As You Like It Review

Note: i spell like a55 as shakespere is usually a55
as you like it
this is my review on as you like it from the distant future year (to shakespere) of 1936
it stars Laurence Olivier rom wuthering heights and clash of the titans, sophie stewart from Devil Girl from Mars and felix aylmer from the iron duke and rhodes of africa
its directed by paul czinner and the script was worked on by peter pan creator j m barrie who was aparently still alive in the 30s(i didnt know that(i learned))
and its edited by daviv lean
ive never seen this before but i wanna do this one
also it was on a few dayds ago but i was gonna review the cold light of day so i put it on holde
after credits like paper from the castlevanai or robin hood days, we get some outside skys that look colored
but it turns outits just blue tint film
so a guy called oralnda talks to some geezer about all the cr-p his dad left him
orlando cant take it working for da man but oliver his big bro comes by and orlando gets b--chy over big bro getting the lions share of the inheritance
orlando keepts talking of his dads spirit in him growing stronger
i think hes possessed
after orlando grabs and holds olivers coller (which is assault in soviet new york) he storms off
later cousin oliver meets with the duke (not the g i joe guy0 oh wait, he's talking about the new duke how the past one kciked his a55 to the woods
and this fata55 wants to wrestle with olranda for his love oliver
oliver wants fata55 to ice orlando in a raslin gone wrong
btw oliver is kinda fruity
not sure if its the brittihs or the shakespere
later ceilia meets rosaloind who omma call roz and they talk about boys they crush on
i only know the names as i got the closed captions on and read it
eventually a frenchie comes by and takes em to a carvinal with a fat muscle man (stongfat?!)
after hollywood hulk hogan, this guy aint so big
the girls see olanrado and got the hots for him
ohhhh, strongfat is fata55
so orlando jabbers on about his cr-ppy life and eventually wrtestles fata55
at least its not mma where it looks lik 2 centipedes b0ning
wait
they just grapple standing up
put him in the camel clutch!
so oliando wins and it takes several men to carry fata55 away
so fred who is a big a55 ruler or something finds out olrando is the son of his dead enemy and goes off to j-rk off on the floor
and roz's dad liked orlandos dad
so the chicks give orlandoa necklaces and roz is gay for him
so afetr the chicks go, frenchie tells orlando roz is the kid of the beat duke and the other is the kid of the current duke
i think fred is da duke
not the xbox controller
also orlando is gay for roz
so after more girl talk, duke fred comes in p-ssed at roz for being a traitor or something
ceileia sez if roz is a traiort then so is she cuz they slept in the same bed or something gay
duke dont care and wants roz banished
remember in yugioh zexal how vector executed all his men and did seppuku?
in the dub they said he banished his men and found himself banished
in fact, zexal said banished instead of iced a lot
so celiac and roz run away together in the woods
is this robin hood?!
in da woods, past duke whos new dukes bro leads his merry men in a clean, bug and draft free place without damp soggy a55
they live happy and play music and dont worry about cannibals or robbers or purvurts
are they in a castle? o the woods?
it seems like both
dungeon forest like dexters lab monsters and mazes
so the chix ran away to da woods and new duke thinks olnanda is connected
later geezer warns olanarda thot oliver is gonna ice him
they book it
in da woods, the chixks and their frenchie are b--ching about how walking is hard and frenchy is really fruity
not sure if its the french or the shankesm[oere
btw the backgrounds are sorta german espressionist
later sylvious and some dink walk by as the chicks are there and roz is dressed like a dude like in queen christina
a sheppard sylvio chatted with takes them to past duke who rambles on about some clock cr-p or something
orlando shows up for no reason and wants a swordfight or beybattle or something
but past duke dont wanna fight and lets him have free food
olnaoda is moved by past dukes non a55 holery and is nice
after past duke goes on a long wordy monologue about life
sometime later, new duke is p-ssed at not finding orlanda and takes all olivers property until he finds him
in america that wouldnt happen
we have property rights there
but in soviet england or w/e the h-ll this takes place, humans havent evolved into rights holders
also olinAINGEWo is stabbing innocent virgin trees with his big blade to carve his words of love to roz
imagine if this was a sci fi movie and he carved them onto a lesser alien race?
or if this was england and he carved em onto irishmen?
oh and he writes on paper too his love for roz
its like a devientart post about someones lust for their fave sailor scout or bleach grl
frenchie keeps talking in rhyme and roz keeps smacking him as they laugh
sado masochism
common among the french
sadism was named after famous french author the marquis de sade, best known for his novel, the 120 days of sodom
its like the human centipede in castlevania times
so roz and celia dance and sing and hug and act like lesbians while talking about the love note guy
then reaize its orlando and at some point i think olrando meets oliver but i wasnt paying attentuion
also roz looks like georges future wife from seinfeld
so roz meets orlando and he thinks its a guy
how can he think shes a chick?
is he professer oak?
meets a kid; are you a boy or a girl? also: what's my grandsons name??
I'm not sure hes fit to be a pokemon prof
so they go on for a while about her wanting to cute his love
later frenchie is chatting with some redneck girl and it fades out as he rubbs her hair
i think in the real version they were b0ning
later the chix are waiting for olanda and some guys come by in the background
also roz is not open with her dad about being his kid
to be fair, cross dressing is a good way to hide
look at robotech
lancer was a wanted man so he faked being a female singer
no one would expect it
its like if madonna was really gacy
later synvio sawatari is with redneck and i think it was him b0ning her b4 2
so roz eventually meets olianga and has him call her roz and fakes being a man being a woman
its victor victoria 0!
they role play for like 5 mins about acting out how he'd act around the real roz (which he dont know she is) and they fake marriage and she tests his love for her
i can see robotech doing something like this
eventually he leaves and sez he;d be back at 2;00
so when olinha gets to somewhere he sees a snake crawling over a guy (whuch should be safe as it looks like a constrictor and thus isnt poison and isnt coiling on him) and a lion shows up
there are lions in... where the h-ll is this set!?
