Rainbow Brite And The Star Stealer Review

Note: I spell rainbowly i meAN BRIGHTLT i mean bruightly

Rainbow Brite and the Star Stealer

This is my review on Rainbow Brite And The Star Stealer from the distant future year to Buster Keaton of 1985(20 years b4 Transformers The Movie happened)

Its based on a Hallmark Cards cagharcter and is done by Dic and they did stiff like Inspectror Gadget and Care Bears, wait, thats nelvana

Its directed by Kimio Yabuki who did some eps of the Go Nagai Classic Dororon Enma-kun 

It stars Bettina Bush from Rugrats/ All Grown Up!, Pat Fraley from Monsters, Inc./Princess Mononoke/Toy Story 2/the tv cartoon Aladdin/Alvin and the Chipmunks/Batman: The Animated Series/Biker Mice from Mars/Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventures/Bobby's World/Bonkers/Bubsey the 90s cartoon/the 90s Casper/Cow and Chicken/CBS Storybreak/Darkwing Duck/DuckTales/Extreme Ghostbusters/G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero/Garfield and Friends/Gargoyles/Goof Troop/King of the Hill/Men in B|ack: The Animated Series/Muppet Babies/My Life as a Teenage Robot/ the Problem Child cartoon/Quack Pack (Ducktales GT)/the 90s Richie Rich/Sonic the Hedgehog (SatAM)/Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles tthe 80s one/The Addams Family  900s cartoon/Angry Beavers/Fairly OddParents/The Flintstone Kids/The Glo Friends/The Jetsons/The Secret Files of the Spy Dogs/The Smurfs 90s one cartoon/The Mask: The Animated Series/The Tick/The Twisted Tales of Felix the Cat/Tom and Jerry Kids/the 90s Woody Woodpecker/Timon and Pumbaa/Tiny Toon Adventures/X-Men: Pryde of the X-Men, Peter Cullen from the 70s King Kong/Gremlins/The Transformers/G.I. Joe/Predator/Treasure Planet/The Smurfs/the 80s Dungeons & Dragons cartoon/Alvin and the Chipmunks/The Jetsons/Robo Force: The Revenge of Nazgar/Ghostbusters the 80s cartoon, wait, i think its the fi;lmsation one/DuckTales/The Real Ghostbusters/Winnie the Pooh/the 90s i mean 80s rttmnt/Chip 'n Dale Rescue Rangers/TaleSpin/Tom & Jerry Kids/The Pirates of Dark Water/Bonkers, Andre Stojka from The Emperor's New Groove/The Jetsons/Bobby's World/The Pirates of Dark Water/Winnie the Pooh/Men in B|ack/Darkwing Duck/House of Mouse/The Pirates of Dark Water/Cow and Chicken, David Mendenhall fro,m The Smurfs Christmas Special/the 80s The Berenstain Bears/G.I. Joe/CBS Storybreak/The Transformers, Les Tremayne from the 50s The War of the Worlds/Forbidden Planet/From the Earth to the Moon, Mona Marshall from Jungle De Ikou!/Digimon/Apocalypse Zero/.hack//Sign\Naruto/Battle B-Daman/B-Daman Crossfire/Bleach/Eiken/Flint the Time Detective/Idaten Jump/Macross Plus/MÄR/Tranzor Z/Zatch Bell!/South Park/All Grown Up!/CBS Storybreak/G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero/Jackie Chan Adventures/Rocket Power (which was f==kin sh-t!!!!)/Rugrats/The Smurfs/ransformers/Monsters, Inc./Spirited Away/The Hunchback of Notre Dame/Treasure Planet/Wreck-It Ralph, Jonathan Harris from The Angry Beavers/the 90s Spider-Man/Extreme Ghostbusters/Superman: The Animated Series/The Mask/Freakazoid!/the cartton of Mighty Ducks/da 90z Casper karoon/Darkwing Duck/the 90s Paddington Bear well, 89 90/the 60e Twilight Zone/Toy Story 2/A Bug's Life, Scott Menville from Ernest Goes to Camp/The Wonder Years/Sonic Christmas Blast/The Land Before Time III: The Time of the Great Giving/ParaNorman/The Flintstone Kids/The Real Ghostbusters/Fox's Peter Pan & the Pirates/Captain Planet and the Planeteers/Rugrats/Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog/Where on Earth Is Carmen Sandiego?/Freakazoid!/Cow and Chicken/Superman: The Animated Series/The Powerpuff Girls/The Wild Thornberrys (good f--k thsat show was devolved)/Ninja Scroll: The Series/Rocket Power/Totally Spies!/Justice League/Teen Titans (f that show, its cr-p!)/Zatch Bell!/American Dad!/All Grown Up!/Avatar: The Last Airbender (not as goood as evetyone thinks)/My Life as a Teenage Robot/Batman: The Brave and the Bold/the 2012 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles/We Bare Bears/Star vs. the Forces of Evil/Tales of Symphonia, Charlie Adler from Trandssformers/G.I. Joe/The Little Mermaid/DuckTales the Movie: Treasure of the Lost Lamp/The Rescuers Down Under/The Prince and the Pauper/Aladdin\Rugrats/Stuart Little 3: Call of the Wild/The Smurfs\The Glo Friends\The Flintstone Kids\The Real Ghostbusters\DuckTales\/Paddington Bear/Tiny Toon Adventures\TaleSpin/Tom & Jerry Kids/Bobby's World/Darkwing Duck/Captain Planet and the Planeteers/Goof Troop/Super Dave: Daredevil for Hire/Eek! The Cat/Biker Mice from Mars/Mighty Max/the cartoon Problem Child/Bonkers/Sonic the Hedgehog sat am/Rocko's Modern Life/the carytoon Aladdin show/Duckman//Aaahh!!! Real Monsters/What-a-Mess/Santo Bugito/Earthwom Jim/The Mask: Animated Series/The Twisted Tales of Felix the Cat/Timon & Pumbaa/The Spooktacular New Adventures of Casper/The Real Adventures of Jonny Quest/Mighty Ducks: The Animated Series/Quack Pack/The Tick\Freakazoid\Bruno the Kid/Extreme Ghostbusters/Men in B|ack: The Series/Cow and Chicken/Space Goofs/Mad Jack the Pirate/Toonsylvania\Hey Arnold!/Johnny Bravo/Rugrats\The Wild Thornberrys\As Told by Ginger (ew!)/The New Woody Woodpecker Show/Rocket Power/All Grown Up/Rocket Powwer/ i mean dAve The Bsarbarian/The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron, Boy Genius (i didnt care for it)/Loonatics Unleashed/El Tigre: The Adventures of Manny Rivera/Wolverine and the X-Men/The Super Hero Squad Show/Word Girl\Ultimate Spider-Man/Harley Quinn/Baldur's Gate II, and a few not on wikipedea as wikipedia is cr-ppy and gets everytging wrong

I never saw this b4 but my gf liikes it and i hear it did well

so after logos we get this 80s castle and thsi red haired chick is being bratty and wants this diamond but its needed to keep the universe from being destoryed

she had her goons take this muppet away and shes a queen and wont let anyone stiopo her as shes a royal and thus evil

this i meAN THEN IN THIS COLORFUL LAND OF RAINBOW STREAMSD AND GREEN HILLS ZONES WE GTE THE TITLE AND CREwedinds credits

oof its mucic my haim sababnand shuiki levy

this hhair rainbow bhorxze is stung by a bug and is glad its spring and sings an 80s ballad

shopuldnt the bug die from stinging him?

oh and its in proper fullscreen and has actual bright color and light

so thhrese midgets or kids wo o m eanm or w/e come out in this cave castle and sing about doing work

also is a yellow winged butterfly going around and i assume its a big part, as no one suspercts the buttergfly

rainbow brite wakes up and looks like a fusuin of sailor moon and the wizard of oz

she uses a star thing and blasts a rainbow like that bubble bobble game i hate and it colors the butterflys wings and then blasts more colors and it spreads in the land

she sez"everyone on earth is waiting for spingr" which is off as hald i mean lahn i mean half the planet is in fall at srping

so sher gets on the horse and rides a rainbow bridge like in yugioh d5ds and the nordic gods and goes with this small thiung meant to sell toys

then this caveman thing comes out and has a long phaIIic nosde like hook nosed harold from the fat albert paroidy in animaniacs and rides in a mad max car from thsi dingy cave

he wortksd for this evil midget and the midget weants to stoip rainbopw brite form making things beautiful for some reason

he wants to rule rainbow land and wants to get rid of the colors, which makes no sense, why take over something you hate?

itys like the commies trying to take over america as they hate Fredom and Sanity

oh and the nose guy seems a bit rety-rded and falls on the bad guy for i mean from smelling his poison cloud and the machine that made it rolls off

he calls him banana brain as i assume its another b0ner ref

it goes down the trail and b0ner n0se chases it in his mad max movile

the rainbow bridge goes up to the storm cloud and shge goes up to stop stormy from making winter

dude, i love winter, you can make things outta snow, go sledding, skiing and its cold enuff to wear your cool leather jacket

plus all the plants buirds and bugs go back to h e double mexico

so strormy summins her big ba i mean black horse and its like kuokuto i mean kokuoh go from hokuto no ken and runs off so rainbow chases

so stormy wants alkl year winter and her horse hoofs mnake thinder and storms and rainbows horse outruins her and leaves the cloud and stormy is bummed winter is over

in the human realm or ningenkai in urotsukidoji, tis snowy abnd this kid is caved i measn saved by rainbow brights rainbow as his bike skids out and she sez hes the only human who can see her

she uses her rainbo and it does jack sh-t as the star sarpinkles are titrd i eman tired for some reason

if theres no strping things might get f;d and they go back and to rainbow land to fix it

so the evil midget and b0nose get the machine and he spazzes out and fallsmoff the cliff and the machine breaks

b0nose and him see a shooting star (dragon in attack mode?) and it slams into the planet and b0nose and midged go chesck it out

a big black robo horse coimes out and b0n0rose wants to riude it and it wants rainbow brite

evil midget sez hes raintbow and it dont buy it and it sez it needs to tell her of the diamond

edil midget wants in and tells where the rainbowbitrr is and it goes off without them so the bad guys go after it in their car like barts from hokuto noi ken

to roborse comes to the town and the people there check it out and then comes rainowb brigvght

the comic bad  guys lissten in and the roborse is kinda spazzy and trys to say something about rdanger and they hear of the diamond planet that all da light in da universe goes through

comic bad guys go offg b54 the mexzage is finished and they wanna get there 1st to rud i  ean i mean rid the universe of clordf i mean color

looking at movies from the 2010s, they seem to have won

so as the universe will die if she dont save the diamond and the diamond thing might have f;'d the strar powert she uses, wait, then the whole univewrse is going toi die? ike with dbz?!

so roborse sez oren sez rainbow bighte is her i mean the only hope like in sar wars and the atrea goes tinted darker like a western saying its ngih t instead of clearly birght day

so roborse goes off abnd bnrite leaves twiunk in cgharge and stoirmy teams up with rainbow as she wants to heklp make things colorful

she has to go to spectra to save it cuz if it diers, so does evertyone

roborse flies off and rainbow goes off on a raiunbow bridge on her horse like he mans sister

the comnic bad guys make a rocket and its made of cr-ppy junk and flies off eventually

i gotta sayt, i love the art and animation. its got color and life and good movement

so rainbow and roborse finds the spectra and its part covefed over by daRKNESS AND IIF THEY DONT STOP IT, ALL LIFE ON EARTTH WILL DUIE

