Swiss Family Robinson Review

note; I spell like I was ion an island for yearsd,. I wasn't
swiss family robinson
this is my review of swiss family robinson
I think its the 60s version
it starts with a boat at sea in a storm
ewwwwwwww
its widescreen
it stars a buncha 40s people and sessue hayakawa from the 1910s and 1920s films
a fam calls for help from inside and the boat hits a rock
its based on a book by johann wyss
the next day they come out and find the crew deserted the boat
so they own it now
also the captains dogs are still there
they decide not to run a distress flag as it might attract bad guys
they raft off but the dogs follow by swimming so they bring em on board
I guess they could eat em if food gets low
they get to an island and the kid rides a turtle
then the6y pray and start setting up base
in the jungle they see something and I wasn't paying attention so I'm not sure what it was
at night dad talks with mom about how they should've stayed in their home country
but napoleon was coming
what year is this?!
wait
what country are they from?
are they swiss?
or is the title a reference to some 1800s thing no one today remembers?>
later they scavenge the ship and find pigs
a ship comes by but its the pirates that chases em into the storm
dad trys to use the cannon but the pirates open fire 1st
but they leave after the dad puts up a quarantine flag so they think they got the plague
as the fam brings the pigs over the water by tying em to barrels, sharks attack
so they use guns
then they catch a turtle and use it to pull em to shore
work smarter, not harder
meanwhile the kid hangs out with an elephant but a tiger comes by
what kinda island is this?!
he catches the elephant like a pokemon and attacks the tiger with rocks
they the dogs save his a55
in real life the tiger would slice up the dogs with claws
but here the dogs win
his mom lets him keep the elephant (which is a baby)
they use the elephant for slave labor to build a tree house
later a kid nearly falls out of the tree hammock cuz of a monkey
they otta eat dat monkey
later they have a whole multi area home in this big a55 tree
btw they have a turtle shell sink
that's racist
what did da turtle do to em??
dad shows mom his work on the house and it has as skylight
later the males discuss what kinda place they are in?
like island or peninsula
wtf theres ostriches on here?!
where I this island?!
is it left over fro noahs flood?
what next? dinosaurs?!
so they ride ostriches and slide down a mud thing and swing on vines
dad wants to take the boys sailing around the coast
1 kid goes swimming on the elephant
hope it don't reach up his a55
they do that
so the 2 teens sail around the island
one teen talks about how back in his home country he could've gone to the academy
also they want girls
hope they don't go prison gay
the teens find pirates and go in closer
dumbA55
but the waves take out their boat
the pirates have hostages and want the geezer of the 2 to write a randsome note
they are gonna take this girly boy hostage but the teens save em and escape
oh the geezer is the girly boys grampa
on the way back thy gotta cross a thing and the girly boy don't wanna take off his clothes to avoid getting em wet
he trys to shoot em but one teen gets around and stops him
also its really a girl
grampa make her dress up to avoid sea homies b0ning her
sounds like go nagai
later the teens fight a big a55 snake
after its beat it swims away
but they lose the compass
the boys fight over who should be in charge
I think they split up
1 teen finds a zebra in quicksand and hyenas and vultures around it and he saves it
wtf. is this Africa?!
the other teen and girl saves it and they return home in time for Christmas
wait, where was the grampa? did the pirates get him? are they b0ning him to write the note?
after telling their adventure offscreen they plan to nuke the ship so the pirates wont remember where they are
mom and girl get along and mom sez she always wanted a daughter
at least she didn't force her girliest son to crossdress
the kid suggests pits full of animals and dad sez traps will do
girl comes back and is in a dress an they dance with her
mom comments on them having 1 girl but 3 sons
sounds like a p0rn0
later they set up traps
ohhhhhhhh
the girl is from England!!
nooooooooo!!
one teen talks about wanting to do something but the girl wants to return to soviet England
also he teaches her how to shoot
they start kissing but the other teen interrupts em
after a bit of talking the teens fight
dd breaks it up and has them have their 1st national holiday in new Switzerland
they named it new Switzerland!?
better than new England
later she talks with the teen she kissed about what to do after they leave and a tiger gets caught in a pit
the fam covers it up
later they have a race riding animals and fire a gun to start it
but the pirates hear the shot
the girl goes off course and sees pirates
they run back and the pirates advance
1 by one they get hit by traps
although the tiger pit victims jump out like in Mario
he also sets off gunpowder traps and lights em to blow apart the pirates
they also set off a rock trap that causes a rock slide
then throw explouding coconuts at em
in rea life they would be blown apart
but ere its more looney toons
then they drop a buncha logs on em down hill
pirate leader sessue hayakawa offers a deal
they give him the girly boy and he leaves
she wants to go but knows they'd b0ne her dead
the pirate alarm goes off and the pirates are coming up the other side of the cliff
so they open fire
not sure  if bullets kill em as nothing else has
this needs an R rated cut with more gore and heads blown open
the pirates have em but then retreat as the grandpa came back with a merchant ship
later grampa lets the teen go to university and offers to take em to new Guinea
but the fam chooses to stay in their island home
as its a new colony they might make dad governor
girl and teen she kissed make out and the other teen sees em
other teen goes with grandpa and the girl and the fam stay behind
the end
that was pretty good
fun fancy free
I enjoyed it
good clean fun and adventure
was this based on robinson Crusoe?
for swiss family robinson 2 i'd like it to be 15 years later and the girl and teen are married and have kids. but one of them finds an ancient temple and removes a jewel. turns out it was sealing a monster from thousands of years ago and it gets loose and busts up the island. its some kinda dinosaur elephant rhino and an fire ki blasts at people to burn em away. also the pirates art revealed to have been wanting to stop anyone from going to te islzan as they knew of the monster and knew the girl would lead to its awakening.

Duel In The Sun Review

note; no time for a note, I started after the movie and gotta catch up

duel in the sun

this is my review on duel in the sun(40s ver)

its set in the 80s

1880s

in texas

after a long prelude and overture the narrator talks about how its based on real cr-p

btw this is fullscreen

no black bars

after opening credits naming Gregory peck, Lillian gish and king vidor as director, a new narrator sez a half indian made a legend for himself or something

in what looks like mexico some guys play cards and one smokes chronic (I think) as a girl dances

guys in the place cheer and fire off bullets

I think this is a bar

btw this is by david o selznik, who did gone with the wind

one guy (Chavez) goes after the dancer after she leaves

as hes out his daughter wants to go to the bar but he sez no

hes the most brittish sounding Mexican ive ever seen

chaves then wastes his wife (the dancer) and her butt buddy

he pleads guilty and sends his daughter to her second cousin b4 hes put to sleep

btw I hate that term

2nd cousin

imagine if I said; i'm 128/256ths done the game

or if when someone asked my age I gave it in hours

I got a distant European cousin

our grandmothers were cousins

or

our grandmas had the same grandma

or

we had the game great great grandma

5th cousins 4x removed or w/e is gay and must stop

so rather than help his daughter he chooses to be put to sleep and ditch her by going to h-ll

so she arrives at this town after her dad is drawn and quartered and a guy hassles her

she avoids him but finds out he knows her cousin and goes after him

he does to her what she did to him and she gets b--chy about it

they carriage ride to the cousins place and chat about fashion

shopping and shoes and miniskirts and boys!

