Crossroads Review

note; oi spell like Brittny spears acts; like a55!!
crossroads
this is my reviee on crossroard from 2002
its got Brittny spears and dan aykroyd from ghost busters
everyone sez this movie s-cked
lets If see if I think that
remember; I liked get rich or die trying, and the garbage pail kids movie
this is by Mtv?!
the jacka55 guys!?
beavis and butthead?!
looks like we're in for high brow cr-p
so it starts with these kids burying a box and making wishes
young Brittany is played by her kid sister Jamie lynn who was on nickelodeans all that
I liked that show
and Zoey 101
I never saw it but joking about it being nami sos
then she got pregnant at 16
to be fair, she put her career on hold to be there for her kid
so I have respect for her for that
the girls vow to open it for their highschool graduation
then its 8 years later and Brittany spears is dancing in her undies to 80s music that sounds like it should be in Robotech
oh its "open your heart to me"
then ghostbusters comes in and sez shes gotta hurry for some cr-p
later its high school this black chick mocks Brittany spears for being a virgin
after graduating, ghost busters sez Brittany spears wants to be a dr.
like... night shift nurses???
later shes at home and emo over being valedictorian not being fun
and she wanted to do stuff she didn't get to
wait
most of that stuff is being irresponsible
staying out late and being a slacker and going to teen parties
if she did she might wind up in a maternity ward on guerrero st
I never went to parties or stayed out late
I also don't smoke, drink, do drugs, b0ne, or make p0rn0
i'm like chichi from dragonball
and not just cuz I went around in a speedo as a kid
later its the graduation thing and the 3 girls wanna go out at midknight to get their thing
playing at the graduation party is a hot guy they say just got outta jail after killing a guy
if he killed a guy he wouldn't be out so soon
then Brittany spears is about to b0ne a guy on prom night
prom night V; i'm not dat innocent
b4 they b0ne the nerdy guy reads a list of reasons they should
but Brittany spears gives him advice to not
he don't wanna g to college a virgin
why is virgin somehow bad?
you wanna wind up like Charlie sheen, magic johnson, john holmes, rock Hudson and Freddie mercury??
after the white friend is pregnant and the possible baby daddy wants to now f its his
and she attacks him for it
what a b--ch
later the friends meet to get da box
they had toys in it and they say what their wishes were
Brittany spears wanted to find her mom
but didn't
white friend wanted to leave their confederate town and see the ocean of California
cuz medical waste and aids needles on the beach are fun
white friend decides to go to L A to get a recording contract
and her girl homies wanna come 2
later the fam knows white friend is preggers
and Brittany spears tries talking to ghost busters about mom
but he sez she left and is the bad guy
and night Brittany spares leaves and her homies are there with jail guy getting ready in daytime
they drive to music
oh and Brittany spears wants to be dropped off in Arizona
jail guy is going gay for Brittany spears and white friend sez shes outta his league
yeah but that nerd who nearly b0ned her was
they then drive more to music
and get to alabama at night
he stops as he don't want the female drivers and wants to sleep in the field
but girls get him to go to the waffle house and a cr-ppy motel
this is how horror movies start
plus hes an accused killer
the next day Brittany spears is taking a shower and her homie flush
also her white friend wipes her hands on the towel Brittany spears wears
what is this? the 00s fantastic 4?
Brittany spears hears he killed someone and white friend only got him as he has a car
so she shuns him
after another day of driving to a song about a guy who could just kill a man, they shop
shopping and shoes and miniskirts and boys!
this is a bimbo movie!
black friend is gonna marry a guy and white friend don't wanna marry her baby daddy
and isn't thinking about her future
just wants a contract
later Brittany spears calls ghost buster dad but he goes on a whiny tirade and she hangs up
the next day the car breaks down
freekin cr-pmobile
Brittany spears finds out the issue
and knows how much it will cost
she'd be good in the wastelands of fist of the north star
they don't have enough cash to tow and fix da car
I could think of a few ways they could make money (p0rn0 music plays)
white and black friends girlishly fight and Brittany spears stops em
and sez they don't belong together
at da garage Brittany spears wants to give up the road trip
but white friend talks her outta it and has an idea
also they in louisianna
at night they go to a karaoke contest to win cash
at least they aint b0ning men for it
white friend cr-ppily sings I love rock and roll
so Brittany spears with 80s hair sings it
also they're dressed like anime characters (5kanks)
they sing the whole song and it goes on for a while
its kinda cr-ppy
im starting to see why everyone hates this film
finally it ends and they win
they have enough cash to fix the car
and they didn't have to be h00kers
yet...
the Brittany spears dances like a 5kank and a guy gets the wrong idea and gets too lusty
so killer guy slugs him out
later they go to a less cr-ppy motel and killer guy leaves
right when they make cash, they blow it on a high end motel and booze
its like mc hammer all over again
wait, they're drinking pepsi
later they laugh about if Brittany spears touched a guys man thing
its revealed black friend went to fat camp cuz her mom didn't want her fat
but now is p-ssed her daughter is less ugly than her
like a kung fu master who's student surpasses him
also as she sez this shes eating
now she'd be on my 600lb life
hose her off in the backyard!!
also white friend don't drink cuz 1 time she got drunk and some guy b0ned her
and now shes preggo
looks like the guy she punched, is NOT the father!
black guys; ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
this is why I don't drink
gotta keep my senses so no one sodomizes me
later they drive to texas and killer jail guy falls asleep
so the girls swipe his keys and drive his car without consent to music
he wakes up and makes em stop the car and goes out and goes mental
then starts b0ning them while screaming like a monkey and foaming at the mouth
jk
hes really mental from putting up with their girly cr-p for days
at night Brittany spears asks him if he killed a guy
he sez he drove his stepsister to help her from his stepdad beating her a55
as he took a minor across state lines, hes a criminal and stepdad pressed charges
we never hear stepdads side of the story
maybe step sister threw the 1st punch and he was defending himself from her mania
da next day they climb a rock thing and look at the sun going up or down
at night black friend teaches white friend how to fight and Brittany spears has a moment with jail guy
then white friend sez something bit her a55
next day they drop Brittany spears at her moms place
how'd she find it?
this is 2002
the net is new
and she's from the south with a bunch of inbred cannibals
she meets her mom played by one of the 5kanks from secks and the city
mom asks why she came but Brittany spears sez she wanted to see her
kids logic that makes sense to kids
but jaded adults don't get it
its in character for her to think like that
like that punk from the cure thinking eating plants can cure aids
also she has half brothers
at night Brittany spears returns and sez her mom didn't want her and making her was a mistake
that's f--king evil
you don't tell that to your child
what a horrible wh0re
it might make her kid snap
Brittany spears otta skin her alive and wear it and go around as her so people think shes going around naked
I gotta admit, the film had chutzpa to make the mom so cruel
at least she didn't kill her daughter
later the next day jail guy and Brittany spears play music and sing
then smooch
later she calls ghost buster dad and sez she loves him
the they drive to more music
they go to soviet los angelas and are at the beach
later blaxk friend goes to see her bf in jail guys car with white friend
jail friend consents to this as he is b0ning Brittany spears
black friend finds her future husband has a bimbo at his place
also black friend realizes her future husband is the one who b0ned white friend pregnant
all because he has a blue beer bottle
because only 1 man in the world drinks bloo bottle beer
white friend runs when blaxk friend makes him confront her and falls down stairs
at the hospital she tells Brittany spears the baby bit it
that's really sad
he was innocent
and shes sad as she'd have made a good mom
this is a really tragic thing for a bubbly Brittany spears movie
so ghostbuster tirades Brittany spears over making him spend money to get there
and wants her to go back with him
after a while ghost buster and her drive off in a taxi
she asks him to let her go and she goes back to jail guy and smooches him in front of her dad
then does this singing thing audition to not a girl, not yet a woman
this goes on for a while
after that they bury their cr-p in a box and say they are saying goodbye to their past like in shadow the hedgehog on gamecube
the end
that wasn't so awful
its a decent teen movie
a bit dark and sad but not unwatchable
although the music numbers go on too long
but its a bright colored sunny movie for teens in the early 00s
like the degrassi next gen dinks would like
I didn't hate it
its not super great like the transformers 80s movie or birth of a nation
but its not horrid or despisable
for crossroads 2 I want it to be the 2010s and the girls meet up again. the black friend was force fed by her mom back to obesity and beyond out of jealousy and now she can hardly walk. the white friend is addicted to pregnancy out of mental issues and keeps b0ning guys to gets pregnant and selling the kids as slaves, and Brittany spears has become a bodybuilder assassin out of feelings of being worthless from her birth mom's words and wants to make something of herself. the half brothers come to Brittany spears and say their mom ditched em too and they just found out she's been having familys and dumping em for years and they want revenge. so they hire Brittany spears to take her out. its also an 8 but nes, sega master system, Gameboy and game gear game where you play as Brittany spears and hunt down the mom to get even. also her friends can help her out by finding them in the level. pregnant friend gives you enough points to get another life from the cash she made selling her kids, and obese friend lets you eat her body until you are at full life. also the mom has black magic powers and feeds off bad emotions she causes so she makes kids who hate her.