KINDA HEAVY FOr a kids movie

nowadays they'd say something like "they'd lose their feelings" or something gay

in the 80s you could kill guys

look at hokutoi no ken and saint seiya

now we got pokemon where they iced piokemon hunter j and thats it

even transformers had the gon=ds to ice half the cast ih the movie

then we got batman beyond with a f==kin bodycount

better than cr-ppy a55 teen titans where "terra was turned to stone"

h=ll, the smurfs had an ep where smurfetttes pet got iced

anbnd robotech had f==kin genocide! planets getting gang nuked! kids obliterated!

remember when dinobot died in beast wwars? that was art!

now we got the gay care bears where they gave em a;ll gaijin accents and no ones really bad, only misunderstood

so rainbow and roborse get to this ice place abnd theres these ewok things cleaning it and shedding off the light

wait, they are putting a net on it and its blocking the light

also they never heard of earth and find the karbarrans are some of em pyhypnotices

brite tries to take off da net and these gold giolems coime by and catch brites horse in a net but roborse blasts the net off

showuldent that blast kill the fhorse?

so they run and hide and the jet force jenmini thiungs are ensklaved by as i mean en

1 is free but is zapped withg a pmind cointrol thing and is now enslaved

roborse looks for chris who's his friend and thety find an igloo where he was but aint now

the gold golemns called glitterbits i mean bots come after em and rainbows horse fakes being a net workerand 1 bot poops a long rope outta its chim i meabn chin

they see rainbow working and are gonna slave beam gue i mean her and roborse blocks it

raiinbow makes bootuies for her horse so he can run on the surface, aklthough why not use the rainbow road?

the booties are made of da net and they escape and the comic bad guys show up in their cr-p shuttle that looks like thatr  aligator head leather winged monster in the 1800s said tio be a thunderbird

they got this smoke machine thast spazzes people out and wanna use it on rainbow brught and get da diamond later

rainbow escapes the glitterbots and jump in the water but her steed can't do it well so he gets her in a boad and is goinna send her off bjt gets in the boat anyway

theres no oars or sailsd so roborse riockets it behind enm

they get to a waterfall and roborse iftes i mean liifts the end of da boat with its head and the rainbow can't get through

so roborse carries it over and drops en on ground and the music at the wwaterfall was kinda dbz

then this guy comes out in a space armor and its chris and he sent the roborse named onyx

hes the last survivor and sez the bprincess is doing this cr-p to own spectra and dont like rainbow bright for being a girl

what about sheena in cntra hard corps, tyrus in golden axe or mai shiranui? thety kicked a55

so he rides roborse and rainbow rides a bifrost bridge to the sky

the comic villians are revealed as b0nose ret-rdedly runs out to tell the bots where they are when  the midgwet sez "why not tell em where we ae" i meabn are

theysee rainbow bruights rainbow bridge and go after it and on earth the place is frozen over and the biurth rate is dowb nd everyones gettinmg depressed

the news repoerted i mean reporter can't taker it and pulls out a revolkver then puts it in his mouth and blows the top of his skull off in a splatter of braiuns in the back of the wall

jk reall he gives up and walks off

the kid can''t i mean gets a key and used it on a door to open him to rainbowland

but it does jack sh-t and jack is j-rkin off on a pile of sh-t

the key was given to him to open any toor i mean door to get to rauinbow land

on the spectrum z d the rainbow and boy go up to this castle and the princess sees en and wants em disposed of aas theyt never bring good presents

a purpople wind blows and theyy tough through it

then their skin stars stretching and tears off until they are s i mean a flesh covered skeleton each and stioll walking

jk really the bridge vanishes behind em and the rainbow horse doesnt use his rainbow thing for some reason

so the bridge pulls em towards a spike wall and they open the bigh a55 doors and come in

these dark frog things come from da floor and look like the goons in kingdom hearts, thenfuse into a big one

brite blasts a rainbow from her belt on its face like in superman 02 and they run as princess wants her belt

they falll down a floor trap door and in a slide andwind up in a n elevatorthats a gold cagwe and they press a button to go up

they get to da top floor aND MEET DA PRINCESDX who wants a present and wants her belt

she also cares for a green jewel that she sez chris yelling frightens like those dinks who have emotional support animals

rainbow sez to lerave spectra alone and princess bering a  millennial gen z malcontent, gets triggered by someone saying no to her

they have a ki blast thing and rainbow uses her belt to zap princesses jewel

chris breaks free of the beardo guard and gets beamed bacvk and both are knocked out by princesses blsacxk magic

princess takes da belt and throwsa em in the dungeion and they blame each other for it but see they might not save the day

brite believes with her kattobingu spirit andin rainbow.land the guys are tryinbg to make colors by mining jewels

wghat if da jewels run out? are they natually produced in the mnines? like abiotic oil?

then in the dungeon, onyx comes in and truies ramming the wall and brite tells him to hget rainbows horse who cant fly w/oi her rainbow

raiinbow horse has onyx fly around to draw therm and rianbow horse sneaks around

the bad guys laser blast onyx and princess spazzes out and gets b--chy

rainbow horse uses the elevator and princess activates the elevator to go to the dungeon and use chros as a hiostage

rainbowse comes in and takes the belt and escapes weait, he dont he throws the belt over the side and onyx gets it to the dungeon

onyx cant come in the dnfeon as he has no limbs andf flies up, drops it, then hits it in maid air with a tap to send it in the window

waindonw hrose gets shoves off the edge of the balcone and rainbow uses her belt to escape and gave i mean save him and ride on

also the princess castle is kinda like the borg cube

wehat if i mean in the name f h=ll?! this got 0 % on rotten tomatores and 0 stars in guaides?!

i liked this

maybe its cuz tv and movies have devolved but this is a pretty entertaining film to me

also imdo i mean imdb has it at 6/.7 outta 10 stars

and according to imdb, was produced in 3 months?!

food i mean good f-==k thats epic

and its actually well animated and voiced

so raintbow and chris need more power and the pirncess, who is in black and redf like vampire hunter D or darth vader, used the diamond to fire a bewam at the heroes to banish them

they trey to escape and the rainbow road is hit and the thing turnd into a vortex

rainbow dash is suck in it and krys trues to escape but is sucked back

so ity sendsa em to soem hokuto no kem like place and rainbows poersa is used up

these imperiel guys try to zap her belt off however it has some power left and this tropp i meal troll guy and some bots catch the horse and trap rainbow and kyues and on z i mean on-x in a cage

he renameds the hrose fromstarlight to crusader and i guess its like toby in roots

on x cant break the bars but caN BREAK THE ROCK BEHIND THEM AND THEY FLY OFF AND THIS GEEZER COUPLE SEES AM I MEAN em adn recalls trying to escape

f off caps lock, get b0ned dead by a big black forse i mean horse like in hokuto no ken 2

so the comic bad guys are there somehow and evade the bots and somehow the princess tells the troll guyn tyhe prisoners escaped

how did she know?W! is she having a sauron erye thing going?!

so brite and kyrs get caught by these sasquatch things and wait they are lizard guys like the elites in charge

on x is busted by the lizardo somehow and rainbow brite gets away in a crevasse and into a under water cave

i mewan underground underwater czve and the lizard guys are there and she sneaks around and climbs up

those lizard guys look like the guys from that abc show dinosaurs by jim henson

they catch on to her and this guy from the begiunning shows her where the star strpinjle is and she recharges her belt and and blasts a dino man away

the dino men change o mena i mean charge and bust the cage i mean cave with their hands and it caves in on em

so da muppet guy from the start has brite use her rainbow to get em out aND MUPPET SEZ HE KNEW i mean he sended the horse on x

b4 she aves the universe she has to save her friends and the muppet knew someone rainbow knows

the muppetmreveals he has an item for kyrs to become the warrior he weas made to be and it needs rainbows power

so the bad guys caught the comic bad guys and rainbow comes in with hger briege rainbow, saves the horse, and gives krys the combo thing for his writst

starlight sez Tension to get the bots to stop and rainbow sends her rainbow to the arm item and he uses it to fuire elemental beams like heat and ice and freezes the troll guy

the comic bad guys are caught and rainbow and krys head back to the princess

but somehow, the comic bad guysd got there 1st as prisoners and princess ezs they arent the ones she wanted

midget has a present and sez its that hes gonna get her rainbow brite, kinda like the decepticonms teaming up foir work with unicrom i mean unicron

midget sez he never beat her as she i mean he wanteds troi d i neam i mean find all her belts and sez she has more

they are sent to save her and are actually gonna get the diamond

so theere s  i eman a ship of the princess heading for spectre and the muppet sez to destroy ther majik jewel that powers the princess

also thhey are on a space co i mean rockand muppet sends em to this wqheel thing to bust her stone

muppet needs to use the on x and krys and brite need to team up to stop the bad guys

they return to the castle ,ike the 3rd time with the starlight horse and go up a water wheel to get in, wait its a hean i mean gear

they leave the horse for some reason as they think its not save i mean dane i mean safe and they jump onto a bar by it

the porincess is making a new ship to take the diamond of spectrea and use a big a55 net on it and on the castle, the poipe the heroes are on breaks and they jump into a water spount

the horse goes in the wheel to help despitre not knowing they might be in danger and the heroes face a der i mean red monster in the wzter pipe

ktrus uses his beam to pop it into copored figh i mean fish like hes popeye

starlight jumpts from the wheel ger to the weood bridge and rainbow and krys are in the castle and lloking around

the muppet named orin or w/e are i eman is on the ice thing and cutting the nets oin it with 1 guy not mind controlled

the hiuman is on eARTH IN A BLIZZERD  I EMAN in his home with a blizzard and believing in rainbow bright

krys and raimnbow bust guards with theur powers and the comic villians are heading for some planet

rianbow and rkys are at the princess castle and face her in her thronwe room and princess trapspraimnbow in a pruple or pink enenrgy sphere

she rainbow blasts outta it and krysadds his ki attack to beat the pun enerty

he goes to i mean for the jewel and is blasted back but the comic villains bust in and slam their ship into her thro e room

rainbow and krys use thei blasts on her diamond and it turns greay and shatters and the castle starts crubmling like with garlic jrs castle

princess runs out with her green emotional support enmerald and i guess she's doine and wont be back so we dont carer whant she does next

so the comic midget bad guy murlky i mean murky has a non realistic gun aimed at rianbow brite and starlkight comes in

murky fired  on him but its only smoke and starlight didges and kicks the shipa nd they fall off the cliff to provbably f==king die

the enemy shup coems to catch the spectras and princess is in it as they let her goe like a dumba55 instard of putting 2 in the head and on tyhe spectra, the karbarrans have overthworn the bots 

princess's ship has  ran outta fuel so she thrwos her emotional support jewel on i  eanm in the over i mean oven fuirnace and is gonna slam into the diamond to shatter it

not sure a metal ship can brwak a diamond planet

but rainbow bright uses her rainbow and knowcks the enemy ship on a kamikaze mission off and it blows apart and f--kling jkills her

boom . shes hdeaD , SHE WENT TO H-LL

so light returns and the earth is sunny and the magic returned

btw stormy did jack sh-t in this mvoie

so rainbow and krys come to rainbow land and krys has tajkes off his helmet and has a huge afro mohawk and it poofs out from under his pressurized helmsdt

jk hes normal and this isnt mad max

stormy coems back from doign who know what the whole movie and the muppet orin and on x comes by and the universe is saved and they have hiopa i mean hope again

krus gets on x and he;'s gonna be big and buff in the next movie and use ki blasts to hit people pressure points to stoip them from beating him so he wont have to get off his big black horse

so they vow to keep the uiniverse bright and beautiful forever and in space, somehow murky and lkureky his b0nor n0se minion are aliove somehow and lookign for rainbowland

then creditys and its colored and sinfgs a SONG ABOUT HAVING FRIENDS AND BEING HAPPY AND POSITIVE

holy f peter cullen was murky?! hes  got rainge!