on the way there they find some high rank guy owns much of the area and puts his logo on everything

they eventually arrive home and Lillian gish greets her

she don't look so bad for 50

if she were polis she'd look better

walter huston (I think) is a wheelchair geezer and is racist against her indian blood

gish sez hes been sour since his accident

I assume some Indians b0ned him crippled

then she meets gregoryu peck and hes nice to her

also hes gay for her

later butterfly McQueen (not Melanie Macqueen from Robotech) comes in as a female butler

from now on I use her initals cuz her name is long

BM

bm wants to get married

gish talks with main girl about boys

she sez she wants to be a good girl like gish

someone never saw the scarlet letter

or way down east

peck and huston talk about main girl and huston implies he likes fat chicks

oh, huston is the high rank guy(senator)

and peck wants to be like him

good thing hes in texas

lotsa fat chicks to check out

huston comments on main girl(pearl)'s ancestry to her

she talks to the guy who drove her (driver) and wants to be a real lady

she also likes him blowing smoke rings

this is like a reverse Robotech

pearl into peck and driver

like rick into lisa and Minmei

their hair even matches

greg and pearl are dark haired like rick and Minmei

but driver is lighter like lisa

greg peck makes out with her but she didn't consent and gets p-ssd

in the real version I think he b0ned her

later bm and pearl take inventory and bm cant write

then peck shows pearl some horse tricks

driver advises greg peck not to corrupt pearl

he don't wanna and shows her more horse trix

she rides his horse but it goes nuts and runs off

so peck chases

she gets lightly thrown off and peck realizes she never went bareback with a horse b4

after some talk he gives her the horse

later huston is disgruntled over driver letting people from the railroad on his land

also drive might not wanna inherit the land

hes the huston guys son with gish

later we get another semi romantic moment with driver and pearl as greg peck sings

later after a cattle thing greg peck catches pearl swimming nude

he starts getting undressed and she turns away

then he throws a rock in to make it look like he jumped in

hes trolling her

like Rhett butler in gone with the wind

after dark shes still in the water IN THE NUDE and peck is still there wanting to see her t-ts

later she arrives later and gish thinks she b0ned greg peck

but she explains itoh greg peck is also lilian gish's kid

he sez he saw her swimming and she assaults him with jam and bread

later its night and bm gets pearl to go see gish

crabbe (a minister) is there and gives her prayer and advice to avoid sin

pearl is only wearing a blanket btw

shes got a big a55

later huston sends a buncha men to a place armed

wow

good landscape shots of horsemen running across the open area

I think its the train guys

huston goes off on horseback like a daimyo leading his samurai into battle

they meet at the fence and the train guys have legal cr-p on their side

walter huston is gonna stand for his property rights against big guv but driver turns on him

huston is still gonna cap anyone who goes on his turf but then the union army arrves

rather than fight the union(which he served under for some reason(I thought texas was confederate)) he lets it slide

but he casts out driver as long as huston lives

also his horse goes ape sh-t and drags him

oh and apparently huston didn't show up for a court date and they decided to take him land w/o his consent

greg peck arrives home and everyones gone except bm

after putting  up with her for a bit, he goes off and finds pearl

ohhhhh hes gonna a55 b0ne her!

oh and theres a storm

then they b0ne

the huston and the men return and driver sez bye to gish

he goes to say bye to prearl but finds greg peck in her room with her

she sez shes trash and driver sez not to be like dat

he sez hes going and will be back and she sez shes trash over and over

driver smacks greg peck and I think theres blood(D-HERO BLOO-D) and he books it

later she thrashes around in bed and recalls driver saying he'd never forget her b0ning peck

then tries to look sexy

later greg peck tries to wrestle a horse

this is kinda bada55

just slug the horse out like in blazing saddles

he gets the muzzle on it and it cools off\

after it he tries to shoot the ding dong off a bell

that sounds wrong

she goes to have a swim but really just b0nes greg peck in the plants

also she wants to get married

peck tears off the medal from the preacher and chucks it

now shes gonna get aids

later theres a party

good camera work of showimg the whole party in one shot

gish gave pearl a dress and cr-p

huston confronts peck over him b0ning pearl

at the party the preacher sez drive is gonna be governer of the whole state soon

she dances with peck and making a stink about wanting to announce their wanting to marry

he tells her off and she runs out

a guy named pierce finds her and they go back

then the dance is ladies choice and she snubs peck over pierce

later he offers to marry her

word gets to driver and its revealed he has a wife

she knows driver loved pearl but he sez its over

later pierce is confronted by greg peck over pearls honor and greg peck caps his a55

greg peck is on the run for being a killer

gish and huston talk over who's fault it is he wasn't raised right

huston helps peck get away

later greg peck sabotages a train track and a train goes over the trax and down a hill

he goes to see pearl but she pulls a gun on him

he wins her over and I think they b0ne

the sherrif comes by and checks his property for peck

he checks her room but she sez she wants him iced and sheriff leaves

but greg peck was there the whole time

the killer is inside the house!

later hes gonna go and she clings to him as he gets away

women are so mental

they say hey hate you, then say they love you

this is why so many guys go queer

later gish is biting it and its revealed she was b0ning Chavez

they admit their love and gish bites it

btw gish was the 2nd cousin

driver returns to see gish but shes bit it

driver goes to see pearl and shes bummed over not being good

he offers her a school place to learn to be a real lady

later driver agrees to face greg peck

they meet and peck gives driver a gun to fight

then goes away

he wants pearl

driver warns peck not to keep killing but peck caps him and books it

later train guy talks to huston over his kid trying to ice his other kid

huh, driver didn't bite it

drivers woman comes by and invites pearl to live with them

a homie of peck comes by and sez peck is waiting for her b4 he skips town

she goes there and caps him with a shotgun

but hes still kickin and he caps her above the b00b

she caps him again and he sez hes done

but she don't buy it

he sez he loves her and she crawls to him

she sez she loves him and they hold eachother and make out

imagine if they were b0ning ads blood flow increases and their wounds gush

they then bite it and the camera shows the same shot as the prelude

the end

that was pretty good

not as good as gone with the wind

but not bad at all

although the final scene was kinda over the top

buty this is the 1st tome I saw it and it wasn't as bad as it would be if I knew what would happen

they did drag it out though

for a duel in the son 2 i'd like for Indians to have found them and used their magic to heal their wounds. they are then placed into a stasis coma in a magic area for 30 years and awaken in ww1. they then have culture shock at te advanced tech and amazing science of the 1910s (including Lillian gish films)also they see how England is being awful in ww1 and decide to try to get America to help zee Kaiser to save Europe from the evil king and his cannibal army