Super 8 Review

note; I almost saw this. but didn't. so typoes

super 8

this is my review on super 8

its by j j abrams who did mission impossible, lost, fringe, cloverfield, and other cr-p I never saw

when this was in theatres my fam went to see a movie

but as my dad had a rough week at work we saw bridesmaids as he wanted a comedy

that movie s-cked

I know very little of this film but heard it was good

it starts with a factory having a accident offscreen

days without an accident now 0

some chick bit it

kids gossip about how gory her end was

her kid was making a zombie movie but might not now

then a guy comes to the house and a cop takes him away

04 months later its summer

and da kids are making a new movie

wait, its still da zombie one

theyre making it for a film festival

and want a better story

then the fat kid has dinner with his probably polish fam

and main kid goes home and his dads crying

later they have dinner at a restaurant and dad wants son to do sports cr-p or something this summer

man this film is super widescreen

half the screen is black bars

later at midknight the kids get together to make their movie

this chick drives in but don't want main kid to come as his dads a cop and she don't got a license

but he sez he wont tell and they drive off to film their movie

fata55 changed 1 line with 4 words and main actor cant do it

1 kid has a fireworks obsession

they rehearse the scene and the girl is realy good at acting

then a train comes by and they scramble to film the scene with it

they do it but the cgi train blows and crashes in a big cgi disaster

what is this? Michael bay?

then chemicals get hit by flaming cr-p and blow

but this kid has a Guardian Angel as he survives

also the other kids somehow survive

in the train are white rubix cube things

turns out a truck was on da trax with a teacher in it

he has a map and schedual of the train

he wakes up and tells em to go and don't tell of it or they'd be iced

then the forces come in and the kids book it

as they drive girl sez they cant tell anyone

I think this just ripped off I know what you did last summer

the next day the news reports the train thing and fata55 wants to do more filming with the train thing

he goes to get the camera film developed and the pot head there offers fata55 some chronic and wants to b0ne his sister

main kid tries to get girl to do more scenes but she don't consent

her dad comes out and tells him to gtfo

but she then consents

later they film more cr-p with a new super 8 camera as the last one was f'd and girl senses something off

they realize the train was from da air force

the kids talk theories about the train and teacher

da forces clean up the scene as cop dad tries to figger out wat happened

and his superiors tell him to take it easy

latter superior sheriff sez a teen having a Walkman is a slippery slope

he knew the apple Icr-p would f the world

theve jobs last words; i'll…. see.... you... all... in... h-ll... ahhhhhhhhhhh!! (rotts into aids goo)

sheroff goes out and weird cr-p happens

dogs run

machines f out

light flicker

when Walkman teen comes out he finds the cop car f'd and an unseen thing gets him

later main kid does ghoul make up on girl and his homies wanna blow his model train for da movie

she acts zombie and its good

I think that's Dakota fannings sister ellie

acting skill runs in the family

must be superior dna

the ultimate life form

dad cop finds sheriff and walman teen are gone and hears of strange events

power and phones are f ing out and everyones dogs ran away

main kid comes home and dad has his cop homies over meeting about the events

this is when you pray

also da forces are searching for the girls dads car

later its night and repair guys come to fix da phone lines and gets f'd by something

at a town meeting a female sez 20 microwaves are gone and she thinks its the soviets

oh and da powers been out for 2 days

if this were today, the people would be eating eachother and drawing on the walls in their own fluids

but in the 70s we didn't need electricity as much

at the station the girls dad tells cop dad to keep his son from his girl

cops get frequencies da fore is using and listen in on their chatter

weird

I was just watching a longplay of bionic commando on Nintendo nes and they had wire tapping too

later I missed some cuz I was doing stuff but cop dad yells at main kid over the girl

also teacher is kept by the forces in a medical thing and I think they put him to sleep

hay, its just like Canada and europe

assisted suicide without consent

later theres a tender moment with main kid showing girl his films of his mom

girl sez her dad was drinking and it might have been his fault the chick bit it at the start of the film

maybe

my fat gf is bugging me on the phone as I review this so its hard to follow

so at night the girls dad gets p-ssed at her as she might leave him and chases her

but the unseen thing gets her

later fata55 gets his film back and the crash is just smoke

also he fights over the girl he and main guy like

but the footage shows some shadow creature escaping the train

then the town goes into panik and everyones herded into camps

girls dad tells main kid the thing got girl

fat kid uses his curvy blonde sister (what is this? paranorman?) to seduce stoner photo guy to let the kids use his car

if he b0nes her pregnant, the kid might be deformed from his drug filled spurm

they go to the teachers locker thing at school and find he was in the forces

but was fired and has info on the secret

a space monster crashed and its ship split into the rubix cubes

also by experimenting on it, they made it hate and fear us

what is this? x men?!