man theres a lot of japoanese guys in the credits

and like avaratr the las air bender, tis not anime

like batman tas, animaniuacs, spiderman tas and robotech ii the sentinels, oh and g i joe and transformers and thundercats

appresntice editor; john bonecutter, [post production assistant; karen cockrell

is this a p0rnio?! maybe masd max

the end

that was actually not bad

i enjoyed it

nice live colors and heart and positivity and its not all bummer or malcontent or bitter

ther mnain bad guy is a spoilerd brat like most teens and 30 year old teens today who whine abotu everuythign and weant evertything handed to them

rainbow bright is cool and krys is brave

its has heart and hope and ight and shows if we stand together we can beat the brats and malcontents

yeah its not super deep or meaningful and has a lot of logic weroors

but its not ruining of it

its still enjoyable and if u remember 80s movies and shows, this is for you

its good at showing the dangers of being a selfish b--ch and how getting ur own way at the expence of other is not good

a lesxzon todays diunks need

growing up with care bears and beetlejuice , this seems pretty comfortable

for weait, i almost forgot, theres no star stealer or star stealing! the title is a lie! liek angles and demons with soviet tiom handfks

for Rainbow Brite And The Star Stealer 2 i want the princes rto return wait, i almost fortgot, i wrote this whole thingh without using backspace, i kept all the cr-ppy errors in! so anyoen i mean anyway

for Rainbow Brite And The Star Stealer 2 i wanty the pricness to have survived and is mostly obliterated, but her emoptional support genm saved her and fuised with hjer and now she's part jem and has the blown off parts of her replaced with emerald stone. she coomes down to rainbopw land and teraps the peope, in jepms i mean jemps i mean jems and rainbow brite is caught, so stormy has to save the day by finding the rainmbow key jewels in the 7 temples. also its a 16 bit game like zelda or crusader of centy where you play as stormy and go around with a hammer made of solid light and go around the dungeons and beat the guardians to proive your wotthi mean worth. its on sega genesis, snes, tg16 atari jaguar and gba.

Reasonable Doubt Review

Note; i spell doubtful

Reasonable Doubt

this is my review on Reasonable Doubt from the distant future year of 2014 (The year fo the 1st Robotech War and Malcontent uporisings)

I never saw this but its on True Real and theres nothing better on

Its directl by Peter Howitt who did nothing I saw

It stars Dominic Cooper from: From h=ll/Mamma Mia!/Captain America: The First Avenger/Dracula Untold, Samuel L. Jackson from Coming to America/Do the Right Thing/Jurassic Park 001/Pulp Fiction/Die Hard with a Vengeance/A Time to Kill/Jackie Brown/Sphere/Star Wars 01 02 and 03/Deep Blue Sea/Shaft(the 4th one)/Unbreakable/XXX/Kill Bill: Volume 2/The Incredibles/Astro Boy/Captain America: The First Avenger/The Avengers/RoboCop (2014 ver)/The Legend of Tarzan/Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children/Kong: Skull Island/Star wars 09/Law & Order/Ghostwriter/The Boondocks/Afro Samurai/Afro Samurai: Resurrection, Erin Karpluk from the 2002 carrie tv movbie/Flashpoint, Gloria Reuben from Blue bloods/Drop Dead Diva/Law & Order: Special Victims Unit/Polka Dot Door/Timecop/Shaft(the 4th one), Ryan Robbins from the rocks Walking Tall/Catwoman/Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem/Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem/Warcraft/the 2003 The Twilight Zone/Arctic Air/The Good Doctor/The Twilight Zone, Dylan Taylor from Pure (The Amish Drug Show) and the Far Cry Games I never played, Philippe Brenninkmeyer froom Law and Order, and a buncha guys not on wikipedia

so after like 2 mins of logos we get more logos and kids playing in a smnnowy park

a little blonde girl wanders into the woods and screams and her mom helps her

as they leave theyres a round thing with blood on it

then title and then theres a trial and this main guy is the lawyer who argues to convict but things the guy will gert off easy with a candya66 jufdge

at home he and his woman habve a baby and are good and he goes out

later he and his droogs are out after drinking and gets a collect call from a convict

he sees some homies by hius car when calling a taxi and drives home drunk in icy roads with few people out

Cops go by and instead of stopping his drunk driving, he drives on and the cops startt following him

he pulls into an alley to escape and runs over a guygoes to help him but runs to a payphone so theres no evidence of him being there

he calls and tells the guy who begs him not to gho that hes leaving and ditches him

he just wont do the right thing! he's like mookie from that spike lee movie

So he cleans the car and at hoome throws out the evidence asndf later his woman is mad at him for bringing the car back as he was drunking

it looks like she knew he iced someone but she dont

so the garbageman takes the cr-p and with it the evidence

So the next day the news sez they caught the guy who iced the run over guy and its not main guy but claimed he was helping him

this is turning into that simpsons ep with the quimby kid and the waiter

so main guy looked into it by asking detectives to look for the thing and they think its a case hes on

the accused is samule l jackson and his wife and kid got iced by a home invasion and has evidence on him like blood on his clothes and tools

also theres unsolved homosides and they think hes the one

whhat if he IS the serial killer but not of this 1 guy so they can only get him for this but if tyhey can't, then he gets out and chops up more guys?

so main guy gets the case and talks with sega sammy who sez he dont like being at home from memories of his fam getting choped up

he helps out in groups and often is out but says hes inoocent

the guy who got iced was a child predator like many of hollywood and the media and there's reasons for his blood being in his car from him being in thetre

theres evidence of a call but main guy sez they cant prove it as the caller used a payphone

but claims he "knew" as if he used a cell they'd have his name

so uunless the killer i mean caller, well, both now, comes forward, the sam wiuill get hard time as his defender is cr-ppy

so at trial; main guy asks questiuions of the witness saying "the dfefence will say this is misintetrpretation of evidence and could be a car hit as the caller i mean jacksonian said"

he seems to be trying to get him off whiile staying under the air of attack

sorta like Heero and Trowa fighting Zeches but r=taking out the Mobile Dolls in Gundam Wing

so a witness sez the caller on the recording is a White Male in his 30s from south chicago, not unlike the main guy

good tightrope style, how it geta a bunch of close calls

sorta like that charlie chaplin movie where hes on roller skates and goes to the edge of the hole in the floors a55

also samuel l jackson does well in here by looking sad, ytou feel for hum

later main guys step brother jimmy comes by and wants cr-p but main guy dont like him as he;s a j-rl off and crook

main guy tried to distance himself from jimmy and him parent never maiiresd bimmy parent so they dont got the same name

bimmy sez hes good now but main guy dont buy it

later a detective sees something on a computer and later calls main guy and hes sust=[pcius of her and thinks shes recording him

later he nearly tells his woman but dont

in court da next dae, the defence sez they got a voice match and its bimmy who sez he saw another man run him over in a red suv

samule is found not guilty and asks what about the hit and run driver, but main guy sez he might turn himself in

sam sez; would youi? as tnis movie has fun with thsese little hints that the characters dont know but the audience does, like Robotech II The Sentinels The Comics

latewr sam is in a mall and a greaser is hassling his gf and the mall cops helplater main giuy finds from da news theres a body of some mexzicriminal and hsi head was mashed in and had wounds like the run over guy

main guy returns to the crime scene and has flashbacks and thinks how sammy might have done it after all

over there he fiunds half a cigarette like how sam rips the top half off when he last spoke to him

he resalizes that sammy was tortturing him and when the victim got out, main guy ran him over and when main guy left, sdsammy ended him

so main guy tells him i mean ddetectiive, or dick in 20s slang, that he thinks sammy was not innocent and she dont think its true

this is like frequency with jim caveziel where he saves 1 guy but it leads to a killer going on

so now main guy follows sammy and like a f==kin dumba55, goes in afetr him which if sammy sees him, will know hes into i mean onto him

so he escapes and at night, sammy comes in witha  metal thing bjht he wakes up and thinks its a dream

but in the garage, his door is oipen and there sa a photo of his businbess card with blood on it and it wasn't a dream!

the calls are comming from insiude the house!

main guy goes to a slum or something and gets in as the door is closing from another guy and the guard is on da phone

he goes through thedicks office and searches her computer and leaves his fingerprintds all ofer it

he downloads info by burning it to a cd, which you cpould use a flash drive, and gets out b4 she gets back

ar her printer she finds a paper he left and main guy calls sam

sam wanted to be found not guilty so double jeopardy and now sammy wants main guy to stop coming after him

sam knows main guy was the hit and run guy and sez if main guy trys anything, he'd out main guy forthe hit and run and he'd get after the main guys fam

also he sez men gotta protect theirfams and goes back to work

so main guy talks with a coworker about how he knos sam did it and was tortured and made to watch his fam get chopped up, but survived his neck slicking

so they piece togetehr that he started after the killer chopped up his fam with similar tools sam uses, and the killer got capped by a GOOD GUY WITH A GUN

also sam is icing guys who are recent;ly paroled

now i understand how people want the evil to payu, but people do change and turn good

saul/paul in the bible used to murder people for believing in Jesus, but after seeing the light, became a great hero

The right Honorable Jeffery Dahmer used to be a gay cannibal who b0ned and ate people, but in jail; found The lord and turnbed good

yes, some peopelk then wotrld would be better w/po, but they are still people, just as valued of life  as u or i

sometimes we need bad people as a warning  of what not for us to become

one reason i dont swear is cuz the c-ck sauckers in my grade school sword and in didn't wanna be like those b=stards

p-ss c-mming from my a55

main guy tells bnimmy he needs help to nai\l sammy and needs bimmy to tail sammy so main guy can break into his place

but bimmy is on parole and dont do it and when he hears sammy  broke inot main guuys hgome, he agrees to help

they're brothers like rick huntger and roy fokker in Robotech, and totally not lovers like the devolved yaoi fangirls keep pairing up those with 1 minor thing in common

so its daylight and main guy breaks in sammys place and looks around

i hope theres no traps as he roots around, but dont worruy, everyone there is out or dead

so sammy drives hoome and bimmy follows himinstead of calling as hes a f--kin idiot!

so sam goes not home but to some building in a dsemi industrial area aAND main guy fiinds a CVaLANDER AND bilble

main guy gets a call from bimmy and realizes sammy chooses his victim from the help groups and  bimmy sez sammy went off with tools

they are close to sams home and sammy busts bimmy brains with ahammer as main guy sez on phone:i'm comming"

maiun guy ryns over abnd i guess is sonic as hes not tuired and yells "jimmy" so sam knows hes comming

wghat a dumba55!

