Saturday, July 15, 2017

Five Million Years To Earth Review

note; so my keyboard cr-pped put and I'm on a plug in vut I'm nor used to it. so my spelling is cr-ppyer
five million years to earth
this is my review on fine million years to earth
its from hammer films, the brit horror droogs
its also called quatermass and the pit
I never saw any of the quatermass films
it starts with a skull slowly being revealed for opeming credits
its set in England
its widescreen
the britz ARE DIgging a train path through the underground
they find a skull
they say its a fossil and worth something
then they find another skeleton
the papers say underground ape men
they turn it to a fossil dig
1 dr sez its 5 million years old and the ape men were unevolved subhumans
1 reporter sez that's further back than the alleged science sez
spoiler; creation science disproves this lol
they make a fame apeman to show how they think it looked
then they find a metal thing and seal off the area thinking its from ww2 and might blow em apart
but its not like any other they saw
its not steel and has no sound
da dr wants the army guy to speed up
they get a higher rank guy to get professer quatermass to help em
they also say in 10 years we can have military bases on the moon and mars
even in Robotech it took til 2005 to get moon and mars bases\
he checks it out and they've dub more out
they find another skull
the dr takes it and the fossil is in clay
they wonder how it could've got under the rocket in clay and unbroken
they realize it was in the thing
the people clear out as the dr does stuff to the skull
a cop tells quatermass that as a kid a fam left the area they are in now cuz of ghosts
also they see claw marks on the walls
they were in another house
an army guy has a squad work through the night to get the thing out
also the place they are at is called hobs lane
as hob can mean devil
later the dr does a brain scan thing that reads his brain activity on a guy with a head similar to the skull
or maybe another skull
dr sez the fossils are much like humans
dr reveals he don't like the army guy
oh and a chick gets quatermass a newspaper thing from da 20s about ghost midgets going through walls
and around then they were working on an underground railway station
later they took out the thing and its a spaceship
and blowtorches donaffect it
on 1 part is a sign used in ancient magic
also its harder than diamond
1 guy freaks out after seeing something go though the wall
it was a gross midget!!
they search records and find records of daemons in the 1760s
they try a drill on it but it does nothing
also the area shook when they tried
eventually the wall of the thing breaks and it shows green bug things which are dead and stink
they were sealed in there for years and only now are exposed to our air
they take out the big green bugs and try to save em for analysis
quatermass thinks the spaceship thing is alive
they save parts of em in jars of preservative
its sorta like star ship troopers but less gross
they call em arthropods but with no known things like it today
looking through books, quatermass sez ancient man had cave painting of em
and a different atmosphere allowed different life
they wondered if our ecosystem was doomed would we try anything
the papers report its space people
a high rank brit busts quatermasses a55 over telling the truth about the bugs
typical England, censoring things they fear
how un-American
quatermass sez they were from mars as years ago mars was fertile
and it went f';d so the survivors went to earth
but they cant stand the air so they experimented on apes
and that made modern man
sounds like grasping at straws that evolutionists use to try to deny God
btw, if true that means England is the birthplace of modern civilization
typical britz, thinking they are some kind of ubermench who all modern civilized people came from
the army guy sez its all planted by the germans in the war to spread lies to disturb the brirts into thinking what quatermass said
sounds convoluted
wasn't this plot used in TROG??
so army guy has the site closed and sez to da public its all the germans fault
typical brit, blaming the germans for everything
later the site has crazy ghost cr-p with flying cr-p and people blown around
the guy mo lested by the ghosts is traumatized and a priest sez hes been in contact with an evil
he rambles on about seeing the space bugs alive
then wind blows and the priest sez hes not free of the evil
quater mass agrees
he sez the guy saw mars life years ago as a vision
and they have powers that can move cr-p
quatermass sez all supernatural attacks might be cuz of the space bugs
he gets the brain reader and wears it as he drills in the area
weird cr-p happens and hes gonna book it
but the chick sees and he makes her wear the head thing
btw I like how the movie don't make the chick a love subplot in a freekin horror movie
then the tiles bust off da walls and green cr-p oozes out da walls
shes being pulled up
but it stops
the dr(I think. hes in Austin powers glasses if he is da same guy) sez he saw them on the monitor
so they show the cr-ppy footage to the army guys
its bug puppets moving
after it quatermass sez its a ritual slaughter and they might want humans to do it
also they can redirect energy
they got a lotta powers
wanna give em heat rays?
but the high rank guy don't believe em so hes gonna have a media thing in the site to calm the public
its like liberals; tell a lie often enough and even the liar believes it
man in every one of these movies the big wigs deny it, have a conference and sh-t hits the fan
at da site the army guy sez they are bugging the west german gov to search records of it
quatermass tells him off and a guy gets iced in an electrical thing
the chick senses something like with megumi in Urotsukidoji(which was censored in gaye olde englande)
quatermass tries to get people back but 1 guy f's with the thing and gets fried
then all this wind and cr-p happens and people book it
quatermass AND THE chick leave and the ship starts phasing
they run and knock over a guy with a coal bbq and ity sets the place on fire
the army guy goes to the ship
the dr finds quatermass and he don't recognize him at 1st
hes affected by the bugs
he thinks some people are immune
also the ship hot a lotta energy and activated
the army guy is cooked and bites it with good effects
quatermass and others are affected by it and are drawn to it
but the dr talks him into remembering who he is
also its trying to make him ice da dr cuz the dr is different\
then they hear people wacking people and animals
1 guy surrounded by possessed people ice a guy by psy throwing rocks at him
they go to the site but they see the silhouette of the devil for a bit
also the city is going f'd apart
dr sez use iron to connect the ship to the ground to discharge the energy to da urth
quatermass goes around where the psy power is and tries to save the chickso they fight really cr-pppy\
just slug her out candy a55!
he knocks her out somehow and carries her off
da dr goes on a crane and touches the devil and it goes up in a burst of electric fire
he aint gonna be in 5 million years to earth gx
wtf it just ends there with quatermass and the chick standing there and credits roll
lol in the credits hugh futcher
sounds like a p0rno0 name
the end
that was good supernatural horror
no romance
to tacked on sad moment near the end of the film
no cr-ppy life lesson shoehorned in\
the story was good
the effects were good
I liked it
oh and it actually had good color
better than that murky cr-p we get now
oh and it had good speed
it didn't feel long
for five million years to earth 2 I want it to be in the 80s and the area is sealed off by gov order to keep people from activating the space thing. but some drunk teens sneak in and start b0ning and it triggers the ship and turns em into half bug people. also there are more bug people turned by the space bugs and they reveal the space ship is really a demon trick to get people into evolution and p0rn0 and turn em into demons and its not really been 5 million years. also quatermass jr and the cyborg of the guy who got blown up at the end of the 1st movie are send in to fight the bugs in a cyber suit and his cyboeg body and they have the ability to link up asnd combine to a super warrior and face big demon bugs. oh and as usual its a 16 bit beat em up on snes and sega genesis with 1 player a quatermass jr and one as the dr and they fight to get to the heart of the area to bust the ship. oh and the bugs only attack now as after the drunk teens got turned they have just enough to attack

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