Grease Review

note; I spell like I talk; badly

grease

this is my review on grease

its got jon travolta and Olivia newton john

why not Elton john, or john waters, or john holmes or john wayne gacy?

it starts with Travolta and Olivia on the beach being romantic in a clean way

she had a good summor with him but now has to go baCK TO AUSTRANLIA

then the credits happen with a weird animated thing

looks better than cg

its called grease as Travolta greases his hair

its set in da 50s when things were cleaner ANd more wholesome

after the 60s it was all downhill until the 80s with he man, transformers and Robotech

its the 1st day of high school and travolda and his homie kenicky (k man) was working during the summer so buy some car

Travolta spent the summer with a blonde and in another part of the same school that blonde just arrived

also is this female gang who seem like 80s tough chicks

after getting owned by a teacher the Travolta gag (the t burdz) hassle this nerd

in the anouncements they say NationAL bandstand is gonna have a live thing contest from the school's gym later

Olivia makes friends with the 80s chix

this perky chick comes in saying shes gonna run for student president

the 80s chix think Olivia is too pure for em

after hassling the jocks and on of em looking up chicks long skirts, the t burds sing about travoltas summer romance (him implying he b0ned)

at the same time the chicks sing about olivias p o v which is more innocent

after the song she reveals it was travolda who was her summer love

also she sez he never b0ned her

at night theres a football game and its revealed they s-cked for 7 seasons

sounds like Yugioh after zexal

the t brrdz imitate the  stooges

k man gets a cr-ppy car and wants to tune it up

also another gang (the scorpions(double dragon 2 gb?)(Hokuto no ken filler?)) stop by I their black car with flames

traolta reunites with oivia but  talks like pee wee herman to be cool infront of his friends

she goes mental over it for some reason(srs wtf. he didn't

even say anything bad. its like 4 sentences of 50s slang)

the bimbo of the 80s chix comforts her by bashing men (feminism?!) and invites her over to a sleep over

this is how p0rn0es start

at the slumber party they smoke and drink wine

they get Olivia to do so too

they're corrupting her!

1 chick gets a thumb tack and pierces her ears

wtf

this is like a bad 80s thing

the bimbo decides to dropout and get a job

the leader of the 80s chicks (Rizzo)mocks olivieas innocence in song

they also reference 50s celebs

then the t burdz come by and riz goes out the window to meet them

Travolta leaves and k man kicks out the other droogs to go off with Rizzo

theyre gonna b0ne

Olivia sings about being bummed about Travolta not being the kinda guy she thought he was

but shes still gay for him

this goes on for a while

we get it

u still want him

move on!

k man and Rizzo make out and he stops to get something

but its broken

what is it?!

they decide to b0ne and are hassled by the scorpion guy in the black car who bangs his car against the k mans car and mocks it

at the garage the t burds look over the car and sing about how it can be "greased lightning"

they sing abut car terms and how the car will get the chicks to b0ne em

so much for the 50s being wholesome

they have a phantasy about the car being a red Ferrari mustang or w/e with a buncha guys in grease mokey suits dancing

later the scorpios harass the town like bikers in violence jack oav 3

at an icecream place the t burds chat and hang out

I prefer the juice bar in power rangers

the perky chick comes on to Travolta and he ignores her and chats with olivcia

he sez sorry about being "terrible" but shes it a big buff blonde guy (like shuwartzu negataro from Kekko kamen(srs he looks just like him))

to compete with him Travolta tries to do sports at high school

the coach advises him to cut down on smokes and wear less leather

in basketball he s-cked at it

he dribbles kinda prissy and slugs a guy for blocking him

then he tries wrestling

but is easily overpowered by a bigger buffer blonder man

then he socks the guy in he abdomen after the match

at baseball hes cr-ppy too

the coach suggests track

while running he looks at olivia and trips over a hurdle

in high school gym class we did track and i copied what hitomi did in escaflowne for the long jump. it helped.

also for archery i copied what kagome did in inuyasha and did well.

maybe he can try archery

nah he'd probably open fire on several people

Olivia reconciles with him and they go out on a date to the ice cream place

he orders a load of food and so does she

she can eat

sounds like my plus size gf

once we split a bucket of kfc

I had 6 pieces, she had 4

and shes like a small sailor scout chick

then their homies stop by and crash the date

the dance off is coming

one by one they all leave

Rizzo goes mental and throws a milksake in k mans face

wat a b-ch

the bimbo talks to a waitress and reveals she f'd up her beauty school class and now has candy colored pink hair

sounds like an anime or 80s chick

or lola in degrassi

she says she needs a guardian angel (joan in attack mode)

a 50s star sings to her in a phantasy about her s-cking

he sez she should go back to high school

later its the dance thing and rizzo brings a scorpion to the dance

they dance to 50s rock ad it looks good

better than Saturday night live

I mean fever

btw Travolta wears a pink shirt

in the 80s that would be cool

1 guy brings a mexicany chick who Travolta b0ned b4

the dance host talks to a busty chick in a tube top names marty maraschino

that sounds like a p0rn0 name

Travolta tries to brush off his knowing the Mexican chick

the televised dance contest  is gonna start

the rules

1; only boy/girl couples

nowadays that would be see as hate for some reason

2; if tapped on shoulder; gtfo

nowadays that is banned as it counts as assault

3; anything offensive moves are banned

nowadays that would be seen as infringing on their right to be purvurts

after an elvis song they start the budokai

they sing the song "hand jive"

I assume dat means j-rkin off

during it, the Mexican chick shows off her thighs and theres various b0ning like dance moves

Travolta and Olivia do some horse roping moves like in gangnam style

somehow Travolta winds up dancing with the Mexican chick and it gets kinda pg16

Olivia books it

Travolta and the mexican chick win and have a dance

tis reminds me of prom night 2

during the song "blue moon" the t burds show their bare a55es to the camera

imagine if the scorpions jumped in and b0ned em

the next day the princilple sez the fbi is going over the a55es and gonna give em a federal charge for showing a55

later at a drive in Travolta sez sorry for dancing with the Mexican chick

he gives her his ring (is that a promise ring?) and she likes him again

later Rizzo thinks shes preggo and tells marty

marty spreads word like aids

by the time she gets to her car, k man knows and talks to her about it

she sez its not his

in the car Travolta tries to b0ne Olivia but she doesn't consent and runs off

Travolta sings about how he feels bad about her leaving him after attempted raepe

when did this turn into Saturday night live?