btw this is in sooviet cgicagio

so maiin guy finds bimmy chained and chopped and coated in blood and sam cals on bimmys phone saying "hes gonna kill me"

so despite bimmy being heavier than maiin guy, and main guy just ran for several mins at full speed, he can easily lift bimmy as i guess he's batman

so main guy takes out his bimmy and the cops nab him holding the guy and later hes in the station andthey think he did it

sammy used main guys hammer he jacked froim main guys place and only main guysa voice i mean prints are on it

they know  ain guy did da call and found his card wiith blood on it in maiin guys place as they spilled and he missed 1 when helping the 1st vic

he reveals he broke into main i mean sammys place and found the cards of the guys he iced

he wants a  lawyer and  samn callsand main guy vows to ice him

sam sez if he had those gon=ds when he ran over the 1st vic, then this wouldn't have happened

sam reveales he got the 1st vic when he was gonna get the little blonde girl and now is gonna show main guy his pain so he'd undersatand

sam is at maiun guys place so maiun guy goes full jean claude/segal and beats out a guard, takres hisd gun and sneaks out

sam fakes beiing a cip (A CRIME) and talks with main guys woman about how hes herwe to cleatr it up

oh and sdam said to main guy he;'d help main guy by doing another murder to show hes not the killer

this is turnbing into Time After Time with Malcom McAfrica and david warner bros

so wife senxzes somewthing of jackson is ogff and snearks around as she saw in her husbands files, sams mug shot

k o'd guard comes to and sez he got a call from a lawqyer but the lawyer comes and they see somethings up and send guys to main guys place

she locks sam out when clicxking the car alarm and he gets in the back door

so sam gets wife but main guy has him at gunpoint, so he gives sam the gun and he sez sam was a coward for surviving

sam sez he was hog tied and throat cut and didnt choose to survive, but caps sam i mean main guy, then sez "save ur woman, if u can, unlike me" and throws him da gun

main guy tries to grab it but the female detectivce takes out jackson j f k style

later bimmy comes gy with a cain with brain damage and main guy has a arm sling and he shows bimmy his wife and daughter named after his mom

then we seethe big a55 HOUSE he got from beiung a big a55 lawyer, although i'm not surre he's still on after his many crimes

the end

Thart was quite good

good twiists and characters

nice filming with many light abnd night shots to show tghe duality

i thought it would be aa courtroom drama but it shifted gears a few times into a thrioller/horror

while u dont agree with sam, you see his p o v

kinda like magneto in x men

good tension and edhgging and looking back, samuel DID know it was maiun guy and was dropping hints

this is the kinda movie you see totally different on a 2nd viewing

I liked it, the actors did well witrh their roles and it was bada55

wtf the guyide sez it got bad reviews?

those candy a55 c-ck suckers!

This has good flow and pacing and don't feel long or drag

For Reasonable Doubt 2 I want samuel l jeckson to have revealed to have survvived and due to miscpnduct of main guy, he was found not guiltry and is still out there, only now he wants revenge. But main guy and his bro have been really deep in rrehab and got metal implants to heal better and now are stronger and  tougher. So samuel sends them clues on a code to face him but it keeps leading to big tough guys and chicks and hermapphrodides for them to fight until he faces samuel who'svgot various tools. Also its a 16 bit gamne like Rwnt A Hero on Sega Genesis, Snes, Gba, TG16 and Atari Jaguar where you play as up to 2 players and fight up to 2 on 1 against the guys sam sends after you

Gunpoint Review

 note; i spell gunneriffic

Gunpoint

This is my review on Gunsmoke from the distant future year to paul revere of 1966 (60 years before transformers zone)

it stars audie murphy from The Red Badge of Courage/Ride Clear of Diablo/Destry/The Guns of Fort Petticoat/Cast a Long Shadow/The Texican, Warren Stevens from Forbidden Planet/The Twilight Zone /Star Trek /M*A*S*H, Edgar Buchanan from Abilene Town/Shane/McLintock!/The Twilight Zone, Denver Pyle from Ride Clear of Diablo/The Alamo/The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance/Maverick. Nick Dennis from A Streetcar Named Desire/East of Eden/Spartacus/Birdman of Alcatraz, Royal Dano from The Red Badge of Courage/The Red Badge of Courage/the 50s Moby Dick/The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn/the 60s King of Kings/7 Faces of Dr. Lao/Moon of the Wolf/The Outlaw Josey Wales/Little House on the Prairie/Killer Klowns from Outer Space/The Dark Half, Morgan Woodward from Cool Hand Luke, William Bramley from the 60s star trek, Robert Pine from Empire of the Ants/Rover Dangerfield/Independence Day/California Dreams/batwatch/the west wing, John Hoyt from Julius Caesar/Blackboard Jungle/Spartacus/the 60s Spartacus/X: The Man with the X-ray Eyes/Flesh Gordon/Desperately Seeking Susan, Ford Rainey from the 80s Halloween 2 and some guys in cr-p i never saw

its directed by Earl Bellamy who did notjhing I saw

so after logo and creits and title in proper fullscreen and nice color, wee hear in the 8180s there was alwlessness ain soviet colorado and raiders and outlaws went on atttacks

holy f its mad max

so this bad dude named drago like from rocky 4 and 8 was reading malcontents to jack things and waste people

man hes like h-lls wind in violkence jack!

so the sherrif and deputy brought a shipment of money to his townand its audie murphy

they go to da train and deputy thinks its safe and when they get there, theres  abuncha zenttraedi thetre cjopping a tower

so audie jumps on da train and co pilot gets on da bacl

co pilot caps audie from behind and he falls off a moving train and the malcontents pull the water tower on the tracks

the train busts into it and stops which i thiunk the train would plow trhrough it and blows the train with dino mights

so the drago comes to a town and wants to hang out there as theres no law to asstop em and he wants to b0ne some chicks

so the town is f';d as they needed that money and cant get mroe and they got a mine to run and has no sherrif

co pilot is made new sherrif and the bank might have to close if they dont get the m,oney

then outta nowhere, audie comes in and sez he knows not what happended as o pilot sez he looked and didnt dinf him

also theres a guy who wants to buy something and is a suspect and they need a marshall to go into the near town and he might not make it in time

outside copilot meets a guy who he tipped off and sez he didnt do it for the money and the town is calling in a marshall to drago gotta get out

audie gets patched up and he has f'd eyes for a few days from the damage

theres a gunfireding and 2 guys are iced but 1 lasts long enuff to say "save da town for me" and he wanna go in w/o the sherrif i mean marshall

in the salloon is this blonde who sings a soft loving song and drago likes her

audie comes in and tells da salloon owner hes looking for a killer and even though hes not authorizd to qorek in this area, he gets permission from the owner as hes got firearms and men

audie likes da blonde and thery know each other

then drago grabs her at gun to her head and gets out as a hostage as they block the door with a wagon

audie gors after em and cop pilot is there and its a montage from acxross the wastelands

man we'rer half an hour in with adds, that felt like nothing

so they coime to a place full of bodiues and hear whistling and find thhe salloon guy playign solitare

he claims he was attacked by apache and was gonna look for drago but audie thinks hes doing drago to gaiun power of da town

also the blonde was gonna marry hnim and audfie dont buy it but wantys to help audie find drago

audie dont care for him and theres indians there ansd salloon sez he iced 4 scouts

they discuss what to do and dont stand a chance againsta ll those indians so this mexico gets a big a55 knife

the indians afttack and the Americans counter fire as the infiands dive out of the horses like its a pool

evantually the indians escape and tthe Ammericans move out after the drago even though some guys are banged up and wanna gi back

dragoi is going to indian countryt and a few guys queer out and run home but they were voolunteers and auduie is paid to do it

also co pilot is f'd in the leg and will still go-ill on-ill

salloon owner wants his blonde back and audie claims its only 4 money

they go and find draghos camp but its empty and they find a scarf of the bloinde

then blonde is on a horsew being chased on horsebacvk by indians and is wearing a different outfit than she was caught in, like gilligans islland ewith ginger

audie saves her and its revealed she was sent off to draw away the indians, as he didn't care if she was b0ned dead

audiee talks with her and she misses how he was nicer 8 years agho and left onn a cattle drive but didnt eturn

he sez thingsa went wrong and he looked for her but found she was a salloon singer and didnt like it

is she a h--ker?

so blonde and salloon guy are gonna go back but theres indiuans around so they go with audie and friends

If she were a bada55 like lillian gish, she could use her firearm to kick some candy a55

man we're an hour in, that felt like nothing

tthey come to this huge a55 rock thing and audie dont truist salloon ghuy and threy go up after drago

in da bur ning heartm, just a bout 2 burst

so chick is having issue as shes not as strong or fast as them and salloon owner has a moment with her

they stop then go on and copilot stsalls for a bit and freakin lifts of and throws a rock down like hes the hulk

audie dodges it but it busts anbother guy and audie knowes hes did it on purpose but coppilot denies it

they leave him there as theres nothing they can do, although people were tougher in the18000s like rasputin and he might be alive

the drahgo sends a stampede of horses WYLDE STALLLIONS after em and coipilt holds audie at gunmpoint

he sez he was jealous of audie being chosen over him and how he told xcrago of da train

audie kicks the gun outta hiusd hand as, like rob roy, he just stood there doing nothing

then the WYLDE STALLIONS come in and end him and afgyterits over, hes only got  a few marks instead of being mushed into meat

1 guy sez copilot saved his dad in da war and was his friend but was shredded by gunfire saving da war and  recoved for a year in the hospoitsal wehich f'd him up

audie doont tell the teen that copiolt was crooked

so they have no horses abd are only a few lkeft and walking the desert

they say a prayer and the Angelsd come down and smite the bad guys and the circimsized peoples skin grows baCk

jk really theyc come to a town of i mean camp by a water source and no ones there

the invid got em!

blonde sez its not dragos amp as she traveled with him but it seems suspect

thgey jack the things and ready a note to tell em whee to get paid but tthe ownerts come in and say their horses they caught got stampeded

1 guy; =u stampeded e to pleas=re ur self!

me; thats all kinds of fathish, and maybe brony

the hordsemen want 10 000 $ for the hordses that ran off and they arrest tthem

the horsemen who aare rednecks read the badge satying coloradso and 1 wants the chick to wear a dress

audie fights the tall redneck and audie kicks his a55

the salloon guy sez they can get 20 000 $ from theguys theyre chasing so head red neck dont cap audie

this is like shining force or lunar how they lose anbd get new party members

90 mins in, its got good pacing and holds interest

audie sez the mioney isnt his and sallooner sez the trednecks woulsdnt want his diamond buttons as its only shiny rocks to em

so its night but sytiull clear and bright and audie has HOT COFFEE with blkonde and she sez she spent 2 years wondering whjat she did wrong when he didnt return

he sez he was ashamed as he  jacked a bank and was on da run

this is where lawbreaking goes; harming the lives of the breakers and their loved ones

he turned himself in and the judge was mercufuil to him

sallooner wonders what blonde is saying with audie and rednecks play card ames

audie wenses sometjhing and suspects the rednecks

at night the camp is attacked by dragos men but audie and friends are upo in da rocks and j kfd em like harambe

good night filming, t looks cool

the teen got capped and we getta death scene as drago got away

teen sz he thought audie was too hard but he must be hard to beat em, and then, e dierd

hes gone into a coma! don't worry! he's gonna nbe ok!

the nextr day the 2 surviving rednecjks go off to berry the head guy and is ok witnaudie beating him up

blkonde reveals her bro is working for drago and is only acting out and this is da 1st and she wants to save him

audie wants to end the drago but salloon beats him out and goos oof with blonde to save her bro

in thjss wasteland ricky area in day the sallooner and blonde see a guard and someones comming

itsaa audie and the guard is goinnaharambe him but despite blonde wanting to help, sallooner dont and the guy fires on him

it misses and auvdsie goes on attack mode and blonde calls out to not do it

suddenly, my power went out for a sec and the tv had to rebvoot

when it came back the bro is firing on audie whos hiding and sneakjing around and audie sez to go to her and he wont end him

sallooner is gonna be snipered but audier warns hkm asnd hecounters him out

draghois on the run and audie goes after him in the rocks

drago pulls off his fake leg and fires a golden beam of ki and slices through audie's arm, but he counters and cjhops drGO IN HALF WITH A CHOP

WAIT THATS HOKUTO NO KEN 2

and f off caps ,ock, go get butt hammered dead by rednecks in the woods

so audie caps drago in the gun wjhich somehow ends him insdtantly instead of the hours to days it takes

sallooneris gonna ice audiefor the money and chick tries yto stop him but he throws her off

audies ewuyes are f;d and sloonerthrows a rock to mahim look off

they draw and fall and fire as they dive and auidie caPS HIM AS HES DBNGT GOKU SS4 

he returns to the chick and they walk across the wasteland thats not nucular and head home which will probably be an advenbture of its own

the end

oh and the guy/chick walking off is like tat chaplain movie modern times

that was cool

good flow and feel

doesnt drag

nice acting action and music

good twists and stoiry

audie is cool and bada55 and brave like a man should be

not one of those beta male soy boy candy a55 whale kissing dukakis hugging moon maidens

its a nivce movie and has good feels and i like the color and sopft warm musiuc

for gunpoint 02 i want them to find a village in the desert witn a huge castle made of quartz that has a kid lost in, audie goes in to save her and fights various cyrptids and monsters with his gun that never seems to run outta ammo. also its a 128 bit 3d action game like Castlevania legacy of Darkness on Sega Dreamcast, GameCube, XboX aND PS2 WHERE YOU FIHT THROUGH THE MONSTERS AND UNLOCK DIFFERENT AREAS and f off caps lock, to to the camps and gulags!

