Tell Them Willie Boy Is Here Review

note; I know little of tis film. but my mom likes it so imma do it 4 her. homie

Tell Them Willie Boy Is Here

this is my review on Tell Them Willie Boy Is Here

its directed by a commie who was blacklisted for communism

Abraham polonsky

it starts with text read about how in 1909 some crazy cr-p happened in California

eewwwwwww

its really widescreen

its got Robert redford and Robert blake

so this guy goes through Africa or California wastelands or w/e

ohh its base on a book

the guy walking talks with a horse and buggy guy

the guy is willie boy

I call him wb

he gets a lift to a reservation

I think wb was b0ning a chick and left when her husband came home

what is this? jerry springer?

needs more crossdressers

a moustache mAN comnes by and sez he'd cap wb

I think its the husband

1 blonde guy sells people whisky he stole

I think the other people in the reserve are having a cockfight

but it cant show it

so wb has some whiskey

the reserve head chick has a cop I think deal with the whiskey sellers

the cop (sheriff) beats the blonde guy up and runs him outta town

so theres a parade with prez taft coming

1 guy goes on a tirade about big gov taking his stuff cuz hes white and male

just wait til the 2000s\

1 guy playing pool makes a comment to wb about the reservation and wb assaults him with a pool stick

that was unneeded escalation

he said words I hate so I beat him up

I'm not saying its ok to insult people

but to attack em for it?

not right

wb runs and the pool guy wants justice for the assault

wb talks to a guy named Charlie (hopefully not sheen)

later sheriff (I think its redford) trys b0ning the head of the reserve

later wb makes out with this tanned chick

after b0ning her, sheriff redford wants the head of the reserve to give it up

the head whines about redfords dad killing Indians

also the head is kinda brittish

she mouths off to him about him being violent and it gets em to b0ne again

after b0ning the tanned chick, they talk about how her dad don't want wb

a guy interrupts their b0ning and wb caps him\

Its her dad

they run away

the next day redford and his homies are sent after wb

the head (who reminds me of a more brittish dr Quinn) sez wb b0ning her and icing her dad and running away is marriage by capture

part of their heritage

what is this? violence jack??

needs more hermaphrodites

later wb ties up the tanned chick and she sez shes gonna yell for help

so he frees her and they run together

the group after em calculate where they are headed

wb sees smoke and finds those after hoim haven't caught on to where they headed

the group decides to wait til after dark

1 guy recalls a mission he did with redfords dad

at night wb talks with tanned chick

he has her remove her shoes an walk around the group with him

1 group member hears something and opens fire

its a dingo or something

so redford finishes it

Charlie I think sticks up for wb saying he didn't have a gun and they could've capped the girl

the next day wb and his girl run off

redford sez they aint gonna catch wb unless he wants 2 b caught

wb and his chick get water in a pond or w/e and soak in it

she sez she wanted to get married in a church in a white dress

shouldn't've been b0ning that guy then

wb sez once e got drunk and was in jail for 30 days

then talks about how awful it was for him

mabe you shouldn't've got drunk then

wb wants to ice those after him

she tries to talk him outta it

also they keep talking about whiteness

so what if they're white?

so what if you aint?

the group finds their trail and Charlie wants em to give wb a chance to surrender

wb thinks they paid charlei  was paid to get him

so he goes j fk and picks a buncha em off

1 guy is sent for reinforcements

at town they wanna keep da prez taft safe

also the head talks with redford and he wants to b0ne her

while talking with some people she finds redford in her room

she goes back but gets p-ssed at a guy questioning the wb incident

then she goes back to redford and they slowly undress

but she has some kinda freak out and he leaves

later she tells redford her b--ching about wb didn't help

and people are talking of wb having hundreds of indian homies trying to take over

if ur Canadian or lived in soviet canada you may recall louie riel, a malcontent who tried to set up a zone just for his race in the 1800s

he iced some people and was executed for his crimes

but somehow became a Canadian hero

what next? manson jr high?

meanwhile people wanna erase the history of people who built this country

its like saying lincon was evil but john wilkes booth was a hero

later wb finds a tent and it has a hidden gun and cash in it

w goes off to some place for horses at night

back then they could execute u for jackin horses

now if someone steals from you and you stop em, YOU get charged

redford hears a dog and goes out and wb nearly caps him

later wb returns to the tent place and his girl is gone

he finds her hiding and she sed if she stays hes gonna bite it

he gets p-ssed and tells her to go bring the group to him

but she returns and they b0an

the next day the group finds wbs trax and goes after him

redford goes in but has a nipper covering him

we hear gunshots

then it has the tanned chick iced with 1 bulet hole in her

she might've iced herself

redford goes after wb

the head checks the tanned chicks bod

redford sets up a fake human (jinzo ningen) on a string and moves it with a rope to draw wb's fire

then gets to the pond and drinks

he notices a handprint and puts his in it

I assume he got powers from it

he gets behind wb and they draw

but redford caps wb

then carries him out of the rock place they fought

he gives him to some guys and redford cleans his hands with dust

he sez he gave wb a chance but wb had no bullets

wb is burned and a guy rom da group wanted some evidence

redford sez they all outta souvenirs and the camera pans to the burning smoke

the end

that was pretty good

even though the director was a commie he still made a good film

this was well made and had good work done in it

good scenes, camera work and acting

I like films based on books and true storys and this one as well done

for Tell Them Willie Boy Is Here 2 i'd like for it to be the 30s and people are bummed by the cr-ppy economy. some guys use willy boy as a symbol of rebellion and California leaves the union after enough people vote on it. it then goes communist and they start executing people based on fear of them being capitalists. then its 20 ears later and california is a slum of poors and disease and raiders attack Arizona until arizona cant take it and fight back, starting an international incident and theres a war between the soviet republic of california and Arizona (who has the backing of texas). the californias don't have guns or real skills and the arizonas are bada55 cowboy dudes. its also an 8 bit Gameboy/NES/Game Gear/Master System game where you play as either a bada55 Arizona fighting hordes of rotting California commies or a candya5 California commie sending waves of his own men to fight the superior arizonas

Hush… Hush, Sweet Charlotte Review

note; i'm not demented, my spelling is

hush... hush, sweet charlotte

this is my review on hush hush sweet charlotte

its directed by the guy who did whatever happened to baby jane and the dirty dozen

are those p0rn0es??