I mean Saturday night fever

same thing

also as he sings we see the movie adds playing and a hotdog jumps into a bun

does this mean he tried to go in her a55?

this movie is f'd up

later the at "greased lightning"is ready to have a death match against the scorpions black fire car

k ma sez how Travolta is his number 1 homie and makes him his 2nd in command cuz he saw it in a movie

they hug then realize how it looks and play it cool

Olivia sez to Rizzo she is there for her and Rizzo sez the school is talking about her being preggo

the perky chick walks by with chix and sez; dats da 1 I waz talkin about!

Rizzo sigs about how its better for her to go around b0ning guys

back when I went to high school no one got pregnant

no one I new b0ned

no one was queer (although 1 guy I knew turned afterwards)

no one was mo les ted

we were clean and decent

and dat was da 00s

when degrassi next gen had all that

later at thunder road(not thumderdome) the scorpions race the t burfs

winner gets the others car

k man gets brain damaged banging his skull on a car door picking up a penny so Travolta has to drive

the white lightening car vs the black fire car

sounds like red eyes blac dragon vs blue eyes white dragon

or reshiram vs zekrom

they race and the black car has a SAW DRILL LIKE IN BEN HUR AND CUTS UP the white car

this is like da 80s

they race and Travolta wins

blue eyes bring power but red eyes brings potential to those with the courage to unlock it

Olivia sez she needs to restart and do something to win travolya

she goes with the bimbo for a make over

later they're graduating

was that a whole high school year?

what is this? harry potter?

they have a carnival

the t birds flunked phys ed and have summer school to graduate

they throw pies at the coach but s-ck

the nerd who was in like 2 scenes in the whole movie nails the coach and is praised by the coach

Rizzo reveals she wasn't pregnant after all

travlta has gone jock and letter in track

he wants to win Olivia back

Olivia comes in wearing a leather outfit and smoking

Travolta sings the song from family guy about "give up the toad" with her

Travolta gets a b0ner for her and follows her like a slave

this is like a p0rn0

they sing about him having to improve to be man enough for her

I assume they were b0ning I the real version

in one scene the t burds are in front of cut outs of various humorous images

paired guy/girl

except one guy with a dog

so that's his orientation

not that theres anything wrong with that

they wonder what to do about graduation

travlta sez they're always be together

then they sing some 50s gibberish and gang synchro dance

also k man and Rizzo made up

then travlta and Rizzo I mean Olivia drive off in the red Ferrari mustang and I think it flies off like the idea tommy wiseau had

the credits are done like a high school year book

the end

ooh, frankie Avalon and eddie deezen were in this

frankie was in pee wees xmas and eddie was in dexters lab

that was pretty well done

kinda dirty with its themes and characters and content

I thought the 50s were wholesome

then again this is made in da 70s

for grease 2 i'd like for it to be the 60s and j fk has not only legalized all drugs and removed all laws related to b0ning, but has declaired war on Australia as they refuse to decriminalize animal b0ning. the gang is drafter (even the women as j fk wants women to fight to be "gender balanced" instead of having the best one for the job) the war goes badly for America as j fk's drug induced decisions lead to massive failure so he lowers the draft age to 12 (as well as the age of consent). the t birds, and chicks are married and have kids but both them and their kids are drafted into fighting Australia(which is a conflict for olvia newton john as her family is from there) but she is threatened with getting her arms and legs removed and used for animals to b0ne if she refuses(to make an example out of her to deter other dissenters). eventually they one by one get blown apart and are all pieced together into one massive flesh golem construct to fight the austrailians (who bust the cybernetic controls implanted in them that force them to fight) and they switch sides to beat j fk and his deviant ambitions to b0ne everyone on earth into submission