i'm pretty sure its somewhere in europe but theres dukes, frenchies and probably brits
i dont recall them saying where it is but if it did i wasnt paying attention
later olinver queen comes by and tells them orlando found his big bro under a snake and he iced a lioness to save him
then goes on saying they patched things up and took em to the past duke but nearly bit it from blood loss from the lioness
roz faints for a bit and i';m having flashbacks to bram stokers dracula
also i think he knows shes a chick
later frenechie chats with redneck girl and her 25 age chubbo bf comes by
i guess it was feenchie who was was b0ning her b4
he holds bf's hand and intimdates him into skipping toewn or he'd ice him
but i think it was a sick joke he was playing
wow, the frenchie is evil
kinda surprized i didnt see it coming
the maquis de sade mk II
i guess the lion story as true as later orlando has an arm sling and survuived the lion
they skipped it and only talked about it later?
cheap a55 dinks!
imagine if they had ben hur and the chariot race was skipped and they only talked about it for a few mins later?
also sylvio and this chick named phoebe are in love
i dont remember her
them and orlando say who they love but roz sez shes in love with no woman
could've fooled me with ur cousin or w/e
its like sailor moon in here!
so roz comes out as a woman like a reverse yellow dancer but less clothes removal and gets married to orlando
then new duke comes in but the new duke has turned good after meeting an old religious man and returned everything he took
well that came outta nowhere
imagine if in batman if at the end of the movie the joker just turned good after meeting harvey bullock offscreen
then we getta epilogue like harry potter and she just jabbers on about nothing
the end
well
unlike most skhakesepe, i liked this
it was soft, lite, positive and innocent
it went by at a decent speed and a lot happened or felt like it anyway
not sure on a lot of things like where or when it happens but its still pretty good
unlike most shakespere, its not bummer or dark
and the cinematogoraphy is sort of silent style
like a high end late 20s film
before talkies came in and ruined things
like how the 2d games were great but then 3d came in and we got cr-ppy polygon games
look at earthworm jim
but this was pretty good
sort of like a god 2d sega saturn game
so for as you like it 2 i want the fat bf to come back for revenge on the frenchie who theatened him. He;s not big and buff like hulk hogan and has battlescars from fighting lions in the woods. frenchie has chained his gf in his chocolate house and has been overfeeding her to make her so fat she can't walk and she just lays in her ben beimg fed by him and dripping with sweat and grease. also he has the ability to control the lions from learning ki powers and ants to safe her from being his human waterbed. its also a 16bit action game like rastan on sega genesis, snes, atari jaguar, turbografx-16 and gba and you gotta go through the woods and free all the many chicks he's enfattened to immobility for his fetish. also you fight forest spirits he summons as hes really a daemon who feeds off pain and likes having these female blobs roll over on him and crush him under their tonnage.

Angel and the Badman Review

note; would john wayne spell right? or would he spell manly?
Angel and the Badman
this is my review on Angel and the Badman from 1947
its got john wayne, jim i mean harry carey, bruce cabot from king kong 1, irene rich from captain january and paul hurst from gone with the wind
its directed by james edward grand (t r edwards and vince grant from robotech?) who did hondo, mclintock and the alamo
i've seen it b4 but dont recall everything of it
so it starts with a cowbpy shooting and running away on horse with his homies as credits happen
wait, i think they are after him
his horse f's out and these 2 people offer to help
1 is a chcvk who hes gonna fall in love with
they take him to a phonre or telegraf place and its after hours but they go in
john wayne is quint evans who telegraf guy is afraid of and he blax out
telegraf guy sends his message and sez how bad a55 and manly and cool quint is
oh his name is quirt
like squirtle?
imma call huim jw 4 john wayne
the good guys bring him home to heal him
later jw is full of drugs to dull da surgery pain from bullet removal but not totally out as drugs cant stop john waybe
they give him his gun back (w/o the bullrets like with rebel w/o a cause) and he settles down
later the grl's mom tells her how she met dad
he fell off the barn and she hugged him
like back to the future 01?
after dr takes out his bullet he tels em to get rid of jw
in his sleep he talx about babes he b0ned
he sez he smoked cornsilk as a kid
i assume thats slang for crack
the rents think they otta write his words in case the cops show up for him
wait
its still da dr
dr sez his homies who draws men as animals they resemble would draw jw as a coiled cobra
1st; cobra dont coil
2nd; is he a furry??
3rd; the power rangers and their ninja animals from the movie
later jw wakex up and meets the girl who's nice to him
girl tel;ls jw of the chix he talked about
after jw eats a lot like that fat chick in shallow hal, the girl reveals they arte quakers
she tells him about how hurting others only hurts you
later some guys stop by telegraph guys place and beat him up loking foir info on jw
later girls kid brother is homies with jw and sez a guy told him some guys were looking for jw
girl asks jw about love and he finds out his gun is empty
the bad guys are at the farm and jw sits in the shadows as the guys come in
bad guy leader talks about how he wants to buy some land from jw for 5$ but jw wants 20$
j signs the land to him and he owes jw 15$
you could buy like 3 packs of yugioh for that
they leave and jw wants to go
he gives them money but they dont wanna take it as they were doing the right thing not for cash
jw sez they dont believe in force so he cant force him to take it back
girl is in love with jown wayne like most normal women but he lets her down easy
later jw is still at the farm for some reason and does some farmwork
later he finds theres not much water as the guy above them in land or river or w/e isnt letting em have it
they prayed for the guy but he hasnt turned yet
so jw goes to the water guy and tells him to let some water in
he sez hes quirt evans (like cole evans from power rangers wild force?)
its like in futurama how bender saw how hard it is to be God and the monks were let out of the closet after bender came back
watch that one
its good
also jw rides with water guy and they become homies and he agrees to be more neighborly
water guy comes over to farm and they help him with his boil
just pop it
squeeze it til the pus shoots out
see how far you can sQUIRT it~!!
