Friday, October 20, 2017

Christine Review

note; I drive like I spell. and I cant spell I mean dreive
this is my review on chriatine(the 80s one)
its by steven king and has john carpenter doing music
after credits we see cars made in Detroit 1957 as bad to the bone plats
spoilewr; afte 2008-2016; Detroit didn't make cars as the work went to mexico to avoid unions
both unions and democrats ruined Detroit
then a guy is working on this red car and the hood busts his hand
is that a Ferrari mustang?
I don't know cars
my mom does
she don't got a car fetish or anything
later they find a black guy dead in the car
they killed off the one black guy earlier than most films
then it the distant future year of 1978 and in soviet California aka new Sodom
this nerdy guy named arnie gets a lift in a blue car from his homie
at school the homie has other jocks chat with him about playing football (REAL football. not soccer you euro purvos!) and his knee healing
also this blonde likes the homie
one lusty guy chats with homie over thick chick is into
he wants to b0ne her
later the nerd is being harassed by cooler kids
steven kings childhood?
one punk knifes his yogurt
I had yogurt in grade school
one day that nerds gonna snap and shoot up the place
homie fights the punks guy gets choked
a teacher comes in and nerd outs the punk for having a switchblade
he threatens the teacher if teacher searches him but teacher sez he'd call da cops
punk shows his blade and gets sent to the office
but sez hes gonna f the nerd
later nerd and homie find a beat up red car
is that a Ferrari mustang?
nerd wants it and this 1800s gold rush looking guy sells him it for 250$$
the car is named Christine
did he give it a chicks name so its not gay to b0ne it?
there are guys who b0ne cars
1800s guy got her in 57 and had adventures with her
later his mom is being a b--ch about nerd buying a car
I think nerd and homie are brothers
nerd stands up to his b--chy mom but she don't want him to have a car
later at night homie aND nerd drive to a garage
the junk dealer is a harda55 who's face looks like a bad mask
btw arnie isn't a nerd name anymore after Schwarzenegger restored it
later some nerd is working on Christine and junk dealer softens toward him
junk dealer sez he'd give nerd some work and parts
later the jocks lust after the chick the guy wants to b0ne as she chews a pencil eraser
homie goes up to the chick and asks her out
she sez no cuz she already has a date
but why don't he notice da blonde?
blondes are better
later nerd turns down a movie with homie to do work for the junk guy
his mom b--ches at him
mom tells homie(who's actually his best friend) the last owner bit it in da car
1800s guy tells how his bro(the last owner) has everyone near him bite it cuz of the car and didn't care
homie goes to check out Christine after hours and the radio starts on its own
but turns off after he leaves
later its a football game at high school
and nerd is making out with da chick everyone wants to b0ne
this distracted homie and he gets busted
also nerd is becoming more bada55 and christine is more restored
later irts November 5th. guy fawkes day in gaye olde englande and chichi's birthday in dbz
nerd visits homie and hes out of football from his damage
at least he didn't get brain damage
nerd sez he sed he'd drop outta school idf his b--chy mom didn't let him register the car
she wanted him to stay her baby
like that movie; the baby, that I reviewed
later its raining at a drive in at night and nerds gf domnt wanna b0ne him in the car
he loves the car more than her
car fetish!
just b0ne the car!
you know you wanna
she smacks the car
as erd gets out to fix da wipers, da at lights up and locks him out
oh and the girl chokes on a burger
but a guy opens the car and saves her with a Heimlich
later he gets her home and she gets mad at him for the car nearly icing her
later he parks at the garage and after he leaves the guys who hassled him for his lunch bust up his car
they should've b0ned it and covered it in their j-zz
this destruction scene goes on for a while
is this like they're raepeing it?
da next day nerd and gf come in and find the car totaled
he freaks out when gf comforts him
at dinner he blames his rents for not letting him park it at home
rents wanna help him get a new car bit hes a d-ck and walks out
dad confronts him but he fights back
is this a thing for drugs?
its just like batman beyond
every 4th ep is a thing for drugs
spellbinder's illusion world
shrieks minion and his tuning fork that stimulates the pleasure center of his brain
the splicers
the slappers
later he talks to Christine and it regenerates like a godmaster in transformers super god master force
lter the fat punk who looks like Dwayne from degrassi high meets Jonah hill gets huntr down by Christine
just get off the road dumba55!
he goes through an alley but the car chases through
later hes I a corner and pulls a switchblade
but Christine crushes itself through the bricks and wastes him
later nerd chats with homie about the car being totaled and how the guys will do it again
later the cops talk to nerd about the car
nerd calls his gf but shes done with him
later the vpunks who hassled nerd are driving and Christine goes after em
they stop at a gas station and get out but Christine busts their car
then crushes a punk
the car he was near catches fire and the gas station blows as Christine drives off in flames
bad a55
it hen chases down the main punk who pulled a switchblade at school
later Christine returns to da garage all charred and blackened
junkdealer confronts the nerd he thinks is in da car but its empty
he gets in but the car moves da seat up and crushes his a55
the next day nerd comes to the garage and cop from b4 questions him where he was
junk dealer was iced in Christine with a shot gun in the front seat
also the cops know the punks bit it
later gf talks to homie about da car
she think she was next for da car to ice
they plan to ice da car to save nerd
homie gets a from nerd and they drink beer
nerd drinks to everyone biting it in 1979
then chats about love and issues with it
but hes talking about Christine
later gf and homie set a trap to bust Christine at the garage
but Christine gets da drop on em and nearly wacks gf
homie slowly goes after christine in a bull dozer
homie protects gf with the shovel of the bulldozer and Christine keeps bashing
this is like dbz vs cell or buu
after some chases and cr-p Christine crashes in front of gf and nerd flies out
I think he bites it
she walks out and Christine chases her but hoimie nails christimne with the bull dozer
Christine drives slowly but homie busts it up with the shovel end
then it regenerates
but homie drives the dozer over it as rock from da 50s plays
later cristine is cubed and homie gf and cop regret not saving nerd
they hear 50s rock but its a guy with a ghetto blaster
then the cube creeks and credits roll with bad to the bone playing
the end
that was pretty good
steven king may have bad political views but he writes good cr-p
my cool 90s aunt likes his books
for Christine 2 I want the crushed cube car to twist and bend and poop out a baby half car half human as the nerd was b0ning it and Christine got pregnant. the car human is treated like cr-p by people until a rock band finds it and it becomes their mascot. they rise up and the car human gets into drugs and goes around wasting people while driving around. also its a rock and roll musical with many 80s songs and glam rock cr-p

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