The Taming Of The Shrew Review

note; shakespere s-cked
the taming of the shrewe
this is my review on the taming of the shrew
this is by William shatner I mean shakespere (60s version)
its the one with Richard burton and Elizabeth taylor
ooh, Michael York is in this
I liked him in Austin powers
I recall in degrassi the next generation they had a ep where teens did a scene fromt his
craig and Ashley did some weird feminist cr-p that made it dark and unsettling
nowadays it would have them b0ning eachother
it starts with Michael York all cheerful in this cr-ppy English town
it looks like oliver
btw this is effing widescreen
like half the screen is black bars\York gets a b0ner for this chick he sees in the window
then the credits start as people are in an outside church thing
they all start celebrating
they have a weird parade
all these guys go after a blonde in a see through veil
but when her viel comes off they gasp like they just saw her t-ts
this fat chick reveals the bliondes name is Bianca (like the chick from later degrassi next gen)
Bianca runs home and Michael York follows
at her home is a chick looking out from inside but not showing her face
this is like the people under the stairs
her dad sez the Bianca cant get married until her older sister does
why?!
who cares what order they get married in?!
when I was in grade school I didn't ant my brother to beat the legend of Zelda ocarina of time b4 me
but I was a little c-cksucker
these are grown a55 men!!
the bad sister (Elizabeth tayloer)goes on a tirade about having to b0ne guys as I guess shes a hermaphrodite
she's also kind of a b--ch
michal York b--ches about how the dad is mental for this and he chooses to be a school master for some reason
oh and he makes his servent play the part of the master and him the servent
later a prissy guy(I gotta be more specific. this IS shakerpsear) and a geezer htalk about them being rivals for Bianca and they eed a husband for her b--chy sister
the geezer sez its like being in h-ll
then Richard burton comes in on a horse like raoh from Hokuto no ken
he beats on a guy for some reason
he wants to get married
for once Richard burton plays a manly bada55 with confidence
better than equus where he had a weird fetish or something
man, he seems too manly to be brittish
like Hollywood hulk Hogan or orson welles
the next day they bring in a big pan with water and rose pedals which I assume is for an enema
b4 he blows it out his a55, the servent or pissy guy or w/.e(I cant keep track of all these c-cksuckers! they all look and dress the same) talks about getting him a chick
later a guy talks to burton about getting the bad sister Katherine(lis taylor)
liz talor attacks Bianca for her helping letting a man look at her (and it sounds like shes b0ning her)
wtf shes hitting her with a cloth
that's not gonna do anything
then she chases her with a broom
fight back Bianca!
kick her b--ch a55
man this chick is metal
shes probably got hormone or chromosome problems
I knew she was a hermaphrodite!
the dad saves the Bianca and he burton comes in
oh is Bianca who needs a school master
Michael York applies to be it
and the burton applies to get liz taylor
the dad sez burtons gonna inherit 20 000 crowns and 1/2 dads land if he marries her
and if she ourtlives burton the she gets his lands and cr-p
liz taylors musician sez liz talor is mental and s-cked at music
as she freaks out, burton talks about possible scenarios
burton tries to seduce taylor with his manliness but shes goin mental and books it
wow we're like 40 mins in
that didn't feel like it
taylor goes to a place with wool but burton follows and she freaks out
she tries to keep him out with bags of wool but he overpowers it
she sez if he smacks her hes no gentleman
yeah but she was assaulting her sister and that's ok?
burton swings over to her on a hanging thing but she knocks him off
he swings across on a rope and busts a wood thing
this is like looney toons
so she barricades herself in a room and burton sez hes gona fix her mentalness
in degrassi next gen; they tried to make burton's character fixing liz talorys character look like he's enslaving her and making her something awful as he should love her as she is
but look at this b--ch!
shes mental!
was she always this awful?!
maybe if her dad beat her more as a kid then she'd be normal!
he breaks through a door and chases her upstairs
is he gonna b0ne her?
she runs on the roof to get away from him
this is like that scene in birth of a nation where that chick jumps off a cliff to avoid getting b0ned by dat guy
he catches her on da roof but it caves in and they fall in wool
he gets on her but she hits him with sticks to no effect
are they b0ning?
she shoves him of and limps away
I think somethings stuck in her a55
he helps her up and they come downstairs
hes got her arm in a pin and makes it look like they're walking together
I just realized this is like norbitt by eddie murphy but with genders swapped
or is it?
I never saw dat movie
it did win an Oscar though
the burton sez they're marrying on sunday but she goes mental
so he locks her in a room
take dat b--ch!
the burton brags about fixing her as she sez being with men are the worst
you'd rather be with animals?
later she comes out in a white dress with bad hair
theyre getting married
someone tells a joke and she tries to kill him
what a sane normal well balanced person
NOT
then the burton comes in all fun and happy
they go into the church and he makes a a55 of himself by being a clown
theres a time and a place for dat
and it aint church
he have a cr-ppy marriage ceremony and he jokes through it
when the priest asks liz taylor if she wull take him, she starts to say 'I will not" but burton makes out with her b4 the not is fully said
then theyre married
I'm not sure dats how it worx
at the dinner burton sez hes gotta go soon
liz taylor sez she wont go after him til she "please herself"
burton brings her out by her arm giving a speech that she is his
she yells at her rents and everyone laughs that she don't have anyone smaller to beat up on
now the shoes on the other foot
they ride through the cr-ppy English weather
or is it Italy??
she has a cr-ppy time through it and they get to his castle
he has his servents make lotsa food
hes gonna turn her fat!!
dinner was burned so he throws it on the floor
what a waste
my mom likes burned food
if we were cannibals, she's always wanna go to Hiroshima
too soon??
so burtons gonna b0ne her in bed and he notices something wrong with it and he goes nuts
the next  shes mellowed out and is cleaning the place with the servents
some sez something about someone getting consent to wed
I wasn't paying attention
biancas getting married
liz acts out when she don't get her way but burton stands strong
they're bickering over a hat
later hips up a dress with his bare hands as she freaks out
hes ripping fabric with hands?
that's pretty manly
like Hollywood hulk Hogan
ater he wakes her up and sez they're going back to her dads place
but they argue over what time it is
eventually she gives in
later he calls the sun the moon and she goes with it
whatever he sez she goes with
wow
he fixed her b--chynss
they meet her dad and shes peaceful
at night they reveal the servent playing the master is really the servent
wait
they reveal the other guy is the master too
but Michael yorks dad saves him
have dinner and things go ok
they have a contest where the one with the better wife wins alotta cash
theres a delay with the chicks coming but when they come the liz taylor gives a speech about the places of women and men
nowadays this would be seen as a bad thing and her b--chy past self would be seen as better than her calm sane self
burton wins the bet and sez goodnight
then the credits with stills of burton and taylor from da film we just saw
the end
that was actually good
I liked how the man as manly and the b--chy chick was cured
for the taming of the shrew 2 i'd like for kate to have gotten pregnant but Richard bueton hasn't b0ned her in a while. turns out she was really a hermaphrodite and got herself pregnant and the kid she pooped out is the physical manifestation of her awfulness from b4 having had nowhere to go as she couldn't release it now and it impregnated her to become a real person. it grows to full size as its made from a full grown woman and goes around wasting people. and only Richard burton can kill it with his manliness and toughness. its also a 16 bit beat em up on sega genesis and snes with player one as Richard burton whos a brawler and player 2 as elizabet taylor who uses magic as shes pure now and can fire ki beams of positive ki that burn through bad guys.