as he leaves they give him some food
this is like an episode of mr rigers neighborhood or something
and as he leaves he's glad jw made him help as it feels good
later a guy named whistful mclintock according to the captions comes by asking about jw and jw sez hes a marshal or something
oh and quirt was wyatt earps deputy
so mclintock wonders why quiret is is at da farm andthinks its insidious
later they walk by a guy i mean on a horse cart by a guy who quirt knows and he don't wanna seem like a candya55
later at a getogether the guy he knows comes by and invites him to a crime to make cash
but he dont consent
at da get together they give quirt a bible and say nice things of him
good acting by joghn waynw in that scene
he seems surprized like he's never seen human decency
he goes off on horse with some guy and the guy is reading the bible and thinks its cool
spoiler; the bible is pretty hardcore
its not just happy days
theres some pretty dark stuff in there
usually from the bad guys
just like any historical account
look at japan
the sengoku era had many violent battles
tokugawa kills a lotta guys
so later the crime guys attack a convoy of cows
and jw and his homie are up on some rocks
homie sez he dont like capping people and jw and him and a 3rd guy take out the crime guys with sticks while riding horses
its hammer time!
i think some got crushewds under the cows after falling
oh and 1 guy is named hondo
i think these crooks are the bad guys from b4
later jw and homie are with some bimboes or h00kers or w/e  in a casino
casino night zone
john waynes bimbo is a singer in the club in a glittery dress
nothing in this film really makes it to pg
no swearing in skimpy outfits or violence
looney toons is more
jw gets a drink but interrupts 2 guys who are p-ssed at him so they fight
it spreads and the place is busted up
homie gets the bimboes out and jw and homie get beat outta there
they all go to some place and when quirts bimbo jokes about him having a bible, he gets offended and leaves
he goes back to the farm and girl is upset he left
she sez he left cuz he was worried of not being good enough or w/e and they smooch
then marshal mcclintock comes by and asks about the cow thieves
jw sez he was with his homie and the bimboes as alibies and she thinks he likes his bimbo more
she gets bummed but they smooch and its better
later mcclintock sez he figured in using a new rope in hanging jw as he respected him and his chutzpa or w/e
later quirt and girl are in the plants and a flower she has got a wasp on it
jw was gonna crush it but she stopped him cuz she dont like killing
what about the sausages they fed jw b4?
thats donkey meat or w/e
later they driving a horsed carriage and horsemen come shooting at em
if he had a firearm he could defend instead of hoping he can run away
1 guy gets hit off his horse by a branch that was above jw in the carriage
that dont add up
he cariage is higher than the horse
so they crash into a river off a cliff and get away
later jw gets giru home and they get a dr
later dr sez she wont last
jw goes off to waste the guys who attacked em (its the bad guys from b4 with the 5$ and cow thing)
right after he books it she instantly recovers
maybe jw's ki was malreacting to hers?
is this hancock?
so homie goes in da salloon to tell the baddz jw is outside
so jw is gonna have a gunfight but da fam comes by with da goirel and he gives her his gun
the badds are gonna cap him but marshall caps em
marshal sez if he iced em he's have hanged jw
and its only a matter of time til he hangs jw
but jw sez hes now a farmer and rides off with da fam
marshal sez da only guy who carrys a gun needs one
yes cuz if you dont have 1, the thugs kill you are ur dead
the end
that was pretty good
nice, lite, soft, warm
its like mr rogers doing  a john wayne western
ts got good stuff to it and some bada55 moments
but aso good heart
i liked this one
its like the opposite of unforgiven
plus its public domain
watch it on wikipedia or w/e
for Angel and the Badman 2 i want it to be about him working on a farm but ufo's attack the state. the quakers pray them away as they are actuallty space daemons. so quirt gets his gun back and has a priest bless the bullets so he can kill them. no. he uses prayers at them to send them away. its also a platform game like the nes or gameboy ninja turtles 1 game on nes, gameboy, game gear, master system and turbografix 16 where you play as john wayne and instead of using hits or guns, you blast them with holy words which kills them cuz they're evil.

The Cold Light of Day Review

Note: i spell italiabno. wait, this is spanish?
The Cold Light of Day
this is my review on The Cold Light of Day from 2012 (the year the world ended in the mayan apocalypse)
its got bruce willis and henry caville and sigourny weaver
its directal by Mabrouk El Mechri who did JCVD with Jean Claude Van DaMME and some french cr-p
i've never seen this b4 and i'm only reviewing it cuz i hear it s-cked
it was filmed in soviet spain where that guy got eaten alive in suddenly last summer by roaming cannibals
so hen gets to spain and his luggage in in sanfransicko
that sounds like innuendo
bruce is there and they take a car to a boat yard and i think bruce is his dad
they spend time as a fam and brce has a gov job
hope its non union
otherwise they go on strike and hold the taxpayers hostage
as a kid hen got a spear in his flipper and cried like a sissy
also he gets a phone call and sez his company is outta cash
next day they go boaking and some fastboats go by
thr boat driver was j-rkin off on his phone and the boat goes off course and nearly kills the bikini girl
so bruice has enough of henry's cr-p and starts butt b0ning him as punishment
jk
he just throws his phone away and hen jumps in after it
thats salt water
the phone is deader than melirin monroe after r fk got her
so hen swins to land and when he looks back the fam boat is gone
it was megalodon!!
hes back from h-ll!
and hes not returning alone!
later i think its da next day cuz the sun was going in 1 shot and he finds the boat but its empty
the sea daemons got em
he goes to the cops but they dont give a sh-t
tell em ur dad is paul kersey
they take him to the beach and try to capture him but he gets away in a cop car
but crashes up and they get him
until outta nowhere bucre come in and beats em dead
threy drive off and he tells em hes really a gove agent and hes gonna get em back
is this turning into team america world police?
they drive somehrewsw and bruce tells hen that mom knows but he couldnt tell hen
then bruce talks to a chick and sez the guys he took a briefcase from took em and they want it back
she sez the case is gone up the line and is gone now
then as bucre walks back he gets capped
hes dead and wont be coming back
his phone rings and hen takes it and his gun and a guy comes after em
he runs as they take bruces body away to make into a universal soldier
he asnwers the phone and the guy sez they have 21 hours and he wants tom
then the cops get him but one gets picked off and he gets away by hopping a fence and running through a park
he gets to a bathroom and collects his thoughts as well as checks his inventory like its resident evil
then hides the gun and goes to the embassy but they got no info on his dad and think he capped da cop
isnt soviet europe under constant surveilence with cameras everywhere?
