Cat People Review

note; theres typoes. I warned ya

cat people

this is my revjiew on cat people

with a title like that I assume its about furrys

but this is from the 40s

I had an idea for a film

30s furrys!

guys in the 30s who are becoming aware of their furry feelings due to mickey mouse and felix the cat.

after experimenting, they move on to b0ning farm animals.

based on actual events.

ooh

this is RKO

they did good stuff

after a quote from some guy (just like king kong) we get a chivk at a zoo or circus or w/e

a guy flirts with her as she draws something

its a puma with a sword through it

pretty bada55

they go to her place and she sez hes her 1st friend in america

I didn't notice she was a foreigner

at night (I assume after they b0ned a lot) they hear lions at da zoo nearby

she likes it and the dark

maybe shes the cat people

she has a statue of king jon of serbia

I assume shes a serb

but shes so nice!

king jon drove out the bad guys who enslaved her people but in her village were demon worshipers who jonny iced

but some escaped and do something

reminds me of demonlord dante

I personally have nothing against serbs

although they did start ww1

that malcontent iced archduke Ferdinand of Austria and his woman

then the serbs made a statue in his honor

imagine how up the but people would get if some confederate state made a statue in honor of jophn wilkes bootjh?

although the soviet republic of Canada loves that malcontent loius riel

so in the office this worker brings a cat and the serb lady don't synchro with it

cats hate her

that's racist

dogs seem to hate me

I walk within 40 feet and they go mental

also i think they can sense ki

once I was standing in a room w/ a dog and had a negative thought(but didn't move or anything) and it started yip[ping at me

at a pet shiop the birds go mental when the serb comes in

at home the guy sez to the serb most couples have kissed by now

I assume that's them covering to make us think they didn't b0ne

like in la blue girl they changed dialogue to say mikos in college insrtead of high school to make us think shes 18

serb sez shes not happy and has issues or something and the guy comforts her

at some dinner this European sez something European to her and leaves

this freaks her out

later shes unhappy cuz she wants to be his wife but as issues

women are often confusing

or irrational

they get emotionally mental for no reason

then you gotta spend like an hour comforting their fat a55

its annoying

but with it if you have a kind woman

not a bossy bratty one who bullys you

those need to get out

later shes trying to grab this bird in a cage and it bites it

so she picks it up and puts it in a b0x

later she tells the guy her bird died of fright when she tried to grab it

I say; use ur power for good!

go fight animals to save humans!

like in the woods from bears or cougars

or protect people from feral dogs!

God gave you a gift! use it for good!

later at a shrink shes hypnotized and sez shes afraid of cats

its revealed that in her village are people who turn into cats

and if they kiss a guy they love they gotta ice hi9s a55

and her mom was called a witch/cat woman(not the batman chick)

when he gets home she sees a wo man who knows her issues and was da 1 who recommended the dr

the serb is offended he shared her secret

but the guy sez he trusts her

later the guy sez he's never been unhappy b4 and now its weird

like in saint seiya how lizard misty never got hit b4

or how in "God told me to" the hermaphrodite was never hurt b4

he talks wirth the wo man who knows the serbs issues and they get comfort

at the zoo the serb picks up the key from the lock to the panther cage and returns it to the zoo guy

the shrink sez people secretly wanna do evil and she could've used the panther to do it

that's pretty dark

at night the guy trys to get her to see the shrink again but she gets mad hearing he talked with the wo man who knows her issues

he goes ourt to a diner and gets some food

te wo man who knows her issues comes by and the serb seez em together

later shes walking home alone at night and hersno one on the street

then a bus comes and hisses like a cat

also a guy seez big cat prints on the ground in mud

later the serb comes home and takes a bath

we see her back but no b00bz

good

she dreams of cats and king jon and a key and hearing the shrinks words

the next day she takes the key from the zoo

later she goes swimming and theres cats around

she hears big cat noises and jumps in da pool

but theres no cat in sight

then the serb come in and turns on da light

i thought it was da serb in da pool

its the wo man who knows her issues

when the wo man gets outta da pool her robe is sliced up

later she talks to the shrink about cat people

she fears rthe serb is turning into a cat and trying to ice her for her loving the serbs husband

she urges the dr to carry a heater

hes got one cuz hes a real american

he later talks to the serb and thinks shes playing a game

they always think if you dont fit in that ur faking it

real people have real fears, even if what they fear isnt real

then the guy sez he loves the wo man and wants a divorce

have they b0ned?

she tells him to go

wtf

the shrink sez u cant divore an insane person

then dont that mean yu cant marry one?

and who's to say who's insane?

arent qwe all a bit off?