its got bette davis and Olivia de haviland

joan "crawl up my a55" Crawford didn't wanna do this

it was meant as a copy of baby jane to cash in on the popularity

like bubsy for sonic

so it starts with a confederate guy yelling at a guy he hates about how he wants to ice him

hes a big bada55 confederate guy and his plantation is rotting

but he tried to fight to keep it good

and his daughter is charlotte and the guy he hates wants her

he wanted to elope with charlotte

imma call her char as its easier to spell

also Gundam

oh and the hated guy is married and the wife told the confederate dad

so he was the bad guy

so dad tells him his plan for the party tonight

at da party he tells her something offscreen and shes busted up over it and sezz she could waste him

later a meat cleaver goes missing

then the hated guy gets his hand chopped off by it

then gets chopped up

we don't see who it is chopping him

later char comes out with blood on her dress

then its the distant future year of 1964

some candy a55 kids go to the home and joke about char

they have a caveman looking kid who wants to join their gang(da spiders) jack something char touched from her home

she can ice him and its legal as hes an intruder

btw this is widescreen

he wakes up char and runs out

the other kids book it too

then we get credits to a song like freddy Krueger

shes upset by those little c-cksuckers

hope she chops em up

later its daytime and a bulldozer starts bustin her place

so she gets her rifle and opens fire to scare him off

the head worker gets p-ssed at her but she sez if she wanted to ice him, she would've

bada55

he sez the state made the land for a bridge or something

typical big government, taking our rights

she don't consent and when he brings up getting away with murder, she dumps a stone thing by him

chars maid or w/e has her get dressed and makes breakfast

at the police thing a guy sez about how they didn't find the victims head and hand

its a brit reporter looking into the hated guys thing

then a guy comes in and sez how char is goin mental

at home sherrif comes in and char sez she knows him

sherrif sez she has 10 days left there

char sez her cousin Miriam is coming

he goes but maid sez Miriam aint commin

and shes chars only relative

this is seeming a lot like the secret of nimh

char talks to dr drew (not that dr drew) and he tries to get her to think no ones out to get her

then Miriam (olive de haviland) comes

dr drew sez char has enough cash to live anywhere well

she otta go to da 3rd world and civilize it

char and mir reunite and are happy

later they have dinner and dr drew keeps trying to make her think shes not being persecuted

Miriam sez char gotta leave

char goes on a tirade about how chars confederate dad helped Miriam as a kid

a Miriam was the one who outed char and hated guy to hated guys wife

also Miriam told the confederate dad about it

and char and the hated guy were b0ning!!

char gets emotional and leaves to dramatic tunes while calling for the hated guy

drew and Miriam say car is nuts but not enuff to be locked up

and drew sez she never accepted the hated guy bit it

also dr drew gives Miriam a gun

the real dr drew wouldn't do it

that's why this ones better

hes bada55

well

more than TV's dr drew anyway

after he leaves a dog barks and shadows move

who's dog is it?

later a door opens and Miriams dress is on a door and sliced

so the brit reporter and the sheriff look through past papers on the case

confederate dad used his connections to save his daughter

most good fathers would

also a yankee reporter is trying to sell more cr-p with the bridge story and playing it like a horror story

later miruim talks to the wife of the hated guy and wife don't like mirium

later char is goin mental over maid bringing in the cr-p mag with the image of the headless in handed bf from the mail

char reveals she thinks its the wife as shes been getting hate mail for years

and the 1st one was mailed from that town

and she saved em all for some reason

so wife talks to reporter and she gives him a note to open after she bites it

later Miriam wakes up and hears the song hush hush sweet charlotte

sounds like biz Markie

it was char doing it on da piano

when she wakes up at time she feels like her hated bf is still here

maybe its his lingering Ki?

then the door opens and theres a cleaver and a hand on da floor

char freaks out and runs upstairs

but its not there when mir turns on da lights

and the dog is barking

someone hammer dat dog!

don't waste a bullet

use a hammer!!

later when char checks it out these an axe hole in da floor

a few big black chicks working for her say she acts crazy but isn't really

later char puts flowers by a grave and brit reporter confronts her

don't trust him! he's brttish!

he sez they met b4 in England

he tells her what she wore then

but what if she didn't recall?

or misremembered?

he read everything aboot her and is interested in her

she sez she don't know of shes nuts or not

nuts or not?

sounds like a gameshow

she snaps and takes back a music box from a black woman and goes b--chy for a bit

the music box is what the caveman boy tries to steal b4

and it plays the song hush hush sweet charlotte

later its a thunderstorm

man we're 45 mins in

didn't feel like it

no

75 mins in

it started at 5 45

in the storm light and with the wind, char goes around her home all spacy

mirium comes down, closes the door letting da wind in and finds char with broken mirrors and an arm cut

she sez it was her confederate dad

later miruim and dr drew are having char taken away to rest elsewhere

maid sez if char goes with mir, she wont be seen again

like with marilin Monroe after the kenadies

and that mir is jealous of maid cuz char liked maid better

and mir wants maid gone saying shes not needed

this is like in the bad seed how that guy knew the kid was da killer

dr drew helps get maid out

Miriam sez maid is jealous of those close to char

maid goes to brit and tells him

at night char talks to a painting of confederate dad saying he iced the hated guy

she opens da front door and a yankee reporter snaps pix and runs

then Miriam comes in, drops a fake head and char faints

its revealed Miriam and dr drew were working to commit her and get her estate

this is like that joan Crawford movie where she chopped off that guys Gulliver and her daughter tried to drive her nuts

maid sneaks back and finds char drugged

she tries to get char out but hears a noise and puts everything back and hides

also she took the drugs

Miriam comes in and notices the drugs are gone and goes out

maid gets char dressed but mir returns

maid reveals she knows of da drug and is gonna out her

dumba55!

u revealed ur hand!

