Wednesday, June 14, 2017

The Devil Doll Review

note my spelling insnt bad. its art!
the devil doll
this is my review on the devil doll
ooh mgm
its by tod browning who did all those weird lon chaney films
based on a book burn witch burn
and stars lionel Barrymore
after the opening credits we have a hunt on an island for escapees
1 escapee wants to do good the other is vengeful
in a lab this chick with a crutch works on something but her dogs start going nuts
the escapees get there and 1 is her husband
wtf the husband sez da cops lost their trail weeks ago
its been weeks?!
he sez he figured out what went wrong with their experiments and now can make da perfect brain
oh and veegful guy saved his life
they show em toy sized small dogs that are actually real dogs but shrunk
he sez thousands of years ago creatures were bigger
but things run outta food
so he wants to ahrink everyone to save food
also he reduces electrons in the body to make em 1/6th their size
but it wipes their brains
he uses his mind to make the small dogs come alive and eat
but stops and they go back to being toy like
they take a break and the chick gets mad at her maid/slave for being inbred and ret-rded from a berlin slums
that's racist
the vengeful guy (lionel berryboe) sez he was a successful banker in paris and wants revenge
later the husnand has shrunk the inbred chick and her ret-dedness is cured
I know the frenchies hate the germans for owning em in ww1
but still man
this is kinda f'd up
also, why'd her clothes shrink?
the husnad bites it for some reason and the chick wants to carry on with human experiments
what is this? BAOH?!
LIONEL is gotten to help her by concentrating on the inbred girl
btw, inbreeding in a 40s movie? that's surprising
lionel wants no part of this and to make her human sized
but the chick gets him to go to paris for revenge
in paris the bankers who f';d lionel berrymore get freaked out about him coming back for em
they iced a guard and embezzeled cr-p
they offer a 50 ooo franks reward of his own cash for his capturre
its later booster to 100 000 franks
we get a cool montage too
lionel makes like lancer in season 3 of Robotech and crossdresses to avoid capture
hes a wanted man so they aint looking for a chick
he in disguise sells a hunk horse tto a banker
wait, hes pitching an idea to get funding to make more and stat a business
good old capitalism
it works
he invites him to his shop and the next scene is them in the shop
the banker dont want his name on it
he shows him more stuff and stabs him with a poison needle
he comes out with his being lionel ad sez he wont ice him
later a cop comes by and sez a neighbor is whining about something he left outside
they just cut from him with a poisoned guy to another scene?
sounds like he b0ned him
]he then goes to see is daughter who hates him
she works in a cleaning thing
they talk a bit and get along b4 he leaves
the daughter goes to the eifle tower and whines about being the kid of a crook
as a kid the other kids f'd her up over it
now she blames him for her mom committing seppuku and her life issues
oh and shes got a bf
who not lame the ids who were mean to her?
later the ionel comes y his moms place I think and sez he ants to come out to his daughter
but she wants to talk to her 1st
but then the daughter comes by and they chat
she b--ches about how her dad s-cked and blames him for al her cr-p
what a b--ch
well, she is French
they go mental a lot
a cop comes in asking if she met her son
she denies it
r the 2 remaining bankers chat about wanting to skip town but they cant cuz its Christmas
1 leaves then lionel arrives
he shows a doll to a female and sez its 250 ranks
he checks her necklace and talks to a banker
he buys a doll and he has a daughter he bought it for
at night lionl uses his mind to control the doll in the girls room and crawls up her a55
ok that didn't happen
really she comes out and jacks a necklace to give to lionel
I think
then stabbed the banker with a poison needle
btw really good effects
they look a bit off but still good
the banker isn't dead, just unable to move
the cops want this solved
later he makes shrunk people dance
but the chick knocks 1 over and nearly kills her
he treats her wound but a cop comes in
the necklace is missing and he suspects lionel as he sold the wife a doll yesterday
lionel fakes freeing out and the cop sez he just wans a few questions
the cop looks at a doll as the chick hides the necklace in a toy
the cop plays with da toy but the lionel gets it away
after not answering any questions the cop leaves
the last bad guy talks about ho the last guy is now a reverse vegetable
liolen slips him a list of bible verse numbers
later he decodes it and it sez confess or u gon bite it
he cuts off the lat part that sez confess and burns it
but its something he wrote
why not just rewrite it?
he calls da cops and they show up to protect him
lionel controls a small chick in the xmas tree and it comes down
how is he controlling it?
does he wat it sees?
do u c wat I c?
do u c wat I c?
a cop sez its probably a religious fanatic
I'm pretty sure atheist fanatics re more unbalanced
look at mao and stalin and tokugawa
he doll goes up to him and I onna shank him
this takes a while
time is gonna run out b4 he gets shanked
but he confesses and doesn't get vegtabled
was he gonna vegetable him?
the only guy who can clear him?
just get revenge instead winning?
after hes proven innocent he knows he cant be public as the other 2 guys ends would nail him
he wants to destroy the doll cr-p machine and leave but the chick wans to keep going
yeah that whole; shrink the world into vegetables to save food, idea was so worth it
she mind controls the 1st guy he shanked to try to shank lionel
but he sees it coming and sez he otta ice her
but he don't
she is gonna use chemicals to blow the lab but he gets out and it burns
the cops find nothing and think she blew the place after mailing her confession
and it wasn't ionel after all who vegetable those 2 guys
I'm sure she's gonna come back in the sequel for revenge
he takes a cab with the daughters bf driving and they go to the eifel tower
he tells the bf he cant be with em and she can have his fortune
hes gonna leave but the daughter comes up to meet da bf and sez she regrets being a b--ch about her dad
lionel sez hes a friend of her dad and escaped from jail with him
she sez she don't hate him but lionel sez lionel bit it in the swamp
his last act was writing a letter
how he bite it?
linel tells her to forget him and find happiness
he sez da sun is almost down and when the bf sez its coming up again tomorrow lionel sez "will it? i wonder"
he goes down the tower and sez its the nicest evening of his life
the end
tat was pretty good
other than the French butthurt over the germans owning em in ww1 it was nice
good tension effects and suspence
was this based on a true story?
F caps lock
but I liked it
for the devl doll 2 i'd like for it to be the next day and the sun hasn't risen. the town freaks out and it turns out the lab going up caused a black magic thing to happen and t a barrier between the country and the sun. lionel knows the chick did it  her will has fused with the chemicals and it blowing caused it to f the atmosphere. also its awakened the vengeful spirits of france who fell during the scarlet pimpernel days who hated the rich and they are now daemons who want to ice everyone with cash. so lionel uses his enhanced mind powers from controlling the dolls and powers up with psi armor and fights em to get to the sky where the chick's will resides to ice her and free the French. oh and his enemies have fused wit daemons to become the 3 emperors of her will and he must fight em as bosess. its a 2d platformer with him fighting monsters in weird daemon dark rotted france and is like Castlevania and spider man on sega genesis

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