im not crazy

just a bit eccentric

like tim burton or johnny depp or those caligari guys

at night rthey wait for the serb but shes not arrived

the shrink goes out

as the guy and his wo man are alone in the dark but not b0ning they get a call

but no ones there

then a panther comes in

theres 2 humans and 1 cat

if they play smart they can won

he rebukes her with the Lord and a cross and it disappears

also they say its the serb

as they leave they smell the serbs perfume

then the shrink is visited by the serb and kisses her

she becomes a cat offscreen and shreads him

if you go for its throat you can kill it

the panther that is

the serb gets away and the guy and his wo man see the body

also ther dr had a sword/cane

pretty bada55

the serb opens the panther cageand it fears herbut then jumps oyt and grazes her

oh and shes got thwe broken piece of swiord/cane in her

the guy and his wo man find her and say "she never lied to us"

the end

i liked this

good mood

if made today it would have more gore/swearing/b0ning/t-ts/cgi

for cat people 2 I'd like it to be about the Slovenian legend about people with dog heads (my grampa told me of it years ago) and its revealed their descendants are furrys today. (as for how its CAT people and about DOGS? Troll 2 was about goblins so its ok)

West Side Story Review

note; typoes and this is a long a55 review cuz its a liong a55 movie

West side story

this is my review on west side story

I hear it won Oscars

they often give it to those undeserving

can you belive michael keaton lost he oscar to that brit cripple?

all he did was sit in a chair for 3 hours!

the oscars always reward people being disabled!

i otta act brain damaged and film it and send it to the oscars!

just drooling and j-rkin off!

so the film starts with a single color with black outlines to show newe york

that's where they recorded yugioh and pokemon and urotsukidoji

now the colors are changing

its pink

back in the 80s, hot pink was a cool color

now if you wear pink people think your queer

but in the 80s all the guys wore it

picture this; a guy with long blonde 80s hair, leather boots w/ knee plates, a pink pleather jacket w/ shoulder plate armor, a neon pink speedo, and no shirt.

back in the 80s it was rad to da X homeboy

blicketee black

mondo cool

wiggle wiggle

sometimes im just sitting at home in my speedo briefs and my leather jacket

so the color turns to red then blue then it becomes a photo of ney ork

we get a klot of looks at these big buildings

I actually went to new yorke once

I wanted to get the pokemon emerald codes from the pokemon center

but they were already on to diamond/pearl

btw this film is really widescreen

half the screen is black bars

so these new yero toughs are snapping their fingers in unison and going around being tough

but when they play bacsket ball they prance around all prissy

in the streets they prance too

until they meet a foreinge looking guy and they try intimidatijng him

I gotta say theres good color in here

the foreign looking guy gets some homies and they prance prissy too

they confront the 1srt gang(the jets) but they are scared off by reinforecements

then they plan b ball but more of the other gang confronts em

but they leave

then an escalation between 2 guys sucks other in and they have a really prissy fight

its like zoolander; they're breakdance fighting

the fight spreads all over the slum they live in

the other gang is called the sharks

funny cuz in yugioh zexal manga, Yuma's catch phrase is "jetting" and his rival is named "shark"

in the b ball court 1 guy is being b0ned dead and reinforcements arrive

then the cops break up the fight and the jets act innocent and smarta55ish

so do the sharks

the cop is sick of the teens cr-p and keeps threatening to bust some heads

I hope he cant take it anymore and starts busting these punks with a hammer!

you wont ruin MY town!! boom!

after he leaves the jets are malcontent and disgruntled over being told what to do

also is a girl with gender issues who wants to join the gang

the jet gang leader wants 1 last all or nothing fight over control of the turf

1 sensitive guy called baby john is nervous about them using blades or guns

1 guy wants to bring back this ex jet who was a founder called tony

like tony salerno; the voice of several yugioh charcters and behind the scenes guy for urotrukidoji

the teens then sing their delusions of grandur about how being a jet makes you awesome somehow

if this were made today it would have more profanity and maybe b0ning

the gang leader trys to seduce tony back into the gang life but he's \mellowed out and isn't a whiny teen anymore

he's got a job and is happy in life

the gang leader guilts him into going to a dance

also is a scene where tony pins down the gang leader and makes him say uncle

I assume they were b0ning in the real version

he sings about future hope or w/e

then we see some porto rican wo men working on a dress and the younger one wants a low neckline

I recall one pbs show was malcontent over portu rians in here not being played by real ones

no one went up the butt over anna Karenina being played by a French irushwoman or dr zhivago played by an ehygipan

at least they have russuisns in film

Slovenia isn't even mentioned in anything(except 1 3 stooges joke)

then the protorickans go to a dance and so do the jets

is this movie about a race war?

theres a weird dance like in 7 brides for 7 brothers

is this where Saturday night fever came from?

a lot of these moves are sorta kung fu

in the dance this chick and the gang leader notice eachother and things fade out around em

I assume they entered a pocket dimension

they fall in love just like that

at least in Robotech there was a build up with scott Bernard and ariel or rand and rook or rick and lisa

although they pretty much did this for max and Miriya or bowie and musica

they kiss and fade out of the pocket dimension and the shark leader is p-ssed at the jjet leader for kissing his sister

they then talk about having a meeting for a battle later

also the proto rican says racial things about the jet's gangs people

wait

its not the gang leader in love with the chick

its tony

tony then walks home singing about his new gf(maria)