then Miriam busts her with a chair and she goes down da stairs

I think she bit it

later dr drew is there saying char deluded herself into thinking confederate dad iced the hated guy

and cuz of dat she never spent her inheritance

later the brit sees the coroner about maid biting it

they say she fell off a ladder

and dr drew brought her in

later dr drew sings hush hush sweet charlot and char wakes up and comes down

he leaves b4 she gets there

she play it a bit on piano but finds herself holdin a gun

she has a trippy experience of reliving the party night

then confederate dad comes in and hated guy leaves

then the room is empty

hated guy returns but then hes missing a hand and head

so se caps him

then the windows blow out

back in reality Miriam comes in and char capped dr drew

char stops her from calling da sherrif saying its an accident\

char sez to hide da body and to pay off mir for it

this is kinda like in gone with the wind how scarlet capped dat yankee and Melanie (Olivia de haviland) helped hide the body

then the brit returns and mir answers da door

brit mentions maid biting it and char overhears

after brit goes they drive a car with dr drews body in it

oh straight jacket was the joan Crawford movie it happened in

char don't wanna touch dr drews body but does it anyway

they dump him in da river

on the way back Miriam slaps char around and sez shes never gonna suffer for her again

mir takes the car and char cries inside

but then dr drew returns covered in mud

what is this? interview with the vampire?!

char freaks out

Miriam returns and dr drew is gone but theres a muddy footprint

later Miriam and dr drew share a drink

they casually bicker over who gets to be the alpha in the dark dealings and choose where to live

oh and she had the wife pay her for covering up the wife chopping up the hated guy

and Miriam let both wife and charlotte suffer for years

what a b--ch

and they used blanks in the gun char shot dr drew with

and theyre getting char committed tomorrow

and confederate dad and hated guy were b0ning a lot

so char crushes dr drew and Miriam with a stone flower pot

just like the start of the film

the gossips say char did it

but the hated guys wife just bit it

brit sez what if wife iced hated guy and was blackmailed?

and tells yankee char was innocent

but that its just a guess

so char leaves her music box behind and walks out of her confederate home free to enjoy her life

yankee gets her photo as does brit

brit gives char the wifes letter

she reads it silently and shows emotion

then drives off on a new adventure

and we hear hush hush sweet charlotte over credits

huh, George kennedy was in this

the end

that was good

I liked it

the ending of her being free moved my heart

its good suspence, good horror and good drama

its got a nostalgia feel to it

makes me think of my 90s home and how it was b4 it got upgraded

the original kitchen and bathroom tile

moves me heart it does

for hush... hush, sweet charlotte 2 I want her and the brit to have become celebs for funding innocence projects to help people wrongly convicted. but one guy is a director who is accused of using real corpses in his film. also actors had to eat the corpses and went mental afterward. the director sez he was told they were fake but the producer sez the director ordered it. turns out it was the producer who did it as he was obsessed with the movie and hated how the director was doing it as its based on his corpse eating fetish.

Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs Review

note; I spell non canaidian. no extra U's

snow white and the seven dwarfs

this is my review on snow white and the seven dwarfs (1937 ver)

its based on the brothers grimm who usually had cannibalism and serial killers in their stories

after some credits to nice music a book opens and tells us the background like in silent films

snoe white was a kind princess but her evil queen stepmom was a b--ch to her

also her mom has a black magic mirror

yes animaniacs did a parody of this

so the queen keeps needing the mirror whos the hottest chick I the kingdom

but the mirror sez snow white is the hottest

queen dresses her in rags and makes her clean

like a slave!!

the queen is shocked that her b--chyness isn't the most wonderful chick in the kingdom

whuda thunk?!

snow white sings of finding a nice bf

also then a prince comes by

snow white reminds me of my gf

she's got dark hair and milky white skin

but my gf has longer hair and big eyes

kinda like mrs Addams from the Addams family

the prince starts singing to her and she runs but returns

the the evil possibly brittish queen gets p-ssed at this

man this is good animation

and its fullscreen

no black bars

queen has a huntsman sent to take her out and wack her

hey its just like with daiana in England

also the queen wants huntsman to chop her up and bring back her heart in a box

wtf that's sick

kids movie my a55

what next? make the prince the human centipede?!

wheres the king anyway?!

I think queen had him wacked

so huntsman is gonna waste her but cant do it

he outs the queen and sez to run away and never return

just like the lion king

she runs to the woods and all these creepy cr-p happens

the plants are grabbing her

is this la blue girl?!

son of a b--ch this place is haunted!

she freaks out and collapses after all this freeky cr-p

btw we're 10 mins in and all this crazy cr-p happened

great animation too

back in the 30s they knew how to make it good

the 90s had good shows like ducktales and gargoyles

what would walt this of the cr-p they got on the Disney channel now?

so then the sun comes out and all the creepy eyes in darkness turn out to be cute woodland critters who comfort her

I guess they senses her positive Ki

she instantly recovers fro her horror and sings

I just noticed snow whites hair looks like a 20s chick

this light song is like a g rated betty boop cartoon

so snow white needs a place to sleep as she don't wanna do it on the ground like campers

and the animals lead her to a house

wow water reflection distorted mirror image on the ground

how'd they do dat?

btw snow white is in high heels

and all those malcontents said the chick in Jurassic world running in heels was unrealistic

snow white goes in and everythings small

she thinks its for kids

but its a bit dusty and cobwebby and messy

leave the webs alone

those spiders live there

so she decides to clean up

when my mom cleans my cr-ppy area, she always moves things and I never know where she put em

it may look disorganized, but I know where everything is

also the animals help her clean

is this really happening?

or is it in her mind?

if it is happening I think the animals are magic

maybe yokai

lol a spider scared off a rodent for ruining his web

if it were a bigger spider like in brazil it would eat that rodent

why is it always cutesy animals helping her?

why not centipedes and spiders and dragon flies and worms?

y'know, the useful ones

birds are only good as food

squirrels and rabbits eat crops

deer are good to eat

as are their fusion with sasquatch; the moose

meanwhile, a family of midgets dig for jewels in a mine and sing

I notice these jewels are already cut and polished in the earth

then they go home singing

good use of light and shadow

and good angles

at home snow white goes upstairs and finds their beds

she sleeps across 3 beds like in the simpsons how homer parked across 3 handicapped spots

at night the animals hear the midgets coming and cheese it

when they get home they see the lights are on and the chimney is smoking

so they assume its a ghost, goblin, dragon or daemon

does that mean they have those things in this era and place?