Clueless Review

note; I'm not a bimbo, but I spell like one

clueless

this is my review on clueless(90s ver)

its based on the 1815 book by jane Austin called emma (not the degrassi chick)and stars Alicia Silverstone from batman and robin(the gay one)

my gf likes this movie cuz of the fun 90s bimbos

it starts with the Digimon the movie song "kids in America"

aliecia narrates how shes a normal teen and chooses a outfit on her 90s comp

her dads a lawyer and his ex wifes kid is coming for dinner

also she drives a car badly

she picks up her bimbo friend and they go to high school

the bimbo friends bf is a homie and thinks hes cheeting on her

later aliecia gives a bimboy speech in debate club about letting in foreigners

in the irak the u s americans in the Africa like totally

also the teacher is the guy from princess bride who bit it with the poison

1 guy attempts to jump out the window at his report card

he earlier said the way his kids will feel about Nine Ince Nails is how he feels about the rolling stones

aliecia gets a C in debating

she gets home and the step bro is there and they clash over tv

dad wants to know her grades but she sez they aint ready as she wants to change em

she reveals she got her other teachers to do it with lies but princess bride guy wont

she wants to fix him up with a chick to change him

but none of the teachers are hot

holy cr-p the step bro was ant man and the teen in Halloween 06

and the dad was in Myra Breckinridge, the hunger and buckaroo banzai

they leave a love note for the least awful one

the nine inch nails guy gets the most lates and is proud of it

his actor was in Garfield the craft and roadtrip

she drops hints in class about the teacher liking him

at home dad finds she has 2 tickets and no licsence and sez she needs a read driver with her when in the jeep

she gets the step bro to drive with her and he wants to get marky mark walhburg to plant trees

hes an eco fruit

he sez shes selfish and it affects her

later she gives the teacher coffee and sez to share it with the teacher she wants to date him

holy cr-p we're like 20 mins in with adds

but it went so fast I thought it was like 40

then we getta montage of the teachers being happier together and trickling down to the students

her report card sez she got an a-

her dads glad she argues her grades up

in gym class aliecia wants to help people and a grungy looking chick comes in and she wants to help her

aliewcia shows her around and gives advice

also aliecia don't date high schoolers

later the grungy chick meets the nine inch nails guy and they bond

oh and hes a stoner

aliecvia advises against it and gives her a makeover

no one sez "makeover" anymore

aliecvia trains her to be a bimbo

step bro  whines about it

ah yeah

theres a mentos add in here

love those things

they try to get the grungy girl to go with a cool guy and take snapshots with a film camera of them hangimg out

holy cr-p the cool guy is Jeremy sisto from law and order and wrong turn 01

later akecia invites grungy girl to her dads place for dinner

cool guy is getting into grungy gurl

they all go to a party but nine inch nails guy is there

he spills beer on alievias shoes and pays em back with chronic

later cook guy kisses aliecia during a game and bimbo friends bf shaves his head

if he gets swastika tattoos he could be a Buddhist monk

hes black btw

nine inch nails guy keeps winning over grungy girl

then gurngy gets hit in the head with a throw shoe and cool guy helps her

aliecia thinks shes doing good but her dad calls and wants her home in 20 mins

cool guy volunteers to take share home but he tries to seduce her

but she don't consent and he reveals he has no interest in grungy girl

she gets out and he leaves

then some guy sticks her up and takes her phone

she cant call home or the party so she calls her step bro to pick her up

step bros gf is a wishy washy touchy feely dink and slicia corrects her on shakespear(as hamlet was played by mel gfibson)

man, this bimbo is like my gf

an expert in some things

later grungy, bimbo and alecia talk about guys and aliecia is a virgin

good way to avoid aids

ask magic Johnson, freddy mercury and Charlie sheen

later she bashes 90s fashion of baggy pants, backwards base ball cap and greasy hair

later this dreamy guy joins the class and she is gay for him

she gives an oral thing on violence in shows in a super 90s bimbo way

like with the u s americans in the like America in the irak of the Africans

she tries to seduce him by wearing less and being kinda 5kanky

theres a party and when dreamy comes to get acielia and he intimidates dreamy

hes kind of a 50s guy

dad makes her wear a jacket over her minidress and has step bro follow them

oh and dads working on lawyer things

at the party grungy comes by and falls on her a55

aliecia is having fun but feels bad for grungy not having a dance partner

but stepbro dances with her

years I meen weeks I mean hours later everyones gone and dreamy is still dancing

so step bro takes em home

they bring food for the lawyers and themxselves

step bro sez his new dad is on his a55 about everything and hes staying with them

also they watch ren and stimpy

days later dreamy wants to come over to watch vhs tapes and she spends hours getting ready

also she uses poloroids instead of mirrors to check outfits'

he comes by and they watch Spartacus or w/e

she comes onto him but he don't notice and books it

she tells her bimbo friend and her bf about her trying to b0ne him but bf sez hes queer

also bf gives bimbo driving lessons but she winds up on the freeway and freaks out

they celebrate surviving by b0ning

at the mall grungy is messing around with guys and they hold her over the railing but dreamy saves her

word gets out and she becomes popular as a survivor

but people drop interest in Alicia

also grungy turns away nine inch nails stoner

later she has her driving test and a few clashes with this mexico workers cause her to be distracted

she gets 0/10 and tries to talk her way outta it

later aliecai meets grungy and sez shes not a good match for step bro

but grungy bashes Alicia for being a virgin who cant dirve

I too am a virgin and don't drive

Alicia has a crisis about how she don't get anything

she walks about for like a few days or hours or w/e and realizes she likes her step bro

she tries to be smarter and nicer

she helps dad and he gives her advice

later she realizes everyone is special in their own special way

she gets into helping those in need of some Pismo beach disaster

nine inch nails stoner is in a 12 step program to get clean and invites her to a skateboarding thing

at the skate thing grungy sez sorry and they reconcile

also grungy gets back into nine inch nails ex stoner

while working with the lawyer thing Alicia screwed something up and a worker goes off on her a55 and leaves

step bro comforts her and they eventually kiss

the teachers get married and aliecuia catches the boquet

she makes out with her step bro

the end

that was fun

upbeat, cheerful, bubbly and just entertaining

good 90s classic about 90s teens and their 90s lives

needs more power rangers and batman though

nowadays the blonde bimbo would be the bad guy and the grungy chick would be the hero who overcomes her

but in the 90s, blondes were the good guys

sailor moon, sailor venus, princess peacg, princess Zelda, Barbie, samus, Goku, sonic, nami Koishikawa, sheena etranzi(contra hard corps), rainbow mika, guile, terry and andy bogard ect

for clueless 2 i'd like it to be the late 90s and shes pregnant with her step bros kid. also cuz of the screw up in the case, her dad got canned and has to direct p0rn0 for weird fetish purvoes. when he finds out his stepson was b0ning his daughter he tries to wack him and sends his p0rn0 actors after him to b0ne him dead. so the step bro fights em back to prove hes a man. also he got into roids and manned up after being b0ned by a big black dog he was trying to save from hunters  and is now a big buff guy played by hulk hogan and the nine inch nails ex stoner is on his side to fight through all the p0rn0e stars trying to ice him. its also a 2 player snes and sega genesis beat em up and each level is another weird purvo fetish