The Rift Review

notwe; i sp[elkk like i trip the rift

The Rift

This is my review on The Rift from the distant future year, to robert e lee, of 1990(20 years before japoanese transformers season 03)

it stars r lee ermy fromthe bad texas chainsaw massacre and its better prequyen, Jack Scalia from Touched by an Angel/Red Eye=, Ray Wise from robocop/Jeepers Creepers 2/Superman: Doomsday/X-Men: First Class/RoboCop: Prime Directives/Drop Dead Diva/Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, Ely Pouget from Father Dowling Mysteries, Frank Bran from A Fistful of Dollars//For a Few Dollars More/The Good, the Bad and the Ugly, Edmund Purdom from Julius Caesar /The Diary of Anne Frank, Garrick Hagon froim Charlie and the Chocolate Factory/Balto/the 80s Batman / the 1st Mission Impossible movie with tom cruise, James Aubrey from lord of the flies, and some other dudes noty on wiekiepsa

its directed by Juan Piquer Simon who did nothing i seen

i never daw this but its gibinmg on comet

so after the mgm logo, therse gov guys meet this guy with 80s hair in a hotel or w/e in bed and bring him to a base

in there he reveals his wife is in the navy and the gov used his desihgn for something

he's told a sub he designed went under and was modded to be nucular

he is gonna go but his homie was called in to finish it close to his designs and they need himn to go down and save it

later its norway and we see thje chick and the black ghuy who i'm pretty sure aint making it to ther credits

the other guys ainttold much of their mission and main guynhas to share a room with a guy whos sick

a young r lee ermy comes on and sez cr-p but the tv signal f;'d out as we use antenna

hes kind of a harda55 and tells off the one black guy for not wearing regulation miliotary trousers and tells em its under military command

later at night an unseen guy alters the code of the ship[ and uses a code

in a lab, main guy and another chick talk abouttheir relationship and how she dont like him and i think shes his wife who dumped him

so later they are havbing some kinda issues and ermy sez troo go onward

they nearly ram into an iceberg and the sonar said it weas safe and main guy sez they f'd the sonar to putn in nucular things

he goes over thre changes and tells lee stuff but lee sees him in his chambers and tells him off for  being brash

main guy sez the milityar f'd his design and lee doont care and the conversation is eing broadcast in das shiup unknown to lee

they go on and find somethin about radi atiuon and they get a signal decoded as the black box of the 1st ship

they go deeper and i gotta say, i like how they use a model of the subn in actual on camera film instead of cr-ppy cg

both loook fake but this is ceeler i mean cooler

as theres no light theres no life or something but theres seaweed there and they send a diver under to getta sample and photos odf the ship

despirte being deep underwater, its clkearly light and hes having issue getting through the weeds but gets a sampole

while there he finds a rotted corpse and spazzes out but is ok and takes a photo of the ship

then something tyhaTS HARD TO SEE bv0nes him deaD and the frenchie starts going nuts as he was his best friend

althoguh fans might think they were butt buddies like Ed Elric and Roy Mustang or Yugi and Joey or Hubck Finn and Jim

so they checkm the stuff and gf checks this thing on a fish sample

this usnknoewn forece heads for the ship and busts it and the balack guy is taken out and irt brings the ship down

main guy sez to reverse the ppolarity of the field like in transformers the movie and itshocks the thing whoi lets it go

they keep falling as the ship f's out and it sinks but lands on a rock place

black guy is back and gives main guy his lucky thing and lee sees main guy in his chambers

btw this is in proper fullscreen has good 90s color with a made for tv movie feel

lee sez main guy should advice b4 acting and following protocall butn sez he did well and praises him

gf sez the sweaweed is super toxic and if it grew on the surface it would be super bad 

the signal cut out for a bit but later the seaweed sample is growing and thew black guy wants to leave but the gf sez to get the black boxc and go

wait, its not gf its the chick

so theyre going through a caver and theres bursts of hot water coming from the floor

they rise and find a natrually pressurized cave with air and the black box signal is in there

they find its an sos there they thought was the black box and lee wants to find it as its better info than the black box

they go out with guns as unlike 2001 a spoace odyssey, they aren't f--king stoopid and take a raft from the shuip to the inner shore

they can only go 90 feet at a time as thats as far ahead they can see and find toxic chemicals containers

in this cave is a rubber monster head in the wallhole and when 1 guy looks in, it comes out and bites his face

threy notice all these ruybber monsters and are directed what path to take by the ship radio

they fire on the monsters and thery blow aparrt and its bada55 with actual matter on film instead of cr-ppy a55 cgi

the bit guy is spazzing out and the chick or gf ends him with gunfire

also she droped the tracker or w/e she uses

so these monsters attaCK AND 1 guy gets it but the chick or w/e wastyes the monster

on da sjhip the oxygen generatoir lost power

better than the oxygen destroyer

soo the guys in da cave finfd theres no survivors

in the lab the seaweenb devolved intio tyentacles and eats 2 guys and it burns to touch

wait 1 survived and called lee and gf and they find the guy it ate mummified in seaweed

gf sez to seal the open water sources as its in the aquyaduct systemns

isnt this Lily C A T where the aliewn thing gets in?

so this foreigneer guy has been drinking tap water and is locked in a room in canse he cdevolves

so in the cave theese tentacle monsters take a few guys on da boat and surprisingly, the 1 black guy makes it back with main guy

maIN GUY, named hayes like in Robotech, brings a disk and finmds they sealed off 3 areas as the plantsdd infected em and a few guys gotn it

so gf sez they used gene slamming to advance evolution like streerk sharks and its by da gov and they knew (spoiler; proven by creation science!)

black guy wants to release the info and let someone else deal with it, but this was b4 brad manning so he don't know they'd lock him up and remove his parts

so the guys go back in and a girl, maybe chivck, maybe gf, isd chick still alive? is attacked by mopnsters and uses a flare on chemicals that blows it

she finds a hiuge cave with cages and these tentacles grab and pull her

wtf this is only 79 mins?! but om comet its a 2 hour thing! They got 40 mins of adds?!

oh and its also called in some places: Endless Descent

in the cave, the rest of da team finds amneotic accks aand pops 1 and a mutant baby come out like splatterhouse 01

they find this monther brain plant thing and fire on it as it attacks

it like the biolizasrd from sonic

so they blow the area and this guy at a terminal sez missuon accomplisged and gets out in anb rescape ipofd as he weas a gov agent like rouge the bat

the team runs as the cave gradually comes aspart and agent cant leave as the exit seal is f;'d andher goes out and the retuirning crew seesa him

tthe tteam opewns the seal by hand to stop him from going under andbgets in

so its gf main guy and lee weho survived sand theyy search for agent

he gets em at gunpoint and sez hje packed the pod with enbough foodf and bottled water 4 several dayus

agent sez the gov f'd his desighns on purpose to get him in and blam him for it so he wont tell

also they blew the 1sty subn to seal the area ANd theresx no black box, only a fake sigmal

agent sends em in a room and main guy reveals he tookl a key microchip the ship cant run w/o as its a p o s and angent comes to ghet it

as hje opens da door, lee slughs him out and he fightsd main guyy b4 lee rushes him into the room with the weater drinker and beats on him

lee touches aghenmts fACE TO the corpse and he devolves and the chop is broke, but the chipn thing was a lier and he needs to reconnect the power

lee getsa on the self detonate system and as theryy go, lee locksd em in and reveaslsa he got the aids from touching somethingh

he chooses to stay behind to saCRIFICE HIMSELDF instwead of sawing off the arm anf the white maybe virgin couple gets out in ther pop which cleasrluyy tok morte than the 90 seconds they said

eventually trhe sub blows and the cpuiple holds hsandfs as they goo ood like in day the worldf ended

the end

that was kinda good

soreA LIKE THE THING BELOW AKA SEA GHOST AND HAS f u caps lock got get f'd like a pug and die

its got good effects and style and acting, the msuci is nice and the characters are cool

its got good stuff like r lee ermy being a good honorable guy inside and despite being a harda55 he's got dignity

nice  monsters and style and i likes how its not just cr-ppy cgi

for The Rift 2 I want them to go on to the surface and find an uncharter island and find a race of snail people wjo have a society of homes like the ships in buckaroo banzai, also they gotta find a way to work woith them to get back are reveal the gov thing, its also a 128 bit game on ssega dreamcast, gamecube xbox and ps2 like harvest moon where you live in the snail people village and grow weird crops and do tasks.

The Eyes Of The Mummy Review

Note: I spell like 30000 year euyes, i mean 3000 as creationscience disproved that 1st number

The Eyes Of The Mummy

This is my review on The Eyes Of The Mummy from the distant Future year, to Paul Revere, of 1918 (80 years before the Globalk Civil War in Robotech)

its directed by, Ernst Lubitsch?! Okk now I'm interested! who did The Loves of Pharaoh/The Student Prince in Old Heidelberg(I cried at that)

It styarsa Pola Negri ffrom, actusally I never saw her in anytyhing, Emil Jannings from The Loves of Pharaoh/Waxworks/Faust, Harry Liedtke who was killerd by soviets when in 45 they tried raeping his wife, from The Loves of Pharaoh, and a few i never saw in anything

it got good reviews and did well in the time of release but i never saw this b4

so after tile and credits, a painter goes to egtpt and we seeb this guy in a hat walking around as wastelandhe meets this exotic chickl getting water from aa well wjo runs off and he follows

if shes clearly afraid of you, probably for being a gaijin, why chase her?!

so she gets away and the nexty dayat a hotel this prinxceiss there

this guy suggests seewing the tomb of the queen ma but is told its cirsed and a devolved guy on a chair waas a victim

paiunter asks devolved guy whart happened and is told the eyues are alive as he spazzes out

at da market he sees a guy who goes on tomb expeditions and wants to see it but isnt accepted

in tthe market is a performer doing scarf tricks amdf a guy doing as shell game

painter offers money to a guy to see the tomb and goes on a big black horse wiith him

at da tromb is a black guy who might be make up and has the water chick from b4 in the tommb

when painter gets thewre, black guy eventually brings him in with as torch(Not the Throw bot)

in there are drawing on da wall and a stone thing with living euyes moving

painter tries to go in but black guy fights him and painter pulls a gun and fires but it clearely mnisses

in there he sees the watch exotic chickamdits clearly daylight in deeper in the tomb

he comforts her andsoh theres a fire but the shadows go pover it

sjhe sez years ago, wait, how do they know the same language? is trhis like robotech or dbz how all alien races know the same tongue?

