Thursday, August 10, 2017

The Shawshank Redemption Review

note; I spell like prisoners live
the Shawshank redemption
this is my review on the Shawshank redemption
I'm watching this on amc so its censored
its by steven king who my cool 90s aunt likes
it starts with the main guy on trial as hes found guilty of icing his wife and the guy she was b0ning
he goes to jail and morgan freeman checks him out
freeman is a guy who can get u things in prison
after they hose the inmates off they go to bed
a fata55 whines so Clancy brown(lex luthor from superman the animated series and justice league unlimited) beats him dead for it
in the real version I think he b0ned him dead
mf thought main guy would cry 1st
the next day main guy finds a maggot in his food and a guy he gives it to gives it to his pet bird in his pocket(his familiar in D&D if he were a mage)
btw when the guys were in their 1st night in prison the other inmates tried to turn em queer
btw this is the 40s
when main guy asks the name of the fata55 the guy who won a bet off him sez no one cares
what a d-ck
hope someone b0nes him dead
later in the prison showers a guy comes on to main guy
is this a p0rn0??
later mf chats with main guy and everyone sez they're innocent
main guy wants a rock hammer but not to ice anyone
mf warns main guy 2 guys wanna b0ne him
but they aint queer according to mf
to quote my black friends; my a55!!
wait... maybe I shouldn't say "my a55" about guys trying to b0ne people
mf agrees to get the tool for him for 10$
he gets it from his minion bringing it in the laundry and he repays him 2 packs of smokes
nowadays people would go up the a55 over smoking in a movie
but b0ning booze and drugs are ok
mf sez it would take 600years to tunnel out
main guy goes into a room but the guys who wanted to b0ne him catch him and b0ne him off screen
mf narrates how the guys keep b0ning and beating him for 2 years
in 1949 outdoor work starts up and mf gets his homies work
Clancy brown gets a 35 000 $ inheritance but big guv under trueman (who was in the klan in the 20s) is gonna tax it from him
main guy asks if Clancy trusts his wife and Clancy nearly throws him off the roof
he explains he can give his spouse a one time tax free gift of up to 60 000 $
he gets beer in  exchange for his helping the Clancy who kills inmates often
to be fair, most inmates are awful
like those guys who b0ne main guy
btw I had an idea for the hose thing
what if they edited the word AIDS on the hose so when in a prison movie when they hose off the prisoners it looks like they're blasting em with AIDS!?
later when playing checkers main guy sez he wants to make a chess game
mf gets him stones to carve into pieces
he notices the prison walls are soft and asks for a rita Hayworth poster
on the way back the b0ning guys catch him and beat on him
1 guy was gonna b0ne his mouth and are gonna ear shank him with an 8 inch spike if he bites
he sez brain wounds make victims bite super hard
so they just beat the black offa him
after a month in the hole Clancy beats b0ning guy crippled
its kinda horror as he tries to get away and they pull him back
like it or something(the clown thing)\
b0ning guy is shipped off to a min security place
are we supposed to feel sorry for him?
hes a mo lester
imagine if he was crippled cuz Clancy brown b0ned him til his butt broke
later the guards look through the inmates cells for contraband
he talks to the warden about the bible
I should mention the warden don't like his inmates misusing the Lords name
he allows main guy to continue
holy cr-p the warden looks like my grade school vice principle
after a meeting with warden in his office hes reassigned to assistant librarian
oh and his bird is a big black crow
its been 2 years
then a guard talks with main guy about setting up a fun for his kids
later the inmates laugh about it
main guy wants to get new books and asks warden for funds
he writes a letter each week
next year main guy starts doing guard and warden taxes
each year he does more taxes
later librarian holds the d-ck guy at knifepoint
hes getting released and cant face he outside world
he prefers to live in his stone womb
main guy gets him to spare the d-ck guy
hes been there so long he cant handle being w/o it
it reminds me of the 2nd arc of the riki-oh manga how he goes to another jail
he sets his crow free even though it has no experience in the nature world
he goes out and sends a letter back
hes amazed how times have changed
cars everywhere
he gets work as a bag boy at a grocery store
and lives in a halfway house
he feeds birds hoping for his crow to return
he cant function and carves words in the wood thing near the ceiling
then hangs himself
he carved; brooks was here
brooks was his name
but its also drakes character in degrassi
later main guy gets books delivered to the prison
its 200$ of books
they did it to shut him up
it was 6 years
its also records
and archie comics
wait, that's what the guard is reading while taking a dump
I think the records are the wardens
the guard left him unsupervised
oh and main guy locked the guard in the toilet
he plays music on the PA
warden has Clancy bust in by night sticking the glass and main guy gets 2 weeks in da hole
after dat he sez he has hope but mf sez not to
main guy replies that's what happened with brooks
later mf is given a parole hearing and sez hes rehabilitated
he gets denied
main guy gets mf a harmonica
later mf gets main guy marilin monroew the poster
this is b4 r fk had her iced