Catwoman Review

note; cats have aids and so do my spelling
cat woman
this is my review of catwoman(the 00s one)
it starts with like 4 silid minutes of slow credits and cat images
wt denise denovi did this
she did those tyim burton things
then it starts with hale berry dead in the water
just like sunset bulivard
she narrates a flashback that's gonna take up like 1/3rd of the film
she makes adds for beauty cr-p
alex borstein from mad tv and nothing else of note is using the new make up and her head aches
its cooking her brains
then Sharon stone sez shes stepping down as the face of the company and a younger girl takes her place
like getting a playstation and selling ur genesis
halle berry gets her a55 busted by da boss over her cr-ppy art
but Sharon stone defends her and she gets another shot
later(the next scene) a cat lures her out of her high floor building and she risks her life for a dumba55 cat
cats live 5-14 years
humans around 10x dat
Benjamin bratt from law and order comes by as a cat and tries to talk her outta jumping
she falls and hes suddenly in her window and saves her
is he the flash?!
after that she suddenly books it for her deadline
meanwhile Sharon stone is disgruntled over her adds replaced with the new chick
don't shoot the place up
later benny comes by the workplace and the chicks and gay guy lust after him
hes no Rudolph valenino
or ramon Navarro
or ricardo cortez(whjo was actually Austrian jewish but latin lovers were trendy in the 20s)
he invites halle to coffee and the alex borstein and gay guy suggest she shaves her legs and wear a leather outfit
this isn't slayers and shes no naga the white serpent
later its night and Sharon stone and her science nerds find the new cr-p rots peoples faces and gets em addicted
gally berry finds out and the suits hunt her down
they go through the building (which would make a good level in the sega game)and she falls into a waste pipe
so the suits flush a cg her out the pipe and into the ocean
is this gotham?
wheres batman?
wheres penguin?
wheres Christopher walken?
shes dead
the end
for catwoman 2 I want it to be a p0rn0 and star the Digimon/Robotech cast
jk
a sega dreamcast level cgi cat mews a bit and walks on her as other cats stand around have a weird ritual to revive her
cgi cat breathes into her(oh its the one she nearly bit it on the ledge) and shes alive and wigged out
I gotta say I do like the lighting and cgi in here
its kinda cozy in that early 00s way
bright and nice
she comes back home, punches a window, crawls in and the next day wakes up on a shelf when the phone rings
benny calls her saying hes waited long enuff 4 coffee and is going back 2 work
oh and the cgi cat is with her
she takes it back to its owner (name on paper on collar) and shes a crazy cat lady
cat lady sez cgi cat has super powers from being a Egyptian temple cat
so its a daemon
hally berry is gonna go but cat chick gives her catnip and she gets stoned
cut to her back t work and her boss busts her a55 over not having the designs
she back sasses him and gets canned
all the girls and gay guys at the office cheer
later she sez she was possessed and wasn't in control
a dog barks at her and she hisses
I usually make loud high pitched sounds at em
hally sees a necklace jewel and alex borsch blacks out and gets hospitalized out of most of the movie
later benny is giving the cop talk to give kids hope
but they just care about his gun
in kindergarten a cop came by to talk to the class and said his bullets were cookies and the kids laughed
oh da 90z
homie
btw if this was made today the cops would be the bad guys and catwoman would be wasting em
also the cop she has the hots for would turn on his fellow cops
hally berry joins em for no reason and played b ball with him
yeah cuz they let strangers into a grade school
she does ninja cat movies some would call racist cuz shes GOOD AT B BALL and BLAAAAAAAAAAACK!!
also theres this weird music video like fun thing going on the way its being filmed
later Sharon stone breaks glass with her iron hard hands
alext broinston calls Hallie barrie as harroie berrie does weird ninja cat moves
at night she hears loud neighbors in her building and goes down to hassle em
they slam da door in her a55 but she breaks it down and breaks their cr-p on their property and threatens em
gotta be honest
shes kind of a d-ck
then we get a montage of her cutting her hair and getting a leather outfit on(not a leather bikini like naga from slayers)
she rides to the jewel store but its being jacked already
she confronts em and they empty their guns into where she was
but she don't get hit and ninja moves em down
its always women beating up men
but a guy gets 1 hit on the chick attacking him and HEs the bad guy
she wakes up the next day and the jewels they were jacking are on her bed
she puts em all in a bag but the necklace
then at the jewel store the owner sez the jewels were from Egypt
what is this? Yugioh?!
oh and the jewel bag is there
harrie baeer looks up cats in Egypt and returns to the cat lady
cat lady tells harie barie about the pagan cat goddess who cats work for
sounds like bad sailor moon or saint Seiya
cat lady sez hallie berry bit it and cgi cat saw she'd bite it and tested her by going on the window
also now shes free to be a catwoman and has heightened senses
I gotta say this rips off both devilman and the crow
wasn't catwoman in the comics just a chick with a cat fetish who jacks jewels?
its night again and cgi Hallie barrie jumps around roofs like the tick
she recognizes the guy who shot at her and stalks him
what, is this ripping off Robocop too?
at a bar she orders a cup of cream
shes gonna get faaaaaaaaaaaat
also shes in a leather bikini top like naga but naga wore a thong instead of leather pants
oh and Hallie berry has a whip
she fights the guy who killed her outside  and he has no chance
oh and shes got blade fingers
just like in the crow she interrogates him and he sez theres something wrong with the new cr-p product
then I think she kills him offscreen
at the company she finds the science nerd dead and is seen so she books it
the next day she visits alex born in a box and on tv it sez catwoman iced him
she has alex bobbit stop using the cream
harir berry sends benny a sorry coffee but he notices its similar to the sorry on the jewel bag
but the expert sez they were 2 different personalities doing it
just like in Yugioh how theres yugi and the other yugi(who kills people) sharing a body
later (how many days does this movie take place over?!) ben and haries beries are at rthe carnival and the ferris wheel busts
she does ninja cr-p and saves a kid
I recently realized her cut hair looks like a french Canadian man
that night she cuts a glass door with her claws(wtf how sharp are they?! and what r they made of?!) and fights Sharon stone
she tells Sharon stallone her husband is doing evil with the cr-ppy face cream and shareon sends her to him at an opera house(or maybe a circus) with the new model
she slices his face and tells him she knows of the cr-p cream
then books it in cgi as the cops arrive
she fights benny in the area above the circus as this light swings by em
they have a weird b0ning fight with a power cable as a ref to batman returns b4 the cops show up and she jams the cable in the power thing to kill the lights and escape
sharon stine busts her husbands a55 over little things
what a b--ch
later at a sushi restaurant date with benny she eats the fish off sashimi (they call it sushi cuz they're RACIST!!!!!!!!!)
they talk for a while and grow closer
later she almost sez shes cat woman (in a scene better done with michael Keaton in batman) but it rains and she freaks out
they go back to her place and b0ne offscreen
does this make him a furry?
after b0ning he finds her catwoman claw and gets a glass with her prints on it
she wakes up and gets a call from Sharon stingher saying they can stop her husband
benny uses cop science to match catwomans lip prints to Hallie beries mouth prints on da ciup
at starons place she reveals she iced her husband and framed catwoman with claw marks
Sharon calls her men and they see catwoman there b4 she books it
the next day halie berir comes home and finds benny waiting with his fiearm
he knows hes no match for her but talks her into going quietly
all evidence sez harie berie did it
but she sez when tey 1st met all evidence said she was gonna jump
in jail the cat visits her and she squeezes through the bars in a "totally possible" way
she jumps out a window and carjacks a guy
at the factory she sabotages the trucks by chaining the wheels together and when one drives it busts em all
benny talks with Sharon stone in private about him suspecting her
se caps him but b4 se can finish him, catwpman saves his a55
they go UP the building for some reason
I notice this is a lot like cutey honey\
Benjamin bratt is seiji Hayami
Hallie berry is cutey honey
Sharon stone is sister jill
alex bot plug is natsuko
Hallie beat on Sharon stone and reveals Sharon iced her
but Sharon has iron skin from the cream
it gives you steel skin?!
use it for military cr-p!
plus if you stop usimng it ur face disintegrates so that keeps the soldiers or dogs in line
Sharon fakes dead and shanks Hallie berie in the leg with glass to gain advantage
she busts Hallie through the window but Hallie gets a 2nd wind and beats her down/slashes her face
the slashes only leave red marks with is amazing as they cut glass
Sharon stonie falls out the window and catches a pipe
but sees her face in the glass and freaks out and falls
benny comes in 9after just j-rkin off to the chicks fighting) and sez if Hallie is in her cell next am it proves shes not cat woman
later she sends benny a break up letter (b--ch!) and walks off into the moon light like in batman returns
the end
that wasn't as bad as everyone said
I heard its one of the worst movies ever
its got logic errors and cr-p but no more than other movies
wtf
in the credits
silver butler is an assistant
his name is silver?!
lie the cr-ppy sonic character?!
also
Michael f gay
is in the credits
sounds like a p0rn0 name
I didn't hate this film
I've seen far worse
this is ok
got some nice 00s effects and cr-p
at least it ripped off cool cr-p
for catwoman e her to find shes pregnant with Benjamin brats kids from b0ning hi that night. also not only is Sharon stone back as the cream cr-p saved her, but she begins transforming into a rock like monster. also alex borstein is turning into a half rocvk mutant from her use of it and is under Sharon stones control. the magic of the cat revival makes her pregnancy faster and she swells up pretty huge but it also gives her more strength and endurance and makes her more of a brawler. and she has to fight through purvurts enlustened by her pregnancy and an ever changing alex and Sharon as bosses. also itds a 16 bit beat em up on sega genesis and snes with player 2 as nightwing who's just become free of batman