so the bvlack guy caUGHT HER AND BROught her over the water on a horse and when shge woke up, she was in here ansdi guess his indentured servant

oh and when painter got off his horse, it walked off and i guess is done

so he sez she dont gotta love him but does have to obey him, and iu guess he b0ned her a lot

painter vows to free her and she promises to never leave him and they hug then start to leave

da horse is there and they ride it together but black guy is clutching his chest like he was hit there, but coes out of the tomb and goes after em but collapses in the desert

the  prince on his outing com,ers sacross him and brings him with em  with a few servants carrying him

da nnext day da prince has saved him and he wants to come to europe to serve him, whuich as the 2020s has shows, might not be best

after prince goes, he  vowws to find the chick

so the chick, called ma,, are on an ocean liner and he teavches her European protoculture ith a tutor as she eats sugar cubes ands is the gaijin now

she likes this cat and chases it during the lesson and the tutor puts it aside

painter comes by and she happily hugs him and soon after he gets her 1st world clothes

but the prince is returning from asia and black guy asked his god to show the chicjk he thinks betrayed him

at a party painter shows the chick to his friend but 1st is platyful and romantic wioth her

they play a waltz and she dont join as she dont know or w/er ans goes back to her room and crys

she puts back on her gaijin clothes and wjhen the people notice she's not there, find her and and happy to see her

they bring her back and platy "some5thing oriental" for her and she does a weird exotic dance like something Tommy Wiseau might find hot

a viriety showguy is interested and wants her to dance in it and has a contract in his pants

2 months later shes a success and is in da papers and prince is reading of it

black guy comes goes and prince wants to see it and reserves a box for it

at the shhow is 2 people lifting each other around and preoince and black guy come to a  private box

chicjk comes on and does her weird a55 dance, but not a dance of a weird a55

black guy seews her and she falls over and is taken to her room

black guuy gopoes lokingf for her and painter comnforts er and she sez black guy lives rti revenge on her

good fear in polas face she could act

she leaves and black guy is after her and hesars she left by car

later an art wexhiit opens and prionce is a guest and sees a painting he likes

he meets da painter and chick is there and he kisses her hand

suddenl;y, he starts spasming opout and falls to the floor copnvulsing as his skin starts changing until he has caught her gaijin itis and is now turneed into one of them

of cource, i'm joking, which anyone with a working brain could see

but nowadays, common sense is so rare its a super power

so prince invites em over to see his colorectal collection and next day they come

chick likes thisd vase that reminds her of her home country and pronce smokes as its the 1910s and germany didnt prove its bad for you for another 2-3 decades

they have a tal;k and she sees black guy in da mirror and he hides

she gets a  bit spaced out and blacks oit and is put in bedbut keeps seeimng black guy behind semi clear cloth wait, hes see through and shes spazzing out

what da f is going on here?!

is tdat in her head or is he using some black magic?

so blavk guy gets a card with writiong on it iu cant read andi guess its  her addness and goes to see her

he gives a letter and leaves and its given to main guy painter but i cant read it from bad video quality and bad handwriting

he shows chick who sez to ask the prionce tyop cancel the buying off da paintring as herlife may depend on it

painter goos oof and black guy is in princes area and looks at the painting of chick  and shanks it with a knife

at least he didn't staret j=rkin off to it

he reads the name of da painter and good oof and as painter comes by, he goes

painter sez his wifes wellbeing depends on the princes choice and black guy hops the gate at painters home

prince find the shanked painting and recognizes the dagger as his servants

at paintyers place, black guiy is climbing the walls and going to the winbdow like count orlock and chhick freaks out  and calls on da phonerr

black guy punches in da glass and comes in and chick freakks out buyt then stands there as helumbers closer

shebegs for mercy but e takes out another blade and she blacks out and falls

he gets spazzed out by this and carries her popff like in the cabimnet of dr caligari, then puts her dowb and maakes out with her corpse

at least he didnt go full evangelion on it

eeventrually he gets his blade and slowly walks to da camera, then raises his blade

the scene cuts and painter and i think prince come back and see them on the floor

1 guy sez "too late" and the movie ends

I think the black guy did seppuku and according to wikipedia, she bit it freom da fall

the end

that was kinda f'd

tthen again, Lubitsch don'treally do happy endings

this was well made, tells a good story, has heart, good active and style

its a bit sad but thats how europe likes it

Year there's no mummy but angels and demons had neither in it, except this one wwas good!

its one of those kinda bummer but meaningful movies that makes you think about life

Lubitsch does it again

plusd it inspired other films like nosferatu and the cabinet of dr caligari

Its kinda like Robotech Season 2 with Dana and Zor where 1 bites it

Is only like an hour long and worth a look

For The Eyes Of The Mummy 2 I want prince and painter to take the bodies to a hospital where their condition is upgraded from dewad to alive and they are kept in seperate rooms to avoid the guy from going nuts. they have damage from the near dead things and need rehab to regain use of things and much of the  ovie is them learning how to function. also they get metal parts added to hellp them function better and it gives them better abilities. after rewcovering, he finds she  survived and  goes after her  but she's ready and has gadgets in her body that can help her esacape. its also a 32 bit metroidvania game on Sega Saturn, ps1 and N64 and 3D0 where you play as the chick and use gadgets to get aroundf this german expressionist city and gotta evade or stun the bad guy and unlock new abilities as you  discopver the need for them in cutscnees by getting to the right area, until you face him in this factory and gotta knock him into machinery to grind him up.

Alone In The Dark Review

 note; i spell faaerk i mean dark

alone in the dark

this is my reciew on Alone In Rhe Dark from the distant future year to lillian gish of 2005, the year of transformers the movie and some robotech comics

its based on a video game i never played and is said to be one of the worst movies ever

Its directed by Uwe Boll who did House of the Dead/Postal which I liked

it stars Christian Slater from The Wizard/Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves/Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country/FernGully: The Last Rainforest/Interview with the Vampire/austin powers 01/Hard Rain/Zoolander/Windtalkers/Moses in the 00s animated The Ten Commandments that I never  saw, Tara Reid from A Return to Salem's Lot/Urban Legend and ther Sharknado films, Stephen Dorff from Blde 01/FeardotCom/Immortals/Married... with Children/Blossom/Father Dowling Mysteries, Frank C. Turner from Warcraft/20`12/hot rod/Scary Movie 3/MVP: Most Valuable Primate/Ernest Rides Again/Unforgiven/The Grey Fox/The New Addams Family/Honey, I Shrunk the Kids: The TV Show/The Adventures of Shirley Holmes, Matthew Walker from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventures, Mike Dopud from Maximum Overdrive/Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever/X2/Spider-Man 3/Postal/Rise of the Planet of the Apes/Tasmanian Devils/X-Men: Days of Future Past/the 2014 Godzilla, Françoise Yip from Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem//The Unauthorized Saved by the Bell Story/RoboCop: Prime Directives, Mark Acheson from Weird-Oh's/ tthe 00s He Man/ The 00s fantastic 4/My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic/Transformers armaxa, enertgon and cybertron/Black Lagoon, Darren Shahlavi from watchmen/3300//PostaL, Brendan Fletcher FROM aIR bUD 0001/Freddy vs. Jason/Ginger Snaps Back: The Beginning/Goosebumps/The Adventures of Shirley Holmes(HE WAS stink?>!)/The Crow: Stairway to Heaven/Caitlin's Way/Flashpoint, and a few i never saw in anything

people hated this but i like cr-p so maybve its for me?

so without any warmning, we get scrolling text and narration of a lost american civilization found by mine woprkers in 67

they saw there were 2 worlds, a light and dark, like zelda or yugioh GX, and 10 000 years aGO, OPENED A GATE between em but something came through and the trtibe vanished leaving a few artifacts that talk of dark monsters in attack mode that want the gaste opened again

da gov sttarted a thing to look into this as i gguess lbj didnt have enough evil to do after hiring the grassy gnoll guy and the director or archelogy lionel hutz i mean hudgens started collecting artifacts and was later shut down

me made a lab in an ex gold mine, like the fallen angels claiming to be gods wanted humans to mine for giold in real life, and tried fiusing kids with the monsters and the survuivirs are now wantoimng to nbe awakened and are lost souls

then we see a guy lightly jogging in the woods as flashlight guys look for him

then 22 years ago, lionel gets e nun to give him kids to save the human race and to tell the cops the kids vanished

but a black guy sez 1 kid is missing and this bworn haired bworn eyed White kid is hiding in a power thing

da cops come and nun sez the kids vanished then we se the kid seeing cgi monsters in his eye

tyhen slater wakes up and a kid on da plane hes on sez theres nothing to be afraid of in da dark and slater sez there is

on a boat in da sea is dr and geting soime item from it like zelda phantom hourglass and saez someones coming in

then slater sez narrating that there a supernatural world we train outselves not to see and we all have a natural fear of da dark that protects us

and if you cant see something, it can still ice u

at 10 he lost his memory at the orphanatrium and is here to protect people from things

he takes a cab with stink from shirly homes and sez hes a paranormal investigator and theres cabs following em

so he has stink drive bad to losde em in soviet canada but they bump his cab

stink used swear words! nooooo!

the chaser slams his car into the side of stinks car and slater gets out and chaser climbs a fencer like spider man

then comes down and hammers slaTER WHO KICKS HIM THROUGH A GLASS WINDOW

THEY FIGHT IN A BUILDINGNAND CHAser beats his head on da floor and takes an item slater had but slater gets it back and runs while taking a cops gun

slater caps the guy in the tors=o which fdoes nothing and no one notices, but does it again and now pewople freak out

after a 3rd shot, they fight in an ice place and slater hits do little so chaser strangles him badly, but slater shanks his chest with a metal thing

at a museum tatra gets an artifact from the civilization thats for the dr and in da sea, drn gets this thing hes been looking for for years

in some city, slater nnotices something and goes in a building where he gets an answeering maching saying a guy had nightmares again

he looks at the thing he got and in sea at niht, they have the thing up

its made of gold and dr sez the natice guys were da 1st to use gold and it contained evil spirut

slater examinines his thing and it extends like a tleescope and he chesks the computer and on da boat, the captain beats out dr and opens da box  as he wants it

slaters head spazzes and this balck guy wakes up and other people activate into some trance and walk out

captain gets an axe and comes out to find the crew chopped up and da box open

he opens a secret part and gets an item in it and i'm not sure how hes getytoujgn back unless he knows how to man a boat, whish he might not as he had captain and crew to do that

at the unit theres reading of something and at the muesum the dr calls tara and tells her not to f with the stuff

slater has flashbacks lightning quiuck and da next dayy wakes up and the wife of a guy sez her man is gone

slater narrates that to surcive in the dark world, the people fused with mnsters but lost their humanity but got power, like the chaser, and he fears it happened to the guys who spazzed out

he meets the wife and sez hes gonna find her man and calls some guy about his childhood friend vanishing

then goes to the orphanaruim and the nun looks the same as she did 20 years ago

he sez somethigns up with him and the guy and then is at his lair looking up missing guys online

then narrates he was in the unit at 20 and learned a lot but left as he knew they wouldnt help him

also its unit 713 like the alleged camp 731 of japan

he meets a guywho gives him data on the guys who vanished and theyy were from the same orphanarium

the guuy he got indfo fromis from the 713 and he goes to see tara who slugs him for thinking he was dead afetr a hug

imagine if a guy did that to a girl for p-ssing him off?

