Sunday, October 8, 2017

Billy The Kid Versus Dracula Review

note; this movie is too much to spell rigjt for
billy the kidf versus Dracula\
this is my review of billy the kid vs Dracula
its got john carridine as big D
it starts with a cr-ppy bat flying and some hicks sleeping outside by their wagons
the bat lands, cut to Dracula walking behind(its obvious they stopped and started filming to get the actor in)
he bites this blonde and leaves
then the rents find her with neck dots
then credits
wtf harry carry jr is in this
I assume this is based on a true story as its set in the past
that's how the history channel sees it
later these geezers are in a coach and being horse drawn with a guy in a red bow tie in it
I think its dracula
1 guy offers him whiskey
the geezers talk about why they're there
no one cares
just waste em drac!
the geezers have an 18 year old blonde bimbo daughter
they show drac the picture which is obviously taken not in the 1800s
near the geezer couples property is a mine or cave or w/e
drac looks at the blondes picture again and gets a b0ner
you can tell by his face
they get to the place and hear theres Indians nearby
drac sees one and uses his funky disco magic to hypnotize her
the next day dracs gone and they think hes a professer
oh and the Indians find the chick drac mindwiped dead so they attack the carriage
later Dracula flys down in bat mode IN BROAD DAYLIGHT and takes the geezer couples picture of their bimbo teen
the carriage people were wasted by Indians offscreen
I think they b0ned em dead
that's why it was offscreen
cant show b0ning in da 60s
then in the 70s fata55 marlon brando did butt p0rn0 in last tango in paris
later the bimbo teen ids in love with I think William h bonny
but she hasn't seen her uncle whos coming
oh and shes gonna marry him but something about her parents
later Dracula flies into town IN BROAD DAYLIGHT as a bat and rents a hotel room
he sez hes the girls uncle
and to call him when the geezer couple comes in
billy (willim h bonnie) comes by and talks to him
b4 he reveals hes gay for the bimbo word gets in that the carriage was attacked
also the people say theres a vampire after em
and billy works for the geezer couple
a guy sez something billy don't like so billy slugs his a55 out
the guy pulls a gun but billys faster and sez next time he'd cap him
do it now
ur gonna do it later anyway
skip da middleman
Dracula comes downstars and a  girl freaks out cuz she thinks hes a vampire
if only it was vampirella
billy sez the townsfolk have vampires on da brain(like twilight teens)
the bimbo comes to meet her rents but billy tells her they got iced
later its night and some Austrians or w/e are going to bed
the dad stands guard outside
drac gets in and makes a face to mind control the girl, then drain her
dad comes in and they find her iced
Dracula goes to meet the bimbo and tries his b0ner face
billy sees and later talks to the bar owner about Dracula
but the Austrian chick was iced and billy talks to her rents
the rents think its the uncle (Dracula)
they wanna stand and fight like the Spartans
drac talks to bimbo and billy comes back
drac accuses blly of being superstitious and thinking dracs a monster
billy tells em a vampire iced the Austrian but bimbo thinks its silly
like andersodom cooper mocking the spiritual on his biased talk show
u s-ck cooper!
and pit bulls need to go extinct!!
once he said in 2014; 100 years ago, the bible was used to justify slavery
yeah, slavery was a big deal in ww1 (50 years after the civil war)
like how 1000 years ago the romans oppressed Jerusalem
or a million years ago we fought the galactic confederacy
later the Austrian chick brings wolfsbane to the bimbo to keep out vampires
that's werewolfs ja dink!!
the BANE of wereWOLFS!!
she warns da bimbo of dracul trying to turn her into an undead
later drac trys to come in and stays out cuz of the wolfsbane
the next day she talks to billy about how silly superstitions is
later a guy beats billys big black blonde butt
at draclas hotel this woman turns the mirror around as it was facing da wall
oh its the Austrian chick
she tries to hang a cross but bimbo comes in and makes her take the wolfsbane
billy gets his bruised body repaired and da nurse gives him booze
oh and earlier they said a wolf ripped up a human
could be a pit bull
and they saw a bat near by
da nurse reads about vampires in a book
and how it turns women into vampires
maybe to b0ne
