Tuesday, July 11, 2017

A Star Is Born Review

note; this film is like 3 hours. this review is long as my cr-p too
a star is born
this is my review of a star is born(50s ver)
its got judy garland  and is directed by George Cukor who also did 2 faced woman, gaslight, holy cr-p he directed a version of the blue bird!!
I loved the silent one!
so I'm doing the garland one cuz my homie scotty wanted me to as opposed to the other few vers
so it starts with credits
super widescreen
ooh its got irving bacon
that sounds like a p0rn0 name
it sez they got special permission to use Oscars
the simpsons don't need it
so theres a searchlight thing like with the bat signal with a fundraising thing for a motion picture relief fund
why not just get the elites pay for it?
or better yet; why do they need relief?
they make millions!
is this like in the bodyguard were whitney Houston has an aids dinner to raise cash?
so the celebs come out and talk
nowadays they'd be in bad p0rn0 looking outfits
like celebs at award sgows now
looks like something outta mad max or final fantasy sometimes
so in the theatre this guy gets word a nother guy is here but drunk
hes hassling people
if my kid got drunk, i';d beat him with a trunk!(from an elephant)
the drunk guy is actor norman maine
he seems a bit fruity
the guy tries to get him away but he shoves him away
they laughs it off and they get drinks for pictures
after the pictures he busts cr-p up
they judy sings on stage with a dance
then maine comes out pushing through a55
judy goes off spotlight ti keep him off
but he gets in
I went to get a coke life so I missed it but the crowd cheered
afterward he drunkenly chats with her
later he goes to sleep
he wakes up and he goes t this jungle night club like night at the Roxbury
in another club, judy sings hard and long
its sorta like tommy wiseau her singing; really over the top
not bad
just, to da max
man this song is kina bummer
then she laughs it off
but maine has found her
is this a horror movie?
is he gonna eat her?
hes impressed by her singing
he tries to describe her singing as fishing or a prizefight
he means it as in its enjoyable
he also compares her to a great bullfighter how he can tell its good instantly
well he sez she can be great and can go far
then he drives her home
I thought he was drunk
btw the night lights of the city reminds me a bit of embryo with rock Hudson or the bg of carnival night zone in sonic 3
the mélange of bright specks in a dark area
she tells she feels most alive when singing
is this gonna be like with Minmei in Robotech?
at her place she fills him in on her life offscreen
she sez she wants to be a big hit
but shes going to san fran sicsiko the next day
he tells her not to go and to take a shot at the stars
btw its been like 40 mins
didn't feel like it
later maine calls his agent or w/e and tells him about judy
judy tells her band guy shes quitting the band
he gets p-ssed and tries to talk her outta it
he sees her off in a lost scene that was restored with stills and audio
sorta like how TCM restored the Erich Von Stroheim masterpiece Greed
I cried at that
and that was just the stills of 2 strip technicolor
later they are filming a boat scene on the water
in a restored scene maine from the boat hassles the people to find judy
but he dontr have the name of the name of the club she played
in another restored scene judy calls someone back and gets work singing
she works in a puppet add singing about shampoo
now it would use bad cg and look like cr-p
in a restored scene the band guy tries to get judy back to the band but he declines and is working at a restaurant(the restaurant is a filmed scene)
later maine chats with his bimbo gf about some cr-p as garlands song add plays on tv
he recognizes it
In a restored scene he finds her on a roof and comes up
later he has make up people look at her face
they wanna give her a nose job
the surgery
not an elephant using his trunk on ur thing
they suggest giving her "the Crawford mouth"
I assume that means removing her teeth to make her cheekbones look better
she later had a lot of problems from that
later after the make up guys are done with her, she looks like a bimbo
shes even in a pink pleather thing that makes her t-ts look bigger
they aint that big though
maine laughs at it
he takes off the make up as shes been brainwashed by the make up fruits to think shes awful
he gives her confidence
she goes in and they were expecting a blonde
blondes have more fun!
shes signed a contract and meets a high rank guy watching a film
after dat she is shown out and told they'll get her a new name
is that like with the film actors guild where only 1 name an be used?
so chris Collins had to be chris latta?
OR MICHAEL DOUGLAS had to be Michael Keaton?
its like in roots
whats your name!?
later they film a snow train scene
what is this? mega man x?
I had a dream of a mega maN GAME WIHE HE FIGhts sigma and if mega mans weapon powers up, so will sigma' weapon
but it wasn't mega man x
and I think it was on gbc
she gets the name vicky lester
better than MOses LESTER!
the high rank guy hears judy's singing after b--ching about her for a while and likes her
later maine and judy go to her preview and he gives her tips
in the film shes dressed like a man
then she in the film sings about being born in a trunk in a theatre
