Valley Of The Giants Review

note; spelling right is for hippies
valley of the giants
this is my review on vally of the giants(30s version)
based on a book and made often
it starts with text
in the distant future year of 1902 the timber barons had made money off teens in the Midwest
then they moved on to californoia with the red woods
they movie tries to make this seem bad
theyre trees!
they grow back!!
its like a haircut!!
then some timber barons plan to make cash off trees
good
that givs people jobs and helps families
plus is good exercise
in a bar some guys hang out and have fun
1 guy has a gambling issue
that's awful
what next? chronic??
well, it IS California
1 guy sez a place has lotsa trees worth cash
and is sending men for land claims
he gets a redhead to set up a casino
her and the gablimng guy
i think
later they go down to the area and theres colossal trees
the red head is impressed but the main guy isn't
oh, the gambling guy isn't the main guy
some lumber jacks take out a tree and ithe main guys go right in front of it
dumba55es!
they yelled timber but no one responded
they're stuck at the place the tree fell blocking the road for a bit
the next scene theyre moving on
some stop
the driver sez theres not much cash in the place theyre going
driver has a smoke and the red head joins him
nowadays they'ed go up the a55 over it
yeah smokings bad but rampant b0ning and drinking and drugs are ok
they get to town and everyones in da woods
they stop and meet the sherrif
the diver is the owner of the mill and land and town other cr-p
the gambler is freaked out by the cop
I think hes a purvurt]
into b0ning people places and things he shouldn't
driver shows redhead the trees
he owes money and the bank might pay him a lot for trees
but he wont sell em or cut em down
he cares about freakin plants
and you thought animal rights was a dumb idea
his rents or someone call the place; the valley of the giants
not that there are giants like the bones found all over the world and lincon talked about
but the trees are the giants
that's gay
bait and switch
like how silence of the lambs had no gore or cannibalism in it
I wanted a splatterfest
I got cr-p
later driver teaches her to fish
then at the casino alan hale the 1st chugs booze
I like him
hes big and buff and bada55
and his kid is the skipper
btw
giligan had mary ann
skipper had ginger
millionare had his wife
who did the professer b0ne?
main guy finds out da bank loaned driver 50 000 $$
later the guys are harvesting trees'
man, everyone dresses like my Slovenian farmer grampa
some guys want to get the valley but its not for sale
the timber guy wants to set up shop and cut through the forest
but driver sez with good cutting and reforestation it can be kept up
timber guy sez; what do u care whats growing 50 years from now?
driver wont sell
later timber guy swindles the people off their land with his lawyer work
he also has his goons beat dissenters up
sounds like what big gov does now
alan hale quits and carrys the beat up guy out
the people wanna use their 2nd amendment rights to defend their land
enjoy it while u can
California goes to h-ll soon
the people go to the land office but the sheriff sez if they take back their swiped land they go to jail
the lawyer sez if new proofs ain filed, the claim's lapse
driver sez sheriff works for timber guy and shoves him on his fat a55
typical californa; protecting the criminals from their victims
alan hale outs timber guy(named fallon) for beating up geezers
driver sez hes going somewhere to f up fallon
he goes to sacrimento and outs fallon
but the big wigs cant do jack
he gives a fruity speech about how trees are good
settle down captain planet
go eat some garbage
later lotsa men come over o file claims
the notice was held back and the real owners have the same rights
as long as they have papers filed and 125$$
theres no time for the real owners to do so and they're f'd
driver sez the clamers are lying and aint using it for private use
fallon sez when theyre done appealing and sueing he's gonna have all the wood
dariver fights him
fallos cant get the lumber w/o drivers land to use for the river to pass the wood
but hes looking into da bank to get his 50 000$$ thing
also the red had is into him
she tries to get driver to just give in and go on to enjoy life
he doesn't consent and she goes mental
later ox (I think alan hale)(his name is ox? like the ox king from dragonball?! bada55) is going to fight fallon
he slugs out the sherrif and busts up the casino
man hes kicking a55
he had an axe and a pick
he should've chopped those d-ckheads up!
driver comes in and helps him
I think hew axed a guy
they get out
at home they talk about doing something\
later ox burns down the casino
or records office
yeah its the land office\
now all falons clAIMS are ash and the good guys can refile
ox sez its an accident
btw this film is colored, fullscreen and directed by the guy who did adventures of robin hood
later fallon tries to get the 50 000 note from da bank
when bank guy denies it he gets a bank examinaer shake him down
they don't find it (ooh, bank guy is Donald crisp from the d w Griffith films) bank guy is arrested for embezzlement
but driver comes in and they give it to em
he gets it and sez he wants the cash from driver in 6 weels
he decides to sell long and close da mill
he gets all the people together to cut logs and get em to market
sounds like a union
those are typically bad
soviet union
European union
union vs confederate
the timber guys expect him to not get r dun but red head hopes for him
then we et a montage of cutting trees
nowadays trees are viewed as equal to or greater than people
by degenerates anyway
she admits to main guy (whos not really the main guy(I never saw this b4 so I thought it was)) she loves driver and leaves
later on a railroad tracks over a river some guys sAw it
they get away but a train load of woof is heading there
they send word and driver tries to save the bridge
good thing theres trees everywhere to fix it
red head comes by but ox don't trust her and locks her in the train caboose
and gambler
hes sending em away
the men from sending word arrive but so do the bridge choppers
they mess with the train and it starts going
howd they get there b4 the message senders?
the senders were on a cart that you pump to speed up
they were on foot
someone is on the train ad going across it from loaded log to loaded log
this is like gunstar heroes
or alien soldier
he hits the breaks but the front part of the train was unhooked and goes ahead and crushes he bridge
the caboose stops b4 going over
I think its driver who stopped it
when he gets back the water level is going down
the timber guys plugged the river like a butt
red head is on drivers side as is gambler
driver makes out with red head
they go to dynamitre the plug but theres bad guys
so they cap em
theres a funny scene where gambler sees a box of dynamite fall and hides thinking its gonna pop
not without a light
they get to the plugged up river and cap some guys
is this contra?
man theres lotsa guys with guns
in California!
and they're white!!!
the good guys set the dynatime and a sniper starts picking em off
ox stops him
they light it and run
but fallon confronts driver
they have a boss battle with a time limit as the things gonna blow
man that's a long fuse
he sluigs fallon off into da water and gets away as it blows
wait
he saves fallon
why?
I was gonna have fallon come back rebuilt in the sequel!
he explains he wanted fallon to live and he'd win the right wAY
he goes off and gives up and goes home and driver goes to the red head as the camera goes up
did he b0ne her?
the end
that was fun
upbeat
classy
cheerful
it had a good feel
nowadays it would be bummer and disgruntled
I liked it
I gotta check out the silent versions of this
for valley of he giants 2 i'd like for fallons big brother and head of is company to come down to get revenge for his wiener kid bros beating. he knows doing it fallons way wont work so he teams up with sasquatch and starts a guerrilla war with them attacking the hero of the 1st movies place. they eat the people and its up to ox to go around beating sasquatch a55 and save the area. he teams up with his brother visiting town who's just as big and buff but is black and wears blue instead of ox's blonde looks and red outfit. they go around beating up fallon's bros men and sasquatch through several level as as a 16 bit beat em up on sega genesis and snes. also they have snipers helping k with limited ammo that can be uses to hit enemies a few times per level. and the boss is falons big bro who's on roids and is 9 feet tall and can hoild a whole baby in one of his massive hands and rides an elephant.