just check those
then a guy taks him to a car with sigorny leaver from aliaens and groliinas i the mist who knows him from his being a kid
he got a scar making her a martini at age 10
kids and booze. thats europe
as they drive she grills him and he fakes being sick like in captain america to get em to pull over and he runs away
he gets his gun he hid and gets on a bus
he gets a call asking for tom and its his mom asking for brue
he tells them bruce bit it but the guy wants his breifcase or they get iced
he calls someone asking for diego (go go) and she gives him her address
he goes there and tries to knfe him
then a guy comes out and they fight and guy gets a metal thing in his back
he and girl talk and team up as they wanna ice her uncle diego

they go to a house and groliia girl is there is calm like hilery climtin and just as evil
she sez she iced brce cuz he was gonna betry their country
she wants info andf sez some malcontents have his fam
then a gunfight breaks out with girl taking shots at em and grolina girtl pullas a gun on him and they escape
a woman bad guy?
thats not common
i mean yeah the witch in oz was in the 30s
bt still
sothey get to da roof and he lowers her down but gorilla girl takes shots at hm through a door and he has to get out
he jumps off a roof, the cable on hisa waist pulls off a sattelite dish and he falls while bumping the side of a building
they getta way on a motorbike but crash bt get away as theres too many witnesses soshe gets a photo on her phone
hen was hit so she take him to some underground health place and they do makeshift surgery on him as he screams
i gotta say, there's a lot of scenes where its them going through places and not much desciptive is going on
like them going through a house and looking around
its kind of a good calm before the storm
after that girl finds out bruce was hens dad and she knew him
he thinks she sez b0ning him but she sez bruce was her dad too
i thought they were gonna fall in love
i mean they still can
it would be a good step for inbreeder rights to have an openly inbred couple in a mainstream movie
like a 21st century guess who's coming to dinner
but his guess of her b0ning him would be a good hint at that
so hen goes off alone to the meeting place and a guy has him follow him to a car
they put him in a sleeper hold and when he wakes up they beating him tied to a chair
the guy tells hen that he had a sting to find crooked agents and bruce shoqwed up, iced his men and took a breifcase with some macguffin his country needed
why did they bring a real important thing to a sting??
also the gorilla aliens chick is takin out witnesses and is the real badguy
and if guy hadent captuted em, shre'd have iced em
and he wants hen to lure out gorolla girl to cautch her
or he'd let loose the fam and let her waste em
after sleeperholding and dumping hen, he goes to a club and remeets his half sister the hirl
they realize the bad guys have spys everywhere and start a commotion to get attention
he beats on a guy but gets tazered
wait
its another guy who got tazered and the henry (whos name is will like will wheaton) interrogates him and beats on him
the tazer guy looks like eurotrash with his face hair and ponytail
hen decides to do something and goes to a car with sister 1/2
caught guy burns his bondage off with a hot pipe and cooks himself
good thing hes european so he can cannibal later
caught guy gets away but hen follows him to gorilla alien girl (gag ) and they follow them
so the real agents go after her but she effortlessly takes em out 1 handed with a gun and gets away
also she takes out caught guy in a car crash
hen gets away and him and sister 1/2 follow her on a car chase through spain night zone
eventually she crashes and theres a shotout
then she car chases them and keeps shooting
do they run outta ammo?
is this contra??
so they crash and she goes to him slowly and talks to him instead of just shooting him when she has the chance
then again, he can't hurt her as he's upside down in a car and beat up
then a sniper takes her out and the agents get back the breifcase
juts like in gorillas in the mist, she's the bad guy and gets taken back to h-ll
so the sister 1/2 gets treatment and the hen gets his fam back
later a guy tells hen his dad was innocent and offers hen a chance at working for da gov
i think he turns it down as he goes to see sister 1/2 and his fam welcomes her into the fam
the end
that wasnt as bad as everyone says
rotten tomatoes gave it 5% outta 100
it don't deserve that
its decent
its got good pacing, acting, twists, and a woman bad guy
the action is pretty cool and its got decent stunts and effcts
its not something ur gonna totally love like robocop or starship troopers
but its not unwatchable or horrid
whatever people hated about this i didnt see it
for The Cold Light of Day 2 i want henry and his sister to have fallen in love but the rest of his fam dont approve. but they can't say anything as they saved em. so they use bruce willis's contacts to have her assasinated. so its up to henry to take out the assassins and figure out who's sending em. also its a 16 bit run and gun game like contra or midnight resistance on sega genesis, snes, atari jaguar, tg16 and gba and you play as henry or the half sister.