The Swarm Review

note; my dad knows more about bees than me
the swarm
this is my review on the swarm(70s ver)
its a disaster movie like the Poseidon adventure or the towering inferno
it stars Michael caine who was Austin powers dad in goldmember
its also got the chick who was Melanie from gone with the wind
and I think feed macmurry
I think this was their last film
its by warmer bros
ewwwwwwwww
its widescreen
ooh Richard chamberland is in this
and slim pickens from the black hole and blazing saddles
it starts with guys in protection suits going through some place
huh, its based on a book by arthur Herzog (zwei)
so the guys go to the lower levels of the place and find everyone dead
what is this? resident evil?
1 guy takes off his head thing and messages the commanding officer saying everyones dead
but no enemy
then the troops come in
then Michael caine comes out calm and with a sense of superiority
hes always playing smug brittish c-cksuckers who feel they are better than us americans
they get word of a massive thing moving 7 miles per hour 30 miles away
a choppers go to check it out but its a big a55 swarm of bees
somehow it takes down a chopper
then the other one
not sure that's how it works
general brings in caine wjo sez hes been American for 8 years
he followed the bees and came in the base to help anyone
also hes a bug scientist
then he gets p-ssed at us americans and argues with the eneral
caine wants to contact dr conners(not the Spider-Man guy)  and gets louder and angrier to try to get his way
what a b--ch
genera wants cane locked up
then 2 people come out saying they got 4 needing medical help
he changes his mind about locking up cane
the chick who just came out sez it was the bees
then a regular fimily goes out for a picnic
but theres bees nearby!!!\
 well that's the end of them!
the kid goes to the car for like 4 minutes as the rents bugspray the bees
then out of a tree blasts hundreds of bees and the ice the rents
the kid hides in the car
we get slo mo of them getting wacked
hahaha this is baaaaaad
the bees cover the car and kid turns on the wipers and drives
meanwhile a higher rank guy busts generals a55 over saying it was bees
caine sez to check his stats at the white house and they agree
meanwhile the town nearby is having a festival
theres always a festival when theres a nature attack
a cowboy chats with Olivia e haviland (gone with the wind chick) for a while
oh f
its a flower parade
also fred macmurry is into Olivia
then the kid drives in and crashes
hes having an episode
later the high rank guy sez his credentials check out and the prez gave him full authority of the mission
oh joy, the brittish guy is given command of America
this is gonna end well
NOT
caine has the americans give him his stuff from his van and contact the people in the list he has
also he sez; da war I feared is happening
the general is not keen on this
and suspects caine being so prepared is suspect
later caine checks out the wounded and a chick sez the bees are near the town
the kid is freakin out after his mind collapsed from the attack
he sees giant bees bees where there are none
caine tells him to reach out and it'll go away
he got stung 2x and it might be f ing his mind
I heard of getting high on poison toads
but bee stings?!
cairne has a scientist brought in
the scientist sez caine writes bug p0rn0 books
sounds like he has a fetish
slim pickens comes by asking about his son working at the base
hes the county engineer and is gonna shut off the base water unless he can see his son
they let him in
tis is a lot like that other Michael caine movie; billion dollar brain
bada55 americans shown as dumb
smug britmo dealing with em
and the world in danger
at least it don't make the soviets look good
caine sez humans were fighting a losing battle with bugs for 15 years
but now its the final face off
that's stupid
they're bugs!
they cant think!
they react
maybe spiders can think but not freekin ants or w/e
slim pickens comes in and finds his son
aww
hes sad
he tries to take the body but the gov tries to stop him
slim sez they can only stop with by icing him(and he'd want it)
that's like fist of the north star meaningful\
I went to whiz but the gen is ordered to pla back the tapes b4 the attack
wtf its just audio?!
the tapes have buzzing and people biting it
meanwhile the kid snaks out and is homies bring his bike
also cowboy talks with some confederate looking guy at a café
also he has roses for Olivia
after sitting in the café/diner for like 2 mins he leaves and gives her roses
theres a lovey dovey moment with em
its actually pretty uplifting
this movie has good parts
just the cr-ppy bee story f's it up
meanwhile, back in the cr-ppy bee story general wants to use chemicals on da beez
but Austin powers don't like it
the kids throw Molotov cocktails at the bee nest and hide under arbage cans
the kid has a freak out
eventually the bees leave and the kids book it
then Michael cane and the chick are looking for the kid
after the service for his parents hes been acting up
wtf
I thought this was all in the same day
little to no indication of time
at least in the room it shows the sky going to night, then day, then night
oh and the bees are heading for the town
fred macmelgibson gives flowers to Olivia and asks her to marry him
after a lovey dovey moment she has to choose which guy to get
she sez after da school term she'll give em her answer
then Michel cine comes in and sez the bees are returning
the doomsday alarm goes off and everyone runs for cover
Olivia goes on the PA to tell the kids to get inside
but the bees are already icing em
in slo mo
she looks out and sees em b4 groan/screaming in slo mo