he sjhows her this item he found in chile from 6 months of work and she sez its from 10 000 years ago like atlantis in yugioh or the dark signers in yugioh 5Ds

also creation science has proved the earth is 6000

a guard ssees something and ghoes in this area of ancient idols that are probably cursed

the lights arew out and tara and clater look around nd eventually this cgi monster uses its soiked tentacle on the graids head and b0nesv  outr his mouth

later slater and tara find  him and hear it and run as it busts the exibits

they hide in a room anbd a wood door keeps it out as it attacks so sslater caps it and it goes

then army guys bust in da ceiling windowsand come in and when the thing jumps out, they fire on it

also its sometimes inbcvisible

so dorf i think comes in and his laptop scans the area and its clear andslater wants to know whats up

dorf sez its classifiedand has slater removed but slater took a passkeyy card and meeets up with tara fior like 15 secondds and goes off

slater sees in the autopsy thing on the guy he iced and autopsy guy sez he was an agent and has something fused to his soine

its like a centipede and f';d  his nervous system and aa  scanner detects something on slater

dr comes back somehoww andtalks with tara about this image she has from slater and this chick cop interrupts

he goes offf and sez they found jack sh-t on the trip

coproner sez slater has a parasite in him but his electro shock he had as a kid killed it

then dr gets a blood samnple from this thing in a cageand injects himself wiithnit

this is going resident evil

coroner sez 713 treacted these things and theyy are weak to platnium gold and other things as it f's its abbility to f electricity

1 scanner is given to slater and certail light like the sun is fatal in large doses

also is a spercialk bullet of resin or w/e slater wants more of that cuts through em like cr--p through a goose

the chaser and  monster at the muesm were after the item at da museum andwhoever controls em might send more

coroner looks up the chaser and is called in to da commander and tara goes to see chaliterin his lair but as hes sleepinggoes through his cr-p

dortf is commandr andgriills coroner for seeing slater and will fire hij if he holds ouut infgo on slater

then tara b0nes slater for no reason to music like in da room except he dont go in her belly button

at coroners home his woman goes somnewjhere and he finds her iced, then dr sstrangles him and a centipede thing goes in his mouth and possesss him

the stomach dont lead to the spine!

and if it ate throuigh the organs, he'd die!

this is NOT anatomy!

mifght as well have it go in his a55

so tara finds a pattern on some map and the lights spazz out AND THE BLACK GUY WHO VANISHED ATTACKS SLATER

MORE GUYS COME AND f off caps lock! suck an aids b0ner! so tara caps a few and takles em out easy despirte slater having toruble wiith that chaser

they run and the chi monster attacka nd i gott asay, looks kinda cool

slater shreds it with a machine gun and it poofs into dust like zelda the phantom hourglass and  his black friend is dead now too

then a rock video of army guys firing at the monsters in the dark and it taking em out

so after hge monster are beat, dorf and his crew find slater and tara and wants to arrsts slater

theres  anoise and in the chaos, slater gets aweayubut snmipers a posessed chick who is gonna ice dorf

after ending more controlled peopleand cool gore, the scanners say its clear

wait, whgy didnt the scanner detect the possessed coming at them b4?

so dorf needs their helpto find coroner and dr and tyhere a copper ride where its said dr was in charge of an ivestifation or something, i dont know, its hard to hear

at this place is a generator being brought on and btw this is pretty widescreen and it does have color but not as bright as the 90s or as filthy as the 10s

i think theyy are in a lab or something or where dr did his cr-p

so the power still isnt on and dorf and guuys go in this tunnel thats actual matter on fiom instead of green screen cr=p

they find a dead end and look into it but then the generator gets the lights on

in this dead end is some kinda ring like a stargate in that movie i never saw and suddenly da floor gioves out and a guy falls in a hole in da earths a55

then dr sends all thse cgi monsters out to attack the humans and its kind of a cool shot and coronoer pulls a grenade on generator guy and g=blows them both to h e double soviet california

so eventually the monster sget to da base and the soldiers open fire and this is a lot like shadow the hedgehog on gamecube

so slater and dorf are going down the hole on a latter i mean ladder and at da botom i think the ladder hole closes

theres writing on the wall in stone in some symbols that tara can read saying if ur here alive, ur already dead

Nani?! ohhh! Hidebuuuuu!

so tiopdside the monsters are taking out the huamsn and choppers and in da hole this crippled by the faal chick is bit by a snake thing

they shoot the sand and, wait, how is this so well lit?!

so asian crippled chick bites it and topside the humans have pulled back and 2 soldiers are wandering aroudn w/o monsters

so i guess the monsters are done, wait, 1 soldier is firing on 1 and the guys in da hole are using a charge to blow the wall

they go in the wall and its a misty place with i thiunk plants hanging from the ceiling

1 topside soldier sees this chick who's head was f'd open and is apazzing out

its pretty brutal and most kovies are too candya55 to show that, exp with real matter instead of a cg head

so da team in da hole finds a lab with beds and slkaters name on 1

he realizes 713 implanted em with it and slater reads the unit was trying to stiop somehting they created

they find behind a moving wall thing and a glass thing, a wall that has a nucular symbol groove they can put the item slater has

he dont use it, but dr is somehow in there with a gun and takes out a guy with aheadshot like j fk or harambe

dr sez slater was why the gov shut him down and he spend 20 years looking for the itema nd wants it

tara givces it and he dont ice them for some reason an dopens da door but slater trhows a knife in him like grant in castlevania 3

like f--king idiots they go in the door and its a dark open cave like something outta lovecRAFT and all thses chi things are crawlign around

slater does i mewan dorf domes somethingand slater closes the wall door and they leave and go thotugh the tunnels which is odd as they were trying to escape mins ago

dorf cant blow the charge he placed as the signal; is too fr and goes back to do it ads slater and tara escape uip a laddert that was somehow there

dorf putsd the timer on 5 seconds like rouge needing 5 mins to get the emeraldds amd it blows and the fire goes all the way to where slater and tara jump out of by the orphganarium

totally not like dy mo might by cecil b de mille where the guy has to sacrifice himself to save the hero and the chick by blowing himself apart underground

dont worry, he got oout in time, hes gonna be ok, theres a hospital planet nearby, hes in another dimention

in the building he finds the nin iced and in da city its evacuated, but we dont hear the reason or the "official" reason

man this peaceful thing of the vity is going on for a while

slater sez the gate was closed again and the ancients were wiped out for bringing dasrkness into the light and its happenign again

then we get a 1st pwerson viewe of something zooming toward slater and tara and credits to 00s music thats acxtually kinda good

its like a 90s anime or something

maybe cascada

max wanko? that dont sound wholesome!

Kurt Jackson? like curtis 50 cent jacksojn?

the end

thAT WAS a bit cr-ppy

the effects were good but the editing was kinda weird

thewres a loyt ofd space of guys not doing anything and it draGS a bit

but its not awful

good music and monster designs and while its eirher dumping exposituon on us, it noty doing anythging, it doesnt fit often

i dont hate it, and its got some of those 00s charms like the camera work and lighting and the ay people are filmed

its not hd so it looks normal and its got some good horror ideas

theres FAR worse moviers than this that I hated more

like From Justin To Kelly or Titanic

its sorta cr-ppy but not horrible

yeah a lot dont make sensew, but its a movie based on a playstation and gameboy game by the guy who made house of the dead

its not trying to be shakespera or better yet, berserk

getting mad at this for not being some "life changing, moving piece of cenema master piece" is like hating on Schindler's List for not being funny

its not trying to be! its jusat trying to be gory and bada55 and mnysterious abnd creepy

in that it hits the mark it aimed for

the acting wasnt even that bad

maybe if i played the games i'd think different, but this wasn't the abimination the critics claim it to be

oh and I'm not sure I get WHY the dr was doing this

For Alone In The Dark 2 I want slater to have been attacked by the thing, but his hidden powers created by the thing in him biting it, activate and he has a Light Beam from his hands he fires at it to disintegrate it. Then it  cuts to years later where the shadow creatures have taken over and people fight to survive in areas with generators they keep running by buirning the dead nightmare creatuires, Also skllater is now teaching others how to use Ki to Light Attack things as the creature in him jump started his training and sklipped the effort but he knows how to  do it and has Shine Soldiers who battle the darkness, Also its a 64 bit Psp and DS game like Shining Force where you play as a Shine Soldier and lead a unit of other guys witrh various Ki Abilities and Glowing Weapons and fight the monsters and posessed on a grid wiith missions and chapters.

Tekken Review

 Note: I spell iron fisted

Tekken

This is my review on Tewkken from the distant future year of 2009(The year Robotech happened)

Its based on the video game I only did the GBA version of as I never had a platystation

It stars Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa from Big Trouble in Little China/Twins/ the 90s Mortal Kombat movies/John Carp[enters Vampires/Pearl Harbor/the tim burton Planet of the Apes/Memoirs of a Geisha, Tamlyn Tomita from The Karate Kid Part II/The Day After Tomorrow/Law & Order: LA/The Good Doctor,  Candice Hillebrand from the 90s Sinbad, Gary Daniels from The Expendables/the live aCTION Fist of the North Star, Lateef Crowder from Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, Mircea Monroe from House Of The Dead 2/Fifty Shades of Black(Quality programming), John Pyper-Ferguson from Prom Night II/Pin/Unforgiven(Ww, thgis guys actually in GOOD things!/ Pearl Harbor(Maybe not)/She's the Man/X-Men: The Last Stand/The Crow: Stairway to Heaven/Judging Amy/Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles/Flashpoint, Blake Shields from Boy Meets World/Law & Order: LA, Jason Richter from, holy f, Free Willy!!/Laserhawk/Sabrina the Teenage Witch/Rugrats, andd most of the guys in here are kickbockers of mma guys

Its directal by Dwight H. Little who did Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers

I'm not too into Tekken, I prerfer Eternal Champions or Samurai Shodown, but I hear the guy who did Tekkenm hated this

Then agaiun, soviet steven king hated the 80s shining so what does he know?