is this the lord of the rings?

they look around and notice its clean

they think the stew cooking(made of one of the animals who cleaned?) is witches brew

also sneezy has a hurricane blast sneeze

so they tie up his nose

wont his head asplode then?

theres 7 midgets

like the 7 deadly sins, 7 dragon balls and 7 chaos emeralds

after a fake scare they think dopey is the monster and beat him with clubs

but he's ok

they think snow white is a monster and try to ice her but stop when they see her

why is everyone trying to wack snow white?!

they think shes cute and grumpy is against her

she wakes up and is surprised theyre midgets

she knows which dwarf is which based on their outward personality

what is this?! full metal alchemist?!

they are named after their trait like the seven deadly sins??

she reveals the queen wants her iced and the dwarfs know the queen is evil (like the one in England)

she gets to stay to cook and clean for em

like a slave!!

she wants em to wash b4 dinner

they say they did but when she chex their hands theyre covered in filth

snow white is disturbed they have a fine layer of fdust on their palms and makes em wash

snow white has kind of a girly voice

she seems like a bimbo

I mean it in a good way

as in cute and cheerful and nice and fun

they wash in a funny way

later the queen talks to her black magic mirror and it reveals the heart in the box was from a pig

so evil queen goes to her lab and uses her spellbook to find how to disguise herself

she uses Halloween cr-p to turn herself into a nasty old hag

now she's the modern queen of England instead of the 30s one

man she really deforms

why'd she use magic to turn her clothes black?

just change ur outfit!

this is like cutey honey but on drugs

the good guys then sing and dance 30s style

dopey and sneezy do the "2 midgets in a coat" thing to dance equally with snow white

sneezy sneezes in the coat and it inflates and rockets dopey out the top

i'm not sure he had that much air in him

maybe he has a pocket dimension inside him that blasts air from an elemental plane

then snow white tells a love story about meeting her prince in high pitched song

then its bedtime and snow white gets their bedroom and they sleep in the lower level

b4 bed she prays and asks for grumpy to like her

what a nice girl

they wouldn't have that in modern Disney

one dwarf uses dopey's a55 as a pillow

so the evil queen makes a poison apple that turns a green apple black, then red

race tf sequence

but only loves true kiss can revive the eater of the apple

as the evil hag leaves she kicks some bones of her victim imprisoned in her cage

that's f'd up

probably disagreed with the monarchy and was executed by starvation

maybe its the king who she had imprisoned for defying her

just like in england

so the midgets leave for work and tell snow white to beware of strangers

so I just noticed I think dopey may be mentally disabled

nowadays they'd make it super pc or dark and malcontent

secretly grumpy warms up to snow white

why is she called snow white?

cuz shes pale?

is that her street name like tin tin or t bird or funboy in the crow?>

or wolverine, gambit and cyclops in x men?

so snow white if making a pie for grumpy and the hag comes by

hag sez men prefer apple pie and offers her the one red apple in a basket of green apples

the birds attack the hag but snow white saves her

she fakes being unwell and snow brings her inside

the animals rush to get the midgets

huh, this is a lot like birth of a nation how lilian gish was in danger and the heroes of the film rush to save her

and it keeps cutting between the two

so hag sez the apple is a magic wishing apple that biting it will make ur dreams come true

grumpy leads the charge to save snow

snow white wishes to lives happy with her bf and bites it

then she bites it off screen

then its raining like in 20 000 leagues under the sea with the squid fight and the animals and midgets chase down the queen

she gets stuck at the top of the hill and tries to crush em with a rock

but lightening hits the rocks under her, and she falls and the rock goes after her

um, lightening doesn't destroy wet rock

it conducts over the water

whatever, shes in h-ll now

they couldn't have the midgets beating her dead

so the midgets are bummed snow white bit it

esp grumpy

aww a sad moment

then we get text saying they couldn't bury her

so they made a glass and gold coffin to keep her in

then the prince from b4 comes by and sings of love

what is this? sailor moon?

he smooches her body and she revives

she kisses the dwarfs heads bye and goes off with the prince to be a good queen

the end

that was grand

classic, beautiful and clean

nowadays they'd add a lotta pop culture refs and modern cr-p to appeal to the kids

but this was timeless and perfect for telling the classic story

I've seen this as a kid but now I can appreciate it

most grand

for snow white and the seven dwarves 2 I want there to be an 8th dwarf who returns and finds they knew snow white. he's disgruntled they didn't summon him while he was out whaling in the ocean and goes to see snow white. but the evil queen has revved herself by possessing the vultures that went after her when the rock fell on her and returns to the castle to get revenge. she uses her black magic cr-p to return to human forme and powers up into a huge hulking abomination that attacks the castle. and the prince, snow white and the 8th dwarf team up and take her on. its also a 16 bit game on sega genesis, super Nintendo and game boy advance where you have missions to attack the giant areas of the monster queen to break her down one part at a time playing as the 8th dwarf, the prince or snow white and they each have their own abilities like snow white fighting by sending birds to attack, the prince has his sword, and the 8th drawf has a harpoon