what is this? 300?(the Spartan speedo movie)
cane breaks a window and gets in a café/diner
we get more slo mo of bees icing people
1 guy busts through the glass in a café/diner and caine and friends get to the freezer
but the owner freaks out and locks himself in
but its ok as its 40 degrees and bees don't work well in temp below 50
also the chick was stung and hallucinates
apparently the bees are Africanized
that don't explain the drug stings
after the bees go offscreen the scientist sez one of the 4 survivors from b4 bit it with 2 stings
why are they so deadly?!
the reason Africanized bees kill so many is cuz they attack in greater numbers
a normal hive gets hit; 200 bees come out
an Africanized hive? 2000
and they chase you like a mile
the kid tells the chick he caused it by fireing the hive
general sez to evacuate the town and spray the bees
evacuate cuz the bees might come back for revenge
despite his earlier statements, cane is mental at him for giving bees human traits
also the poison might f up other towns
general sez u gotta choose the lesser of 2 evils
the kid sez sorry to caine for causing it but caine sez he'd do the same thing
cane sez his rents bit it in a fire and comforts him
the scientist and others in suits work on tests on bees
oh they're collecting venom
later the chick is ok and a army guy sez he knows she was homies with caine
were they b0ning?
I assume hes got a weird fetish like Charles (the qweens son who iced daiana)
well, he does have a bee fetish
maybe he b0nes beehives
so the townspeople leave on a train
bt a bee gets in the control room
1 guy freaks out and suddenly there hundreds of em in there
they hit the controls and the train on tracks sways around
then falls off somehow
everyone but 7 bites it
I dont think that's how it works
at all
Austin powers daD sez instead of poison they use choppers
they drop white stuff on thre area but the bees don't eat it
they know its poison somehow
that don't make sense
later this fat chick poops out 6.5lbs of daughter
not sure why they had that subplot in there
guess it made sense in da book
the bees are heading for a nucular plant
the only hope is the scientists mass antidote
caine volenteers to be tested on but scientist don't wanna
caine leaves and the scientist tests it on himself
he injects himself with 6 stings worth of venon(2x what anyone survived)
yeah that's a good idea; get the only guy who knows how to make the unproven antivenom to test it on himself
he waits a bit to inject the cure and his arm freezes up
he eventually injects himself an his heartrate normalizes
the chick comes in and talks with him
btw the scientist is dr krim
like dr crimt from voogies angel
his heart goes up again he should use breathing, his ki and mind to visualize something calming to cvool his heart
then he bites it
a the nucular plant the bees get in somehow
more slo mo people freakin out
one guy hits a thing and the plant goes up
yeah that makes sense
a guy hits 1 thing and the whole thing nukes itself
later the general plans to take em out by zapping em
the bees are forming a circle around the city of huston
so they use neutrocide
but that'll kill anything there for 10 years
but somehow the bees are immune to it
why??!!
so they decide to torch the city
buts in protective suits with flamethrowers burn everything
1 guy driving a van with bees in it hits a thing and goes up in flames
1 flamer sez they need reinforcements
then everything starts blowoing up
that the h-ll is going on?!
the trucks of flammable cr-p go up
general is worried history will blame him
later cane sez the base alarm system sounds like an African bee mating call
that don't make sense
nothing about this cr-p makes sense
friggin Urotsukidoji is less bad
as the bees invade the flamers blast away in buildings
1 guy falls out a high window in slo mo on fire
oh its the building the general and thr Michael caine are in
general bites it fighting off bees and caine/the chick escape
later caine has the army spread oil in the gulf of mexico and light it
nowadays some eco commie would go up the a55 over it
also the choppers have sound horns
they drop the sound horns in the ocean
the bees go after it and they fire it up with rockets
the ocean goes up in flames
somehow this stops the bees
the credits say thanks to the airforce
the end
man theres a lot of eastern Europeans in here
lol the credits say the African bees aren't like the hardworking American bees
yeah like anyone reads the end of the credits
that was pretty crazy
the story don't make sense
theres little logic
but it did have some good moments
it had heart in the lovey scenes that kinda got dropped
like the room with tommy wiseau
the effects were good
and the cr-ppy plot made for good laughs
I enjoyed it despite/because its badness
for the swarm 2 i'd like for the dead bees to be eaten by dolphins and the dolphins mutate into bee like dolphins cuz of the bees powers and oil and cr-p and attack people. the people are contacted by the squid who are under attack by the dolphins and they use squid magic to fuse the squid ande men into powerful abominations that have the abimity to fight under water with human kung fu and squid powers. also its a 16 bit beat em up on snes and sega genesis with up to 4 players fighting in underwater levels that you go up and down in and beat up dolphin bees who can shoot stingers at you and use sonic attacks but squid have xtendable arm attacks and can fire acid ink at them to stun em with damage. oh and one player is the kid who's rents got iced by bees

The Private Life Of Henry VIII

Note; England spelling s-ked! no extra U's!

