Wednesday, August 2, 2017

Panic In Year Zero Review

note; spelling right is so 2001
panic in year zero
this is my review on panic in yeer zero
its got frankie Avalon (no relation to sakura Avalon) and is from the 60s
it starts with radio playing good music and this couple loading their car
a teen comes out and sez it 10 past 4 am
but its bright out
even if it is black and white
btw its very widescreen
the fam drives away with a trailer
the dad wants to b0ne the mom
but then theres a flash behind em
they stop and he checks the trailor windoirs
as does the fam
LA is going up in light
and the radio stations don't work
but its 7 12 am
they drive on until they get a payphone
nowadays they'd use a cr-ppy cell phone
f u steve jobs!
u f'd the world!
burn in h-ll you p o s!
hope j fk's b0nin ja!
the payphone don't work when they called home
they look back and its a mush room cloud
LA got nuked!
I got 1 less problem with out ja!
its like with Sodom and Gomorrah
consumed by h-llfire it brought on itself with its sins
the radio sez something about missiles
at a gas station 1 guy freaks out when he has to pay for gas as he has no cash and slugs out the gas guy
he b--ches about the dad not helping him
as they drive the wife wants to go back to get her mom
shes dust
as they drive other cars go nuts
they stop at a restaurant and its packed
and everyones a d-ck
mom calls her mom but no answer
also a guy sez to dad; skip the next couple towns, people are pouring outta LA likew lava from a volcano
more like wasps fleeing a hive being sprayed!
dad decides to stay out of civilization until its civilized
in other words; the 80s
but by the 2010s he might go back out
later when driving he takes a turn down a road to avoid people
they stop at a store that's closed until 9
so he sez he'd buy a few hun-dred $$ of cr-p and he opens up
if this were a union store they'd not let people be free to do their business outside of the usual rules
as it said in santa claus is coming to town; don't be da rule, be da exception!
he buys 190$ of cr-p and tells the owner to hide his goods
jokes on him, cash is useless after the disaster
bowner sends him to the hardware store saying the guys crazy but hears about LA
at the hardware store they buy guns
In new Sodom I mean California I surprised they have guns
gun store owner wont sell him the guns due to commie laws
so he holds the guy up and sez he can pay him the rest(he only has enough cash for half) later
they fight and frankie Avalon the teen saves the dad and they get away
as they drive mom goes whiny about him gun jacking that guy
dad sez they gotta survive
rankie sez the law don't matter but dad sez the law will return and they gotta be around for it
new York, Chicago phildelphia san fran sicko and LA got nuked
maybe its for the best
also London paris and rome
some others too
they get gas but the gas guy tries to swindle him by saying he changed the price but not the sign
he cant afford it
gas guy wants some... other, way to pay
hes gonna b0ne him!!
but he sez jewelry
still sounds fruity
so he slugs the gas guy out
they get to a town but it don't want people from LA(who would??)\
a LA guy got in b4 and f'd up some guy
h drives past and uses gunfire to cover
they stop and some punks slug him out and take his gun
they want his guns, gas and babes
it looks like they might b0ne him too
frankie Avalon caps ne and dad gets the gun back
they say they were only kidding
to quote my black friends; my a55!
the capped one only got a bit of buckshot
he lets em go
the frankie Avalon kinda liked shooting the punk
like 30s batman
dad sez he should only use it when needed and hate it
like 90s batman
later they cone to a traffic jam and the people push the dad car through
the traffic is too fast and furious to get through so they drive offroad
they stop and wait for it to get dark
the sister is tired rom sitting and not moving for hours
lazy a55!
shes gonna get FAAAAAAAAAAAT!!
later its night and dad gets some gas and spreads it on da road
he trows a match and lights it up
the cars stop for fire
its a car!
ur safe in there!
drive through it!
they drive past
later its day maybe(I'm not sure as 4 10 am was bright) and they go to a park
dad takes down the sign to it and closes the gate to keep out the homies
frankie sez theres a cave big enough to live in at there
after they cross a bridge the dad takes it out
what if you need to escape??
they go to the cave and set up base like the maximals in season 3 of beast wars
at night they give thanks to the Lord for helping them live today
nowadays they'd attack God
dad sets up some rules for survival
the men shaving and stay civilized
do the chicks shave their pits?
or are they French??
they also hide provisions in cASE someone finds the cave
the radio sez Canada got f;d too
and things are so f'd that they are gonna call it; year zero!
and the president sez every American has to restore law and order
so malcontents aren't americans?
then we can bust em!
later the dad and son are on patrol and a guy gets the dad at gunpoint
but the son saves him
him and his woman were living in the trailer the main guys dumped
also some guys are going off da chain near by