The Bridge On The River Kwai Review

note; you know my views from past reviews. guess who I like in this film???
bridge on the river kwai
this is my review for bridge on the river kwai
its got 1910s actor sessue hayakawa, alec guinnes and William holden
its directed by dfavid lean who did some britler movies
this one is set in ww2 about the noble Nippon-jin vs the okama gaijin
ewwwwwwww
its based on a frechie novel
Frenchies and brits?! but they were the bad guys lol
ewwwwwwww
its super widescreen
about half the screen is black bars
in da credits through a jungle a train goes by and stops at a work site
the music tries to make men walking sound dangerous
an American digging graves has his supervisor get him a sick day by bribing him with a lighter he got from a brit
i'll call him yank
he has a halfa55ed prayer for the brit
in the office, col saito (like junichi saito who did sailor moon eps?) is played by hayakawa
then the brits come in whistling the sing from the simpsons with Michael Jackson
lisa
her teeth are big and green
lisa
she smells like gasoline
wtf theres a second verse w/o words
is this a musical like oliver??
I hate those cockney accents
if the Kaiser had won we'd have been done with em
saito meets the colonel named Nicholson
i'll call him col
saito sez he's making a railroad from Bangkok to Rangoon and the brits are gonna work for him
better than letting em rot in a prison camp
col confronts saito about him and the higher up britlers getting outta work
he sees them as superior to his men so he don't gotta slum with em
typical britz; seeing themselves as better than their fellow to boost their low self esteem from their big rotting teeth!
I remember it was optimus primal who said; he wouldn't give an order he wasn't willing to do himself
so are the brits the predacons?
then its raining and yank and col talk about how they got to the camp
yank sez his groups officers did work
but col still thinks he can reason with the guy in charge
oh and they're deep in da jungle so if they try to escape the yeti will get em or w/e
col sez in Singapore he was ordered to surrender and he believes in the law most
yeah cuz law breakers follow your laws
oh and col sez his men should feel like they are commanded by brits not the Japanese
the next day saito tells the english prisoners they gotta work on the bridge and they belong to the Japanese
sounds right as the Japanese caught em
you don't have your suicune telling its trainer what items to use on it
col brings up the geneva convention (something saito never consented to)
so saito busts his a55
col knows nothing of bushido or warrior code
abacabb
britler sez his men don't gotta work for saito
this okama gaijin doesn't know his place
which is gonna be deep in jigoku soon if he keeps it up
so prisoners go to work but the higher rank soldiers don't
candy a55!
saito tells him to order his men to work but col candya55 doesn't
so saito brings in one thing the brits fear... a gun!!
shred em saito san!
but a fruity guy sez theres too many witnesses and his soldier code shouldn't include icing unarmed men
so saito goes inside and lets those brits cook in da sun
stubborn candya55 brits!
yank sez the brits have guts like in ww1
imagine if the commies took over America and when they wanted everyone at mcdonalds to work in the ghost acid mines, the ceo and board of directors said; we don't wanna! send the grease monkeys at the fryer instead of us!
as its getting dark (holy cr-p its bern half an hour and nothing happened) col candya66 goes to see saito
they put him in this hot box to let him cook
good!
remember in the 90s batman how he changed his looks and went to see where these hobos disappeared?
then got a head bump and forgot who he was and had to survive a prison camp?
well he was put in a hot box there too.
then it showed the fata55 eating chicken
as a kid I thought he ate the men he cooked
oh and a few guys tried to escape
days later the fruity guy wants saito to let col out
saito busts his a55 over the bridge taking too long
saito sez to tell col if the brits don't work, saito'll close the hospital and they will work instead and bite it
and it'll be col's fault
didn't that happen in volume 1 of violence jack where the slum kings men had those kids hostage?
also if col wasn't gonna work for his own men,. why would he for lesser ones?
its like; if you wont save this baby, will you do it for a raccoon??
i'm surprised saito didn't just have col taken out and b0ned dead
b0ne him into submission!
oh and yank was one of the ones who tried to escape
so col don't give in even when innocent lives are at stake
what a stubborn d-ck
maybe saito should b0ne him dead!
so yank is wandering the wastelands and sees birds
good
catch one and eat it
later saito busts the brits over their higher ranks seeing themselves as superior and causing the bridge to take too long
and he's gonna be in personal command of the bridge
then gives the prisoners presents
I like him
hes bada55
they get red cross things
later the bridge they're making busts a bit
later saito has English corned beef with col candya55
and Scottish booze
but col refuses
ohhhh!
such impolite actions
saito sez he went to England years ago
and he used to be an artist but his dad made him go in military service
col still wont let his few higher rank soldiers work even though everywhere else other officers do it
and he refuses all attempts at compromise from saito
what a stubborn d-ck
saito reveal he's gonna bite it if he don't get da bridge done in time
so col jokes about it
what a d-ck
hope saito sets him on fire
saito tells all the traits the brits have that p-ss him off
whoever wrote this (a Frenchie) don't get how japan would do things in real life
they'd end col britler candya66 over any of the cr-p he pulled
in the US army they kick his candy a55
but here they just get p-ssed like a sat am cartoon
ohhhhhhhh i'll get him next time!
and if theres too many witnesses, just take em out back and chop em up
later they take col candy a55 to meet saito san
the men get the day off in anniversary of the Japanese victory over Russia in 1905 (when the battleship potemkin happened)
saito sez he wont make the men do manual labor for the occasion and all the brits go ape
how is this a victory?!
they got cooked
and in the real version I think some were b0ned
horray! we're P O W's!!
it also shows saito crying
good f man!
this gaeru gaijin who wrote this knows nothing of the honorable Japanese!
and it was adapted by a brittish commie
I think
so after a while its revealed the location of the bridge is bad
theres no bottom to the river (I call bulls--t on that)
and col candya55 has the bridge built right
to "teach the barbarians western efficiency to put them to shame"
nowadays that might trigger some candya66
btw
a handful of brits teaching the Japanese military how to build a bridge after they built miles of train track
yeah that's logical
oh and all the hard work the Japanese did being useless
yeah the guy who wrote this hated jAPAN
not me
ore samma wa Yugioh jozu
they have a meeting with the Japanese and he remasters the plans and orders to get it done right and better
btw
candy a55 col sz to saito; we lost a month to a disagreement which I WAS NOT TO BLAME
what a d-ck!!
rubbing it in when saito might bite it if its not done in time
meanwhile yank is at a beach place to recover and makes out with a bimbo
I missed a part where he found rescue
he has a meeting with some high rank brit about him going back and bustin the bridge
he don't wanna return and reveals his truth
turns out yank was a cook or something and faked being an officer after his boat went down
but the brits knew about it
the navy knew and don't know if they want to commend his escape or bust his a55 for impersonating an officer
so they sell him to the brits
so much for he allies being the good guys
btw in the real story the col tried to prevent the bridge being finished and did cr-ppy work
but here hes honorable and witty
what next? gacy; the musical??
later the brits at the beach base try to turn an innocent boy into a killer by trying to make him think its good
its for the mission
oh f hes Canadian!
no wonder hes a wiener
just tell him the soldiers he's killing dont identify as being born
also the high rank brit gives yank suicide pills
as if you get wounded they leave you behind
hats the brits for ya
I mean
ja
so yank goes on the mission
they are guided by a chick who don't speak English on a path yank never took
yank points out hes not needed
but they say theres unexpected cr-p
huh
the real saito was a decent nice guy who was friends with the col
they just altered everything for this film
what next? Robert e lee and u s grant as best homies fighting an indian uprising??
on the way there the yank and his homies go through jungle and get leaches
yank kicks the radio and the Japanese news (in English) sez info on the train heading for the bridge
how convenient
later col has his officers work on the bridge (you son of a b--ch!!! that negates the whole reason you went mental)
and wont want saitos men to help as "its his bridge"
good F this guys an a55 hole!!
othe bridge, yank goes swimming with some Asian chicks
but the Japanese find em
so they shred em with gunfire
later the Canadian guy caps a Japanese soldier and I think a higher rank guy got bone damage as Canadian didn't get him soon enuff
so they leave him behind
this isn't that good
its just people moving slowly
wait
he's still going with em
he's slowing em down but keeps wanting to go
so he sends em ahead of them
yank gives him a speech about living being important
so they carry him
so after too long they get to the bridge and plan to bust it
the next day saito and col candya66 have a moment on the bridge
then its night and the men watch some dancers
the yank and friends set up da bridge
oh f theres cross dressing in the play the soldiers are watching
well... it IS brittish
later col gives a speech about the bridge helping those in need
and after the war, they can feel proud of doing so well
then they sing "God save the king"
which god?
and why does he need saving?
are those he wronged coming after him??
so instead of bustin da bridge then and there, they wait all night for some reason
and now the water level lowered and they can see the wire and charges
saito opens the bridge and the brits come over
the fruity guy don't wanna be part of the bridge thing
and in 5-10 mins da trains coming
oh boy! more waiting!!
bad enough we had to sit through 40 mins of walking through the jungle
so col candya66 finds the wire
and gradually follows it with his eyes
he tells saito san and they follow it on foor
he finds the wire and pulls it as the train keeps blowing its whistle
the Canadian wastes saito and col tries to save the bridge
the yank keeps saying kill him to the Canadian
I think col wacks Canadian
yank runs out and gets capped a few times
col snaps and is gonna get the detonation thing but a mortar lands near him
as a zombie he limps forward and falls on the detonator
the bridge and train go down, with many innocent lives on em
the higher rank brit sez he had to cuz they would've been captured alive
the fruity guy I think sez its madness and we get the simpsons song from before
sounds cheerful for this dark scene
also is footsteps of soldiers marching to h-ll
then some birds
the end
that was pretty f'd
its pretty long but don't feel it
its got some f;d up history and themes
but its well made
I kinda liked it but its got a lot of problems
good color and effects
but the way it was told was pretty good despite the clashing cr-p
I kinda liked it
but I also liked get rich or die trying
its kinda like that
for bridge on the river kwai 2 I want col candya55 to wake up in a Japanese hospital and to have realized the error of his ways. also he has the spirit of saito as his spirit partner like in Yugioh or hikaru no go as his soul linked to his after biting it and in the chaos of war. also he has access to all saito's info and saito can possess him at times to take over for things he has to. they decide to help japan win against the brits and give col candya55's passwords and codes to the emperor who has them counter all brittins attacks. soon America joins japan as they realized England is worse and they team up against the commies. oh and col/saito is given experimental armor units that people drive like a car but its shaped like a big matal man. its also a strategy game like nobunaga's ambition or advance wars on sega genesis, super Nintendo and game boy advance and you play as either saito/col or the king of England trying to take down the noble Japanese and turn japan into new Sodom.

