacame a coack
the end
that wasnt so bad
people say it s-cked but i thought it was a decent teen moie
good 90s music and editing and such
its kinda dumb but thats kind of the point to makke dason look smarter y lowering everyone elses brains
its got good flow and dont drag and is enjoyablee
i liked it and thought its entertaining
its not trying to9 e Ben Hur, but a fun teen movie
holy cr-p saffron henderson from dbz did a song for this
i never knew she was a singer
for varsity blooz 2 i want it to be about coach going around dealing with the shame of being overcome by his team and gets into drugs and vice. then he can't take ot and blows his head offf and is given a chance to get revenge by fusing with a daemon and taking out the kids who drove him to it. and he hunts e down one by one and skins em slive and wipes his a55 with it, b4 putting it back. also its an 8 bit master system, game gear, game boy, nes, tg16, atari lynx and 7800 game where you play as coach annd go through leevels to get the kids and take em out. but the kids are stronger now and have guns so you gotta take emm on.

Going Overboard Review

Note: I spell as bad as this movie is seen... ok, mayne not dat bad. but still pretty bad
going overboard
this is my review on going overboard from 1989
everyone hated it but it got rereleased in the 90s after adam sodom sandler got big
he hates it though
its also got  burt young, billy zane, terry moore from both Mighty Joe Youngs, Milton Berle, billy bob thornton and others i doont know of
its rated one of the worst movies ever so imma watch it tosee how bad it is
so it starts with a guy going through his p0rn0 collection and sees a tape of adam sandler
then the credits start with cartoon adam
then some 80s babes say hes gross and then we on a cruise♦
then adam sghows up and sez this is  his storey of a cook who wants to do comedy and hangs with babes
on the boat this comedian who's really obnoxioud is getting all the babes and telling crude jokes about being b0ned by his female fam
adam hates him and wants a chance to prove hiimself as a stand up
later the comedian dickey diamond (Like dustin diamond??) does obnoxious stand up and hassles a chick
adam stands up to him annd takes hm out with 1 gunshot
after throwiing him overboard he he does standd up
but it waa juat a phantasy
later this punk guy has a guy trying to get his consent to make a doll of him
he consents and grossly makes out with a chick
he  sez he was a waiiter b4 he was a millionare and hated it cuz he dealt with chewed up food
then some bikini chix come by and he signs something 4 em
later adam is in a bar and thee guys dont get his jokes
1 guy sez when hhe was a waiter he dumped a55 and didnt wash his dands
punk rocker gets some chickk to b0ne his agent if she wants to b0ne  him
after a chic blows off adam (not like that)  dickey diamond somes by and adam wants to open for him
dicky dont like him and when tthe chick coomes back for dickie, he slugs out adam for talking to her
dicke is inspired by andrew dice clay but i dont know much of him so i wouldnt know how accurate this is
so then we see chicks telling how tthey wanna be married with 2 kids and adam thinks he'd be a bagel vendor
better than the zohan in the electronix shop
adam hhas a phantasy of dickie insulting im and adam is in a straight jacket
then he rips up dickies face (done in cr-ppy animation) and eating it
then he imagines himseklf on a beach with a chick with a big a55 and they make out
then bikini chix come by and feel his bod
but his manish mom sez his things gonna fall off like his dad and his homie sez he was with this bimbo who did magazine photoz with a pig
as adam dad chuck and larry, and thats by boy, animal stuff seems right
he's big on taboo stuff
ten he has a phantasy of a boxing match with dickie where they attack each other with jokes
wieners today: words can hurt as uch as a fist!
me; ok. lets test that out. we fight. u with words, me with fists
then the chickss say bimboy things abbout politics and world prace
burt young from rockey 1-6 is a general based on a real guy who watches the biimbos talking about his stink and he has 2 guys sent to wack her
just like the queen and daiana or r fk and marilin monroe
later dstin diamond is swearing a lot and drops his hat in da water
hes sick from eating cr-p and goes to barf but gets locked in the bathroom
his bimbo sees his hat and thinks he went overboard
everyone feels bummed has no coedian so adam gets a visit from Neptune despite being Jewish and is told to try being a comedian
also the hitmen from general 3rd world is coming by boat
later adam does stand up and s-cked at it so punk guy plays an 80s song
later his hiomie sez  how coedians s-ck and are pTHETIC
then we gget a montage of biini chicks
later punk and agent are talking and hear dickie callong for help and they think its his ghost and punk startsd spazzing out
later amad gets another shot and s-cked
he talks to milton berle and  berle sez his jokes s-cked and gives him advice
he gives stand up and don't s-ck so bad but then the boat is under attack
if this were made today it would be african pirates
so the hitmen arrive and say they want miss australia and adam and homeie say shes a b--ch who dates dickie dianond and she's in the boat adam and homie are hiding in
she runs and adam and homie follow and as do hitmen in a chase to 80s music
austriala b--ches about how she hates being pretty and withes she was deformed
homie relates to her and thhey make out and the hitmen catch a chick as a hostage
austriasla comes out and swz she only said general 3rd wolrd sticnks to be start and the hitmen catch her
homie goes to help her and adam talks to the autdicence and a voice sez to kill the bad guys with laffs
adam gets 1 hitman to do stand up and the people love him and australia sings an asutralia song
homie makes out with autrailia and the hitmen wanna do stand up and wanna live in America and have adam write their material
homie and aurstiala wanna egt married and make out
general of soviet 3rd world watches a tape  of them and combs his hair
dickie gets out after praying then acts and c-ckksuckery as he's an athiest and sees the hhitmen doing well
he interups them and acts all a55 holeing but the hitmen throw him overboard
general caps his tv and adam sez everything turned out great for everyone
and now he's got  a good comedy career
then Neptune comes in and his blonde daughter meet the adam and he goes to make out with her at the bo of  the ship to close the movie
then credits to adam and homie h-mping the air and dancing with bikini chicks to 80s music by tthe punk rocker
neptunes daughter wa schris bodard
like terry and andy bogard from fatal fury?