The private Lige of henry VIII

This is my review of the provate life of henry VIII(1933 ver)

It stars Charles laughton who was the hunchback of noter dame

both frenxch AND English?!

but both were bad guys!

just ask ZEE KAISER!!

its directed by Alexander Kordao also produced elephant boy, the jungle book (40s ver) the scarlet pimpernel, the four feahers (39 ver), Anna Karenina (40s ver) and the winslow boy

after opening creds to brit music we get the cast

I don't know brit history so I don't know these historical figures

text sez henry had 6 wives but they skipping the 1st

then he married his 2nd

number 2

then a bucnha chix come in and talk about the kings bed

it probably is soaked in j-zz

they think about the king in bed

onew sez number 2 just got iced

and the 3rd is coming in

they change his soiled bed stuff

then theres an execution

turns out NOW they're wacking his 2nd wife

what is this? bluebeard?!

hes icing his wife so he can get a new one

that's not how marriage works

that's murder

a Frenchie is bashed by a brit who iced the queens 5 bf's (5kank!) over as Frenchie icing a brit qween

weird

that happened in the 90s to daiana, her bf and charlrz other women

the chix talk about how once the queen gets iced, 3 guns go off and signal the king hes free to marry number 3

the king comes in and hes a huge fata55

and those dames wanted to see him in bed

someones got a fat fetish

in America we dont have kings dominating us and wacking those who go against the regent

although r fk did that to marilin monrow

later the king wants to build more ships to rule the sea

isn't oppressing the brit people enough?

good thing for America!

btw number 3 seems to have no issue her bf is gonna wack his last wife to be with her

as springer said; if he cheets on someone to be with you, he can cheet on you to be with another

yeah

these brits are on the same level as springer guests

number 3 shows the regent her new dress and they joyfully horse around

such a good attitude on the day hes having his former wife put to sleep

oh and this is in the 1530s

aka; the early Castlevania days

set between Castlevania III dracula's curce, and Castlevania The Adventure.

later the regent is glad hes marrying a dumba55 chick

wtf hes called kid of England, france and north Ireland

oh and his 2nd wife gets her head lopped off

hen he marrys number 3 while the corpse is still warm

this hag puts black magic charms in the kings bed to make a son

shes the kings babysitter or w/e

then we cut to after the b0ning and pregnancy and the wife 3 pooped out a baby

they send news to the king on horse

they tell him its a boy

he gets back but numbwr 3 bit it

he gushes over his new son succeeding him to continue his black rule over the people

also the king starts getting into this chick

later the king I mean regent is gorging on meat

everyones quiet and the regent I mean king makes them sing

he has his minions go to Germany to get a dutchess to be his woman

but she don't consent

she knows his deeds

ttthe minions have her pose for a painting

later king goes to the chick hes gay for and they talk

she thinks hes into the dutchess

he denies it

but then his minions start looking for him

he makes out with her(in the real version they might be b0ning) but the minion comes in and ez the dutchess is coming

but the dutchesis in love with a real man

king meets dutchess but don't like her'

but hes gotta marry her or all of Europe will go to war with em

good

take down those britz

maybe they can get a good government

instead of being subservient to their regent

they try getting to know eachorther

in Germany respectable women don't sing

good thing I'm Slovenian

my people sing and dance

like weird al yankovic

is he Slovenian?

I hope so

turns out she plays cards

instead of Yugioh they play some other game

too bad its not the Digimon digi-battle card game

I loved dat

until they f'd it up by changing the backs

I never got season 3 and on

the king sez hes the best card player in England

but he keeps getting beat and oweing her much cash he has his minions get him more cash

after spending taxpayer money on gambling he freaks out

after he gets beat he wants to off her head

instead he divorces her

she gets the guy he was gay for

also the regent cheeted at cards

no honor

well, he IS English!!

later hes getting parts of his face shaved and wants to marry again

also I might have missed it but I think the son is actually a girl

how'd you miss that?!

I mean have they never seen a crotch?!

maybe the kids a hermaphrodite like in all those sexy violent go nagai manga

later the king makes out with the chick he was gay for b4(I think)

later they have a cockfight and enjoy it

I think

maybe its with real people

but then fata55 king takes off his shirt and tries to be hulk Hogan by having a wrestling match with a buff guy

he wins

a leaves the ring hes all busted up

also the chick hes with is almost making out with a guy

in the real version they were b0ning

then king fata55 comes in and makes out with her

the look of disgust on her face as that enormous c-ck sucker presses his face on heres says it all

a month later shes not liking being his woman

imagine being b0ned by that blob

plus I bet he stinks too

they didn't bathe much back then

not sure they wiped either

she wans to be free from his enormous a55 and marry the guy she likes

later the king is malcontent over the frenchies and germans fighting

just wait til ww1

they bust those frenchies a55

latter the brits are gonna torture this chick for into by the rack breakin her bones

sounds about right for England

then being the bad guys and all

oh he married the chick

I might've missed dat

the king finds out his 5th woman is b0ning another guy and crys

didn't cry for the one he had iced

he then has her put to sleep

with an axe

years later he meets wife 06

kings bummed about wanting a wife

if you never executed the 2nd one u might still have her

also his hermaphrodite daughter is a kid

wait

its just another chick hes talking to

he sees a 6th woman to wanna marry

later hes gorging on meat and his new wife is ragging on him

she takes his food away

maybe if he didn't stuff his fata55 face so much he wouldn't be such a fata55

shes taking care of him like a baby

theres a fetish about dat

after she goes out he goes back to gorging and sez of his 6 wives the best is da worst

the end

that was ok

kinda entertaining

not epic but its a decent period piece

and it shows how bad the brits were/are

I do like historical things

except Canadian history

that one s-cked

once in a history test in grade 08 I didn't know the Canadian dinks names so I put escaflowne and Gundam wing character names in the blanks

I got some counted as right

plus history in grade school in soviet Canada ends b4 ww1

for the private life of henry VIII 2 i'd like for him to be tired of being treated like a baby and gets a surge of adrenaline and takes a big bite out of his wife. he realizes human flesh is able to make him younger so he begins eating his people. the brits, being fully subservient to the regent, allow this as they have total trust in this obese cannibal. later Japanese people come to England but the kiing has them cooked alive and devours them b4 they fully bite it. the Japanese don't stand for this and send their warriors to avenge them and it tarts a war with England and japan where japan ends bada55 samurai where as England ends candy a55 wieners and the samurai cut them down. but the king has eaten enough people to become a 1200lb monstrosity and goes out with his leather skin (hardened from blood of his victims) and bone armor of is victims and takes on many samurai as the final boss. its also a 2 player hack nd slash beat em up like golden axe or the water margin, a tale of clouds and wind but with more gore and various animations of people sliced up. its on snes, gba and sega genesis and you play as samurai ent o take down the regent and cut through sissy brits and manly brit women as bosses.