and teacher wanted to free it

then da forces bust the kids

as they take kids away, stoner tells da cops he needs help on the radio as he smokes chronic

da cops realize the forces set the fire that evacuated the town so it would be empty for them to get the thing

as da kids are taken away by da forces, da thing attacks and flips the truck an eats the forces as the kids try to get away

cop dad gets girl dad and goes to help the kids

so the kids drive back to town somehow and all h-ll is breaking loose

takes going off on their own and f ing the ton

1 kid it wounded and fata55 and main kid go off as the others stay behind

wait, its fireworks kid and main kid

they find a hole in the ground under a building

cop dad and girl dad reconcile over girl dad icing that chick in an accident

the kids go in the hole and find an underground lair with bodies

what is this? the ratbat from graveyard shift? by steven king?!

fireworks sets of a loud sound with his cr-p and runs

space APE goes to it and main kid tries to save girl

he slaps her awake and they hug

he tells her it was her dad who told him and cared

she sez the monster just wants to go home and she felt its mind or ki or w/e when it touched her

a cop comes down but the thing gets him

it chases the kids into a corner and main kid trys to reason with it

remember in the thing from another world, the scientist did this and it iced him?

oh and the thing in here looks like a Michael bay transformer but organic

maybe if they do beast machines it can be in it

he talks the creature away and it leaves

then outside all metal floats up

what if someone had a metal late in their head from viet nam?

it uses its powers to make the metal into this big tall thing

the kids reunite with the rents and te music is very john Williams heart moving

then after cars and buildings moved, the man kids locket of his mom floats up

the metal thing is a space cr-pmobile and it flies off

this is a lot like both ET and close encounters of the 3rd kind by steven speilberg

the city is busted up but the creature who went bad is good and goes to the heavens

just like chaos in sonic adventure dx

as the credits roll, the kids film plays

its a cheesy 70s film like kiss of the tarantula or embryo

its really got that cr-ppy 70s feel

was this actually made by the kids??

its actually good

the end

I liked this

the cgi was obvious but it worked

he acting and music was good

its got a good mystery that builds and resolves well

and the ending film was a nice treat

good flow too

it doesn't feel like over 2 hours with adds

for super 8 2 I want the town to be rebuilding from the event and theres more and mote anomalies going on similar to but not the same as the space thing from the 1st film. turns out, the girl is pregnant with the aliens kid as its ki got in her from a touch and toon on its own life. also its an 8 bit nes and sega master system game where you play through a series of mini games of trying to do normal everyday stuff but with various weird things from the alien baby in her using its psychic powers in her womb like floating platforms and mazes made of items coming together to get through.