I'm doing this on amazon prime and it startrs with a  buncha logos andf text

narator sez after some warsm, govs fell and corporations took over and divided the world into zones owned by em

the biggest one, tekkemn has a kung fu tournament where the winners get to live

we then get title and a guy gonna fight, then its 5 days b4 sand guys in a dump evading soldiiers with guns and he dodghes every shot while doing sportacus moves to escape

this is over credits btw and has 00s music

so trhe guys use machine guyns and execute the witnesses but this tteen escapes

to another sector

and gets to aa safe place withsome mad max guy wjho likes the beastlkkes

hi tech hobo sez teen can have all this 1 day but teen dont want itand brings him some tech sphere\

hobo gives him monrey but its not global diollars so he gives him anothermoney thing and teen leaves

we see heihachi whos not dauisuke gouri on a screen saying tekken is comming ansd strength is order like hes raoh in hokuto no ken

teen goes to a bar with a higfh tab but pays with paper money and is barkeeps fave customer like the room

he meeets a p-mp looking guywth 2 chicks and buys something or w/e and teens homiecomes by and wants teen, named jin, to figt in tekken as hes a good figher

but jin dont wanna as he fights for what he has to not a cause

then we get the japanese ceremony of tekken and heihachi talks with his goon to crack dowqn on antio coproperates like itts google or facebook

jin comes back to his mom or sensei or w/e and gives her the orange he bouyght from p-mmp and like soylent green, it cost a lot

she dont want him to go to tekken as its not what she trained him 4 andhe's tired of being a slum bum

he goes out after a fight and i guess shes gonna get it, also i saw the wikipedea artyicle, andshe warns thersv  bad gguys out

jin meets a blonde and they are gonna b-0ne but at hobos place, he was hacking inti tekken or w./e and the cops come in and goood sez they used the thing jin got him

hopbo ytrus a gun but is countered and good ends him with it

alsi jin is b0ning the blonde at the same time as this and the cops bust inn to jins mom/ssensewis place and aask, in japanese, wheres jin?

goon has the area of jins home missiled like ba rocks dr onesas jin coms home and m,om/sensei looks at him and takes out a few of their own guyts

after the smoke clears, jinm goes throughg her cr-p aand finds  phoptoes of him as a kid and remembes his past and training

learn nabnto sui cho ken

shaaaaaaaooooooo

she finds a tekken i d saying she was a fighter and whhen blonde comes by to comfort him, he b--ches out

at  a recruit station, a guy sez no one can win and is cr-ppily slapped so this britmo sezhes give an a55load of money rto anyone wjo lasts 1 round agaiinst this meathead

jin goes to siignb up and we get a mma thing in a cage like how Robn Ford wanted to kck trudeaus candy a55 after watching too much wwf

i'll f him when he's dead!!

so he goes in da cage andits broadcast and the guy beats him down and spits on him, but he comes back and kicks his a55 as heihachi watches

jin takes some hits but falls and is about to be finished as this is mortal kopmbat, but gets a life refill from memories and runs up the wall, then hammers him down

its kinda bada55

jin is the people choice and has beat marshall law and thisbritmo sez all otrher fighters jhave sponsosrs to handle paperword and britmo can handle it 4 him annd jin gets on his bus

hes gonna be mo lested!

i'm ssurprised the brit didnt offeer him candy

so jin recalls his moms words of the greed of corportration, like sony and square and microsoft, and in the city, goon is b0ning 2 giirls at once but we dont see nips

does he have 2 b0ners?

is this viper g t s?

heihachi comes by his secks pit and grabs his throat and tells him off and leaves him to live in his spurm smelling room

jin comes to thecivilized sarea andheihachi looks over data of the fighters of variousnationalitries and backgroundfs like its world heroes

wtf, a samurai? trhey allow swords inb a fist fight?!

SO WE GET THE FIGHTERS WORKING OUT AND showqing off their muscle and toned bods aLL SWEATY  and jin dont like the clothes hes givenb

if  this were real corporations, we'd see all the logos on em

jin meets a chick who he likes her toes but sez its hher skill with footwork in martial arts stances

we're 33 mins in? that felt like nothing!

so the fighters come up for the battle abd most are in small fight outfits that are easy to move in and show off their tight toned muscle bodds

if you had muscles like hulk hogan, you'd be in a speedo all the time too

te chick is christyine but imma kerep saying chck

raven faces eddy gordo in round 1 and itsa a good match with good action and moves

raven wins and goes to the next round so its not player 1 vs everyone

miigguel ffaces jin and briitmo ssz to uuse his egho and speeed against him and wear him out

btw jins hair looks riught for this, its pointed in the back and had the lines in it

jin staarts the fight andgets 1 hit but gets beat down but does more coountersand moveswith floor rolling grappl;es

man look at these flips aNMD SPINS

USUALLU i JUMP KICK or block and counter when they attacxm

jin recalls his moms training after being nailed and after a beat on, snaps miguels bone, then starts beating on him untul after its over

stop stop hes already dead!

jin returns and britmo ssez the better jin does the more money he makes but jin is sore

britmo sezjin was luckyt and goon comes by and asks if jins dads fought in tekken but jin knows not of his dad

jin goes tio traIN AND test his might and has viet nam flashbacks of his mom and busts the wood training thinfgs

suddenly hes got hairy pits and chick sees him, then goesa to some muscle guy and leaves w.o consent

goon looks up jins data and finds his dna matches 10-0% to his mom, which only makkes sense if he;''s her clone as the dad is 50% of his dna

chick is with jin whjo i didnt recognize as his hairs diffeent now and at a club and talk of their backstories

she was outside the Amerivan territories anddances in tight pantsand pakes out with jin while practically b0ning

they sneak back andgo back to the tekken and are gonna b0ne but done and she goes off

then in jins room, some ninjas come in and beat him up in a strobe light but chick returns and they fle

britmo sz they wont let him win from da slums but he reveals his mom was in tekken anmd britmo knew her

the williams chicks were the  ninas and goon bashes em for not ending him and the next day nina williams has to fight chick

nina  is dressed like some kinda bad 90s p0rn0 chick  or wwf girl

they fight andchhick wins and goon i think is kazuya whos heihachis son or something andtalks with a muyscle  guy busting cindeerblocks over musclleo beiung half robot and cyber enhancemenmmts are not allowed so he';d keep it quiet if muexzcle guyt does sh-t 4 him

then jinhas to fight toshimitsu whops a samurai annd birtmo gives him power gloves like zelda links aakening as his hands are stoll f'd

heihachi sezto recuyycle the match as this match is more semi final but goon ppulls a starscream sand has gis gn guys stop hheihachi as goon is in charge of security

are they robots? heihachi is the biggest guy on the planet!shopuldnt he have power over em?

so yoshimitsau swordfightsjin as jin has a naginata andf breasks jins weapon

jin fights on and toshiu ises his sheatrh but then tthey devolve into fists as the ratings climb higher

yoshimitsiu beats on jin andbritmo saez to stop da fight aNd goion sez jin is  his illegetimate son so heihacbi beats out guards and hits a security alarm

jin beats out yoshimitsu and wait, yeagh but hes busted up and secuitityy cracks dowbn on kt as chick and britmo get jin out

they see heihachi being arrested andget arrested and raven halps pop hisas f;'d out shoulder back in

goon sez cuz the ratings spiked when yoshimitsu was killed or nearly killed or w/e, hes changeing the rules in the middle of the game aND ALL MATches arer to the death

jin sez they otta rfuse to fight butwhen the guards come, ravesn beats em out and gets thier guns

dont they have armor? i mean their guard!

jin chick and britmo escape with raves an dits a chase in the building and jin meet sheiohachi

jin wants revenge and they free him to help emas raven is killed for being the black guy

they escape into the slums and the guarda are sent in tocatch em and in a tent the chick treats jins wounds and heihaCHI MISHIMA sez he knew her mom i mean his mom and jin sez tekken destroys lves

heihachi sez its to rebuiold the wortld back and jin sez its just killing people and blamers heihachi foir icing his mom

heihachi sez he dsaved his mom y getting her out after violating the riules or w/e wait, its from from her his son kjazuya raeping her and leaving her for dead and heihachi saved her

now jin is anothe rtheir to the tekken corporation

the hgauird saytack and use bazooka shots and brit mo buists em with a pipe as these epic gaurdsaa are beat by 1 engilshman and a metal rod

britmo is shredded by gunfire telling erm to run and they get caught and tazed

kazuya comes in andconfronts heihchi who sez he cant let kazuya have tekken as he'd f it ip

the guards take heihachi away and whyu dont he use his super mvopes to bust em? hes the game boss!

so hes at gunpoint and the buildign blows as i guessd thats 1 strong gun and kazyya sez heichaischi is dead

kazuya sez on the screen that now all fights are to the end and muscle guy andsome tommy wiseau loki homie face offd with chains and a spear

after a cut on msucle ghuya ndsoime thrashing, they fight fight and muscle guy beats his a55 and choaks him with a chain, then jerks it asnd kills him offscreen

raven isnt dead now and later zakuza tells jin that he would have iced his mom if he knew she was pregnatt and puts a ghun in nins face

to beat kazyua jin has to end the chamy byran fury whos the cyborg i think

kazyka takes chick out and backhands her, but puts her in a chain i mean chair

so raven sez anger dont ignite the soul it incinetates it and that jin has real power and skkill and can be a champ

jins fists are all busted up and blooded and has flashbacks to the gilm we're atching and remembers his dad friends like terry in the fatal futy oav vs geese

jin faces the finals against bryan fury and his blonde bimbo gf in the slums is watching aND JIN IS IN HIS POWER GLOPVES

1 punch and jun flies back and his attacks do jack sh-t and jack is j=k in off

so jin gets his a55 kicked an dhis kick does nothing to bryans face

at least pan sluvbged out general lock b4 he took it srs

bryan wraps an ammo belt on his hand and brutally beats jin and he rememebr shis mom saying every foe has a weakness

then he starts doing well anbd doing air atytacks, then runs up a cliff, and comet meteors doewn and ghbusts him

shouldnt his hand shatter from that?

kazyua goes in to be the game boss and gets axes and wait, do the people know heihachi is dead?

so tbey fight and jin gets a tien scar on his chest and is busted around

jin starts glowing and the wind picks up, then he awakens to his true self and at near light speed, punches his fist wrist deep into kazuya, then disintegrates him from inside out with a blast of ki

jk thats dbgt or w/e

so jins vengenace awakesn and kazuya sez its the mishima curse and beats on his and counters his attacks

as kazuya is gonna end his illegeitmate son like hes a kennedy or monarch, chick tackles a guard, gets his gun, and takes out another, even thought he bullets are clearly bouncing off him

kazuya looks off for a second and jin takes his chance and grabs his axe, thenslices kazuyua with it in the gut

walk it off candya55

kazuya is gonna chop him uyp i mean jin is hgonna do it butspares him and chick is therte now despite beign like hundreds of feet of in the skky seat seconds ago

she sez hes the peoples champion and new tekken ruler and he sez he wants to go homeand walks offw/o her for some reason

he gets on his coat fromthe start of the movie asnd doersnt get his huge a55 chest slice treated but all the guards who wwere hunting him days agoi are now serving him

chick sez the mishimas fell and jin kazama was now the name of hope and freedom and jin returns to the slums and btwe this was widescreen and color but kinda nice color like in the 00s

then credits to msuic and clips fo the movie showing the characters

paula c dckmeyer? like sa p0rnn0?

cgharles wuilspon? like charlie wisons war?

the end

that was prtetty entertaining

good action, nice ideas,decent acting, nice colorsd and fights,

wtf we got a post creditys scene wher eheihachi orders the guy to ovbey and he does, which means maybe he didnt bite it

you vcasnt kkill heihachi, until that one game they actuaslly did

but i liked this

its cool and fun and has a bit of gore

its not full on riki-oh but its cool and bada55 and entertaining

if you weant meaningful plot and life changign characters, why are you watchign a movie of a playstatio fighting game?!

we got gone with the wind and erich von stroheims greed for that

this is good action andf maretial arts

i mean it would have been nice to see heihachi kick a55 but mayeb in part 2

wait, we got a prequel for that

man the reviewers hated this

0% on rotten tomatoes?! didnt they hate on the Wb Godzilla King Odfd The Monsters Movie?

this one was cool and though I never really did the games, I enjhoyed it

Its got a good flow and doesn';t drag

For Tekken 2 I want it to be about Jin trying to give the people more fredom and rights but finds the sliimmer he liverd wioth are a bunch of viuolent malcointents who go wild without any guidance or order and devolve into a lawless mess of cannibalism and necromance, so after seeing his family company go from top to near bottom, he realizes his grandfathers words and cracks down on these animals! also its a 32/64 bit strategy game  on sega saturn, n64, 3D0 and playstatyioon 001 where you move your troops aroundthe areas and fight off the slumaniacs but only get good weapoons and attacks after Jin sees the error of his ways, but you can be heihachi who's back but lets jin learn by experiance and advices him but certain dialogue choices move him to advance faster, also in the end he fights the slomaniacs who fuse into a  mound of flesh and ooze as they gave up their humabnity and devolved