Night Of The Iguana Review

note; my spelling is better than most guys talk
night of the iguana
this is my review of night of the iguana
its written by Tennessee willaims
knowing him its got gayness, mental illness and parent issues
aka; evangelion
I assume this is a giant monster movie like the killer shrews
it stars Richard burton(the gay dr from equus)
it starts with Richard as a priest giving mass
its by mgm
I like em
too bad its widescreen
his sermon is about a city without walls has no defence
and w/o our spiritual guard we are temptded
he devolves into a tirade about some weird shakespere cr-p
I think he was talking about falling into sin
the church members leave as he just keeps trading
then we get the credits
ooh, john huston did this
I loved his adaptation of the bible
really good camera work
you never see adams parts due to good zoom and pacing so they're just offscreen
the part with the sodomites was like a tim burton p0rn0
as in; weird creepy scenes and danny elfman sounding music
after credits with an iguana, Richard is in mexico or something and hanging with a blonde
he also is with some geezers
I think he's on a tour bus
tour bus from the underworld; in attack mode!
aka
step into the grand tour (of h-ll)
the geezers (all chix) sing "happy days are here again" on da bus ride
on the trip they see mexico kids holding up iguanas
Richard sez they taste like chicken
they stop on a bridge and watch kids play in the pool
th blonde talks with rich about how the trip s-cked so far
she also wants to call him by his 1st name
then this hag comes in and sez the blonde is under age
but they are in mexico
laws are different there
besides
she looks 20s
its revealed the Richard spent a night with the blonde or something (they aint really clear) and he got his keys mixed up
then a tire blows
this is how horror movies start
while the driver fixes it the blonde goes swimming with the Richard
lol the blondes name is charlotte
hush hush sweet charlotte
the hag finds out Richard is swimming with her she goes on a tirade at em until the return
when they return the hag slaps the blonde and insults the Richard
what a b--ch
hope the giant iguana b0nes her
at night the blonde sneaks out to see the Richard
she chats with him but hes uneasy
I think hes got a b0ner
she sez ses goig home and not telling the hag
but she wanted him to know
the hag talks to the blonde but finds the blond aint there and attacks his door
she comes in but the blonde ant there
she keeps calling the blonde a "child"
shes like 16
that's old enough to HAVE kids
man wats with this nasty old hag?
she hates hetero men
its like shes a feminist
latr the hag tries to force the driver to send word in texas go after the Richard
but he wont do it so she does it herself
Richard drives da bus but does it badly and stops in some place
he takes the bus engine part and leaves for this hotel or w/e
he asks for fred but fread bit it weeks ago
turns out the place hes at is closed in august
also his last job had people against him and if this one goes bad, he might get canned
he plans to buy time and win the geezers over
the driver thinks the Richard is in love with the blonde and sees it as bad
the Richard explains to the chick working there the hag wants to charge him with statutory raepe
she don't know what that means and he sez; a man is seduced by a woman under 20
the age of consent was 20?!
most people don't stay virgins past middle school
look at yugioh zexal
anna b0ning Yuma
bronk b0ning rio
richer tries winning over the hag and she sez she "no longer assumes responsibility for the blonde"
also the hag sez the geezrs got the runs from mexico food
that's racist
the chick shaves the Richard and chats
she gives him freds shoes
later some geezer couple comes in and wants to stay
these people are perfect for giant animal movies
oh and the male geezer is a poet who's 97
he might've know slaves
the girl in the geezer couple is actually his granddaughter
they pay their way by doing poems and drawing cr-p
and they tried every hotel in the area ad none of em would accept em
also 2 mexico guys hunt an iguana
in grade 1 in my 90s childhood my teacher said he had a pet iguana
the hag calls this place to get info on the Richard
she outs him as having been kicked out of priest and says he was seducing younger girls
the granddaughter talks with the chick about her husband
fred was 20 years older than her and later got into fishing
the blonde goes to see the Richard and he knocks over a ting and steps in broken glass
he don't care and wants her out
but she wants to marry him
he tries to explain how this is bad as he walks in broken glass
he keeps denying it
she walks in glass to show her love so he picks her up and carries her out kicking and screaming
I just remembered in sailor moon serena is 14 ad darien is like 22 and they later fall in love and b0ne nd make minimoon
he gets help from the granddaughter and she tends his fet and his cr-p from his room
he wants to do priest stuff to prove hes still a priest but the collar is damaged
the geezr poet falls but they help him
hes ben having issues and instead of returning to Nantucket, went to mexico
richard gives the grand daughter(who's like 40) some smokes as mexico smokes are recycled from used ones
he explains why he isn't a priest now
a year aGo a sunday school teacher tried to b0ne him and the b0ned
she attempted suicide but didn't work and in church he went on a tirade
he went to a nut house but now works as a tour guide
he rambles about how man has been going against God by polluting and hunting
sounds like captain planet
he also sez if he gets fired hes going to china
meanwhile the chick offrs the hag some chronic
she talks to the Richard and they get in a fight by throwing around a drink cart
the chick goes on a tirade against the graddaghtr and they talk about the Richard
the blonde goes missing but is at a bar drinking and dancing
the bus driver fights 2 Mexicans near her
I think they're dance fighting as theres music they fight to
he gets his a55 kicked
later the Richard tells off this judge (hags bro) and the bus driver and the geezers leave
the hag swears to bring down the Richard but the chick subtly accuses her of hating him and the blonde for being hetero and shes aint
Richard sez if she realizes it, it might destroy her as she's moral
I was joking about it earlier
I didn't know she was
but it does give insight into feminists
they don't want sexy chicks in video games so they wont be tempted
the chick gets the hag to pay the bill and the Richard goes mental
he removes his cross and tries to swim to china but the Mexicans get him
hes tied up and the graddaughter makes bible references to how Jesus had it worse
the Richard sez all women wanna see a man tied up
this sounds like a p0rn0e
they chat back and forth for a while
when does the giant iguana come in?
when talking about her grampa she sez; a home isn't a building but a state where 2 people can rest
she sez its good if people are never alone
meanwhile the chick is making out with the 2 Mexicans and runs off as a storm starts
I assume they were b0ning I the real version
the granddaughtrer sez afterhe rens were iced in a car thing, she was 16 and accidentally screamed when somone bumped her leg
he was arrested for mo les ting a minor but she saved him
another time she went out in a "sampan"(wtf is dat) with an austraLIAN!!
SHE TOOK OFF HER CLOTHES FOR HIM(f caps lock) and he did stuff with her clothes while her back was turned
that was the closest to b0ning she had
she talks aboiut b+eating a "blue devil" (I think its a metaphor but it may be a Castlevania thing)
she gives advice to the Richard on how to beat it]
from her description, it sounds like an addiction
she untied him a bit ago btw
they talk about God and cut loose a captured iguana
the poet the sez his poem is finished and sez it
I think its about b0ning
after hes done he goes to pray
she prays to stop and he bites it
the chick reads the poem
the granddaughter sez shes gonna go on alone and he sez he wants to travel with her
she sez its not good but the chick offers to give her the hotel
the grand aughterf decides to book it and Richard lets her keep his cross
the Richard decides to take over the hotel and work with her or w/e
the end
what happened with the blonde
this was a good film
not what I expected
a bit hippie
but well done
love dat b/w filming
for night of the iguana 2 i'd like for the blonde to have married the Richard burton and the iguana he set free has went into a ancient temple and eaten some black item that caused it to grow and become a huge daemony abomination and is out to just bust stuff up AROUnd the area. the mexico military cant stop it so its up to the Richard burton to pray the evil away and use his priest skills to fight it.