The Outlaw Review

note; did howard hughs type well? I don't think so!
the outlaw
this is my review on da outlaw(40s ver)
its by howard hughes and has jane russel and walter huston
ive never seen this but I hear howard kept showing b00bs
no nips though(thankfully)
but for the 30s it was too much
it starts with text describing the old west
I like the camera in here
its got good camera framing and shots
so this guy named pat is the sherrif
a guy sez doc holiday arrived
pat sez docs his bff
they reunite happy
someone jacked docs horse
docs surprzed pat is sherrif
he takes a good look at his crotch(as that's where the star is, his belt)
then they see a drunk wanting to shoot a glass off barkeeps head
pat stops him and takes him to jail to sober up
doc goes for a walk and finds a horse
its his
the current owner sez he bought it elsewhere
the owner is billy the kid
and he wants it
pat comes by and wants to enjail billy
but when he finds out its billy the kid shakes his hand
billy knocks him down and rides off
the end
for the outlaw 2 I want it to be a cannibal movie
jk
later doc finds and talks to billy and they find the horse can do tricks
but its a trap and pat holds him up from behind
doc takes billys guns but billy sez hes innocent
billy bashes doc over needing a cop to help him
doc bites and they go off
but pats malcontent
he gives em a bit of time to get out of town
I think
I wasn't looking
after a card game a guy asks doc about the ace he used being at the bottom of the deck
oh its bily
they grow closer in a non brokeback mountain way
nowadays they'd be b0ning
they get ready for bed but someone fires on billy
he throws his spur and it gets hit
after some tension  billy fights the guy and its a dark haired chick(not wonder woman_
she sez her name is rio McDonald
like rio, sharks sister from Yugioh zexal
apparently billy iced her brother in a bar
she gets up and tries to pitchfork him but he counters and tears off her dress offscreen
I think they're b0ning
later kids talk about how cool billy is
he tells em he had 50 indian scalps but da gov made him give em up
nowadays they'd make him the bad guy for that
cant have a good guy now who's not politically correct
later billy meets a slimy guy who sez he wants to help him with pat
he plays a scenario to show how they'd get pat and aims his gun to "show him the angle"
the moment he aims at billy, billy draws and wastes him
then doc comes in
billy plays poker with a guy
Yugioh is better
oh its doc
me homies come in for billy
oh its pat
they think billy iced the slimy guy for no reason
its not murder if its self defence
doc sides with billy and pat turns on doc
so much for bring best friends
lina and naga from slayers are closer
and they're rivals
pat pulls a shotgun on em but its shot outta his hands
oh and billy got capped but didn't bite it
the guy who capped him got blown away
they ride out
they get to the rio house and doc gives her medical advice
she gets a knife but cuts off his clothes
oh and I forgot to mention that the slimy guy had danger music during his scene
later this cowboy looking for billy comes by and a young bird gets in
the cowbiy leaves and rio gets the bird off billy b4 it eats his eyes
then she cooks da burd
oh and rio has a Mexican lady living with her
we get a montage of rio helping billy
later she gets nude and shares body heat with him to warm him up
but it don't show it\
meanwhile, doc is leading the chasers away on his horse
hey, he got it back
then he snipers em
later billy chats with rio
the Mexican is her aunt
and they mention a lucky ring that was from a guy who bit it after taking it off
they almost b0ne but the aunt comes in
later doc returns and billy mad he took the hose
they have some back and forth over it
later billy and doc leave and pats after em
I should mention earlier doc nearly snipered pat but didn't
later billy I think returns and finds rio in a low cut top
he sez she put sand in their canteens
later pat finds rio tied up with rawhide that was wet so it would shirnk and free her
later billy comes back and shes tied again
but its a trap by pat
billy and doc get chained up
after some chat billy tries to fight doc chained up but gets kicked down and rolls over the fire
the pat and crew return and rio falls in a pond
oh it was to get billy
now shes in a wet t shirt
they get ready to return them to town but theres Indians
they leave to try to get to a fort
they find a burned down place with charred tortured bodies
but don't show em
then Indians approach
billy wants his gun but pat makes em promise not to turn on him
they book it on horses and theres dust coming off the hoofbeats to make it look like theres more people
like in birth of a nation
they get away
then spend a night at a place
billy confronts doc over something
and tells pat to stay out
oh its about the horse
the rio(who looks bustyer in every scene)wants em to stop
when the clock goes off they draw
doc gives a speech about men being like kids and getting too rough
the clock goes off and doc eventually almost draws
but billy don't
doc shoots off pieces of billys ears but he stands there like a bada55
he sez the time it took the clock to go let him realize docs the only friend he really had
they get ready to go but pat don't want em to
hes jealous doc likes bily more than him
this is like bad care bears or spongebob
but doc don't wanna ice pat
pat eventually draws but doc does faster
buit doc don't fire and pat creams him
pat asks why and doc bites it
did that really happen?
like to the real doc holiday?
after hes buried billy sez sorry for causing this
later pAT gives billy docs guns
but pat wants billys guns
so he can say its billy who bit it instead of doc
identity theft!!
then he could start a new life with rio
better than fata55 bronk b0ning her(Yugioh zexal ref)
billy isn't sure but pat wins him over
billys gonna book it but pat reveals he removed docs guns firing pins
and holds billy up with his own guns
but billys guns don't work
turns out billy accidentally mixed up the guns while playing with em
and billy still had one of his guns
next scene shows pat tied to a post like hes b0ning it
billy leaves his guns and sez pat can say doc tied him up
as pat don't want it known billy got him
billy leaves
but looks back at rio
then she goes with him
they ride off and docs resting place sez; here lies billy da kid iced by pat garret
the end
huh, walter huston was doc holiday
then it has text dat sez history is vague and theres many stories of billy
some say hes good, others bad
they say he got wacked by a lawman
but the truth is a mystery of the west
so in other words; nelsons explanation of having a killmaster when playing cowboys and indians
the end
that was pretty good
the b00bs wernt as big a focus as I was lead to believe
I've seen more revealing outfits on sailor moon
but in da 30s it was too much
the story was simple and it had good flow
not much to say but I liked how the bad guy wasn't all bad
kinda like in batman beyond
or Robotech
for the outlaw 2 i'd like pat to reveal right b4 he bites it that its really doc in billys place. this starts a rush of people wanting to claim billys head and be the one immortalized as his killer. billy is living in Arizona and rio has extra huge b00bs rom being pregnant a few times and their kids are now teens whjo billy trained to be super gunmen. they defend their farm from attacks and decide to go after the head guy responsible for bountys so they can be cleared. but it don't work. so they just decide to cap every gunman after em til theres none left. but that don't work. so the decide to have a contest for best shooter and winner gets to be their Kaiser. its also a 16 bit sega genesis and super nintendo run and gun game with several player characters (billy, and his kids) and his woman rio runs the power up shop for extra lives or better guns like spreadshot. also she judges the final round where they have a shooting contest where they go through an obstacle course and take out big animals like elephants and rhinos.