A Star Is Born Review

note; this film is like 3 hours. this review is long as my cr-p too

a star is born

this is my review of a star is born(50s ver)

its got judy garland  and is directed by George Cukor who also did 2 faced woman, gaslight, holy cr-p he directed a version of the blue bird!!

I loved the silent one!

so I'm doing the garland one cuz my homie scotty wanted me to as opposed to the other few vers

so it starts with credits

ewwwwwwww

super widescreen

ooh its got irving bacon

that sounds like a p0rn0 name

it sez they got special permission to use Oscars

why?

the simpsons don't need it

so theres a searchlight thing like with the bat signal with a fundraising thing for a motion picture relief fund

why not just get the elites pay for it?

or better yet; why do they need relief?

they make millions!

is this like in the bodyguard were whitney Houston has an aids dinner to raise cash?

so the celebs come out and talk

nowadays they'd be in bad p0rn0 looking outfits

like celebs at award sgows now

looks like something outta mad max or final fantasy sometimes

so in the theatre this guy gets word a nother guy is here but drunk

hes hassling people

if my kid got drunk, i';d beat him with a trunk!(from an elephant)

the drunk guy is actor norman maine

he seems a bit fruity

the guy tries to get him away but he shoves him away

they laughs it off and they get drinks for pictures

after the pictures he busts cr-p up

they judy sings on stage with a dance

then maine comes out pushing through a55

judy goes off spotlight ti keep him off

but he gets in

I went to get a coke life so I missed it but the crowd cheered

afterward he drunkenly chats with her

later he goes to sleep

he wakes up and he goes t this jungle night club like night at the Roxbury

in another club, judy sings hard and long

its sorta like tommy wiseau her singing; really over the top

not bad

just, to da max

man this song is kina bummer

then she laughs it off

but maine has found her

is this a horror movie?

is he gonna eat her?

hes impressed by her singing

he tries to describe her singing as fishing or a prizefight

he means it as in its enjoyable

he also compares her to a great bullfighter how he can tell its good instantly

well he sez she can be great and can go far

then he drives her home

I thought he was drunk

btw the night lights of the city reminds me a bit of embryo with rock Hudson or the bg of carnival night zone in sonic 3

the mélange of bright specks in a dark area

she tells she feels most alive when singing

is this gonna be like with Minmei in Robotech?

at her place she fills him in on her life offscreen

she sez she wants to be a big hit

but shes going to san fran sicsiko the next day

he tells her not to go and to take a shot at the stars

btw its been like 40 mins

didn't feel like it

later maine calls his agent or w/e and tells him about judy

judy tells her band guy shes quitting the band

he gets p-ssed and tries to talk her outta it

he sees her off in a lost scene that was restored with stills and audio

sorta like how TCM restored the Erich Von Stroheim masterpiece Greed

I cried at that

and that was just the stills of 2 strip technicolor

later they are filming a boat scene on the water

in a restored scene maine from the boat hassles the people to find judy

but he dontr have the name of the name of the club she played

in another restored scene judy calls someone back and gets work singing

she works in a puppet add singing about shampoo

now it would use bad cg and look like cr-p

in a restored scene the band guy tries to get judy back to the band but he declines and is working at a restaurant(the restaurant is a filmed scene)

later maine chats with his bimbo gf about some cr-p as garlands song add plays on tv

he recognizes it

In a restored scene he finds her on a roof and comes up

later he has make up people look at her face

they wanna give her a nose job

the surgery

not an elephant using his trunk on ur thing

they suggest giving her "the Crawford mouth"

I assume that means removing her teeth to make her cheekbones look better

she later had a lot of problems from that

later after the make up guys are done with her, she looks like a bimbo

shes even in a pink pleather thing that makes her t-ts look bigger

they aint that big though

maine laughs at it

he takes off the make up as shes been brainwashed by the make up fruits to think shes awful

he gives her confidence

she goes in and they were expecting a blonde

blondes have more fun!

shes signed a contract and meets a high rank guy watching a film

after dat she is shown out and told they'll get her a new name

is that like with the film actors guild where only 1 name an be used?

so chris Collins had to be chris latta?

OR MICHAEL DOUGLAS had to be Michael Keaton?

its like in roots

whats your name!?

TOBY!!!

lol

later they film a snow train scene

what is this? mega man x?