Collateral Review

note; i spell wrong but its righter than most
collateral
this is my review on collateral from the 00s
i've never seen this b4 but heard it was good
its got tom cruise, jamie foxx, mrs will smith and mark rullfolo
its directed by mixchael mann who did manhunter, the last of the hohicans and maimi vice
it starts with tom getting to soviet los angelas
jamie foxxx is a taxoi driver and deals with a55 holes
he pix up a black woman  and drives her around til its night
they argue over what road to take and he sez if his road is a55 the ride is free
he wins and they chat
he has an island cab company dream and shes a lawyer
she sez he got her there fast even though it went from sun up to pitch blacok night on their trip
also she is f ing out of being a lawyer
foxx has a picture of an island he mentally goes to whewn he's f'd
she leaves and gives him her number or w/e
later he gets tom crooz and tom sez this guy bit it on da subway and no one noticed for 6 hours
they chat and at his stop tom wants him to drive him around to get 6 signitures and get to da plane by 6 am
he pays foxxx and foxxx consents'
later a body falls on his windfshield and tom sez he iced the guy
tom pulls a gun on foxxx and they put the body in the trunk
foxxx offers tom da car but tom makes him drive him
at the 1st crime scene this mexico finds that tom iced this guy and cals da cops
while driving tom reveals he didnt know the guy he iced and how after rwanda no one cared about all those wackings
also the guy he ice was a crook
then the cops pull over foxxx and tom tels to to talk his way out of it or he'd ice em
he sez he hit a deer and da cops gotta impound it as its unsafe as its got a damaged windashield
but i think tom does something as the cops leave
i was reading sometying
tom tapes foxx to the windshield i mean wheel for styeering and foxxxs boss calls
tom fakes being a lawyer and gets boss to back down
and tom makes foxx say hes gonna jamm da car up his fat a55
tom goes to ice sum goons and jamie asks strangers for help
as its los angelas, they threaten and steal from him
tom kills em and gets back his cr-p they stole
but both r bad guys
los angelas thugs and a hitman
mexicop an other cops at da 1st crime scene check things but find no body
then tom and star foxxx go to a jazz club
they talk with a guy who met miles davis prowler
then tom has to ice him
but gives him a chance to live if he answers the question about jazz right
he gets it wrong and tom pops his head
foxx walks away but tom grabs him by the throat and starts b0ning him
jk
he just grabs him
so the boss calls jamie saying his mom wants him and tom makes him go as he visits her every night and breaking routine arouses suspicious
tom gets mom flowers and is nice to her
she embarreeses foxxx and foxxx jacks toms bag and runs
on a bridge foxxx throws the bag into traffic and it gets run over
tom puts his gun in jamie foxx's a55 and empties it into him
jk
turns out the guys who tom iced were connected
they go to the next place and talk about past and future cr-p
cuz toms items were f'd, he has foxx do a thing for him or hes gonna ice foxxx's mom
foxxx goes up saying hes tom and they let him in
he asks some drug boss for info on his targets and gets it
but now everyone thinks foxx is the real tom who iced a cab driver and took his place
so they go to this partyy and tom tells foxxx that if he wanders then innocenrt bystanders will get it
then tom beats a guy dead
da cops get there and pull guns but in the chaos they go off and when a guy aims at foxx, tom capps guy and saves foxx
some asians grab tom and a cop gets foxx out
but tom breaks free and wastes more dregs b4 leaving
as foxx gets out, toim caps da cop and they get away
foxx is disgruntled over tom wacking the cop and wonders why tom didn';t ice him
tom sez cuz foxxx is goood
foxx drives fast and tom pulls a gun on him but foxx knows if tom shoots, they both bite it
he crashes
a cop comes by but is gonna arrst foxx
foxx sees on toms laptop that toms final target is the black lawyer he drove and he takes down the cop and goes to save her
so foxx calls her but she dont think its real
until he sez the guy in her case is taking out witnesses
then tom busts in woith a gun
but i think hes in the wrong room
hes 2 floors below her in her office and foxx can see em
is this rear window?
i think hitchcocks corpse is gonna sue
the tom figgers out shes up there but the phone connectoon is f'd
foxx runs as tom closes in
you expect to run to the building, up 16 floors, and save her, before he gets there?!
tom kills the power in the building by axing a cable
fox kids finds the guard iced
so tom gets her but foxx saves her by capping tom
tom gets up and shoots at em but it was reflextions like goku's after image in dbgt
they run when foxx had him dead bang and could've executed him then and there while he was shocked by getting capped and ended it
they get to a subway but tom hitches a ride on the back
he gets in and they try to escape
eventually they stop and shoot at each other through a door as the lights flicker
then sit down  as they outta ammo and tom bitrs it on the train in soviet los angeles
see you in h-ll tom cruise
so foxx and lawyer walk off as the sun comes up but in the next shot its darker where the train goes
the end
that was pretty good
the ending was sorta like nosferatu or sunrise by f w murnau with the dark night ending with the new day
good action and tension
good story
fel kinda 80s like that other tom crooz movire with he had h--kers
for all we know its the same guy who moved up
tom biting it and foxx surviving with his woman was later done in law abiding citizen with gerald butler
i liked this one
shows how dark l a can get
even tom cruise was good in here
for collateral 2 i want tom to make a pack with a daemon in the after life to come back to finish the job and every bad guy he kills goes to h-ll. he hunts down jamie foxxx and his woman and they gotta try to escape but hes got daemon powers now. also its a 16 bit action game like phantom 2040 on sega genesis, tg16, snes, atari jaguar and gba and you find clues wile blasting people with daemon blasts and h-llfire shots.

Elephant Boy Review

Note; i spell like an elephiant would... on crack
elephant boy
this is my review on elephant boy from the distant future year (to the czar) of 1937
its based on a story toonami i mean toomai of the elephants from the jungle book by rudyard kipling
its directed by Robert J. Flaherty and Zoltan Korda who did good cr-p
recording director; a w watkins
any relation to sky watkins who was in la blue girl and urotsukidoji?
it stars sabu and a buncha guys i never heard of
also it starts with a book opening and the credits on pages
just like pretty much every book film from then
so then we see toonami talking to the audience and saying his fam always named their kids toomai and did elephants
he goes on for a wordy monologue like tommy wiseau would do about his elephant fetish and how to catch and keep em
after 1 hunt they called him tomai of da elefantz
then we see an asian elephanrt and it looks weird but cool
it pulls branches off sabu and he wakes up
also theres a monkey
elephant eats sabu's stick he calls a shuriken i think
then his boss or owner or w/e comes by and sez theres gonna be a hunt but but sabu has to wash his elephant(that sounds wrong)
he climbs up on it and rides off like he man on battle cat but more size difference
the elephant almost steps on a kid but dont and they go to a village to eat cr-p off a roof
the elephant works woth sabu to lift and help him
its like tommy and the dragonzord
i think they r eating water melon but i cant tell as its b/w
also theres a sign o the wall asking for elephants to join in on a hunt
for some reason, i think my granspa from slovenia (1914-2009) looked kinda like an elephant
something about his eyes
so sabu rides the elephint to the water and its butt moves left and right as it walks like a fat chick
he helps bathe his elehant
also theres a mommy and baby elephant in da water
imagine if he crawled inside the elephant's a55 and controlled it like a veritech
meanwhile some brits are talking about how they need a lotta elephants
1 guy wants 40 and interviews a gy who sounds kinda like boris karloff who sez the elephants left
someone blows a big A55 horn to summon the elephants
1 guy with sabu gets spritzed by his elephant ands punches its back
nowadays some animal supremacist would go mental over it being "cruel"
yet anyone with a working brain knows that wiener's fist cant hurt that hulking dinosaur
its like spitting on a dog
no damage
baby sucks mommys nip
so thats an elephants nipple
looks like a zit
so the brit has an interview of thre elphimys
1 guy brings a chaimned elehasnt in cuz its strong but a trouble maker
brit sez if da gov found out they'd have him shot
thats big gov
oh and sabu's zord is brought in and shows ff his tricks
also owner is his dad and sabu sez he learned a lot from the elephant
it fought in wars and afrca
i was not aware england dominated india went to war wit soviet africa in the 1800s
cuz sabu dont gotta mom (;like in all disney films) and brit dont want him getting into trouble, brit brings savu along
later sabu prays to his god and sez he'd never steal melons again
so when does sabu become grotesque and deformed into some boney abomination and anthony hopkins falls in love with him?