The Plymouth Adventure Review

note; historical figures spell bad too

the Plymouth adventure

this is my review on the Plymouth adventure (ply mouth) the 50s one

ive never seen it b4 but its got spencer tracey

ooh its by mgm

ooh its color and fullscreen

and Lloyd bridges

and its based on a novel

after some upbeat credits  with good singing we get text saying how these people started America

in 1620 England (the Castlevania days)(just after Christopher Belmont but before Simon Belmont) people are getting on the mayflower

1 chick from Holland's husband is missing and shes going with another guy

1 guy talks about making cash in the new world

spencer tracewy goes into a bar or something

hes captain jones

like dr jones from dat aqua song

he talks with the guy paying him for the trip

and many are trying to escape the evil church of England

they talk about where to land

paying guy wants jones to land in new England

wasnt one England bad enough?

what next? new mexico??

captain jones sez he don't care if they land in h-ll but his crewman would go mental if they sail too high north

then a carpenter comes in wanting to go on the trip

he gives his status and skills

its like seeing the new party members stats when he joins u

later bout how jones don't usually carry passengers

la on da boat a fight breaks out

carpenter faces a shirtless guy

jones breaks it up

one guy sez the passengers are used to good homes and beds

but are fleeing da cops

well, it IS England

they oppress humans for no real reasons

also one guy sez theres only 1 unmarried girl over age 10 there

is 11 the age of consent in England?

well, the way its going, it might be again soon

carpenter finds a guy hiding and nearly busts his head in

but he knows the guy and they talk

he was reading about people wanting a free church

but carpenter is in the evil church of england

what next? the church of Sodom?

and hes loyal to englands deviant regent; da king!!

later a guy wans the people to sign something

if they do, everything they have belongs to the company

sounds like soviet Canada how license plates don't belong to the owner and are crown property

so if anyone complains about urs, the big bad guv can steal it

and I think you gotta pay for a new one

jones later sez w/o a contract the company don't gotta send em to the right place

man England is awful

also the new England company is going down and the paying guy is gonna but it cheap b4 word gets back to England

the people choose tpo sail w/o the paying guys contract

and tracy/jones sees em as foolish

but does nothing to help em

what a d-ck

holy cr-p we're nearly 30 mins in

that felt like nothing

later jones returns drunk and theres a bimbo in the boat with him

I assume in the real version they were b0ning

on the boat he drunkenly comes on to this chjick

I think he's trying to b0ne her in the real version

srsly shes freaked out by him

some big Portuguese looking guy throws him off her

in the real version I think his parts were flopping around

the next day he launches and the chick he tried to b0ne looks at him

on the 1st night a guy writes his diary about the people fleeing soviet England

one kid thinks the new world will be like the garden of Eden

what about the demons(bigfoot)