Vertigo Review

note; typoes don't make it worse
vertigo
this is my review on vertigo
I recall a batman the animated series ep about this
its by Alfred Hitchcock and has
gross
widescreen
vista vision?
wtf is dat?
anyway its got jimmy stewart and kim novak
it starts with a close up of a chicks face with credits
then it goes red and has trippy effects with the title
ooh, its based on a novel
a ovel by a FRENCHIE!!!
after dat its Cops chasing a guy over rooftops
1 cop falls and catches himself and the other cop trires to save him
he rolls a 1 and falls off
later jimmy stewart(da cop)is complaining about wearing a corset
its for medical reasons
hes not turning queer or anything lol
he sez he had to quit the force cuz hes afraid of heights
heights freak my a55 out too
hes got vertigo and gets dizzy at looking down
he marvels at a new model of bra the chick he's talking to has in her office
maybe he's turning!!
its revealed jimmy and the blonde were engaged for 3 weeks and she dumped him
also jimmy got a call from a slum bum who was in da war
they say a shock might snap him outta his fear of heights
so he stands on various chairs to test it
working his way up
he looks up and down and on the highest chair he looks out a window and sees a drop and faints
later jimmy talks to this guy he knew from years ago(I think its the slum bum)
the guy wants the jimmy to tail his wife
jimmy don't consent
the guy sez his wife has suspect things going on with her and goes out for a while w/o explanation
jimmy consents
later jimmy's watching a chick from across a room
later tails her in a car
theres no dialogue, only music and images
like a silent film
its well done
they go through a flower shop and jimmy goes back in his car
he eventually follows her to a cemetery and finds a grave she stopped at
later in a museum he finds her looking at a painting of a blonde holding flowers and having a necklace
all this is done w/o a word
jimmy asks an employee about the painting and gets info on it
then more tailing
he follows her to a hotel or something and uses his badge to get info
she uses a Spaniard name to come there to sit x a week
but despite jimmy seeing her come in, the receptionist sez she hasn't been there today
when he gets up to check her car is gone outside and she aint there
he talks to his ex from b4 about san fran sisco history and they go out to find a guy she knows of from a gunfight in the 1800s
the guy sez the picture girl/the name the blonde uses was a chick who had a house in some place with a bf but they split and he took the kids so she wet nuts and suicided
this is turning into a horror movie
the ex fiancée bugs him to know why he's into this
later jimmy reports to the guy and its revealed the picture woman was her moms grandma
and crazy runs in the family(the guy's too)
later jimmy car drives after her again
he follows her to the water under the golden gate bridge and she jumps in
so he jumps in and saves her
wtf she's out cold
she fell 2 feet into water!
that's not enough to K O someone
he brings her back to some room(a motel?(BATES MOTEL?!)) and I think he changed her clothes(and maybe played with her b00bs offscreen)
she wakes up and he gives her a clothes(a robe)
she comes in and talks and she don't recall much
they talk for a while and he calls the guy
when he gets back shes gone and I think his ex goes by in a car(I didn't getta good look)
the next day (I think) he tails her and chats to her at a house
btw we're like an hour in already
that just whizzed by
a sign of a good filme
she gives him a thank you letter and leaves
they go to a forest and find trees alive since bible times
they look at a tree cut with markers on historical events
she points to areas and sez where she was born and bit it
then walks off and disappears
wtf is this a ghost movie?
Hitchcock don't do those
he finds her and asks her questions on where and when she is/was
she sez she didn't jump in the water, she fell
and she cant tell him what happened
later she describes her feelings like a dark corridor with mirror shards
she remembers a room and her open grave with no name on it
also she recalls a tower and bell in a Spanish village
but not a portrait
he wants to put the clues together but she sez if shes nuts it explains it
that's more of a cop out than an explanation
she goes mental and they kiss on the lips like a couple
that night he chats with his ex and she wants to be a painter
she painted a replica of the picture the chick looked at b4
but shes the face on it
jimmy isn't cool with it and books it
she goes mental
later the chick comes by and tells of a dream she had
but jimmy sez she was in the place she dreamed of
but she denies it
she sez shes afraid of the dark in the dream and the place
they go there and she talks about being there as a kid
they sorta make out then
but she freaks out and runs off saying it shouldn't happen
she sez for him to let her go in the church alone
he does but then notices the tower at it and goes after her
he followes her up da stairs and has vertigo attacks
then she falls off the tower and he tries going dow da stairs slow
we get a really good shot of people going on the roof and jimmy on the other corer of the screen leaving
later theres a trial and its deemed jimmy and the guy wernt guilty
wait
they're telling the jury the evidence for and against his guilt
I think hes found not guilty
the guy sez hes going to Europe
at night jimmy seez triply animation and weird strobing colored lights over various images
I think its her dreams
he wakes up freaked
later he talks to his ex(or she does da talking)
she tries to help him and sez MOTHER IS HERE!!
what was hitchcocks issue with moms?
I think jimmys a vegetable
wtf theyre in a nut house
a dr sez he's bummed and feeling guilty and should take 6-12 months to heal
later jimmy is out and asks a chick about her car
she sez its the guys car and he moved away
jimmy goes to places he saw the chick at an hour of film ago
but he starts seeing her
he goes around and asks a dame in a hotel room (where the chick was b4) a few questions
shes suspicious of him but he wins her trust a bit
he asks her who and where she are and are from and she gives normal answers
she talks on and he sez nothing but she puts the situation together
she feels bad for him and he offers to have diner with her
she consents
we see what I think is a flashback and it shows the chick who bit it really ran up the stairs and her husband threw a body that looked like her off the roof
she writes a note saying she wanted to be with him but the guy really just used her to ice his real wife and fake a suicide cuz he looked like her
the backstory was part faked and he was just a tool to get away with it as the guy knew jimmys disability wouldn't let him get to the top of the stairs
she then rips up the note and goes to dinner
at diner the ex comes in looking like the chick
after dinner he sez he wants to be with her as much as he can and starts winning her over
funny thing
I was thinking of the sequel idea where the chick really survived and faked jumping
over the next few dates hes winning her over
at a shopping place he tries to get her a suit like she wore b4
she freaks out
they get the suit
he also wants a dress like she wore b4
nowadays feminists would go mental against this
at home shes going mental and he sez he's finally happy
she tries to make it about him by saying"you should like me for me"
ironic as she's the one who f'd him up
she agrees to change for him
after getting a make over (wow, no one sez make over anymore. in da 90z we said it all da time on tv) she returns to jimmy looking as she once did
he gets her to do her hair right and they kiss
I'm surpirzed theres no b0ning in this one
Hitchcock usually alludes to it
as they make out the camera turns and background changes
this is a long make out scene
its like big top pee wee(the circus one, not the implants one)
later they are living happy and are going to dinner
then he notices this jewelry shes wearing is the same one from he picture
as they drive he takes them somewhere off course
he seems a bit sinister
clever
he knows she cant say anything as it would blow her cover
and she knows it too
they go to the place the chick fake bit it
he makes her go up the stairs and follows her
this is kinda like in akira where tetsuo went from hero to villain
he reveals he knows of the necklace jewelry and he figured it all out
she confirms his suspicions and he brings her to da top
they reveal they love eachother and he sez its too late
then they make out
a nun comes out of the shadows and freaks her out and he falls off the tower
the end
wtf kind of ending was that?!
IT JUST CAME FROM nOWHERE
the film was good and it peaked right at da end
but still it seems kinda f'd
I liked it
ad its very restrained
it doesn't go big and flashy
but has good camera and editing
for vertigo 2 i'd like for her to have survived the fall but be missing her legs and has gotten really fat from issues. she gets metal legs put on and they have blades on the feet like that crippled Olympian and she and jimmy (who is full on nuts now and goes around eating people) go after the guy who set the whole crime up. he uses his wifes cash to hire all the poors in Europe to defend him. so they go around chopping up and eating them to get to him in his castle of solid coins and bank notes with him in a suit of armor made of money. its also a 2 player beat em up on sega genesis and snes with player 1 as the chick who can take more hits and one as jimmy who is big and buff from all the protein he ate from eating people and does more damage.