I keep thinking he should be singing; how do you solve a problem like maria

at home maria and the shark leader argue about him not letting her be free in america

just like when wiomen from other countries come over but still dress and act like the slaves they were in their home lands

the shark leader says racial things against poles

the other people in his fam/gang agree

he also says about a gurl; she's given up protu riko and is queer for uncle sam

this is turning into a p0rn0

they all then sing about america with thick accents

the woman sing with hope and the guys sing negative

im surprised no one wants this film censored foer being "racist"

if this were made nowadays there would be a lot of self hating white teens on tumbler siding with the foreigners

after the dance the shark leader talks with his gf about b0ning her after the meeting with the jets

I notice that if this were like in real life, the sharks would be speaking protutrickan with eachother and English with the americans

but then they'd need subtitles and its easier to dub it into english

then tony meets maria on the fire escape

they argue over if they belong together cuz they are different races

in Robotech; Roy Fokker (a german ancentry man) and Claudia Grant(an openly black woman) are in love in 2009 and no one treats it like its an issue

but Robotech was made and aired in the 80s

the interspecies romance has come issue, but that's mainly cuz the humans and aliens are at war

later the jets are talking and the gender issues gurl sez shes never getting married

she also beats a guy up

I think shes got xxy chromosomes

so she may eb a hermaphrodite

the cop from b4 confronts em but thwey act all smarta55ish

after the cop leaves they sing about how their problems are not their fault cuz their lives s-cked

also it mentions drugs, beatings, gender issues, hormone issues and mental illness

this would get more screen time if made today

they go into the store tony works at but tony wasn't seen tonight

they chase the owner out and talk with the sharks

they say some racial things and blame eachother

tony comes in and they escalate weapons choices until tony sez only fists

the cop comes in and gets the sharks out

also I just realized the whole "americans are perfect and only we suffer" is like how people now think only "unprivileged" people have issues and need help

the cop trys to get into on the fight to stop it but the teens are d-cks

he tells em off and insults em

good!

those punks think they're so big

they need a beatdown

after a brief intermission, maria songs "I feel pretty"

it was also used in jack nicholson/adam sandler's movie; anger management

after the song, tony sees maria and the shark leaders gf allows it

tony sez he made the fight a 1 on 1 fist fight (like street fighter/fatal fury/world heroes/voltage fighter gowcaiser) so its safe

maria wants him to stop it all together

they then talk about their parents and play make believe with clothes

they then have a fake wedding like with Rick and Minmei in Robotech

afterward everyone sings a song at the same time in different areas about different things

reminds me of nightmare b4 xmas

the gangs meet for the street fight and they don't really make contact

tony tries to break it up but it makes things worse

tony fights the shark head but doesn't attack

1 jet slugs out the shark head and they whip out switchblades

in a fight you gotta spam jump kicks

maybe ki blasts

but here thety just dance around

the jet leader almost gets the shark leader but tony stops him

then jet head gets shanked

so tony shanks shark head

then the cops are coming and everyone scatters like bust when you turn on the light

teen a55 punks

btw this is marias fault

she thinks she knows how to fight

dumba55

things would've been better w/o her screwin it all up

it would've been a clean fistfight

its like when ur mom sez "don't ride your bike w/o your feet on the pedals" wen she cant ride a bike

or she don't want you watching a horror movie cuz its got people run through meat grinders and getting deboned

its like how in England when those frooty bbc commies don't like something they ban it in all England

hear that moms?!

don't censor us!

or ur as bad as England!

so maria finds out her bf iced her bro

she goes mental on him but he explains and she forgives him

at night baby john is crying and traumatized from seeing those guys sliced apart

I bet in the real version instea of just getting shanked  they tugged the blade and sliced em open and their organs spilled out on the floor

the jets miss their head and are bummmmed out over it

after some disputes, they sing a song about being coooooool

in other words, hide your emotions

they're gonna build preassure and pop and go around b0ning people dead

later the shark head's gf walked in and finds tony b0ned maria

shes malcontent and says racial songs about "stick to your own kind"

as my dads a Slovenian and my moms from soviet Poland, you'd think I'd find this song offensive

but im not easily offended

nor will I go on a G haad against it for saying something I disagree with

unlike all those malcontents online

as an american I believe in freedom of speech

unlike tumbler

buncha candy a55 commies

maera sez she loves tony and then the cop comes by and questions her

at the store tony works the head is getting cash for tony to skip town and the jets are in it

the shark heads gf comes by but the jets treat her like they treat the rest of the porto Ricans

a but lighter actually

she wants to see tony but they toss her around a bit

I think in the real version theyre \b0ning her

afterward shes p-ssed at em and hates their whole race

she lies to them about a guy finding out about tony and maria and he capped her

the boss of the store tells tony maria bit it

he runs out wanting to go to h-ll to be with maria calling for the guy who capped maria to get him

in Canada assisted suicide is legal so legally he's doing nothing wrong

but Canada's kinda f'd up

he sees maria and ruins to her but gets capped by some thug

the gangs arrive and watch him go to h-ll

maria gets the gun and goes on a tirade about how they killed her butt buddy with hate and now she hates