days later theres boat trouble

one of the boats might go down so they gotta go back

and if they go again its storm season

jones sez a guy who would've went to the new world with em busted the hull on purpose

the people wanna keep going to America

and they wanna take on the passengers who still wanna escape England

but jones sez they gonna deal with not having another ship to help em if they have cr-p

also he knows who the hiding guy is wanted in England and he can sent him back to be executed if he steps outta line

later jones talks with I think hiding guy and jones has a bad view on people

later this blonde is getting water and 2 straight Englishmen try to help her

she wants to wash off with seawater as she stinks

carpenter shows her the supplies

she knows of the printing press as they used it to print books on freedom that made the brits hate em

later they go to a room but don't b0ne

in the real version I think they b0ned

later the nearly b0ned chick is washing clothes and a sailor sees its using drinking water

so he takes her to the captain jones

she sez the sailors aint being kosher with her

jones sez they're not used to women on deck

sounds like liberals excusing foreigners mo lesting citizens

jones goes on a tirade and I think tries to seduce her

i'm surprised he didn't just b0ne her right there

later they get a lesson in how to use firearms

i'm surprised the brits used to allow guns

later a guy tells of his experience in America b4

jones tells about how bada55 and rough it'll be in the America

later theres a storm

I think someone bits it overboard

but they pull his a55 up

see you in h-ll homie!

they lose a body in da ocean, its never coming out

might as well be in space

btw this storm looks real

far better than cgi could be

that why the 50s were great\

holy cr-p the ship is taking a pounding

part of da inside cracks and bends

they keep it up with bits of wood

they use da printing press to fix da bent cracked wood

after the storm the boat is moldy and cool and people have fever and wounds

the b0ned girl tells tracey/jones thnx for saving my husband

he sez if he was thinking normal he'd've left him

that f'd up

i'd let him bite it in da cold black sea

by October 14 (Lillian Gish's birthday) they are running low on food

latr a guy is caught steeling food

the catcher fights him

and wins

winner gets the other guys virginity

they're gonna f him dead but jones saves him

after a while people get scurvy

they run low on food and supplies

jones talks about how he sees em as doomed to the chick he tried to b0ne

why not catch a seal or dolphin or whale or mosasaur?

she sez she knows hes good inside(like Inuyasha)

later they find a dead burd

they show the koid who thought it would be like Eden

later he goes up on deck, looks out, smiles, and bites it

they say a prayer and dump him overboard

they could've ate him

then they find land

but its new England and they were gonna go south

they mention john smith (mel Gibson in the Disney version)

they talk to jones but he sez they gotta live here

plus his boat is f'd

the settlers decide to stay there to have more freedom from the church of England and its deviant ruler; da regent!

the settlers talk over it and one mentions God is in the room with em

nowadays it would be shown in a bad way

they establish a better government and laws

then says all the names of those signing it

some men go ashore

the b0ned chick asks jones to stay for a bit longer while the men set up

but he wants her to come back to soviet England with him

they kiss

that's like b0ning in the 1400s

he ries to get her to ditch her man but she wont

what is this romance cr-p?!

they just stick it in at the end like it means something

I ate how  EVERY film has romance in it

horror? needs romance

comedy? needs romance

action? needs romance

she goes out from his cabin and looks at the sea

later its implied she suicide

 the crew want jones to leave but he fights em

later its spring and most of em survived

the Indians helped em a bit

later they thank jones (wtf his name is chris! like me!) and hes going back to soviet England

jones tells the husband of the woman he b0ned she never betrayed him

the hiding guy sez jones was on a pilgrimage  his heart or something like in Yugioh gx

then he returns to England

then the credits show footage of who played who

the end

that was good

great effects

good story

I cared about where the characters went for most of it

I knew they made it

but not the little details

sorta like watching a bible movie

if this were made in the 90s they'd probably cast ed asner as jones

gruff, rough, but with a good heart inside

for the Plymouth adventure 2 I want it to be a year later and the people growing in new England are facing a new challenge; the sasquatch!! the gangs of sasquatch begin raids on the city and riding wolly rhinos hey kept in reserve for hundreds of years. the people pray for help and angels come down to fight the sasquatches and its an epic battle of angel and ape. also its a 16 bit hack and slash on sega genesis and super nintendo and gba with up to 4 players as angels fighting waves of sasquatch who have black magic powers and the boss is a demon mammoth fused with a sasquatch that's semi bipedal and fires electric fire out of his trunk that stuns the player if hit.