Tom Thumb Review

note; not as many typoes as usual(I hope)

tom thumb

this is my review on tom thimb (1958 ver)

its got allen young from the time machine, mr ed, and ducktales

its based on the brothers grimm story

hope this don't have as much cannibalism as the rest of their tales

ooh, is by MGM

I like their cr-p

wtf peter sellers is in this

this is a brittish movie?!

but the bros grimm were german!

its like a soviet movie made in America!

wait... the other way around

I think

btw love that color

bright and vivid

I miss when tv and movies had color

btw the director of this "George pal" was the guy who did the time machine and the 7 faces of dr lao

aw gross

its widescreen

the credits are done in a story book way

then a narrator sez in da past In a hidden village was a forrest

a guy cutting down a tree hears voices

then a chick appears on the tree

this is how horror movies start

she sez not to cut it down as shes queen of the forrest

the tree is the oldest/fairest in the woods and has animals living in it

he agrees not to chop the wood

so she gives him 3 wishes and vanishes

that's a lesson kids

kill trees and a spiritual queen can grant you wishes

she comes back and sez the wishes are also his wifes

then vanishes again

so he runs home and tells his wife

but shes making dinner

and don't believe him

he has cabbage for dinner and wishes he had sausage

then a long sausage appears

he talks about how hot the queen was and his wife wishes the sausage was on his nose as punishment

what a b--ch

he uses his 3rd wish to fix his nose

she b--ches at him but stops and sez sorry

they make up

that's nice

they have a room full of toys for a kid they never had

sounds kinda disturbing

they wish for a son to love even if he was no bigger than her thumb

that night something comes to their place

this is how horror movies start

well

it IS the brothers grimm

the guy checks a door knocking and its a really small guy

he sez hes the guys son

he meets the woman and she sez his name is tom

then they make him a birthday cake

they make him a donut

this whole "new son having talking and full brain development and powers" thing was used by go nagai in shutendoji

the mom sings a song about finally having a kid

shes not such a b--ch after all

when tom wakes up his toys are alive and stop motion

the Chinese toy is named con fu sion

he sez tom brought them to life

isn't this how puppet master started?

tom dances to his own song

he also does acrobatics with regular items

this is pretty fun

and hes pretty good

like the flying graysons

he also draws a doodle and it comes to life and dances with him

tom then dances with Claymation things

I had an idea for a movie

a prision movie about a race war between 2 gangs

midgets!

and big toys!(like fortress maximus)

and they could be part live action(midget scenes) and part stop motion(toy scenes)

in one scene this midget sneak attacks a toy and beats him up.

then the midgets arms and legs snap and more toys come out from the shadows

they put the midget in the microwave and he screams "i'll get you for thiss! you\ll all pay! my wrath will continue!! ahhghhh! (blows up in the microwave)

when the door starts opening the toys return to sleep mode

the next day tom reveals he can communicate with animals

his dad tells him not to go to da black swamp

in the background 2 bad guys notice him and want him to be part of their bank robbing scheme

they plan to play a game with marked cards against the dad

they try to get the dad to let them use tom

he sez no and they leave

meanwhile this green jeans guy talks to forest queen

they r in love and she can turn human to let them be together

she tries to drop hints how to do that but hes a male bimbo

if he kisses her she turns human

wtf his name is woody!

he goes on about kissing other girls in da past but now he's improved

I think in the real version they were b0ning

she vanishes and he talks to dad/tom

he gets dad to let tom go to da fair where hes a high rank flutist

a guy at da fair has dancing shoes hat dance on their own

the simpsons ripped his off

woody leaves his musict to check the dancing shows but they're sold out

but he has a pair in toms size

he dances sorta break dancey

the size effects are pretty good too

now they'd just use computers

the band starts up again and woody's missing

so he gets fired

tom goes onto the floor and the shoemaker sez they shoes dance as long as the music plays

the bandmaster thinks they're saying "faster" so they speed up

tom dancing on the floor with people around em is really well edited

tom kicks off the shoes and rides a red balloon

meanwhile, the bad guys are on a roof trying to break in to a place

they try using a wood to pry open the grate

how'd wood get up there?