then the cops show up

she tells em not to touch her butt buddys corpse

I assume she wants to b0ne it

some jets carry his corpse out and we het really well done credits on graffiti where you can easily see who was in it and the graffiti don't overpower it

the credits graffiti catches your attention

despite being kinda frooty this was a well done film

well made and with good color and music

too bad its widescreen

for west side story 2 I'd like for it to be set 20 years in the future in the distant futuristic year of 198X. the gang war has gotten worse and the whole city is a wasteland of violence and b0ning like in Urotsukidoji 3 4 and 5. the jets and sharks have new and more violent leaders and order attacks on anyone helping the other gang or not helping them. and the cops are at the limit from all this violence and b0ning. the new mayor of new York sez the cops have the right to do whatever they need to protect the peace, so they start using machine guns and flamethrowers on the gangs. the new mayor is officer krupke from the 1st movie with battlescars all over and spring blades built into his body. then in west side story 3, maria tries to return to the pocket dimension and reveals that she was behind the rise in gang violence to collect enough fallen souls to reopen the gate to see tony again. but instead it opens the gates of h=-ll and new York becomes infested with daemons who corrupt it. and only the high priests of new jersey can seal the h-llgate by sending new York back to h-ll.

Treasure Island Review

Note; its got bad spelling but you can figure ourt what I mean
Treasure Island
this is my review on treasislamnd(the 30s one)
I know the muppets did one but I never realluy saw any muppets movieas
but I recall the Alvin and the chipmunks version
they aolso did robocop
but w/o swearing/blood/gunz/nudescenes/gore//violence
but unlike the cr-ppy remajke, it was good
ooh
its directed by victer fleming
he dud grand things
ahh
walice beery
he was pretty mean
didn't he kill some people?
the film starts with someone having a birthday
theyre celebrating like normal people in the Castlevania days
this kid named jim is malcontent cuz a little girl sez he made a cake
he sez only girls make cakes
that's racist against men
I think hes a femminist
then theres a storm and they go inside
too bad they don't have a sega
I had a dream a bit ago where there was something and this tv exploded
I heard you shouldn't play video games iin a storm or lightning will hit the thing and the overload will blow up yo tv
im not sure how accurate it is
but my mom said her cousin in the 90s(born in the 80s) had it happen
its like the candyman legend
we all know someone who sez they know someone had it happen
then these pirates come in to the place and 1 tells jim a sea man with 1 leg is doing something
he then has rum
he seems drunk and slurs around loud and jolly
he also draws his sword when someone wants to go home
he mumbles on about killing people and maybe b0ning em
reminds me of when rob ford got drunk and talked about having a WWF death match with a guy
I'd kill him! I;'d poke his eyes out! i'll f him when he's dead!
and all these buttmo's wanted him arrested for ATTEMPTED MURDER!
I think attempted murder required an attempt to murder
not talking about a hulk Hogan rage in a cage death match
im surprised they didn't call him a necrophililiac
he did say he'd f him when he's dead
maybe those commies didn't wanna associate him with necromance?
maybe they have a lot of necro friends?
better necrophililia than anorexia
no one dies from b0ning a corpse
no one is hurt
I mean saying necriomance is harming the dead is like saying eating a burger is abusing the dead cow
necromance is natural
animals do it
only humans have necrophobia
so the drunk guy sings of 15 mean on a dead mans chest or w/e
sounds like necr-0 p0rn0
later some guys come looking for the druink but he's having withdrawl from lack of booze
that's awful
that's a sign of severe damage
he needs rehab
alcohol kills more people than necromance
he's worried about being found cuz someone wants his treasure that has
pieces of 8
pearls as big as ostrich eggs
and gold
the boy jim meets a blind guy who gives the drunk a note
the drunk freaks out and falls down the stairs
he bits it
jim goes to take the cash the drunk owes em friom is treasuere but his chest is full of junk
jim and mom find a package in it and run as pirates bust in
the blind guy sez he should've torn off the kids arms and popped his eyes
a dr arrives and the pirates scatter
the pacage jim took is a teasure map
one rich guy wants to go for it
the dr is afraid of 1 man but cant say it cuz the rich guy canrt keep a secret
they get a ship ready and a 1 legged guy joins em
hes called long john silver
that sounds like a p0rn0 name
and since he's missing a leg he might do amputee p0rn0
he's made the cook and has charisma
he also teaches jim
I suspect long john siolver is Asian as his name is long(dragon)
long takes jim to a bar and shows em his droogs
also long has a parrot
I hear andrew jacksons parrot used a lot of profanity
imagine going to a pet store and getting the birds to say awful things
ahh! poop fetish!
don't b0ne me!
I had aids the whole time!
so jim starts a growing friendship with long
kinda like me at the yugioh turny where the teens look up to me and my bada55 decks and skills
or syrus and tyranno looking up to jaden in yugioh gx
then they set sail