Audrey Rose Review

note; I never saw this b4 so my spellings gonna s-ck to keep up
Audrey rose
this is my review of ausrey rose
its directed by Robert wise who did lotsa good cr-p
ooh its by mgm
and united artists
it starts with a car crash
then the car catches fire
its got Anthony Hopkins
I like him
it shows a fam bike riding
I think theyre on vacation
good music btw
the think develops photos and makes out with husband
then they pick up their daughter at school
but the mom trys to escape the dad
at home the daughter sez her friend who's 9 is having her peereeod
shes gonna get pregnant in grade school
wait
I think this is a different couple
this womans husband comes home
the other dad has a beard
I will call him beardo
at night the daughter makes moany sounds
shes being b0ned by a ghost??
her name is ivy
mom chex on her but she cant remember her dream
mom lets her stay home from school
later the dad describes the beardo to a cop
but cop sez as beardo hasn't done anything wrong, they cant do anything to him
good
otherwise its soviet Canada where you can accuse someone of a "human rights" offence and get em charged in a kangaroo court
at a store dad thinks he sees beardo and looks around
but theres not him there
later dad gives ivy a purse
wait
its revealed beardo got it
previously beardo called to ask how ivy is
later in da mail mom gets a letter with a paper with some info on some guy
dad sez next time he sees him hes gonna get him
then we cut to a cop keeping people from fighting
but its 2 others in a car accident
good fake out
mom is late cuz of da accident and runs to get her kid
as the school she cant find ivy but its now raining and she sees a kid running
so she goes after her
man she runs weird
then beardo (oh f its Hopkins) sez ivy is safe and for them to talk to him later
at home mom gets p-ssed at ivy for leaving school w/o her
beardo calls and sez to meet somewhere
just tell em what ur deal is now!
u had 2 chances to say it!
at a restaurant they meet and beardo shaved
imma still call him beardo
ahh my gut itches
man I got fat
so he tells em his daughter was named Audrey rose
beardos gfam bit it in a car accident years ago
later at a dinner party a psychic knew everything about beardo and his daughter was alive
beardo went to another psychic who sed what Audrey's new life was like
and she came back
and after beardo saw ivy he knew it was Audrey
the rents go home b4 beardo can finish and ivy was having a nightmare
beardo calls again but they hang up
later dad talks to a jewish guy who tells of the dybbuk (which sam raimi made a movie about(the possession)) a wicked spirit that atakcs people
later beardo comes by and recognizes the place from what the psychix told him
beardo said he went to india to learn of reincarnation
and narrowed down who Audrey became
she died 2 mins b4 ivy was born
spoiler; people have souls b4 they are born
ur not wiggling around in da womb as a soulless hunk of meat
having a soul isn't depentant on location
then ivy starts freakin out and screaming
and no one can get through to her
but beardo calms her down saying her name Audrey
and sez Audrey cooked in a burning car(ivy said she was hot)
dad goes mental on beardo
why?!
he helped ur kid!!
also Audrey I mean ivy has finger burns
dad sez its the radiator
but she wasn't near it
mom reveals every year near her b day she has nightmares
dads denies the next life in an attempt to comfort his wife
that's kinda awful
later dads calls from work saying hes gonna be late
mom accidentally leaves da phone off da hook
later mom puts up a screen over da window in ivy's room
beardo calls but she sez to say shes out
I assume hes gotta  tell em something about ivy that they didn't let him say b4
later ivy starts freakin out and f ing up da place
its pretty freaky
no audio, just doomy music
eventually she lets beardo up and he calms her
mom sez a prayer to repent of her mistakes
hopkins i mean beardo sez her soul is trying to get free
and ivy might bite it
eardo talks about the cr-ppyness of india he saw and how they say this life isn't the end
and people have many lifetimes
and cuz 700 million others think its true it must be real
46% of the population believes in global warming
48% is creationist
and that's with the media bashing creationism and boosting global warming
so creationism is more believable than global warming
48 is more than 46
a dr calls mom back but mom sez to come back in da AM
i checked Wikipedia and it sez this is based on a book
wtf the book is inspired by actual events!
dad returns and is p-ssed she let in beardo
but he gets p-ssd back at him
later ivy asks why she didn't wake up from "burning her hands on da radiator"
dad sez burns hurt later and they put ointment on
that's cr-p btw
later dat night, ivy frwaks out and beardo comes by
but dad assaults him
so beardo fights back and wins
man theres a lot more swearing in here than most Robert wise films
beardo locks them out of their home and when they go to the service enterence beardo and ivy are gone
da cops are there and try to get beardo to come out of a loced room
they talk him into letting em in
then da cops book beardo for "kidnapping"
he went like 20 feet with her!
then its a court case and this lawyer argues reincarnation is real
and  guy from india is a witness to convince 12 jurors of it
he gives a lesson on his beliefs
lol he sez their belief makes em love all people
what about the religion wars? the murders? the raepes? the class system?
we get footage of india people in the river
don't wanna say "Indians". it might be racist
lol
later at this catholic school, a girl brought in a newspaper about da trial
ivy has found out and is disgruntled
mom trys comforting her
mom wants to take ivy home but ivy wants to stay cuz they're finishing a big a55 snowman tomorrow
ivy thinks it wou;ld be great to "live forever and never die"
1; they die endlessly with reincarnation
2; even if the person lived forever they'd outlive everyone they love ands be alone in a world passed by them in tech and culture
at night the mom sez; Audrey rose, a few times
at trial the woman driver who iced beardo's fam is called for da defence (f u spelling! defence is spelled with a C! offence has a C! its da same wurd! homie!!)
she sez what happened when he iced the people
wtf
at this catholic school they have a ritual where they burn a fire ring around the snowman singing against "old man winter" to go away til xmas
that's f;d up
besides, winter is fun!
snow is great to play in or slide on or build with
oh and ivy walks into the fire
but is stopped
and she has no memory of it
shes ok as she was wearing a lot
mom is called for da defence and sez she believes in reincarnation and beardo is right
her husband is gonna chop her up for dat!
homie!
later the dad consents to little ivy being given a test
they gon hypnotize her
mom don't consent but ivy and dad do\
a boris Karloff sounding homie hypnotizes her over a private video thing to the jury
holy cr-p its norman Lloyd
ivy goes back through her memories and shows some good acting skill
norman Lloyd has her go back b4 she was born
but she goes into a fetal position
proof we live b4 birth
in da womb!!
then he takes her back to her previous life
waoh! crazy eyes!
she recalls the car crash and freaks out
I just realized her burning her hands on past fire is like da matrix where if you think its real damage, you get it
or nightmare on elm street where if u get chopped up in a dream, it happens in real life
norman Lloyd brings her outta her hypnosis
but she still freaks out
on the other side of the one way glass beardo calls Audrey rose
but she cant hear him so he busts the glass
then the mom comes in and theres a slow cameras move to build suspence
beardo sez her soul is set free a few times
a buncha times
I think she bit it
mom writes a letter to beardo saying dads warming up to the idea of reincarnation
and beardo took ivy's ashes to india
and she can have peace in heaven to heal her soul b4 being reincarnated back to earth
the end
wtf
if she goes to heaven why does she gotta return to earth?
its paradise up there and rough here
its like you get to like in the 1st world between times in the 3rd world.
that's kinda awful to force em to go back down after the joy of the best
its like playing sonic adventure then having to play sonic boom
but that was a good film
well done
well ACTED
and good feels
its got some parts that freaked me out a bit
and I abridged violence jack!
Robert wise was great at horror
for Audrey rose 2 i'd like for it o be the distant future year of 2005 and the dad has frozen himself in cryosleep. he revives as he calculated his daughter would be reborn by then and contacts her. shes a teen now who wears a sci fi outfit like in dirty pair or the chick benten wastes in cyber city oedo 808 ep 3. also the dad has to get used to this cyber punk future with people being mind linked to the internet by brain implants and everyone dressing in cyber bikini's and speedos and listening to 80s style music as it never left.