so they go a long way to da jungle and i just realized that sabu and elephant are like tyson and dragoon in beyblade
elephant holds a stick to help sabu climb to catch this animal rthat looks like the thing from mac and me
but brit busts his a55 for going out in the dangerous jungle
at night brit wants a big a55 stockade made and to get ready for the hunt
after this big wood castyle is slapped together by work from man and elephant
elephants are daemons right? they got head wings for when you blow the body and the head to fly away.
mouth horns for stabbing people. and a tentacle on its face. plus they have huge tentacle like d0ngz! its like something from Urotsukidoji
so the castle has a gate that swings closed
but after 6 weeks they cant find any elephants
or; hairless mastodons
and brit wants to give up
bit is convinced to try for 1 more moon(whatever that means)
sabu gives the people advice on how to catch e;iplants and is laffed at by the unwashed masses
they say he'd be a hunter when he sees da elephants dance
he runs off and starts crying and cutting himself while listening to mo music
jk
the brit sez if he finds eephants dancing he'd make him a hunter
later a tiger goes near the goats and dad tells brit as he told no one else so they wouldnt freak out
not sure if its day or night as the lighting keeps changing
brit and dad go out and brit uses a gun on it
but dad runs out like a dumba55 and the tiger gets him
they bring hats left of dad back and sabu sees him
he's got no face, hands, feet or man parts amnd his gut is open and spilling organs
jk
thats a chimp attack
so sabu bites it from the shock and it ok after some rest
when he comes to brit comforts him
later sabu burns the pieces the tiger didnt eat
but elephant is going mental over his master being eaten by a tiger and is chained up
brit decides to send sabu back and to school to learn math and reading and cr-p
and some bad guy is gonna have the elephant
bad guy whips elephant with a chain but it breaks free and goes on a rampage
once in hawaii this circus elephant went mental when a new trainer made a MIstake and crushed his head under his foot, then busted up da town
it took the cops over 80 bullets to stop that rampaging behemotrh
sent it to H E Double Harambe!
so sabu comes back and tells the elephat off and it works
it pix sabu up and carrys him on his head
it looked like he was gonna stick his tusks up his a55
later sabu tries helping bad guy but bad guy ants sabu and elephant shot and sold parts of
the people debate capping or oisoning elephant
brit goes to see bad guy and gets him to call off the hit on the elephant or he'd kick him outta the camp and let the animals b0ne him dead
sabu is sleeping so brit ias gonna tell him about it later
but sabu was faking it and runs away with his elephamnt
is this an 1800s free willy?
eventually the camp figures out hes gone and go looking 4 him
if this goes how i think it will, the kid nearly gets killed and the elepphant gets wounded saving him, but they pull through and save the day
i think i saw this years ago but dont remember much
so sabu sleeps and elephant goes off on his own
later sabu wakes up and ant find him and i'm not sure if its day or night
he loox 4 him and finds a swarm of elephants walking
he eventually finds his elephant and they reuse footage of it putting him on his head
they go with the swarm of elephants and they all start roaring rthen dancing
imagine a break dancing elephant
after much reused footage sabu and elephant are on da ground as monkeys watch
imagine if in all the footage shot for this, they had an elephant reaching up another ones a55 to get a snack.
thats real
look it up
so its implied its probably a dream that had the dacing elephants
but theres a water hole full of elephants
the camp comes and sabu tries to take brits gun to stop them from wacking his elephant (that sounded wrong)
he offers to be brits slave if he spares elephant
brit tells sabu he wont cap elephant and sabu sez what he saw
he brings em to the swarm of elephants just a few feet away that thety couldnt see somehow
the camp use horns and fire sticks  (torches ) and noise to herd them to da river
then they ride their elephants and get em to the fortress they made.
nowadays they'd make this look bad for catching wild animals
so sabu gets to be a hunter and is sent to train wth a guy for 10 years like terry and andy bogard from fatal fury 1
and now hes toomai of the elephants like his grandpa
everyone cheers
the end
that was nice
simple clean lite fun 1800s movie
i like films based on books, set in the 1800s, and used without cgi
although bram stokers dracula s-cked
this was a well done film and its got good feels.
For Elephant Boy 2 I want it to be about his training and he hears of harry elephants in america that were sighted in alaska. he goes on a trip to it and now as elephant abilities like strength, hearing, swimming and detatchable body parts under his control. he goes there and its about him hunting, finding, and fighting with them as there are 1000 foot squid under the north pole where he is that come up and eat them. its also a 16 bit platform sega gensis, snes, tg16, atari jaguar an gba with you using our abilities to go through the north ole and ice castles of the people there and fighting them, north animals, mammoths, wooly rhino's, and a giant squid as the game boss.