jim and long talk and jim wants long to live with him but long sez he cant
they also practice spitting and long gives jim advice
being European decended, I spit a lot too
my dads dad and my moms mom spat
long and jim see porposes off the side of the boat and say its a good sign
then someone bites it
they find an island
I went to whiz but I don't think I missed much
long talks with some guys about some stuff but I don't really get it
jim out the guys to the captain but feels bad about rattin on a homie
the guys with long are sent to the island but jim comes along
hes disgruntled and runs off to the jungle
on the island guy is killed offscrean but we hear it
I think they b0ned him dead
then another guy
jim finds a Christian living on the island looking like a caveman
hes been there 3 years and was left there by a boat
after the Christian give jim info jim don't get, the ship opens cannon fire on the island
I guy (I think the dr) puts up brittish flag on the island while those on the boaty raise a pirate flag
 im confused who is on what side
lomg wants to talk with the previous captain and they meet
long wants the map and is offering to let them live
sounds like a union thing
u give up what we want and we let you continue living
the captain disagrees and sez hes gonna cap him next time he sees him
why not just cap him now?
also I gotta say this is a lot better than that cr-ppy Disney film treasure planet
Robert Louis Stevenson would roll over in his grave if he saw that
pretty sure walt Disney would too
they've really gone downhill in shows
now its just live action cr-p and bad cgi
at least ducktales and datkwing duck had good animation and video games and music and acting
btw
star wars episode 7 is star wars GX
its a new generation of teens with the original series characters making cameos
so theres a gunfight and some people bite it
afterward jim gets a gun and goes out and boats to the ship
he gets a blade and starts cutting the anchor rope
this is like if spy kids wasn't cr-p
a kid doing something that save the adults
but no bad puns or culture refs
that's why 30s films set in the Castlevania days are timeless and modern ones s-ck
the next day jim wakes up on the boat and apparently everyones high or hung over
he tells a guy he's the new captain but the guy laffs it off
jim also takes down the pirate flag
the guy gets a knife and hides it and jim reveals his plan of going where the treasure is
he gets up and reveals hes not wounded and trys to shank jim
but the boat crashes
jim and the guy have a chase and they climb the ropes
in the 80s/90s there were playgrounds with ropes or metal chains you could climb on
then som,e dumb a55 teens were messing around and got hurt
so they tore down all the good playgrounds and replaced em with cr-ppy super-safe ones
a lot of kids got fat from not having a place to go for fun outside
its like banning all cars cuz some jacka55es drive drunk
jim caps the guy chasing him and when he returns, long sez they signed a treaty and the guys left
I assume hes just covering the fact he killed em and b0ned the bodies
like saying a guy who was just blown to bits with a ki blast is "sent to another dimension" in the edited dub of dbz
the kid don't buy it and sez he ruined their plans, outed em, and took their ship
long defends jim from the pirates and has he map
later long tells jim he wants to ice more of his own men cuz he don't wanna share the treasure
I was reading the yugioh wiki but I don't think I missed much
I think some of the guys killed by long are but jim didn't out longs plan cuz he promiced
nowadays he'd not care about a promice but back then people had honor
I keep my promices
the dr saves jim or something and in the Christians cave is the treasure
turns out long was a double agent and was working for the captain the whole time
but the captain wants him arrested and lynched
in da brig, long gathers some items and jim visits him
turns out the captain is gonna string him up b4 returning to england
long guilts jim into helping him by describing how lynchings go
jim legs him out and helps him escape
he tricks jim into getting him a heater and clubs the Christian on guard out(as he's the only man on there)
he sez the Christian guy is drunk anf got the head wound from falling
he sez hes gonna be honest to the jim but his bag of gold falls out
they say bye and long goes off in a boat.
the end
quite a grand film
I think my dad read me the classics illustrated comic but I don't remember it
for treasure island 2 I'd like for long john silver to return to his moms homeland of china and find that the bits are invading and selling drugs to children. even though he's half brittish, he knows the evil they can do and becomes a cop to bust brits dealing drugs. also he gets a cybernetic leg that keeps cr-pping out cuz its made in china and their products break easy(look at those cr-ppy phones apple makes with slave kids in the 3rd world for pennys a day between mo lest ation breaks in deadly conditions! I hope apple goes down HARD! esp since jobs went back to h-ll! they've ruined the worl;d with their cr-ppy phones that people get addicted to! and phones are NOT video game consols! you cant use a touch screen as a D-pad! it don't work!). also, jim was sent to prison and b0ned a lot for helping long escape and long goes on an adventure to save him in treasure island 3, which is also a prison movie with shower scenes and much b0ning.