double necrofililia
why is there a legends book in a drs office?
also they don't cast reflections
drack asks who was in his room and tells Austrian chick to give him privacy
probably j-rkin off a lot in there
then drack and bimbo go to da cave
billy goes to the cave and talks to the bimbo
he gives her info on animal attacks but she denies it
billy asks bimbo to have drac stand in front of a mirror
but drac hears from the cave
why was he in a cave alone?
was he j-rkin off?
billy goes back to town and talks to da sheriff about if drac isn't he real uncle and the real uncle might've been iced and his papers jacked
but the guy who fought billy hears and tells drac
later Austrian chick talks to bimbo about the mirror thing
drac comes in and tells billy hes p-ssed at billy beimg against him
drac tells bimbo billy is billy da kid
she sez that's in da past and they wanna marry
drac sez hes her guardian and sends her to her room
shes 18! shes a grown a55 woman! she can b0ne who or what she wants!
drac kicks billy kane I mean the kid out and sezif he comes back the guy who beat him up ill cap him
also drac sends the Austrians to live in the barn or w/e
at a bar billy drinks clear booze (like clear pepsi"?)
beat up guy tells billy to get outta town and pulls a gun
they gunfight and billy caps his fat a55
had he done it earlier he would've skipped the middleman
billy goes to da nurse and b--ches about Dracula
later drac comes into the bimbos room
oh hes gonna b0ne her!!
he sez tomorrow hes gonna turn her gay I mean undead
and mind controls her to consent
da next day da Austrian chick finds bimbo with neck marks
billy takes her to da nurse
then the sherrif arrests billy to let him stand trial
but it was self defence!
the dead guy started da fight!
u cant call someone an murderer if he won a fight YOU started!
drac comes back and finds billy took the bimbo
drac visits billy in jail and sheriff tells drac where bimbo is
he goes to the dr and is gonna take da bimbo
but nurse uses a mirror and drac freaks out
hes got no reflection
I feel your love! re flec tion! mitsu megae su hitomi ni!
the female dr (I called her as nurse b4) tells sheriff and billy holds sherif at gunpoint to get out
dr tries to give him a vampire killer but billy don't need it
billy goes off on sherrifs horse
drac carries bimbo into da cave IN BROAD DAYLIGHT!
at least when hne was in beast mode it made some sense
like in beast wars how their beast mode protected em from Energon
here Dracula walks around in da sun
even tommy wiseau dont do dat!
btw I know originally vampires wernt killed by sun and it was only started in F W Murnau's nosferatu it started
but this movie isn't good enuff to know that!
billy stops at home and then to da cave
by the time he gets there Dracula is putting her to sleep on a bed in da cave
billy empties his gun into big D but it does jack
drac fight billy in weird grappling
I think he was b0ning him in the real version
then sheriff and dr come in
sheriff caps drac but it does jack
billy throws sherrifs gun at drak and KO's him in da face (yeah that makes sense)
then billy nails a metal rod into big D
big D rots into bones and bimbo is ok
they leave the cave
the end
that was entertaining
good classic matinee cr-p
this is like the plot to a Castlevania game
if Dracula was in japan he can be in 1800s America
btw the guy who directed this also did sparrows with mary pickford
he also did So You Won't Talk, Dandy Dick, Boys Will Be Boys and Get Off My Foot
are these p0rn0es??
holy cr-p he did Bela Lugosi Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla!
that was so bad I loved it
so yeah this film was pretty good
it has that classic charm
for billy the kid versus Dracula 2 i'd like for billy and the bimbo to go to a part of America with mysterious attacks going on. turns out its sasquatch capturing people and b0ning them to made hybrid kids with em to create a new form of life to conquer the human race. and billy has a holy gun that fires holy ki at the sasquatch and never runs outta ammo. its also a run and gun on sega genesis and snes with 1 player as billy and one as the bimbo and they go through forest and ancient sasquatch ruins and towns and indian turf to clea out the sasquatch. also the bimbo has magic powers from her Dracula experience and goes around in a skimpy bikini and billy is big and buff and in a speedo like in golden axe

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