the end
tat wasnt so bad
normal 80s movie
not too dark or awful
yeah the jokes s-cked but thats kind of the point
they're trying to be bad
i didn't hate this
i mean it didn't make me laugh but it had some good fun
bright, colorful, silly, good muisic
sort of a pauly shore movie but prototype
its not the worst movie i;ve seen and its dont bad enough to be on the worst movies list
from justin to kelly is
for going overboard 2 i want it to be about the hitmen stumbing around in america as a fish outta water comedy with them amazed at 80s and early 90s tech that they never had in their 3rd world h-llhole country like sega master system and atari 5200. its also an 8 bit sega master system, game gar, game boy, nes, atari 7800 and lynx and tg16 game where you play minigames and after you earn enuff cash for the month you win.

Charlottes Web Review

note; i lioke s[iders but still womt spell right
charrlottes wen
this is my review opn charlottes web fropm 2006
its got dalota fanning, beau bridges jogn cleese, tomas hayden cbhuech, cedrick the entertainerkathy bates, reba mackentire and robert redford
its directed by Gary Winick who did 13 goping ion 30 and is based on a book i may have read in grade school
i saw the 20th cebture animatec one in da 90s but notr diss
so it starts with a narratotr saying how nothing important happened until now ciz of a lottlw girl
farmer is gonna wack a runty pig but his daughter throws a spazz over it and dad relents and lets her raise it
plus the moms pig has 10 t-ts but 11 piglets
btw, you'd think a farm girl would be ok witrh chopping up pigs
so girl takes pig to school and hides it in da desk but it makes sounds and teacher sez its not a toy or baby
so later it ggrows and dad sez irs gonna get to 300lbs and he's gonna sell it laterb as he needs da space in da barn
so ahe puts it in da barn ans narrator sezits gonna make something big happen
i heard thatt in some parts of erth, theyy have an outhouse that dumps it into the pig trough.
so you poop, the pigs eat it, it becomes pig, you eat pig, dump it back to the pigs, and the cycle continues
you know, pigs eat people
sometimes a guy's working on a farm, then he vanishes. he didn't run away. he's closer than you thik. here. have some ham!
plus they can get tto like 600+lbs
thats like those babes i mean blobs pn my 600lb life
plus they are smart and tough
pigs are smarter than dogs
but dogs are dumba55es
sp pig headbutts down tthe fence and gets out abnd they j fk it out from the grassy gnoll
jk really it sees a shed and returns to the pen to eat cr-p
so later its raining and girl goes to school  and pig plays in da mud
the other animals make comments on pig and are kinda b--chhy
also theres a rat who's big on eating trash and kinda into his own cr-p
so later he meets a spider and tthe horse is a candy aa55 cuz he fears it
btw this is like the only book where the spider is the good guy
so shes charlotte who imma carr char like  in gundam and she reveals she eats flies that  pig finds bad
she expplains its for the greater good and
huh, julia robers (the sister or w/e or eric roberts from the human centipede 3 and A Talking Cat?!?!) is da spider and steve buscimei is the rat
so rat and other animals think char is gross cuz they're racist aggainst spiders and pig sees chars goodnress
once in my ggrandpas farm in 196x or w.e; this cat was by the ppig peg, and the pig ate half the cats tail.
they called him half tail, which sounds like a mad max furry name
so pig and char ecomme good friends and later farmer shaves the sheep nd the gooses poop out eggs tthat hatch into geeselings
1 egg don't hatch and rat wants it as i guess he has a stiink fetish
later, girls brother trys to catch the spider and pig fights him
in the battle, dead egg breaks and the stink drives out the kid
imagine if in dbgt trunks had a stink fetish and tried to make pan stink? P; u want me to what?! T: its just eating garbage! u do it all the time! P; yeah but this is old garbage! it'll make me stink! T: that's what i want!! P; nooo! i dont wanna stink! T:u'll love it! being full of foul sharp odors is really sexy! P; i dont care! i'm not doing it! T: u dont have a choice pan. imma make u my personal STINKBAG! P; NOOO! dont make me stink! i wana stay fresh! T: open wide! time to eat stinkbag! P;aghhbt!!
