Snake Woman Review

Note; Spelling right is for nerds. i'm more of a 90s guy. homie

Snake woman

this is my review of snake woman (1961)

I never saw this film but its a classic horror that's only 68 mins so this could be fun

after a united artists logo we get narration

in some place at 1890 in November this cr-p happened

btw this is in b/w

yays!

but in widescreen

gay!

then we get credits

wtf these names sound like britz

so this nerd in his lab hears crying and gets snake venom from a snake

to quote that mel brooks movie; they put a live snake up your a55!

he then tries to give this chick a shot of snake venom

he sez its gonna fix her crazy brain

but she sez shes preggers and worries of her kid

but he don't care about his wife and child. only his science

well, he IS britidsh!

he needles her with da venom

then she starts pooping out her baby

he runs to get a dr

cut to after da dr pooped her out baby

the baby is cold but fine

the midwife has powers and senses evil from the kid

btw its a girl

also the baby has no eyelids

the mom must've done toad(family guy ref)\\

mom sees the kid and it hisses

then she bites it

it sucked out her soul!

its the seventh sign all over again!!

the midwife freaks out and tries to assassinate the baby

how liberal

the men stop her despite being English and she runs off

this movies f'd up

besides; the baby can be taught good

or trained to resist evil

in alien resurrection; i think it would be cool if they trained her hybrid beige son to function in society

like that contra game with an alien player.

it would be cool to see an alien fighting aliens.

also, i think it getting shredded and torn up in the window hole is a reference to abortion

joss whedons f'd up

the midwife arouses the villagers into a mob y telling em the baby will kill em all

nerd sez maybe its better his daughter bites it

but the dr sez its important the kid lives

for science and cr-p

dr takes the kid but hes gotta go to africa for some reason tomorrow

the villagers think the snakes are evil and waste em

wtf

you know snakes eat rats right?

at my grandpa's farm in da 90s I caught a snake with my bare hands when I was like 4

I showed my mom and she freaked out

also my cool 90s aunts daughter has a pet snake

I had a pet tarantula

after bustin up his place and somehow it catches fire, main guy bites it in his own home as the villagers left him to bite it

so the villagers are murderers

the dr gives the baby to this beard guy for 1 night til the dad gets her

oh and beardo's dad I mean dog don't like the kid

dogs hate me too

we otta gas em

nah

that's a waste of gas

just use a hammer!!

so I guess we timeskip as the baby is now a little girl

either that or its like species

beardo plays the flute and the girl does something to an animal offscreen

btw the nerd was b0ning his wife while she was crazy

20 years after this started 1910; dr comes back from Africa

he finds the nerd bit it and beardo was raising her

also shes had some good and not experiences and moods

oh and the girl disappeared years ago

and her name is a snake name

so much exposition

btw lucky the mom pooped her out that day

what with the dr going to Africa for 20 years

dr looks at the nerds house and theres snakes

after he leaves the ghirl is in a tight top and has kinda 80s-ish hair

later a guy bits it

a man identifies the hand wound at a king cobra bite

somehow

the guy who identified it is a colonel who served in india

later at Scotland yard 2 brits talk about the colonel sending them a note of the snake girl haunting the village

the higher rank brit sends a cop cuz he respects the colonel

I assume in the real version they were butt buddies in the war

the cop gets a gun

i'm surprised that's allowed in soviet England

so cop goes to da village and h0ly cr-p we're over 30 mins in already

this films half over

so cop meets colonel(not the mega man x4 guy) and every year someone in the village bites it from a snake

they talk about the nerd and cr-p that happened in the 1st half

colonel has a flute for charming snakes and gives it to cop

the cop is like crow from Yugioh 5ds as he pops in 1/2 through the story and becomes the main guy

he walks by playing the flute and meets snake girl

they talk and he nearly kills a snake for being poisonous

but she saves it from his racist attack

she knows what its like to be hated for being herself

she vanishes and meets the midwife whos also a witch

but she don't identify as one

shes still a witch though

just a denier

so she gets out a voodoo doll and sez now only cop can stop the snake girl

he has cop cap the voodoo doll 3x

now snake girl will bite it from 3 shots from the cops gun

later cop talks with colonel about the last night

he sez de snake gurl had cold skin

later another guy bites it

1 guy sez; snake or girl or witch i'll make her pay

but its a witch who set them after her

its revealed those biting it bite it from 2 different poison kinds

later the last guy who bit its dad goes after da girl and wastes a snake in front of her

she looks at him and he falls and later they find him with he snake he iced

dr sez hes gonna do wat he should've done years ago

colonel checks the body and sez its not as simple as he thought

dr goes after snake girl

but she turns into a snake and bites his parts offscreen

colonel sez the son bit it from a normal snake but da dad from cobra

colonel sez he looked over the notes of da nerd and rehashes what we saw b4 about the venom injections turning the baby snake

everyones already put dat together

and theres like 10 mins left in diss film

so cop has dinner at a bar (its not a pub! dats brit talk!) and chats with a chick

he plays the flute and she sez he s-cked

normal girls don't like it

maybe snake girl has a music fetish(is dat real??)

cop goes out with da flute and finds a big thing of human skin

midwife/witch is there and sez his destiny is to stop snake girl and to go to the nerd burned down house

colonel goes to da bar and talks to the barmaid about cop playing the flute

colonel goes off to help cop

the villagers start having a mob and witch/midwife sends em to nerds burned home

cop finds dr's body

cop finds snake girl and is understanding

he tries to help her

colonel calls and she turns cobra

he caps it

the mob arrives and they see the snake unfade into the girl

they say she's bit it

cop gives his report and higher rank cop burns it

the end

that was pretty good

not high octane or edgy but its well made

sorta like the 1st x men movie

calm and good pacing

btw I wrote the nerd thing b4 the movie started. the dad being a nerd was not intended as a ref as that

for snake woman 2 I want the witch to be revealed to have been the bad guy and turned the village against the snake girl as she had a destiny to beat her. she starts ww1 and Europe is getting f;d up. so the cop tries to find a magic jewel that can unkill the snake girl and allow her to stop the witch/midwife. its also a platform game on sega genesis and snes where you play as the cop going across Europe to find the magic jewel and in the 2nd half of the game you play as the snake girl with new powers and take on tougher enemies and bosses made by the witch. actually, make it in the 1st part of the level you get a piece of the jewel and revive the snake girl a bit, and the 2nd act you play as her to beat the night enemies(the 1st act is daytime in villages during ww1 and you avoid French soldiers and brits who are working for the witch who has mind controlled the king by using his evil to twist him)