they see tom and cap the balloon with a slingshot

they catch him as he falls and get him to go in the grate to get the gold

they say the mayor has money that belongs to the poors and need him to help em

sounds like a liberal wanting to tax da rich

and just like those liberals, they want it for themselves

tm questions em but they say "u have my word of honor" and they buy it

like liberals accepting anything the main news tells em

he goes i the grate on a rope and ties the rope to a bag of gold and he goes up

then the guards change

1 guy sez they otta wack tom

so the oher guy brings tom and they go to THE BLACK SWAMP and say "don't tell anyone"

that's what fruits who touch kids tell their victims

they give him a coin and say bye

this tom on the ground with normal things being huge to him reminds me of the legend of Zelda he minish caphe meets the forest queen and woody comes in

he looked for tom all dAY

THEY ARGUE and reveals he knew she wantshim to kiss her

he sez he's gonna kiss her whe he wants to marry her

she leaves

i guess it really is B0NING

when tom gets home dad is b--ching about woody

when tom gets in he drops the coin by mistake in the pie moms making

they send his tiny a55 to bed

in bed the Chinese toy come in and they talk

tom cant sleep so con fu sion brings in the yawning man

we get weird Claymation of a mr magoo looking guy yawning

this makes me wanna yawn

yawns are like aids; very contagious!

btw

i had a weird idea

imagine if when we yawned It came out our a55?

oh wow

the actor of tom thumb was i west side story

and 7 brides for 7 brothers

and the haunting

the next day the cops come in looking for the jacked treasure

she gives em bread but in t is the coin

they arrest them w/o a warrant or more evidence than 1 coin

what is this? england?!

top uses toys to get outta his room

but the guys are gone

hes gotta clean the family name

he comes in to find woody singing and woody knows where to go

this is a good place to start a video game

they go to a castle and find the bad guys counting their loot

woody tries to just grab it but gets KO'ed

THEY RETURN to counting it BUT tim messes with the coins to make 1 think the other is cheating him

the "cheated" crook tries counting himself but cant count

after counting issues he busts the other crook in the head

tom wakes up woody with a candle on his foot and woody has a boss fight with the crook

but the crook wins

then the other crook wakes up and bashes his fat a55 with a metal shield

they fight

its really comical and fun and has many a55 shots

the cheeted crook keeps beating the other crooks head on the color but sees tom

he runs and they try crushing him

they catch him

imagine if they sat on him and he crzwled up their a55 and busted their guts

meanwhile toms rents are gonna get the whip for their accused crimes

no trial?

what is this?

soviet Canada?

tom bites the hand of the guy holding him and gets away

he goes up the stairs and falls into a horse water thing

the crooks leave and woody wakes up and tails em

the horse goes down the road to the village

tom is in the horses ear giving it orders

meanwhile the whipper is about to whip tom dad

but tom gets in at the last second like birth of a nation or orphans of the storm

tom outs the crooks and they get caught

1 with bad teeth gets 2 teeth broken out

they always have teeth being broken out but if you remove a bone its too much

woody kisses the queen and they go invisible

then he kisses her better and they come back

at the wedding, to kisses a toy bride on the wedding cake and it comes to life

the end

what a fun film

clean bright colorful and lovable

for tom thumb 2 i'd like for the forest queen being humanized to have a power gap in the woods and some animals go to war with other animals. the bad animals like coons and dogs ad cats and wasps are on one side and the good ones like worms and spiders and centipedes and dragonflies are on the other(oh and geese are the bad guys). tom and his toy wife are ambassadors and shes really really pregnant with toms half toy son and the bad animals wanna wack tom and blame it to the good animals to get humans on their side. they invite tom to a peace meeting but its a trap and op has to fight his way through several levels to get home and get word the bad animals must be wiped out(oh and bears are bad ones too) and tom has several magic powers and cool gadgets to get through it.

Pearl Harbor Review

note; my typing s-cked. that's ok. I hear so does this film

pearl harboir

this is my review on pearl harbor

I saw it b4 but didn't really pay attemtion

but team America had a song about it

its got that c-ck sucker ben Affleck

u s-ck ben afflectk!

its by Michael bay

his films s-ck too

it starts with 2 kids playing ww1 in a fake plane

1 of their dads flys a red plane (like the ww1 hero the red baron)

the kids play in his plane and turn it on

they kinda take off

it stops after a bit

lucky for them they don't bite it

later its ww2 and france is getting its a55 kicked

but America isn't joining n

at a air base the kids are teens or something and nearly crash into eachother in planes

is this top gun?

ben gets his a55 busted by commie a55 alec Baldwin

he sez ben is getting sent to candy a55 England to fight in the air force

but America might go in soon

the other kid now teen josh hardnett is malcontent over it

meanwhile, some girls chat about being nurses

at a medical test ben Affleck fails an eye test as he cant really read

is he inbred?

that would explain a lot

he gives a speech about how reading isn't needed to be a pilot

what if he cant read his orders and blows the wrong place?

she passes him

the nurse then gives him a needle in his a55

he asks her to dinner

she stabs his a55 again

he gets woozy as he already had that shot and falls, busting his head on a desk

good thing its empty

later he gets her champain and the cork busts his nose

she puts his head back WHICH YOU SHOULDNT DO AS THE BLOOD GOES DOWN UR THROAT

then they kiss

flash dance back to her telling her homies on a train its been a few weeks and she remeets with ben

he has an origami bird

ironic if u know the story

then they go to a dance

the navy is sending em to pearl harbor

bens gf wants to b0ne him

so they go out in a boat to another boat and make out

after b0ning they go back and he reveals hes going to war

shes unhappy a guy in the military has to go to war for some reason

he tell her to not see him off as saying bye to her 1x is hard enuff

HARD ENUFF?!