later he starts sending 2 letters a week and the guv shuts him up with more cash and books
by the time j fk goes to h-ll they have a good prison library
later the warden uses the convicts as cheap labor
and he gets bribes
but main guy keeps his secrets
and channels the cash into legal things that get back to him
but all the books are in the name of a fictional guy main guy created
and he used to be a straight arrow b4 going to prison
must be from getting b0ned all those times
in 65 a john Travolta looking guy gets 2 years for breaking/entering
the inmates like him
hes like Travolta in grease btw
hes been in jail a lot and has a baby momma
so he wants to get his high school equivalency
so main guy teaches him how to read
by 1966 Raquel welch is his poster girl
after taking the test, not Travolta throws it out and goes b--chy
mf tells notravolta why main guy is in jail
notravolta reveals his ex cellmate was the real killer of main guy's woman and b0ning buddy
he tells the warden but the warden has him sent to da hole for a month as he don't want his cash scheme ruined
also notravolta passed with a c+ average
he meets warden at night outside and warden gives him a smoke
I think hes gonna  ice him
he asks if notravolta would tell what he heard the real killer say and he sez yes
then a sniper picks notravolta off
warden tells main guy but main guy wants to stop
warden sez he'd have him f'd if he does
why is the warden the bad guy?
this wouldn't happen in the 30s
then main guy gwts another month in da hole
later hes out and sez its his fault his cheeting woman bit it cuz he drove her away
that's cr-p
its for better or worse
not; until he p-sses me off
main guy tells mf about a pacific mexico place he wants to live
btw I never knew the guy was nnoc3ent
this ids my 1st time watching da hole thing
mf sez hes been in too long like brooks
oh and this is in maine
like all steven kings other books
he tells mf about a location in a hayfield where he b0ned his wife b4 they married
its got a treasure for mf but main guy wont say wat it is
later the d-ck sez he gave main guy 6 feet of rope
they think hew gonna hang himself\
after main guy does work for no pay for the warden including shining his shoes(SLAVE!!) he goes back to his cell for bedtime
the next day they line up for inspection and main guy aint there
warden finds his shoes are switched for convict shoes
and main guy is gone
maybe he was a vampire and dusted himself\
mf don't know where he went and warden throws chess pieces
1 goes through the poster and theres a hole tunneled from behind the poster
so much for 600 years
we getta flashback of main guy tunneling out and dumping the grit in the yard from his pants
also no one noticed him wearing shiny shoes
remember in pee wee herman with the mirror shoes?
I'm surprised theres not a Yugioh card called that
no one wears skirts nowadays anyway
except maybe crossdressers lol
also main guy had an extra set of clothes under his outfit and stored em in a plastic bag
during a thunderstorm he hit the sewage pipe as thunder went
he crawled through fecal matter like dantes inferno or brazil for 500 yards
that's 1500 feet
when he gets out he gets undressed and hoses off in the rain
main guy uses the fake guy he made up to get the wardens cash and out the prison to the cops
also he hid a tool in his bible
Clancy brown goes to jail and warden eats his gun
mf gets a postcard from texas where main guy crossed
he misses main guy
mf gets a parole hearing and gives a wordy monologue about regretting is past acts
he gets approved after swearing at them
the swear word was cut out of the amc showing
he goes on like brooks did and in the same place too
you'd think they'd stop after one guy committed seppuku
also hes used to asking permission to whiz cuz hes used to it
he wants to go back to jail
he gets a lift rom a red pickup truck to the place main guy told him about where he b0ned his wife
the tree is made of j-zz
he finds a tin box with cash in it
and a note sayin if he remembered the towns name he said on one day years ago and to go there to be with him
how is he supposed to know where he place is, or even how its spelled?!
he carves "so was red" by "brooks was here"
then takes a bus out
later he meets main guy working on a boat in the middle of nowhere
the end
that was pretty good
nothing really awful about it
no cgi
good 90s feel
if ur not into prison b0ning it might be off
but its a good film that doesn't tack on a sad moment or love interest cr-p
wait, why'd he need the rope???!!
for the Shawshank redemption 2 I'd like for the warden to be revived by experimental tech as his brain was mostly damaged but still able to keep life systems on. using an advanced regenerative compound they rebuild his brain and he comes back with regeneration abilities. he hunts down main guy and is gonna b0ne him dead bit the daughter of notravolta saves him. they fight through several levels of the guv agentzs trying to catch him for breaking outta jail and warden got on his side for agreeing to continue being part of their experiments. also the guy who b0ned main guy is back after being regenerated as a minion of warden and they face em over several levels with the bad guys in different armor and weapons. its also a 16 bit platform game on snes and sega genesis and Gameboy advance. oh and its up to 4 players with main guy, notavoltas kid, mf and Clancy who's turned good. and its in the 80s as they needed time to regenerate him and track em down.

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