Forrest Gump Review

note; I spell how forrest gump sounds
forrest gump
this is my review on forrest gump
its based on a book I never read and was a big a55 hit in 94
it stars tom hanks from the 90 slasher movie He Knows You're Alone
its also got robin wright and gary Sinise
btw animaniacs did a parody of this with chicken boo as gump
it starts with a cg feather traveling to wonderful music
gup gets it and puts it in his suitcase
he eats chocolates and chats with a stranger about shoes
then flashbacks to him getting leg braces to fix his f;d back
hes descended from and named after civil war hero Nathan Bedford forrest and has footage from birth of a nation
and lives in the south with his mom who rents her big home to travelers
sounds like dungeons and dragons
and gump has an iq of 75
but the state requires an iq of 80 or more to go to school
big gov ruining things
so his mom has to b0ne the school guy to get an exception
and gump makes b0ning sounds to the school guy like school guy made with his mom
she sez mr gump is on vacation
but tells gump that means hes not coming back
elvis stays with em and learns his leg hip cr-p from forests braced legs
later he goes on da bus 2 school and da kids hate him
except jenny who's nice to him
they become bffs
his only friend
awww
later some child hicks chase gump on bikes and he runs in his braces
run forrest run
I 1st recall hearing that in eek the cat where trees run away from something after its yelled
gumps braces bust off and his legs are now super strong and he can run fast
what is he? sonic the hedgehog?!
later gump goes to see jenny and she and him run into the cornfield and pray for her to become a bird
its implied her dad b0ned her and her sister whos never seen
da cops take her to live with her granny but she often stays with gump
years later the chick kids are now teens and come after gump in a truck
BEATNGU
he runs fast and gets into college as a football runner
later he gives a book to a black student going to a non black school she dropped
some guy he saw got capped but survived
he chats with a new stranger and reveals jenny went to a girls only college
yeah, whites only is bad but girls only is ok
he visits her and shes b0ning a guy in a car
so he attacks the guy
she brings him in her dorm and she tells her dream of being famous while undressing
she shows forrest her nips and puts his hand on one of em
but we don't see em
shes gonna turn him into a purvo!!
imagine him grabbing chicks in class
oh and jenny the bat's room mate is awake and in bed as they don't b0ne
later he does well at foot ball and meets j fk
they edit tom hanks into historical footage
btw when mrs gump saw elvis on tv she said it wasn't for young eyes
yet she loudly b0nes guys to help forrest get ahead
I think there was a law and order svu ep about dat
but the guy she b0ned wasn't actually a school guy
and they try to somehow charge him with raepe for lying about his name to seduce 5kanks
so if I was b0ning jon stewart the jewish guy but really wanted john stewart the black guy who was green lantern in justice league, then jon stewart raeped me
also; in that ep, the real school guy was black and the fake guy wasn't so my comparison stands
after graduating college he joins da army and meets his big black friend bubba who's a master of shrimp
gump does really well in the army
its like in dbz how goku is super skilled at kung fu
so jenny did semi nude pix in her college sweater and got booted from school
but a guy saw em and hired her to play guitar in da nude
but we still don't see her nips
if the internet was around today...
I mean then
or if this were today
she;d be a net 5kank and be famous for b0ning a lot of guys
like kim Kardashian and her 5kanky sisters
theres a scuffle and gump saves her from hecklers
they walk and he sez he loves her
she nearly jumps off a bridge but instead goes in a car
but 1st gup tells her hes going to viet nam
and she sez to run if theres trouble
he goes to nam and meets lieutenant (not leff ten int you Canadian candy a55es) dan
he had a relative bite it in every American war
while in nam, bubba and gump agree to be partners in a shrimp business
he also wrote to jenny
but jenny became a hippy
hope she don't rot her brains out on drugs
later they are under attack in nam
gump saves a buncha his crew by carrying em out
even lt dan who don't wanna be saved
also gump got a cap busted in his a55
dan called in an air strike but gump goes back in to save bubba
as he leaves with bubba the jests blow the place back to h-ll
they get out and bubba bites it
he gets ice scream for getting shot in the a55 (but tox) and is next to legless dan while hes on his tommy in a diaper
then he gets letter from jenny
after watching gomer pyle he learns to play ping pong
and is good at it right away
later at night dan goes on a tirade abot not being able to bite it with his men
well as his ancestors bit it, and hes wounded, i'd say he surpassed em
wait
lt dan taylor??!!
like Daryl Taylor and DANa Sterling in Robotech?!
after nam he meets L bj and shows him the bullet hole in his a55
he goes around Washington and sees a buncha hippies
one swears a lot but its no heard in film so it stays pg13
gump goes up and everyone cheers
but his speech is cut off by a soldier polling the cables on his mics
yet gump still talks
butt talks
then he sees jenny dressed like han solo and a bible character
she brings him to a black panthers meeting
they don't trust him cuz hes white and give him propaganda tirades
some guy slugs out jenny but gump kicks his a55
yet jenny defends the slugger
she walks with gump and tells of her drugs hobo life
man she sunk low
she used to be a good girl who prayed
now shes a malcontent hippy
later she goes to somewhere else and her slugger bf sez sorry but L bj's actions drove him to it
reminds me of claude in degrassi high
later gump becomes a ping pong star
and is on a talk show with dat commie stoner lennon from the beatles
later he meets lt dan whos a disgruntled hobo now in soviet new York
and is a drunk
plus isn't into Christianity
gump tells dan he gon be a shrimp boat captain
so dan sez if gump does, he'd be gumps 1st mate
then dan's h00ker friends come by
and its new years
new york h00kers?
is this mad bull 34?!
1 tries to b0ne gump but he don't consent
so they think hes dumb
cuz b0ning a gutter whore is something everyone wants
free hepatitis with every wh0re!
dan yells at em for insulting gump and they go mental and leave
holy cr-p bubba was the black guy in the final destination (da 4th one)
later he meets Nixon and accidentally causes Watergate
hes later discharged and goes home
a ping pong paddle company gives him 25 000$ to endorse their paddle
wtf bubbas last name is blue
like the hermaphrodite in violence jack
so gump uses his cash to get a shrimpin boat
he names it jenny
meanwhile, the real jenny is partying and doing drugs
man she looks like a ghoul
she nearly jumps off a building but don't
today on intervention; jennys on something awful. and its up to her unseen sister and her many bf's to save her 5kanky a55
later lt dan comes by and joins his shrimp hunting thing
they s-ck at it so gump joins a black church
and dan comes by and chugs booze
later theres a storm that f's all the shrimp boats
except gumps
so he makes a lotta cash
the guy hes taking to on da bench outside don't think hes the owner of bubba gump shrimp
so gump tells how dan made peace with God
then he visits his mom played by sally field who was the mom in steel magnolias
after she bites it, dan invests gumps money in apple and makes more cash
then gives cash to other people like bubbas mom and hospitals
later jenny comes back to him and lives with him
they walk and find her old home, which makes her go nuts and throw stuff at
they get along and are happy
he asks to marry her but she don't think she's good enuff for him
later she b0nes him and leaves
so gump just runs around the country for a while
he gets a cult of followers and some make famous slogans and media things like the happy face
after 3 years of running, he has a santa beard but colored and quits his country run
I wonder where he cr-pped
how did no one remember him from his fame as a ping pong champ or bubba gump shrimp or military cr-p or football hero or meeting the prez and showing him his a55??
he gets a letter from jenny and is gonna meet her
and now we're back where the movie started
the chick hes telling his story to tells him her place is near by and he runs there
he reunites with her and shes got a kid forrest jr
played by the kid from the sixth sense and kingdom hearts haily joel osment
she reveals... in the case of forrest jr... forrest… you ARE da father!!
black guys; ohhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!
also jr is smart
he has a tender moment with his illegitimate son watching sesame street
also jenny has aids or w/e
must be all the drugs and b0ning
and she wants to marry forrest
at da wedding, lt dan returns clean shaven and with metal legs
and an Asian fiancée/future wife
after the wedding, they talk about if gump was scared in nam
he tells of the beauty of nature on his travels in a poetic way
she bites it and gump buries her under the tree they played in
and had her dads home torn down
he tells her how their son is doing and its moving
and leaves her a letter from her son
he sez he don't know if we have a destiny or not but thinks its both and he misses her
aww
as he leaves, birds chirp
a ref to her wanting to be a bird
or marin in the legend of Zelda links awakening
he sees his son to the school bus and sez he loves him
and the bus driver is the same as when forest as a kid
it ends with gump sitting there and the feather flies off from his feet to wonderful music
the end
that was great
a lite look at America in the 2nd half of the 20th century
its got heart and humor and its just a really watchable film
its good colored good lighted and well acted
with many little touches that are seen on repeat viewing
plus I almost cried in the scene near the end with gum at jennys tree
the music and editing are great and it looks kinda real with gump in historical footage
great film and a likable protagonist who is positive and honorable
for forrest gump 2 I want the people who went running with him to have formed a cult and see him as their savior. they grow in numbers and want wisdom and the meaning of life form him. but he don't wanna be in it ads he don't think he can give them the answers they want. so they capture his son and hold him ransom for the secret of existence (as they are nuts). so gump and metal legs lt dan go on a quest to get him back. its also a 2 player beat em up on sega genesis, super nintendo and Atari jaguar and Gameboy advance with gump and dan as the player characters and dan is slow but strong with heavy metal legs and gump is fast but not as hard hitting with his natural human power.