The Kings Speech Review

note; pretty sure theres typoes in  here
the kings speech
this is my review on the kings speech
its set in the soviet republic of ing-lind during some war
a while ago I saw "the north star" with erich von Stroheim about the noble soviets fighting the evil germans
when talking about it with as descendent of a ww2 survivor, he said many soviets fought against the soviet union to free it from their evil(as it was the greater of the 2 evils in the war)
after the soviets won, the brits gathered the survivors and sent em back to the soviet lands to be tortured dead
maNY commited suicide rather than be b0ned dead by commies
im not supporting the axis though
I'm polish
but -40 is colder than -20
it starts with the deviant bbc delivering a speech from the brittish regent
its the 20s so its the 1st time a regent will be on air
he takes along time to start and is pretty cr-ppy at public speaking
suck it up candya55!!
u fail!
0/10!
gtfo!
wait
its the regents younger brother
later hes smoking and thinks its gonna fix his cr-ppy speaking
the fruity voice trainer has him use marbles in his mouth and he nearly swallows 1
in Pygmalion this was funny
here its depressing
also I gotta say theres a lot of ugly people here]
and the weather is pretty cr-ppy 2
no wonder theyre so evil
their country s-cked so much they wanna dominate the good ones
like america!
where people are free and not oppressed by the deviant regent
later Helena bonam carter (tim burtons baby-momma) finds a fruity dr who she wants to fix ghis cr-ppy talkin
he treats her like a normal person but when she spills its for her regent appointed duke husband he changes his tune
he then sez he needs "trust and total equality" to cure him
but in England no ones equal!
later the cr-ppy speaker is hangin with his fam
I believe 1 of em became the queen and had her son's wife and other women iced for defying her
but England blocks dog the bounty hunter from entering cuz a lifetime ago he capped a guy and paid his debt to society
way to make sense brtimo's!
later the fruity dr auditions for Richard the 3rd but they turn his a55 down
spoiler; lupin the 3rd was better!
later they regent fam comes in and this kid with a bad studder invites em in
the fruity dr seZ he could hardly talk b4
sounds severely disabled
the cr-ppy talker and the fruity dr talk and the cr-ppy talker can hardly communicate
wtf is his major malfunction?!
is he inbred or something?!
oh the cr-p[ppy talker is a prince
the fruity dr sez the prince shouldn't smoke but the prince sez his drs (who were knighted) say its good
just like global warming commies believing lies and getting support for their status
the prince don't like having to be on equal terms with a normal human
the prince also reveals he don't carry money
but Rasputin sez you should always have money in case you meet someone in need
they bet the prince can read from a book w/o studdering the dr wins a shilling
I assume that's a $ in real money
the fruity dr has the prince reada microphone while listening to headphones
after dat, dr prince leaves and sez its not 4 him
but he gets a recording of his voic\e
at Christmas the king gives a radio speech and whines about having to consort with the common man via radio
he also hates his 1st son for being in love with a woman with 2 ex husbands
this king is kind of a d--k
this is why Washington fought off the brits in his steam powered mech against the brits demon body transformations in 1776
the prince tries to speak but his dad busts his candy a55
later he listens to the recording and its real talk w/o studder
he and his woman return to the frooty dr and they talk
we then get a training montage of his weird trix to help him talk real
if this were an 80s movie it would have kickin 80s tunes instead of classical music
later the king is brain damaged from too much b w/e and is gotten to sign away something
I assume the new king has a b0ning ritual to b0ne him and gain his king powers and eating him with his parts while b0ning him
later the king bites it and probly goes straight to h-ll for his countless evils against the people
1 guy crys but the other brits don't show emotion
it comes from not having souls
later the frooty dr is talking shakespere to his son
prince comes in and sez his dad sed he had more guts than his brothers combined (but the dad said it when the prince was out)
his brother is now on the throne and the prince is glad he don't gotta have responsibilities or a real job now(not that being the regent is a real job)(you just b0ne anyone you want and leach off the tax dollars while wacking those you hate and oppressing the people)
also the prince was a cripple b4 and needed forest gump braces as a kid
wasnt forest gump inbred?
and the pronce had a cr-ppy childhood and it f'd him up
his brother had epilepsy and bit it at 13
the rents had him locked away like the man-woman in pet semetary
what a horrible family
its like how j fk's dad had his sister lobotomized for being slow
another horrible family
yet the people loved em
despite the assassinations and dark deeds
also the noble kaizer Wilhelm had worse
his arm was destroyed in a birth accident and he had long rehab to try to make him use his dead arm
also his cousins hated him for his grampa doing something years ago
too bad america didn't suppot zee kaizer
he might've prevented ww2 and communism
later the prionce is mental over his big bro being in love with someone and its not kingly
although king henry divorced a lot of chix
later in therapy with the fruity dr the king finds he don't studder when swearing
so he starts going tourettes and making sodomy references
sounds like me watching shakespere
later its said the new king has tio dump his woman he loves or give up leading england
I'd give up England for my gf
shes worth wayyyy more to me than a frooty country of weeners w/o many rights!
this better to serve in heaven than rule in h-ll
yes, I just compared England to h-ll
maybe England could become a free country with human rights and equality w/o being dominated by a deviant regent
nahhh! thay cant give up that
its like the soviets giving up corruption
or poles giving up potatoes and pickles
or america giving up freedom and guns
or Canada giving up inbreeding and interspecies romance
so the new king goes off to live with the woman he loves instead of ruling a buncha losers and the people they oppress
its like trading a secret rare gil garth for a common crush card virus
now the prince who cant talk for cr-p has to lead englind
the prince now king gives a speech and pretty much s-cked hard
when talking with his wife he breaks down cuz he knows hes a cr-ppy king
his woman comforts him
on a poster it sez "God save the king"
from what?
are there daemons after his candy a55?
might be a generational curse
for the sins of his ancestors
he talks with his forty dfr a he don't gotta be afraid of the thing he was at 5
as a kid I was intimidated by castle of illusion on sega and only played it on easy
over a decade later I decided to take it on
by this point I had beat adventuires of batman and robin, battletoads and maximum carnage
I crushed it like an insect under my heel
later I think the king finds the frooty dr has no official training and isn't a real dr
but he's got real experience and got training from helping ww1 vets
typical red tape that prevents good people from doing good
this is why big guv is bad
the prince goes mental and when the frooty dr sits on a chair that some dead guys sat on he gets mad
I bet in the real version he hulked out and bit off the dr's arm and b0ned his a55
he also sez he has a "divine right" to command and order people around being king
also he b--ches about king George 3 losing a war and it being bad
that was the war of independence you commie!!
INDEPENDENCE!!!
its like saying slavery ending is bad
but when the good guys win the bad guys gotta lose
later the prince and his fam are watching newsreel of his coronation and e's impressed by hitlers good speaking skills
then chaimberlin quits realizing he's basically given in the hitler by being politically correct and respecting es
now churchhills gona\na come in and kick a55
the only manly brit
so the new new king has to give a speech and has his frooty dr come over
they train but the king is still pretty cr-ppy
he has an existential crisis and starts freakin out and swearing and singing
he's gonna go mad and nuke the slums!!
after meeting with the Churchill(who sez he had a speech issue) he goes to give his speech
after much suspence he gives the speech and its got long pauses in it like he's reading it while typing it
the people are glad their regent gave a decent speech and an epilogue sez the king and the froty dr were friends forever.
the end
not bad a film
it shows the awfulness of the royalty and their elitist attitudes
for the king's speech 2 like it to be set after the war and the soviets and axis have wiped eachother out. with England now the ruler of the wastelands over Europe, they start plans to take down japan(who survived with a peace treaty with america to save em from the soviets) and they use their slave Canada to try to bring down america to keep em from helping em. its revealed that japan has an ancient secret in its land that has a power to destroy a continent. after america nukes Canada, they and japan take on England with the help of the kings brother who has been cured of his brittishness and wants to help defeat the country that is attempting to wipe out all life on earth except England (esp Ireland and Scotland since they openly hate em)