PURVURT!

they part with forced sad music

at the train station hes on the train but she shows up

but don't see him

aw f

her name is evelyn

that's my cool 90s aunts name

in gaye olde endlande ben gets a plane from a guy just bit it

in a meeting that cripple commie f dr wants to reduce Americas forces to help the brits and soviets

irving thalburg said they were the bigger threat

a dictator dies, so does the dictatorship

but communism is harder to uproot

not that I support then nazzies

but the commies were worse

-20 is warmer than -50

meanwhile japan wants to go at America as they cut off the oil they were sending to japan

that's bad logic

we want their help so we attack them?

its like protesters trying to damage the cities and economy to make the people they elected pay attention to em

at pearl harbor someone talks about painting b00bs on planes

make em bigger sez 1 guy

are you trying to distract the foe?

good logic

the kunoichi (female ninja) wear skimpy outfits to distract their targets and foes (not a joke)

so mai Shiranui and miko mido were accurate

the admiral gets orders to send more forces away

also they bunch their plans together to make em easier to protect

that don't sound right

meanwhile, japan plans to attack pearl harbor

meanwhile, ben Affleck goes to war and gets shot down

meanwhile, cuba gooding jr boxing fights a guy

as usual, the blacker guy wins

later cuba gets his boxing wounds fixed by evelyn

hes a cook but wanted to go to war and be a man

josh hardnett talks to evelyn about ben affleck going back to h-ll

we're only 45 mins in a 3 hour movie and we get a sad moment

in America; they read Japanese communications but don't believe they are coming

at a movie(the great dictator by Charlie chaplin) they see a news reel and it has planes bustin

josh and evie freak out and leave

he tells her a story of ben Affleck trying to fly on fake wings on his arms

maybe that's how he broke his brain

then again, its not smart to try

kin of a chicken/egg thing

creationism says the chicken came st

at night josh  hardness sees evie to return a hankie

at the base the next day evie comes by and josh hardnett is malcontent over taking ben afflecks woman

he takes her on a plane ride at sun set

at night they return and b0ne

why is there a room full of white sheets in a navy base?

this gov guy sez pearl harbor is gonna get f;d but don't have good enuff evience

his superior sez no as they cant afford it

esp since f dr's new deal failed

just like that other prez's plan to fix the economy

the one after bush

meanwhile (I think) ben Affleck is saved by the frenchies from the water and returns to evie

she goes mental and has issues with this

then josh hardnett comes in and ben rolls a 20 as he somehow figures out they were b0ning

at a bar ben Affleck is ind of an a55

josh sez that ben left them to fight someone elses war and they eventually fight

kick bens candy a55!

imagine if instead of a fight it was a b0ning match and they were b0ning eachother

wait, that's MMA

the cops come and they get away and talk

the next day the Japanese attack and the gov guy gets word

they left out the part of f dr getting word of it but not doing anything as he wanted to go to war and wants America to choose to fight

theres a lot of Michael bay explosions

and the film is only half over

at least it wasn't as drawn out as titanic with over 2 hours of filler b4 getting to the ice burg

btw theres too much cgi

and its pretty cr-ppy

imagine if Michael bay did Hokuto no ken/.fist of the north star?

people exploding into blood and chunks

cuba's captian bites it and he has a quick sad moment

the Japanese planes attack the us planes and bust em

its like that level as eggman in sonic adventure 2 battle

cuba uses a big gun on em

reminds me of advance wars 2 black hole rising on gba

josh hardnett sez; I think ww2 just started

wtf

its been going on in Europe and Asian since the 30s

imagine if in outbreak with dustin Hoffman they had someone say; I think aids just started

then a boat slowly goes down

man this rips off a lot from titanic

but I like this more

a buncha guys are trapped in a sinking ship

in the real story they survived and got out after days in dark

the alleged Japanese planes attack people in da water

meanwhile f dr gets word of the attack and is surprized

way to rewrite history a55 hole

next you'll say Truman wasn't in da klan

evie nurses a guy with an open neck

ben Affleck leads a braveheart like charge with guns but most bite it

they get a few planes in the air and the Japanese planes go after em

I should mention that these japan planes were made by the guy wo the miyazaki movie "the wind rises" was about

I think

they have an air fight like in Robotech

but not as cool

the Japanese say they won and theres no need for a 3rd wave and they withdraw

the base people regroup and take toll of the shredded

then they get word that japan is gonna attack pearl harbor

in japan the guy who attacked directly says he fears this awoke America as a sleeping giant

what did ja think was gonna happen?

they get attacked and do nothing?

this is the 1940s not 2010s!

f dr gives his speech

at least hes willing to say what the attackers are

not calling it workplace violence

f dr wants to attack but they have no safe way to get them there

f dr gives a speech to his men and when hey say it cant be done get tries walking on his dead legs to show it can be done

did that really happen?

also

did f dr's parts work?

evie talks with ben I think about something

I'm not sure

she talks to josh hardnett and sez she loves him

good

dump ben Affleck

hes a candy a55

later its march and alec Baldwin gives a speech

hes gonna train em to do something

we get a montage of them learning to use the new planes

oh they're lightening the planes

alec Baldwin succeedes in doing some plane thing

later they go to attack japan

but as the return boat is going home they gotta go to china

evie uses a soldier she saved to get access to some thing for the attack

also alec badwin is going on the japan attack

is this why he was president of the film actors guild in team America?

then the Japanese are nearing so they attack em to stop em from giving aay their position

even if the planes don't have enuff fuel they choose to launch the planes

they make it off the boat an in da air

F dr gives another speech and the americans attack japan

but japan fights back

i'm acutally watching a review on angel blade as I watch this movie

bens plane runs low on fuel but they make it to land

but its japan territory

after a crash land the Japanese soldiers attack

but josh hardnett saves him and crashes

he eventually bites it in ben afflecks arms like in wings (1927) but not as good

i'd love it I his last words were; see you in h-ll ben Affleck!v ahhhhhhhhhh!(burns)

why didn't ben Affleck get an award for this?

they always give awars to actors playing mentally disabled people

ben returns with jos hardnetts body

we get an epilogue about what happened to the cast after

well, just cuba

also it has an underwater shot of the boat that went down

just like titanic

after the war ben and evie have a kid (probably josh hardnets son) and they fly

the end

wtf on Voight as in this

if he was f dr then the rednecks could b0ne his dead a55

I kinda enjoyed this

yeah ben Affleck s-cked

but its entertaining

for pearl harbor 2 'd like for japan to have taken over Russia and America and ben affleck's son is a disgruntled teen who works for the japan to stop his alleged father from stopping them. also its revealed that hes josh hardnetts son and the son blames ben for his real dad biting it as he bit it saving ben. oh and the son got surgery to turn Japanese and enhance his strength and speed with cybernetics and had built in katana blades in his body. but ben Affleck has eaten josh hardnetts body and gained the total power of 2 men and goes around fighting Japanese supporters with his combined hulking body