Gladiator Review

note; in Yugioh the gladiator beasts are aids mo's. so imma spell like a55 here

gladiator

this is my review on graliates (from 2000 or w/e)

its got russel crowe and joaquin phoenix (pronounced; joh uh qwinn)

it starts with text saying soviet rome took over as much of the earth up to England

and 1/4th of earth was ruled by caesars

spoiler; ghenghis khan took over wayyyyyy more

also its the distant future year of 180 and they are having some battle

r c (russil cro) is a high rank guy lading the romans

I thought rome was  the bad guy

the people rome is after sent a headless horseman back then chucked his head at them

I think Ichabod crane is gonna sue this movie over that (from h-ll)

r c is named maximus

fortress maximus from transformers?!

his toy was like 2 feet tall

that's like midget sized!!

so r c gives a speech to his men and they eventually start the battle after much prep

man they chuck flaming oil at them and skewer em on arrows

if America did this they'd call it a war crime

then the romeans come in and butcher the natives

r c is knocked off his horse but kills more natives

its not that violent

swords hitting people in off camera areas

no organs

no bones

no limb removal

no male organ removal

ninja scroll was more violent than this

btw this movie is super widescreen

like half the screen is black bars

flags are cup off half way up

heads are partly offscreen

it looks like a55

so the Kaiser or w/e sez r c is his best general

but r c wants to go home to his fam

the joaquin comes in after the battle and is kind of a prissy entitled millennial who only got where he is cuz of his dad

like that candy a55 Canadian justin trudeau

joaquin talks with r c about rome being a republic and wanting to call him to fight for him

Kaiser of rome sez to his daughter if she was born a man she'd make a good cesaer

sounds like hes gonna give her gender issues

later we see joaquin shirtless sword training

later Kaiser talks to r c about his life and what he did as cesawr

mostly war

r c sez his men were f'd for ceaswr and Kaiser/xesar sez he wont last long and wants a good legacy

also rome is going under

sounds like America from 2008-2017

r c tells Kaiser about his home

Kaiser wants to have r c drain da swamp that is soviet rome

but r c don't wanna as he don't know how

Kaiser sez its cuz he's not one of them that hes not corrupt

and joaquin s-cked and is corrupt

r c chats with the daughter and she has a son whos 8 like r c's son

also her husband bit it

holy cr-p we're like half an hour in

but nothing happened!

there was a fight and some talking

good pacing

later jo a qwin chats with Kaiser (his daddy) who sez r c is his successor and rome gon go republic

jo a quin sez years ago Kaiser sent him a list of the 4 best virtues

he had none

and b--ches about how his virtues wernt on da list

then gets prissy and cries like a whiny b--ch and wants a hug

Kaiser sez joaqwin s-cked cuz he f'd up raising him

they hug and joaquin sez he'd have butchered da world if kaiser would've loved him

then kills Kaiser by pressing his face to joaqwins chest

its not like he's got big b00bs or anything

like in x men evolution how the blob suffocated wolverine with his m00bz

or in dog the bounty hunter how beth was yelling at someone and should have said; i'll suffocate you with my M cups!!

btw this totally isn't like L bj and j fk (and later r fk)

joaquin brings r c over and sez Kaiser bit it in his sleep

daughter slaps his face like a girl and kisses his fingers

r c knows joawqin waked the Kaiser

and joaqwin knows this and has r c taken out to be executed

but r c headbutts the executioner, grabs the blade used to ice him, and takes out his assassins

but is nicked in da arm

so he rides all the way back to rome on 2 horses

then as he nears his home, soldiers get there 1st and run over his kid

HIT AND RU

he gets home to find his home torched and his woman offscreen from the feet up and charred

he's then caught by African slave traders

what is this? joseph and the amazing technicolor dreamcoat!?

btw, jo a qwuim icing the past leader and becoming the new one was done by starscream in transformers the movie

1 slave trader wants his money back for being sold "queer giraffes"

he buys r c and knows hes a roman soldier from a tattoo on his arm

they brand their soldiers?!

r c is trained as a gladiator and later carves his tattoo off

then theres a gladiator match and r c takes down some guys.

when the guy hes shackled to bits it, he lops off the guys hand and fights on

but we don't see the hand come off

only a sword nearing it and it cuts away b4 impact

in violence jack it showed jacks hand being sliced off

holy f we're like 70 mins in

this has good pacing

later jo a qwin comes home to rome a hero and new Kaiser

but he wants to make things for the people and not the entitled senators

also he hold a sword to the back of his neck ,like a baseball bat

and don't wanna put up with chatty senators who get nothing done

but his sister (da daughter) tries to get him on track

he wants to make rome amazing

but they make it look bad

he holds 150 days of games

that almost 1 for every pokemon

meanwhile, r c is rising in fame with his skill at the killing people

also hes a Spaniard like eric lecarde/ricardo from Castlevania bloodlines

we see him take out a heavy armored guy and de head a less armored guy

then throw his blades at the owners saying "r u not en ter tained??!!"

later his owner tells him that jo a qwin is having gladiator games to honor the last Kaiser

but that Kaiser shut them down

also owner was a save and Kaiser set him free and gave him a wood sword as a symbol of it

now r c wants to stand b4 the new cesaer

btw if the ast Kaiser/cesar was so awesome, why did he wage war on England?

I mean b4 they had the regent

is that what turned the britz evil?

later joaqwin leans over his nephew and watches him sleep

looks like he wants to b0ne him

well.. back in greek/roman times...

then jowasin tries to seduce his sister

well...

its natural

animals do that

when a dog is "purebred" or "highest pedigree" it just means its really inbred

most species practice inbreeding but only humans have inbred-phobia

later r c goes into the arena in armor and a metal head thing

an announcer who looks and sounds like Eugene Pallette from my man godfrey sez this is a recreation of a Hannibal battle

but r c leads his men to winning by standing together

this is kinda f;d

they recreate real fights by really killing people

didn't they have plays?!

suddenly the America slave owners don't seem so bad

holy cr-p

one guy got sliced in 2 across da waist by a chariot blade

bad a55

r c takes a horse and takes out a chariot

and joaqwin acts like hes mentally challenged to poke fun at them

they then chop up the other slaves and everyone cheers

joaqwin likes this alternate take on history where the battle goes the other way

he'd like wild wild west with will smith fighting a giant wood spider Gundam

also the Eugene Pallette guy is david hemmings from Camelot, the league of extraordinary gentlemen and gangs of new York

joaqwin comes down and r c nearly ices him

but nephew is there and he don't

he refuses to say who he is but then goes on a long speech saying his name, rank and backstory

joawqir has to choose if r c lives

but the people say live so he listens to em

the nephew looks like the kid from wonder, Jacob Tremblay

who is he?

holy cr-p its the son from unbreakable

man he had a good career

later sister/daughter goes to see r c and he sez his fam was cooked and crucified alive

his son survived getting crushed by a dozen horses?

