Christine Review

note; I drive like I spell. and I cant spell I mean dreive

Christine

this is my review on chriatine(the 80s one)

its by steven king and has john carpenter doing music

after credits we see cars made in Detroit 1957 as bad to the bone plats

spoilewr; afte 2008-2016; Detroit didn't make cars as the work went to mexico to avoid unions

both unions and democrats ruined Detroit

then a guy is working on this red car and the hood busts his hand

is that a Ferrari mustang?

I don't know cars

my mom does

she don't got a car fetish or anything

later they find a black guy dead in the car

they killed off the one black guy earlier than most films

then it the distant future year of 1978 and in soviet California aka new Sodom

this nerdy guy named arnie gets a lift in a blue car from his homie

at school the homie has other jocks chat with him about playing football (REAL football. not soccer you euro purvos!) and his knee healing

also this blonde likes the homie

one lusty guy chats with homie over thick chick is into

he wants to b0ne her

later the nerd is being harassed by cooler kids

steven kings childhood?

one punk knifes his yogurt

I had yogurt in grade school

one day that nerds gonna snap and shoot up the place

homie fights the punks guy gets choked

a teacher comes in and nerd outs the punk for having a switchblade

he threatens the teacher if teacher searches him but teacher sez he'd call da cops

punk shows his blade and gets sent to the office

but sez hes gonna f the nerd

later nerd and homie find a beat up red car

is that a Ferrari mustang?

nerd wants it and this 1800s gold rush looking guy sells him it for 250$$

the car is named Christine

did he give it a chicks name so its not gay to b0ne it?

there are guys who b0ne cars

1800s guy got her in 57 and had adventures with her

later his mom is being a b--ch about nerd buying a car

I think nerd and homie are brothers

nerd stands up to his b--chy mom but she don't want him to have a car

later at night homie aND nerd drive to a garage

the junk dealer is a harda55 who's face looks like a bad mask

btw arnie isn't a nerd name anymore after Schwarzenegger restored it

later some nerd is working on Christine and junk dealer softens toward him

junk dealer sez he'd give nerd some work and parts

later the jocks lust after the chick the guy wants to b0ne as she chews a pencil eraser

homie goes up to the chick and asks her out

she sez no cuz she already has a date

but why don't he notice da blonde?

blondes are better

later nerd turns down a movie with homie to do work for the junk guy

his mom b--ches at him

mom tells homie(who's actually his best friend) the last owner bit it in da car

1800s guy tells how his bro(the last owner) has everyone near him bite it cuz of the car and didn't care

homie goes to check out Christine after hours and the radio starts on its own

but turns off after he leaves

later its a football game at high school

and nerd is making out with da chick everyone wants to b0ne

this distracted homie and he gets busted

also nerd is becoming more bada55 and christine is more restored

later irts November 5th. guy fawkes day in gaye olde englande and chichi's birthday in dbz

nerd visits homie and hes out of football from his damage

at least he didn't get brain damage

nerd sez he sed he'd drop outta school idf his b--chy mom didn't let him register the car

she wanted him to stay her baby

like that movie; the baby, that I reviewed

later its raining at a drive in at night and nerds gf domnt wanna b0ne him in the car

he loves the car more than her

car fetish!

just b0ne the car!

you know you wanna

she smacks the car

as erd gets out to fix da wipers, da at lights up and locks him out

oh and the girl chokes on a burger

but a guy opens the car and saves her with a Heimlich

later he gets her home and she gets mad at him for the car nearly icing her

later he parks at the garage and after he leaves the guys who hassled him for his lunch bust up his car

they should've b0ned it and covered it in their j-zz

this destruction scene goes on for a while

is this like they're raepeing it?

da next day nerd and gf come in and find the car totaled

he freaks out when gf comforts him

at dinner he blames his rents for not letting him park it at home

rents wanna help him get a new car bit hes a d-ck and walks out

dad confronts him but he fights back

is this a thing for drugs?

its just like batman beyond

every 4th ep is a thing for drugs

spellbinder's illusion world

shrieks minion and his tuning fork that stimulates the pleasure center of his brain

the splicers

the slappers

ect

later he talks to Christine and it regenerates like a godmaster in transformers super god master force

lter the fat punk who looks like Dwayne from degrassi high meets Jonah hill gets huntr down by Christine

just get off the road dumba55!

he goes through an alley but the car chases through

later hes I a corner and pulls a switchblade

but Christine crushes itself through the bricks and wastes him

later nerd chats with homie about the car being totaled and how the guys will do it again

later the cops talk to nerd about the car

nerd calls his gf but shes done with him

later the vpunks who hassled nerd are driving and Christine goes after em

they stop at a gas station and get out but Christine busts their car

then crushes a punk

the car he was near catches fire and the gas station blows as Christine drives off in flames

bad a55

it hen chases down the main punk who pulled a switchblade at school

later Christine returns to da garage all charred and blackened

junkdealer confronts the nerd he thinks is in da car but its empty

he gets in but the car moves da seat up and crushes his a55

the next day nerd comes to the garage and cop from b4 questions him where he was

junk dealer was iced in Christine with a shot gun in the front seat

also the cops know the punks bit it

later gf talks to homie about da car

she think she was next for da car to ice

they plan to ice da car to save nerd

homie gets a from nerd and they drink beer

nerd drinks to everyone biting it in 1979

then chats about love and issues with it

but hes talking about Christine

later gf and homie set a trap to bust Christine at the garage

but Christine gets da drop on em and nearly wacks gf

homie slowly goes after christine in a bull dozer

homie protects gf with the shovel of the bulldozer and Christine keeps bashing

this is like dbz vs cell or buu

after some chases and cr-p Christine crashes in front of gf and nerd flies out

I think he bites it

she walks out and Christine chases her but hoimie nails christimne with the bull dozer

Christine drives slowly but homie busts it up with the shovel end

then it regenerates

but homie drives the dozer over it as rock from da 50s plays

later cristine is cubed and homie gf and cop regret not saving nerd

they hear 50s rock but its a guy with a ghetto blaster

then the cube creeks and credits roll with bad to the bone playing

the end

that was pretty good

steven king may have bad political views but he writes good cr-p

my cool 90s aunt likes his books

for Christine 2 I want the crushed cube car to twist and bend and poop out a baby half car half human as the nerd was b0ning it and Christine got pregnant. the car human is treated like cr-p by people until a rock band finds it and it becomes their mascot. they rise up and the car human gets into drugs and goes around wasting people while driving around. also its a rock and roll musical with many 80s songs and glam rock cr-p