The Lady Vanishes Review

review; i spell in english but americano engligsh so its better
the lady vanishes
this is my review on the lady vanishes from the 30s
its by alfted yankovich i mean hitchcock and stars a buncha brits i never heard of
I've never seen this b4 and avoided spoilers so everything is a surpirze
it starts with a miniaturte vilage in thre snow and the camera moving around it
at this inn or something at this italiano place the head hotel guy sez stuff in like 8 languages and sez cuz da train is late they gotta egister
threse probably americaco chicks go up with him and these 2 fruity brits chat about little things
they go to getta room and get the maids room after wanted a room with a bath
are they gonna b0ne??
is this the same hotel from the 30s invisible man?
it ooks like it
so they chicks chat about guys and 1 sez she has 0 regrets
later 1 fruity brit uses a phone to find out about cricket in soviet england
at dinner cuz there's too many people, there's no food left
i say they eat one of em
works in hansle and gretle
this geezer chick goes on about her living here for 6 years and goes off
no ragrets complains on a phone about th guest abone her banging around on da floor
headguy goes up and its these ugly people dancing and a snooty guy plasying a flute like ferris bueler who tells headguy to gtfo
so no ragrets pays head guy to shut em up
but flute guy comes in at night to her room and locks himslef in her bathroom and sings to make her pay toe manager restore his room
da next dae thae are leaving and no ragrets is it in the head with something
she leaves on a train and later goes to get some tea with the geezer as brits are too unevolved for pop
she's going to be married at home
i gotta say, i like the late 20s eartly 30s style of this
its got a charming feel
the camera and all
later no ragrets goes to look for the geezer but she's gone and no ones seen her
she meets flute guy who sez the people probably didn't know what she said
they ask around and 1 guy is a brain surgeon like american hero ben carson
they ask around but no one saw the geezer
this is turning twilight zone
remember that one where these guys went up in an experimental aircraft and one by one they were erased from existance?
that scared the h-ll outta me
more than urotsukidoji and violence jack
brain guy says a had hit can make people see things
and its all in her head
later this married couple chats about if one of em was lying or cheeting or something
oh they are talking about the geezer
the wife tells no ragrets she saw geezer
ohh
the couple are married to other people
and she said she saw her to avoid a scandle that would finger em as cheeters
no ragters and flute cop find a woman matching geezers clothes description but not her body as this one is german and young
they ask around but the people say the german chick is the one they saw
flutie and no ragters talk about his dad and life nd he comes on to her
she sees where geezer wrote her name on the window b4 but they go through a tunnel and its gone
she freaks out and stops the train
after a 10 min offscreen break, they go on and no ragtres and fluite look in the baggage area and see a moving box
but its got an animal in it
also they foind a poster about an act about a vanishing lady
also they find a trick trunk for magic shows to make someone vanish
they find geezers glasses but a hand comes for em like in a silent film and its a guy who claims to own em
they struggle and roll around on da floor like less 18+ mma
in the fight she busts his head and it cracks open spilling out gooey brains
jk
it just stuns him and they hide him in a box
but they realize he's got the glases and when they look he's gone as its a trick box
they look for brain dr but cant find him
fluite suggests brainy is geezer in disguise
then that german choick was swapped out for geezer
they try to check brainys patietns face but brainy comes in ad stops em saying its just raw flesh under there after an accident
darkman??
brain dr tells em to have a rink with him but plots with his nun assistant to do something to their drinks
also its implied he's beind something with geezer
at the drinking car they tell brainy smurf about what happened in the lugage van and how da nun is in high heels
better than a bikini like the uncut 3 stooges movie
flutites takes a drink
as dores no ragress
later he tells em he's gonna operate on the patient who is the geezer but hes gonna f it up on purpose
and he drugged their drinks an its gonna knock em out
they black out and brainy leaves but they were faking
they gotta stay awake and keep stimulated
gett9ng a b0ner keeps u up
he hangs out da window and crawls to the patient car
nun there sez she didnt drug em an is on their side
they take off da bandages abnd get her out then go back to their car
brainy xsees em and thinks they still asleep
at the station brany puts geezer in the car but its not her
the ambulance leaves but nun and brainy are on da train
he has nun iced for turning on him and theres a bad geezer with em
they show the geezer to the people in the train and its stopped
the nun is not iced but bound and gagged and a cop comes on
fluitie dont trust him and busts a chair on his head
oh and dr brain and bad geezer are outside in a car
the cops come for him but he holds em off with a gun
but brits hate guns
guns are manly and cool
the cheeting husband hads a gun but is afraid to use it
this guy is all kinds of s-ck
so there's a gunfight and geezer reveals she's really a spy and is gonna make a run for it
she teaches fluitie the song thats a code to a pact between 2 countries
she runs and they run outta ammo
cheeting husband wants to surrender in hopes of being spared
he'd let them b0ne him if they tried
they restart the train and the car chases after em
then cop wakes up and pulls a gun on em
no gartets sez there's only 1 bullet left
nun gets out and changes the tracks switch but gets capped
they get away and look like they gon leave
but get in the same car and make out
they go to da forign office but after b0ning in the car, he';s forgotten the tune
they hear the tune and its geezer who somehow made it there before them on foot through the woods
the end
that was pretty good
good mystery and twists
good balance of not knowing if its in her head or not
good suspence
i liked it
its got that late 20s feel that a lot of european films in the 30s had
its sorta like hitchcock's other films like the lodger or vertigo
ur not sure who's right until its too late
its a well made film and i think publicv domain probably
watch this one
for the lady vanishes 2 i want it to be revealed the geezer is making a pact to have england crush another country who it fears might surpass it and who wants to be the next america. flute guy sees the guys trying to ice her were trying to save their country and the grezer was the bad guy. he tries to take her out but she phases through him and reveals she has ancient tech soviet england has acquired from pacts with daemons and has used it to get to the place they are at b4 him. the girl reveals she has now got psychic powers from the head hit and overcharges an esp blast to obliterate her. but she is gonna reform in a brit daemon pit hidden in england and will make the deal then. so its up to flute guy who ca use his flute to fire sonic burts and the eps girl who gradually recovers her esp after overcharging it to find and destory the daemon pits to keep her from reviving. its also a 16 but game like master of darkness but on sega genesis, snes, atari jaguar, tg16 and gba where you play as one or both of em and fight off brits and daemons.