I had a dream of a mega maN GAME WIHE HE FIGhts sigma and if mega mans weapon powers up, so will sigma' weapon

but it wasn't mega man x

and I think it was on gbc

she gets the name vicky lester

better than MOses LESTER!

the high rank guy hears judy's singing after b--ching about her for a while and likes her

later maine and judy go to her preview and he gives her tips

in the film shes dressed like a man

then she in the film sings about being born in a trunk in a theatre

after a while shes in a blue dress and singing

man this goes on for a while

man I just watched a Seinfeld trailor of "the pig man" and its still going

after an intermission people are eating at a thing

maine tells judy shes gonna be a great star

later she records another song

she seems to be into maine and they plan to get married

they need studio approval to get married

they get it

what is this? england? where the king determines who can marry who??

then they get married

someone (I think the high rank guy, I wasn't looking) is p-ssed they got married and he couldn't get free press off it

then they go to a motel

I think theyre gonna b0ne

he turns on a song by her

then she sings for him

then they make out and it fades out

they b0ned

I missed a bit as I was watching lucoa clips from miss kobayashi's dragon maid

later I think maine had something happen to his contract

and he tried to get judy to leave the studio

later shes eating with maine

man nothing happens in this film

shes gonna get a role in a big a55 musical

she does a song from the movie for him

its a love song

but I prefer Minmei's songs from Robotech

they moved me

this is just another big band song

she makes many references to other countries

its like street fighter 2

then they start b0ning offscreen but the doorbell rings and they cant b0ne

its a delivery boy with a package for his wife

wow that sounded wrong

he signs for it but the delivery guy don't know him

later theyre havin the Oscars and a guy gives a speech

for best actress all the names are fake

movies too

judy wins

she gives a speech but maine comes on and drunk to carjack her speech

he sez he made em a lotta cash but now he needs work

he accidentally smacks judy

in the real version he probably beat on her

maybe she tried to stop him and h slugged her a55 out!

but they cant show that in the 50s

they go back to their seats and he ants another drink

later judy does a song about cheering up

later she talks with da high rank guy about trying to save maine

but hes killing himself with booze

nowadays he's be into drugs

then she sings about cheering up

such a contrast

some guys meet with maine and (I think its the high rank guy and his agent)

I think hes in rehab

hes given a side part in something

he talks out his a55 about having a big part at a better studio and other films coming

they leave

later hes out and has ginger ale

root beet is better

a guy hassles him about being f'd and he can live off his wife

maine slugs him out and goes right back to scotch

later hes in court for some reason

hes lead outta the cell and has to hang with all these only white crooks

he pleads guilty to being drunk and wounding an officer who stopped him for drunk driving

just like rodny king

the judge recognizes him as the actor and comes down hard on his a55

90s days

his woman judy pleads for mercy and hes give to custody of his wife

they hug and the paparazzi flash pix of em

se later wants to go away to recover him

she is thankful for his helping her make it and cant throw him away

later a guy tells her hes been going down b4 they met and its not just cr-ppy movies that f'd him, its him that f'd him

I missed a bit but I read on Wikipedia he went for a swim in the ocean and suicided

man this movie is depressing

plus nothing happens

its slow

but it doesn't drag like titanic

it has ok speed

the high rank guy sez his agent never knew maine

later judy is visited by her band guy from b4 and has given up

he tells her off and bashes maine

sez everything maine did was cr-p and shes the only good thing he had

and if she gives p its all over for his memory

later a guy at a show sez judy wont show up

but then she does

she sez she mrs norman maine and is about to sing

but the film ends b4 another 5 mins of song eating the runtime

in the real version I think they went on another 45 mins of her singing

the end

holy cr-p that was like 3 hours

its not boring or bad

and its got some good parts

but it didn't move me

its just another musical

birth of a nation was 3 hours and thrilling

gone with the wind was 4-5 hours and epic

the 10 commandments was 5 hours but grand

this was ok but not amazing or worth the praise I heard

at least it had good pacing and didn't drag

but nothing really happens

its padded out by long music numbers

imagine if they had a batman movie and the film just stopped to show 11 minutes of song that don't affect the plot

not a bad film

just not that great

for a star is born 2 i'd like for her to get involved with cloning to try to get maine back. but cloning doesn't bring back the soul so the new maines are not the same. so she gets into black magik and tries rituals to bring back his soul into a clone. but it doesn't work right and it brings a daemon into it, which gives it black magik powers and several transformations. judy is absorbed by it and it becomes a hermaphrodite ad gos around busting the town. after its defeated by a bada55 priest, judy is pooped out but is pregnant with its daemon baby. its also a 16 bit game on sega and snes with you as the monster busting towns and taking on celeb parodies in mechs in cities as they try to stop you. also if you beat em you can absorb oe of their weapons and use it in the next level