he sends the guy back and gives him no advice
oh an the guy was fishing here for years
later frankie bags a deer but hears 2 more gunshots form the farm with the off the chain guys
he tells dad and they check iout the fishing guy
frankie hides behind the window and a gun from inside blows his head open
well the last part didn't happen
they really find the guy and his woman iced
they check out the farmhouse and the hardware store guy (I think)drives away from there
dad sez to do nothing
2 teens come out of the house
later the moms doing laundry and a doll goes by em
the teens find the doll downstream
then find the sister
they start trying to b0ne her
but realy just toss her back and forth
then they b0ne her as she calls for mom
mom finds em and shoots but misses and they run
they don't show it but I think they b0ned her
in violence jack evil town it showed the punks b0ning the chicks
but here its implied
better than fritz the cat
the guys walk up to the horse girl
then it cuts to her bummed out
I had to read online they b0ned her
at least in la blue girl or Urotsukidoji it shows them getting b0ned
easier to understand
dad finds out and him and frankie go after em
oh and is 2 of the teens he had a chance to ice but let go after they attacked him on the road and the 3rd got capped
had he iced em when he had the chance his daughter would still be a butt virgin
in the farmhouse they laugh at the girl they b0ned
dad and frankie goes to Hollywood bust in
they ice em
it would be better if they blew off their hands and their parts so they couldn't fight back
they look around and find the 3rd guy hooked up to a life support/b0ning machine that keeps him alive by b0ning him
k I made that up
they find a secks slave they kept
she sez theres a 3rd guy out there
she lived there and the punks iced her rents and b0ned her a lot
the dad's rough on her but frankie is nice and they invite her back to their cave
also the dad and frankei hide the bodies of the 2 he iced
later dad feels bd about killing two raepists and murderers
the guy who iced gacy mustve felt bad too
franie munez talks to his sister but shes not up to it
bu she goes with him anyway to check the rabbit traps
don't eat rabbit
its not kosher
oh wait its not his sister its the girl he saved
later they are outta kerosene and might need to use fire
it might attract homies so they gotta have 24 hour shifts
the radio sez theyre rebuilding civilization and its coming near where they are
sister is malcontent as all her friends got nuked and shes not a butt virgin
dad sez not to go yet as the bad guys heard the broadcast too and the roads crawl with em
also its too soon
later sister sez frankie likes the girl and dad stands guard
later frankie is chopping wood and the 3rd guy comes back and catches her at gunpoint
frankie tries to be tough and throws a log at him
he shoots frankies thigh and the girl caps the 3rd man
later dad checks out frankie and sez he needs a dr
so they drive to a near town where there might be one
on the radio it sez America is talking with the bad guys who nuked it about peace
that means they got owned and surrendered
I blame the democrats
this is the 60s
that means j fk or l bj
they arrive in town and its abandoned
so they go everywhere and find the dr
he checks the dad 1st to make sure hes not a junkie
then heals the son
but the son needs blood
he pays the dr in bullets
not capping him
but as the dr also has a 45
they say the America won
but the frankie has 3 hours to get more blood
why didn't the dr drain some blood from the family and give it to frankie?
theyre related
I'm sure one of em is a match
as they drive a car nearly hits em but comes back
it holds him at gunpoint with a machine gun
but tis the army
they had to be careful
they go on and the army guys say they are not irradiated and are good ones
they drive on and the credits roll
good way to keep our nterest other than looking for p0rn0 names
lol dick rubin
hes in this
at least theres not 2 b's in rubin
that's gonna be my new word for j-rkin off
me; hay sean! have u been dick rubin??
wtf they just drive and it ends
they don't show if he made it
the end
that was cool
I love offbeat 60s films
this is like violence jack 0
more like fist of the north star cuz of the nucular holocost
but this was good
if its on, watch it
what about the hardware store guy?!
they just forgot about him!
for panic in year zero 2 i'd like for the radiation to have mutated people and turned them into sowbug people. they go around eating people and soon the wastelands are filled with these mutants who breed fast and get humans pregnant with their sowbug babies that crawl out their bellybutton in swarms after making them xpand huge. also frankie Avalon had his dead leg replaces with a cyber leg that has blades in it that lets him kick and spin kick through things. he fights the sowbug people when they get near. also he got a transfusion from an irradiated guy so he has some sowbug powers. its also a platform game on sega genesis, nes and Gameboy advance with you playing as frankie Avalon who goes through the area in different towns and hives to take out the mutants and free the area.

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