so later rat reveals thatt at xmas people eeat pigs
spoiler; my dad grew  up on a farm and they were poor eastern european immigrant farmers in soviet canada
when they chopped up da pigss, they uused every part
escapt the skin, which my grandma boiled and fed to the other pigs
and the genitels, which they gave to the cats(cuz cats are kinda gay)
dogs have many names like spike or killer or rex
cats have sissy names like mittens, or snowballl, or cudddlebum
what abbout snagglepuss?
i don't consent to that
so char sez she'ss gonna save him
so later girl sez animals can ttalk and i think of tgose autistic chicks who communicate with animalls but can hardly tallk
so char makes a web and da next day everyone sees she wrote in it S O M E P I G\
how did shee learn how to write?!
so they see the Priest and show him iit and he ssez keep it quuiet until he does a sermon
but word spreads like aids and everyone comes to see it
but after a whilww,, people get tired of it and da animals have a meeting where char sezshe needs da right word to write to make farmer not eat pig
turn him kosher. that'll save it
so they need a true woord to fit da pig to fit and she writes terriffic in da web
people come to see it and dad farmer sez itts a  miracle that spiders can even spin webs
soo rat don't care for da pig but when char sez no pig means no slop, he agrees to do soome mission for them at da dump
pig giives him a carrot and iis nice to the little p o s
later i think girl sold da pig but found out people buy pigs to make into bacoon and she gets disgruntkled
but in class she finds out about da fair
so rat goes out to find words and some crows attack him but he lucks out of it and escapes
he bringgs backk da woord radient and char does it in da web
at night, girl sprreads flyers of da fair
people love radient and farmer is gonnaa  put pig in da fair
then pig does a backkflip cuz thats totally possible
although this has spiders writing and animals talking to each other
so pig wants char to go with him to da fair but she's pregnant
who b0ned her?
she chooses to go to da ffaiir and needs rat  to find  her a good word to win pig the bluue ribbon
bbit he dont wanna until he hears theres a lot of garbage to eat at da fair
so att da fairchar chexda other pig and talx to it and hes kinda ret-rded
so after a day of getting in the food, rat is at night in the carvinal night zone and da crows coome for him
affter they f'd out he briings a newspaper to char and overnight she writes  humble on her web
but the fatter pig won the blue ribbon and everyone gets bummed
one wayy out (Puts 45 magmnum in mouth)
then all these fair people snoticce it and come to see da web
so faiirhead gives  pig a  medal  over a spider writing words about it
the pig didnt do anything!
he just had someone talj about him!
so fairmaster givesa speech and trys tio be meaningfful and everyone cheers as charlotte poops oity her eggs into a sack
so girk gets into a guy and rides the ferris wheel
charlotte sez shes biting it and her kids wont leave da fair
pig gets bummed and she's done so much for him for him
like the giving tree or i love you forever
pig gets rat to get da eggs after rat goes on a b--chy tirade and pig promices him dibs on his slop for life
sppoilerrats live only like 2 years and pigs live for... how long do pigs live???
although tarantula's cann like over 30 years
and dogs are like 15
so char sez bye and its touchingg and pig is driven off
gotta say, this movie had chutzpa to follow the book and have the title character bite it
unline all those disney films where only the bad guy bites it
hay, this film dont got a bad guy!
i only noticced this now!
so pig goes hime and narrator sez people were  kinder and  lighter after that
so pig sees the snow and isnt chopped  into blood sausageand its got dat danny elfmann music like edward scissorhands
then its spirng and da spidr eggs hatch and they fly off on strands of web on the wind
pig doesnt get da chance too tell em about their  mom even though spiders domnt care about that
although theres 1 kinda spider that carrys its egg sack around and when iit hatches, it lets her kids eat her alive!!
norman bates  meets hannibal
but 3 spiders stay and he names em and tells em of their mom
rat sez to write some rat abd hes a fata55 now for all tghose furrys to llike
narrator sez its good now cuzz of friendship and seeing the good in things
then crediys to the song another ordinary miricale today and images of nature
the end
that was really nice
positive, soft, warm, light, clean, heartfelt
it gives good feels and has good value
its nice and have worth and isnt dumb or doofy and tells a good story that maakkes you feel love
i cried a bit att it
it makes you think about life and friendship and how we mmatter
I'm glad I finally saw this
it was worth watching
for charlottes web 2  i want it to be years later and the pig is fuly grown and is over 700lbs. his pig hormones make him malcontent and when this neightbor kid comes by and  kills one of the spiders, he tears the kid apart and eats him. evetuallly  after a few guys lookig for thee kid find out, he has to take em out to keep the secret and eat the evidence. eventually he's caught in the act and when they are gonna take him out, he  goes all oout and busts the ppeople apart and shrugs off gunshots witrh his catrtilage plates and thick muscle. eventually he emmptys the  humans offf da farm and rules it by eatting whoever comes in the area and teens in gangs use surviving him as an initiation. its also an 8 bit game on gameboy, nes, master system, game gear, tg16, atari 7800 and llynx and yo play as the pig and fight people and fight in top down and side view levels.