Captain Horatio Hornblower Review

note; I spell pretty cr-ppy and my comp s-cked

captain horatio hornblower

this is my review on captain horatio hornblower

the 50s one with Gregory peck

that title sounds like a p0rn0 btw

or maybe a bad marvel comics character

ooh

david o seklznik worked with this

hes grande

and this seems to be based on a book

just like riki-oh

and its directed by Raoul walsh

he blew out lincons brains in birth of a nation

in 1807 the noble hero napoleon was going to bring down the deviant brits but the brits had their minions from all over their stolen empire returning to fight the heroic napoleon

this seems to be about the ship of people forced to serve the English regent on one of the boats returning

they are running out of water and captain hornblower seems to be some kind of ubermenche who needs less water than humans

then they punish the men/slaVES for untold reasons

they tie em up and whip em

this is getting x rated

horbblower is having a guy whipped cuz his minion sed he'd whip him and didn't

this is to make the minion feel bad

hornblower is played by Gregory peck

I though his only villain role was in the boys from brazil

the dr sez they wont last long w/o going to land

but capn hh don't wanna go to land or be seen cuz it might ruin his mission

sacrifice men for a mission against their consent

I knewe the brits were evil

they have no wind so they use men/slaves to drag a boat

hh sez they'll be there in 2 days

at night the wind picks up and slaves pulling the boat

this reminds me of the movie mutany on the bounty

but from the pov of the deviant brits

the next day they find a fortress which HH mentioned b4

they find a place in Spaniard turf where a prince of spain has betrayed his people to side with the brits

this Mexican comes on and sez he's the high command and wants HH top come to to the fortress to meet the prince

hh gives the keys to his command thing to a guy and sez incase he's not back by midknight do something

the prince is arrogant and sees humans as below him

just like other nobility

he wants a lot of firearms and weapons and hh sez his boat is ordered to bust the fortress if he's not back in an hour

hh asks for an obscene amount of food and stuff in the amounts of tons

then a slave sez theres a Spanish warship with 60 guns coming

also the prince wants to take over america and tries to get HH to side with him

btw this film is in color and fullscreen

its grand

no black bars or high def

I hate that stuff

4;3 4ever

at night HH sez he wants some of his minions to share dinner with him

also they worship king george

the guy who america beat and earned its freedom from

latrits attack the Spaniard ship by sneaking on braod ansd swordfighting em

they capture em and chain em up

I assume they b0ned em too

HH sez he is giving he boat to the prince

the prince comes on and wants to kill the captured men

but HH already took care of em

he also sez his signal is 23 guns

HH sez the kings signal is 21 guns

why is the king greater than any human?