she wants him to meet a guy who can stop joaqwin

they nearly smooch but he sends her away

later r c worries of joa qwin icing him and don't wanna eat his food

his homie eats some and fakes choaking, then laffs

his big black friend sez joa qwin has to ice r c's name b4 he can ice r c

then r c has to fight the unbeated heavyweight champion tigress who was retired for 5 years

hes played by Sven-Ole Thorsen who is homies with Arnold Schwarzenegger

in the fight are tigers on chains

r c still beats this huge bada55 and the tigers

joAQWIN sez to ice tigress but rc don't consent and spares him

and the crowd loves him

joaqwin comes down and tries to get r c to think they r the same cuz they ice people

but r c wants to ice joaqwein

but not now

so joawewin sez his son squealed like a little girl when crucified

and his woman make h00ker sounds when b0ned a lot by soldiers

but r c shows respect

later r c chats with his past minion and finds his past troops are bored

and sends minion to message daughter/sister

so r c meets with a senate guy and wants to bring his army in to save rome

then r c chats with his owner about letting r c go get his men

he tells his owner joawin iced the man who freed him

but that's after owner consents

joaqwin gets more unbalanced and gets dark around his eyes like L from dearth note or akira fudo from go nagai works

then he does some weird pseudo-b0ning of his sister

later joaqwin has the senator arrested and sister comes to see r c to tell him the plan happens soon

she sez joaqwin hates r c cuz both his dad and sister loved r c and not him

later nephew plays make believe of being r c and joaqwin is unsettled by it

what a candy a55

cant handle a kids playing pretend

at night he reads the nephew the story of Cleopatra and mark Anthony

and how mark was betrayed

and how the emperor had his ex homies fams chopped up or something

I wasn't listening much

so the joaqwin sends his men after r c and he gets away

later jaquio black males his sister into having his inbred kid or he'd ice nephew

so I guess I f'd up as I wasn't really watching as r c WAS caught and is tied in a not dark room

joaqwin chats with r c about how they both loved the Kaiser and he shanks r c

but has his men hide the hole in armor

then they go up to fight in the arena

they sword fight

jaquoo is wounded

then they fist fight

r c beats his candy a55

candy a55 pulls a knife but r c rwists his arm and neck shanks him

see you in h-ll candya55

he tells his men to free the prisoners and make the senator the new leader as a republic

then r c bites it while going to the greek roman afterlife to be with his fam

then everyone is free from prisons and here

and the nephew is near em even though he was in the stands a bit ago

sister/daughter says some stuff and his big black friend berrys a wood thing saying he;d see him again

the end

that I liked

its got good flow

good pacing

good acting and characters

good simple story that's easy to follow(when you pay attention it helps too)

nothing too complex

not everything has to be 30 plots at once going nuts

ridley scott does it again

and its mostly historically accurate

kinda

maximus never existed and is an amalgamation of several different people

kinda like mel Gibson in the patriot

and unlike titanic or bram stokers Dracula, it doesn't feel long

for gladiator 2 I want it to be years later and the sister/daughter has a new kid, the inbred kid of her and her brother!! but the republic is going under from not getting anything done and being corrupt like the ceaser said at the start of the 1st film. so the brothers team up and decide to take power as a team instead of letting the corrupt senate send rome to h-ll. but the senate wants them out of the way and sends hitmen after em. good thing they trained in gladiator cr-p and have magic armor from the gods. also its a 16 bit game on sega genesis, super Nintendo and Atari jaguar like chiki chiki boys wher 1 or 2 players fight the senate and their lusty hitmen. also the senate fuses together as the game boss into a large cube with extending limbs made of many peoples limbs combined.

The Red Badge Of Courage Review

note; I spell condeferate style

The Red Badge Of Courage

this is my revuew on The Red Badge Of Courage (from 1951)

its based on a book I never read and is directed by john huston who did a buncha good cr-p

the original cut of this film was like 2 hours but the studio cut it down w/o hustons consent

just like erich von Stroheim's greed movie

so after credits shown in a book w/o pictures, it shows the authors picture

a narrator sez how great the book is and the writer did it at 22

and how its about a boy becoming a man (like dbgt??)

and many quotes of narration were from the book

if its gonna be narrated, why not just make it a silent film with title cards?

so its spring of 62 and at a base they just do military drills

ur too good 4 me dear ja military fairy! (see monkey python for getting dat ref)

hang on

I think these guys are the unionites

but the best civil war movies are about the southers

what next?

1776 from soviet englands p o v???

so a guy cleaning in the river hears from a homie theres a big battle coming there soon

he tells his fellow soldiers and none believe it

the guy (main guy ) is uneasy and writes a letter

oh f this

im watching in 144p youtube but the writing in in cr-ppy a55 handwriting and hard to read

gotta step it up to 240p

like a commie Nazi

he writes 2 his mom he hopes his service in the battle will do her proud

his droogs are eager to kill their fellow americans

1 guy sez he wont run unless everyone else does

reminds me of the time Nathan Bedford Forrest charged in alone on his horse into a group of union soldiers as his men were too candy a66 to follow

he sliced a bunch up with his saber and got out in one piece

it was pretty bada55

so main guy goes out to think and talks to a confederate across the stream

the confederate tells him to get outta the moonlight so he wont get capped

is this gonna be like Glory with the ferris bueler guy where it shows the evils of the union from their p o v?

later its daytime and one yankee talks so he gets 6 hours extra duty

after da drill 1 yankee longs for killing southern americans

then 2 yankees have a fist fight

but like mma, its just em moving around eachother

b4 they wrap their bodies against each other like centipedes b0ning, the base is sent to battle

and main guy is uneasy

along the way the yankees talk about killing americans like hunting for coons and using a dog

then they laugh at a yankee doing something with a farm girls pig

main guy goes off and his droog talks positive about the battle

but main guy worries about running

lol his droog sez main guy talks like hes napoleon Bonaparte

that was only like 50 years b4 this

so after walking more, the music turns tense and theres bodies on da ground

is this lord of the rings?

just walking to an eventual battle??

so the battle is near and they run

but the next shot has em walking

u can hear cannons

they get metal sticks and dig the ground

then move on

later they get to the battlefield

its full of smoke like d w Griffith did in birth of a nation

some other yankees on horses ride in

main yankees set up as cannons bust the field before em

main guys droog sez he knows he gon bite it and gives main guy something to give to droogs rents

the confederates fight well and force back the other yankees

main yankees gotta hold it

eventually the confederates show up nd the yankees open fire

1 guy tries to run but is forced back

makes sense why theyre called the "union"

if they go down, they all go down

no individual actions

like when they strike and the place closes and everyone loses their jobs

so eventually the yankees cap enough americans to win the fight

but a few of them got iced too

main guy sees himself as good for not running

so now they regroup and tend to the wounded

but then more confederates come at em

theres too may to stop

main guy books it and his captain sez he'd have him shot fir being a deserter

well

maybe if the south wins, he can live there and gain political asylum

after running through da woods for a bit he hears a yankee guy saying the main yankees held off the confederates