after a while shes in a blue dress and singing
man this goes on for a while
man I just watched a Seinfeld trailor of "the pig man" and its still going
after an intermission people are eating at a thing
maine tells judy shes gonna be a great star
later she records another song
she seems to be into maine and they plan to get married
they need studio approval to get married
they get it
what is this? england? where the king determines who can marry who??
then they get married
someone (I think the high rank guy, I wasn't looking) is p-ssed they got married and he couldn't get free press off it
then they go to a motel
I think theyre gonna b0ne
he turns on a song by her
then she sings for him
then they make out and it fades out
they b0ned
I missed a bit as I was watching lucoa clips from miss kobayashi's dragon maid
later I think maine had something happen to his contract
and he tried to get judy to leave the studio
later shes eating with maine
man nothing happens in this film
shes gonna get a role in a big a55 musical
she does a song from the movie for him
its a love song
but I prefer Minmei's songs from Robotech
they moved me
this is just another big band song
she makes many references to other countries
its like street fighter 2
then they start b0ning offscreen but the doorbell rings and they cant b0ne
its a delivery boy with a package for his wife
wow that sounded wrong
he signs for it but the delivery guy don't know him
later theyre havin the Oscars and a guy gives a speech
for best actress all the names are fake
movies too
judy wins
she gives a speech but maine comes on and drunk to carjack her speech
he sez he made em a lotta cash but now he needs work
he accidentally smacks judy
in the real version he probably beat on her
maybe she tried to stop him and h slugged her a55 out!
but they cant show that in the 50s
they go back to their seats and he ants another drink
later judy does a song about cheering up
later she talks with da high rank guy about trying to save maine
but hes killing himself with booze
nowadays he's be into drugs
then she sings about cheering up
such a contrast
some guys meet with maine and (I think its the high rank guy and his agent)
I think hes in rehab
hes given a side part in something
he talks out his a55 about having a big part at a better studio and other films coming
they leave
later hes out and has ginger ale
root beet is better
a guy hassles him about being f'd and he can live off his wife
maine slugs him out and goes right back to scotch
later hes in court for some reason
hes lead outta the cell and has to hang with all these only white crooks
he pleads guilty to being drunk and wounding an officer who stopped him for drunk driving
just like rodny king
the judge recognizes him as the actor and comes down hard on his a55
90s days
his woman judy pleads for mercy and hes give to custody of his wife
they hug and the paparazzi flash pix of em
se later wants to go away to recover him
she is thankful for his helping her make it and cant throw him away
later a guy tells her hes been going down b4 they met and its not just cr-ppy movies that f'd him, its him that f'd him
I missed a bit but I read on Wikipedia he went for a swim in the ocean and suicided
man this movie is depressing
plus nothing happens
its slow
but it doesn't drag like titanic
it has ok speed
the high rank guy sez his agent never knew maine
later judy is visited by her band guy from b4 and has given up
he tells her off and bashes maine
sez everything maine did was cr-p and shes the only good thing he had
and if she gives p its all over for his memory
later a guy at a show sez judy wont show up
but then she does
she sez she mrs norman maine and is about to sing
but the film ends b4 another 5 mins of song eating the runtime
in the real version I think they went on another 45 mins of her singing
the end
holy cr-p that was like 3 hours
its not boring or bad
and its got some good parts
but it didn't move me
its just another musical
birth of a nation was 3 hours and thrilling
gone with the wind was 4-5 hours and epic
the 10 commandments was 5 hours but grand
this was ok but not amazing or worth the praise I heard
at least it had good pacing and didn't drag
but nothing really happens
its padded out by long music numbers
imagine if they had a batman movie and the film just stopped to show 11 minutes of song that don't affect the plot
not a bad film
just not that great
for a star is born 2 i'd like for her to get involved with cloning to try to get maine back. but cloning doesn't bring back the soul so the new maines are not the same. so she gets into black magik and tries rituals to bring back his soul into a clone. but it doesn't work right and it brings a daemon into it, which gives it black magik powers and several transformations. judy is absorbed by it and it becomes a hermaphrodite ad gos around busting the town. after its defeated by a bada55 priest, judy is pooped out but is pregnant with its daemon baby. its also a 16 bit game on sega and snes with you as the monster busting towns and taking on celeb parodies in mechs in cities as they try to stop you. also if you beat em you can absorb oe of their weapons and use it in the next level

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