Dreamer: Inspired by a True Story Review

Note: i spell horse
Dreamer: Inspired by a True Story
this is my review of Dreamer: Inspired by a True Story from 2005 (the year the transformers moivie is set)
its got kurt russel, dakota fanning and kris kirstofferson
I never saw this before but the actors i like so it could be cool
its directed by the guy who wrote kong skull island and the 2017 power rangers movie
he also acted in witchboard 2 and pumpkinhead 2
so dakota lives on a horseless horsefarm in kentucky
her dad kurt russel works and dont spend much time with da fam
dakota stands in front of his car as she dgoes and he brings her with him
they go to a race track to watch horses
man kurt russel looks like bill murrey
imagine garfield as snake plissken
they chat with a black mexican and work on the horses
then this rich guy named prince something, wait i think he is a prince, wait, its a guy who works for prince to help him get horses to beat his bro
he wants to buy a horse and they watch a race
but da horse they liked trips and splatters into a pile of guts on the floor
jk
it just falls over
it broke its cannon bone which i think star wars did when disney took over, and they gotta put it to sleep
princeman don't care and fires kurt for not liking his tude
he owes kurt 9000 $ but only has 6000$ so kurt gets the horese too
they get home and its raining cuz its more dramatic and kurts dad kris kiristoferdsoncomes by and sez they otta put it to sleep
kurt remembered how kris saved a horse with a broken cannon bone as a kid
kris sed it let da horse walk a few years and he capped it
send that pony to H E Double Equestria
So kris helps
next day they say the horse cant race but might walk one day
but they can use it for breeding
and sell it for 300 000 $
later Dakota feeds the horse long t-rds i mean chocolate popsicles and puts the sticks in the ground
later the other helper sez his story of coming in 5th once and in his 2nd race he got run over by 3 horses and got all f'd
sounds like he should be a cyborg and take horses out for revenge
also he has dreams of falling off da horse but b4 he hits, he wakes up
then dakota feeds the horse anothe t-rdsicle and puts the stick with the dozen or so others
later datkoa chats with kurt about how their farm once was great but now s-cked
he got tired of raising horses for others to win with a kept a few for himself
at school dakia writes a story about a king, his castle and their magic horse
what is this? my little pony?
later a horse dr sez da horse can breed
what kind of b0ning experiments did that dr do to find that out?!
then kurt and dakoma go to see horses that won races
the guy there brings out a midget horse to help with the breeding
then shows them the horse he chose; grand slam
is this a p0rn0?!
but breedr wants 150 000 to breed with it as the usual breeding fee for grand slam is 200 000 $
horse h00kers
later kirs talks about grand slam and i think hes got a thing for him
and gives daokta papers about horse info her dad dont want her to know
and has dakota give him a coffee can with 20 000 $
he dont want it but kris talks him into it
later kurt tels darkonda that the horses name is spanish for dreamer
later kurt needs cash as things r f'd
hes gonna breed it but horse dr sez she's not able to
later mom who's not in most of this film sez kurt gotta spend time withdaoka
but he sez if dakoma wreent there that night he'd have let em ice it
dakota hears and is gonna run away
and is using the horse to ride out on
kurt comes in, horse spooks and runs and he drives after em
kurt drives ahead and gets out and daemoe jumps into his arms
that horse is going to the oven now
fire it up!!
later horse dr sez da horse is healed and there was a horse that had da same damage who won some thing
kurt sez da horse is too fat and had too many popsicles
fat horses?
thats brony
so they try racing it and it comes in 3rd
but after the race hes sold it and dakota gets p-ssed
turns out he didn't wanna but had to so they could enter or something and only 1 other horse got bought
bt dakotas characters name is cale like that wiener in dragoin ball super
so dakota gets whiny about her hosre getting sold and we get  bummer moment
next day kurt has to go to dakolas school for parents night like in degrassi jr high
at it he reads her story about this king whos kingdom got f'd and he got a horse that gave him the hope to go on and find their kingdom restored somehow
that stor6y dont add up
was the kingdom teleported to the top of the mountain where they went?
kurt komes back to damomoko and they reconsile
nexrt day horse is back by spending his coffee money
and kurt gives legal ownership of da hourse to kardoma
then we getta montage of dakoma doing stuff and drinking coffee she made (witch tasted like a55, based on her reactions)
later daomoa decides to run in the breeders cup
so she goes to the comitty but there's an entrance fee of 40 000 $ and another 80 000 $ later
oh and her name is cale crane like Jonathan Crane, the scarecrow, from batman
later da horse gets in the breeders cup
later princeman offers them 20 000 $ for da horse
then 40 000$
as dakota dont wanna, he offers them 100 000 $ and dads job back
she almoist does it but turns it down
but later is gonna drop out
yet the other guy is over his ptsd and is gonna race again and it brings her back
they go to the brother of the prince for cash as they can beat the princes big a55 horse and he consents
at the race the princemans horse freaks out thee horse and it f's its leg
so cuz da odds are 8-0 to 1, kurt bets 250 odd $ on it
so they race and other guy nearly falls out but learns from last time and gets his foot back in the hoop
they win and 257$ at 80 to 1 is 20 000 $
the end
that was pretty good
nice light clean film
good acting and mucus i mean musci i mean sumns i mean music
good simple story and good flow
it doesnt drag and has good pacing
not much to say
i like it
its got hope
sorta like dbz or yugioh
even if it looks lost, as long as there's life, there's hope
for Dreamer: Inspired by a True Story 2 i want the prince who lost the race to em to send his goons to take out the horse who beat em. but dakota gets in the way and gets bown open with a mini bazooka. to save her, the grandpa uses a forbidden ritual he learned in his youth to fuse the wounded horse and whats left of dakota into 1 body. noew she's like a centaur but is waist up from the horses shoulders. she also can communicate with the horse by mind link and they go on a revenge attack to get back at the prince and his goons for trying to wack em. also its a 16 bit action game like strider on snes, sega genesis, atari jaguar, tg16 and gba and you go around stomping goons and people who fear you and try to take you out. also the prince is the game boss and he's a weird humanoid horse creature like bojack horseman but in bad cgi and was created when his dad b0ned a horse in a black ritual and has lightening attacks and can transform 2x into bigger badder formes.