and now he's all bummed out

and imagines going back and all his homies who got chopped up are happy

wait

its really happening

it was edited like he imagined it

and he envies the amputees

this guy's f'd up

he chats with his busted homies and 1 might be biting it

the biting it homie goes off in the fields and wants to be left alone

then he bites it

see you in h-ll homie

he aint gonna be in the red badge of courage 2

btw I never saw this b4 so this is a new thing to me

later main guy sees yankees running from something

he asks 1 whats going on

so the yankee busts him with the butt of his gun

at night Andy Devine who was Frisby in the twilight zone and Coyote Bill in Myra Breckinridge, finds him and helps him

he sez the battle was really chaotic and its hard to tell who's who

and hes gonna bite it anyway so might as well not worry

then drops main guy at base and goes off to fight Indians with john wayne in stagecoach

he meets a homie and sez he was shot in the head

well it was a gun wound

but not by a bullet

his homie checks his wound and sez its like a head bump

min guy then tells him jim Conklin bit it

I don't know who that is

I don't keep track of names

I think the guy who bit it

oh and after da battle many yankees scattered and fought with other regiments

main guy gives this guy his item for his rents back

I figured it was dat guy

later its day and droog isn't as eager to ice americans

a fellow yankee sez day before yesterday he was more gung ho

if only he knew how bad the day after tomorrow would be

then they go to another battle

huh

just did some research and found the main guy is played by a real ww2 hero

I never knew of him

he as a big deal and wound up having PTSD

so then main guy goes berserk and runs onto the battlefield and opens fire

but don't get capped

after confederates retreat, main guy and droog go to the creak for water

but at it, hear they gon get sent out to a battle to help another unit

oh and main guy is wearing a headband for his head bump

kinda like Rambo or contra

so they get back and tell the guys their unit is gonna fight more

general brings em to another place and talks to em about dinner

general prays a bit and the men go to battle

we get some p o v shots of them going toward the bursting battlefield

main guy gets ahead and yells at his homies to come on

really good acting

feels real

they get in a line and open fire

horsemen come at em but fall

smoke envelops em and they rush in

cannons bust the area around em

they advance to Glory Glory Halleluiah in an epic scene

they take the ground and the soldier holding his confederate flag lays they as it blows in da wind

good shot of both flags together

so the captured confederates are displeased with the battle outcome

but warm up to their captors

oh and main guy was carrying the flag after the last guy bit it

and a guy comes up saying main guy and droog gon be promoted

main guy gets bummed and confesses he ran away b4

his droog sez he ran 2 but was caught by the commander and was more scared of him than the confederates

main guy sez confessing was good for the soul

then some other yankees come by saying they just fought the real battle on the other side of the area or w/e

and the other general they never heard of gets credit for winning this battle

they march off and make comments on nature

then narrator sez now main guy got over his fear and looks forward to peace

although I should point out that the war is far from over

then we get credits like spaceballs where it shows clips of the film with the actors and characters name on it to music

the end

that was quite good

its clean, but serious

good view on how soldiers aren't always gung ho heroes

good editing

good themes

even being a pro union movie its good

the acting is well done

ahhh

I cant find the words to put it right

I feel like a bimbo

I cant put into words what worked well with the movie in a good way

it just works

ok?

its interesting and easy to get through

good pacing too

john huston does it again

for The Red Badge Of Courage 2 I want the main guy to be captured by the confederates after being sent on a suicide mission by a general who is jealous of main guy's rise through the ranks. after being left for dead and his legs shredded by gunfire on both sides (by order of the general who told his men to open fire anyway even though he was in the way) a confederate scientist (who's Mongolian but living there to help the south as he believes in em) rebuilds his legs with animal muscles and makes him able to jump better than super Mario. he then joins the south and tries to take down the general who had him capped by jumping and crushing the unionite soldiers under his super enhanced legs. its also an 8 bit NES and Sega Master System game where you play as him and go through levels dodging bulets and jumping on people as they squish under you into piles of mush. and the general is the last boss in his union fortress and is in a prototype tank America is building for ww1 but made of rocks as steel is expensive

They Made Me A Criminal Review

notew; I spell like a 30s homie

they made me a criminal

this is my review on they made me a criminal

its a remake of some 33 film and part of the dead end kids film series

its got john fgarfield and claude rains and may robson who was born in the slavery day

ooh, music my max steiner

hes good

so it starts with a boxing match

main guy pummels the foe and wins

lol his name is jonny

like da room with tommy Wiseau

he gives a clean positive view on winning to da fans

now hes world champion

a cop brings him a watch he loves

claude puts it on jonnys right hand as hes a lefty

claude sent an innocent guy to da chain(hes a cop)

1 guy mocks jonny for not drinking and b0ning a buncha chicks

wat next? making fun of him for not having aids?

later jonny is drunk and with some bimbo

if this were made today. they'd be b0ning

later another bimbo comes in and drinks his booze

she playfully fights him

johhny doesn't think friends are real and anyone who likes him is after something

he reveals his wholesome act is a lie and hes really scum

but 1 guy I there is a reporter

jonny tries to stop him but is too drunk and falls over

jonnys manager kills reporter with a bottle to the skull

then he and 1st bimbo carry jonny out and drive him to some place

manager tells bimbo johhny iced the guy but she thinks it don't sound like jonny

johhny doesn't drunk?

then gets drunk?

he hit a guy?

but its a lie?

its the room!!

also maganer jacks jonnys watch

they drink and drive and radio sez jonnys wanted for icing the reporter

they floor it but cops chase em

they crash and the car goes up in a freekin fireball

cr-ppy a55 union made American cr-pmobile

then newspapers say jonny bit it in da crash

the next day or week or w/ew, jonny wakes up and finds himself in a new place

but hes not tied up with leather like Charlie sheen

he reads da paper and hinds hes dead

he calls some guy and sez he cant recall killed the reporter

so guy sez to stay faking dead and to live someway else

and he cant get his bank account 10 grand

guy writes him a check and change his looks

da cops thin they closed the case

but detective clause conan sez he don't think so

the watch was on a different hole size and the wrong wrist

and hes gonna prove jonnies still alive to win back his status after having an innocent man executed

so the guy get jonnys cash from da bank somehow but takes most of it as his fee

and jonny cant do sh-t as he'd get da chair for it

guy tells jonny to not act tough nor use his fighting stance or he'd get fingered

and gives him 250$

jonnk travels like a hobo across the US America to Arizona

in a restaurant he drops a cash but a guy takes it

he nearly beats him but holds back

later hes on a train roof and jumps off as a guy is after him

then walks across the mad max violence jack wasteland of Arizona and comes by a forest

man we're like half an hour in with adds and it feels like nothing

good flow

also its made in 39 like gone with the wind and wizard of oz

so in da forest is a blonde and a buncha kids/slaves working on it collecting dates to sell

btw jonny keeps using the work "sucker" over and over

its his phobia

he blacks out and blonde nurses him back to health with milk(probably from her b00bs as I don't see any cows or stores here)

lotsa blondes in here

they talk and he smooches her w/o consent

nowadays they'd make him look like a butt raepist for dat

he gives em lies about being from texas

after they leave he gets dressed in his clothes and leaves

they took off his clothes?!

and put him in jammies?!

naked men!!

this kid bugs him and he shoved him in the dirt

kid attacks him and so does grandma from the slavery days

the other dead end kids are there and he wants work

he ges in a pit spitting contest with a kid and kid wins

the kids are delinquents and are here to reform

the kids have smarta55 remark at each other

jonny wants some smokes and dares a kid to jack some

he does

but blonde takes em back

then he trains kids to box

they had boxing equipment?

also he trains em to fight dirty

and shoves a kid on his a55 for taking his picture

kid gets it anyway

blonde busts his a55 for teaching kids to fight dirty

but he sez hes preparing em encase someone tries it on em

this story is a lot like the ones of a demigod kicked out of heaven and having to slum with mortals

Beyblade did it once with Tyson helping that kid and one kid had stars on his blade

or in batman the animated series where bruce goes undercover as a hobo and gets put in the hot box by that fata55

btw this whole thing of his life going from superstar to slumbum happened cuz he got drunk

plus the real crooks bit it cuz they drove drunk

its like that tiny toons episode one beer

weird al don't drink

amy winehouse did

amy bit it b4 30

weird al is like over 60

so later the kids (who are like 25 year old teenagers like 90210) swim in a water holding thing

but da farmer waters his crop and the water level gets too low for them to get out

and no one knows where they are

this is like one of those 90s shows to teach kids to tell people where they are going

then da farmer turns off da water

and a kid is running outa steem

so they take turns going to da bottom and opening the water manually to let it out

maybe they could use their clothes to tie it open

eventually the water is low enuff to stand in

they stand on eachothers shoulders and get a ladder

jonny gets em and drives em back and tells em not to say wat happened

and 1 is kinda f;d up from it

kids say he fell in an irrigation ditch

blonde wants jonny gone

1 kid wants to go with jonny but jonny sez no

offscreen a kid tells blonde wat really happened and she forgives jonny

later he drives with her and they grow closer

on the drive they stop at a gas station and see posters foe a european boxer where if u beat him u get 2000$ in 30s money

btw as this is da 30s I assume its the economic slump of oh bba mma I mean f d r

he goes to be signed on to fight but the manager there don't accept

so jonny slugs him and is admitted

what is this? double dragon?!

if u can beat me i'll let you in!

later he's training and slavery days granny trash talks him

later hes having some mad max style shower

the kids show they got his picture in da paper

he slugs the guy out and his jaw dangles

jk

he just gets p-ssed

claude rains gets it and sez its jonny

but his superior don't buy it

so clause goes after jonny

later da dead end kids see this snooty a55 rich kid with a motion picture camera

they go and get rich a55 kid to come with em to play poker

and they cheet him outta good hands

I think

I don't know poker

I play Yugioh b--ch!!

I can see them using duelist kingdom rules to cheet him outta winning

rich kid; but my monster has more atk

dead end kid; yeah but you got a spellcaster and hes using a machine. its immune to magic

rich kid; ohhhh. that makes sense.

they swindle the rich a55 kid outta his clothes  and cr-p

at least they didn't make him bet his virginity!

later jonny sees a guy at da fight who's woman is gonna have a kid and hes fighting for cash

but he hears claude angela rainz asking if the fighter is a lefty

at dinner the kids get him some fancy item

I cant see it but I think its boxing gloves

he sez he cant fight and it bumms everyone

blonde b--ches about him not loving her and kids b--ch about him being yellow(that's racist)

1 kid tries to get him to fight and believes in him

this is kinda sappy but its got heart

kid wins over jonny and jonny is gonna fight

jonny talks to a picture of a priest and realizes if he don't fight south paw style they cant finger him

at da fight da kids con their way in saying their friend has their tickets

then the last guy sez; who's them? its just me!

then they fake having tickets by passing the stub

b4 da fight the eurpean guy is an a55

always hassling his foes and trying to hit a pressure point on jonnys arm to f it up

but jonny knows that move and prevents it

jonny trash talks back and riles him up

guy with preggo wife goes up and gets his a55 kicked offscreen

then jonny goes up to fight

cladue talks to jonny but jonny denies knowing him

they fight and jonny doesn't use his southern style

but gets his a55 kicked

round 2

fight

jonny gets a55 kicked

same in round 03

btw hes holding out pretty well from these beatings

round 4 and hes getting creamed

claude sez just use ur left and kick his a55

jonny changes stance and beats his a55

like a Beyblade switching modes in battle

jonny lasted long enuff to make da cash

guess its a time thing

but he goes in one more round and gets his a55 beat

so we're back to where the film started

jonny after a fight and clause rains by him

slavery days gramma and blonde come in and are happy he won the money for da kids

then the kids come in and are happy to see him

after jonny gets dressed he tells blonde claude booked him fights in da east

she don't buy it and wants to go with him

he sez no and hes commin right back

she has jonny kiss her and he goes as she whines about wanting to go with him

at da train yard jonny sez claude is gonna be a hero when he gets back

and he wont try to run off

1 kid follows em and wants to go with jonny

jonny gives him a story and kid goes

btw, teens jonny helps and mentors with some blonde?

its denny and da room!

da train comes and claude sez da guy he iced had a wife

and her reaction to seeing him cook on da chair was like blonde just now

he lets jonny go and plays it tough

as train goes, kid jumps out from under it at high speed and doesnt get chopped up

they go back to town in the dark arm in arm side by side like Casablanca did years later

the end

that was pretty good

I liked it

nice lite and fun

good clean and charming

nice positive film about getting a second chance

its like when p0rn0 manga and anime creator toshio maeda got run over and got a new start at life after his homies ditched him 

btw the 2nd bimbo was Barbara pepper who was in a tar is born and of mice and men.

and green acres

and claude rains didnt do much in here but was a nice addition

for they made me a criminal 2 I want the kids to find a treasure map to some hidden Arizona treasure and go on an adventure to find it. along the way they find a tribe of desert midgets in Arizona who are undiscovered and live in some kind of interdimensional rift between realms. the midgets try to ice and eat re so they can be human sized instead of hobbit sized and the kids have to get out of their dimension and escape back home. its also an 8 bit nes, sega master system and turbo grafix 16 game where you gotta go through the levels and save all 6 other dead end kids(1 per level) and get midget tech to fight off the dimensional midgets and their organic weapon beasts.