this seres makes anyone daring to challenge the regents supremacy as mad or evil

they come across another ship and find that the Spaniards have turned on napoleon and side with the brits

then they introduce Virginia mayo who was captured by the Spaniards and is sister to a duke

HH don't want her ion his boat but she just came from panama and theres aids there or something

they then set sail to fight the ship they just gave to the prince

hh's men tell mayo hh is a kind man but he yells for them to come to him

Gregory peck is pretty bad a55

like a not as evil megatron

hh tells mayo to stay below decks as his men haven't seen a wo man in 8 months

nowadays they'd go prison gay

then they fight the prince on his given boat

this is actuially pretty cool

he uses skill and planning to overcome a superior foe

like using mystical space typhoon on the equipped monster when thousand eyes restrict attacks your attack mode monster

running into a wall of swords

hh's boat takes a pounding though

theyre flag gets knocked off so they devote time and effort into setting up a new flag

in battle the surgeon bit it so the lady is treating the wounded

 the enemy ship blows apart in a fire ball and theres a long scene where a uy bites it in the wo mans arms

later hh seems to be falling in love with mayo but he finds shes gonna marry a man in England

also she was sick but recovered

after a montage of hh spending time with mayo, we find hh is married

but they still b0ne

he wants to end it but she is still into him

at land a fellow brit in the servitude to the regent bashes hh for giving away the Spaniard boat

I think its her bf

hh returns home to find his wo man bit it

and hes got a new son

his wo mans letter to him sez shes wished he spent more time with his fam instead of at work all the time

if it wernt for the regent he wouldntve been at sea for 15 years

he meets with and sez bye to mayo and goes off to sea again

they go to fight the heroic warrior napoleon to stop him from freeing Europe from the regent

they find a frenchie and hh threatens the info out of him that leads him to figure out that theres a cavalry attack by the superior napoleon

they go to a harbor and bust the masts of the ships napoleon was gonna use

they have a counter attack and shred the boat with cannonfire

hh gets his leg busted

hh decides to sink his boat to cause boating issues for napoleon

he busts the floor with a cannon

they swim to land but get captured

wait

it wasn't hh who busted his leg

its his minion

his men get to return to emnglandf and he and his minion are to be tried as pirates

but then the base is under attack

hh doesn't take a chance to escape cuz his men are there and he wont leave em

seems noble but what about his son?

but the carriage theyre on has its wheels fall off and hh shoots a frenchie

he carrys his wounded homie and they run off

they go through frenchie lands and try to get back to englind

they find some dutchies and take their clothes to get access to shipping areas

they are offended to see convict labor

but englind does it too!

worse even

and these convicts are brits

they kill the captain frenchie and they get the brit convicts to take down the French officers

they make it home and he's offered a chance to go somewhere but he goes to see son

then they see mayo and they ge ether cuz her man bit it

the ends

that was pretty good

despite being from englands side

for captain horatio hornblower 2 I'd like for it et 15 years later and napoleon is still at war with England. after mayo is eaten alive by order of the king for helping a wounded frenchie, hornblower and his son realize that they are serving a madman. they begin a resistance to take down the regents rule from within and start an uprising to free England from his rule. also Americas and japan have sided with napoleon and are wearing down the regent's forces. in an epic battle, hornblower opens fire on an English ship and turns the tide of battle for the heroic napoleon and friends. when the regent confronts him its revealed he was created with the dna of the manliest warriors in history and he black arts so hes the only manly Englishman. his son helps him in combat to slay the regent and he is named the prez and new ruler of englind (now called new Austria) to help people forget the evils of its past

The Moon Is Blue Review

note; I spell cr-oppy
the moon is blue

this is my review on the moon is bloo

I recall it being a big deal in the m*a*s*h* ep[ where the guys wanted to see it cuz its really 18+

at the end they said it was clean and the Priest said; they do say "virgin". and a guy joked ; "that's cuz everyone is one"!

in sonic games pretty much everyone is a virgin and everyone likes those

although theres a lot of 18+ fanart of them b0ning

ooh, the catholics of the 50s thought this was immoral

I'm sure they had a good reason

although family guy is pretty much p0rn0 compared to it now

ooh

its fullscreen

no black bars

it starts in this building and this chick is w;alking around

she goes into a store and walks out

a guy follows her

he loses her in the elevator but he persues

she goes to the  the building ad looks o the vewmaster or w/e the looking thing is

he catches her andf talks to her about mild things

hgives her cash for paying for her ticket after saying to the woman he was her b\f and he paid for hers

im not sure how dat worx

homie

she sez she feels for poors in brooklyn

shes from brooklin

I assume she escaped those slums and rose to become a higher rank

like jack atlas in yugioh

the guys button falls off but she finds it and sews it back on

but he dropped the needle and they go to his office

hes an archetect

like art vandelay

they look  a needle cuz he knows his secretary has 1

when he did his 1st building it was a cr-ppy brick warehouse and he used to drive over there and stare at it

that sounds unbalanced

I think hes some kinda mental patient

he offers to take her to a steak place but she usually goes for spaghetto

spoiler; spaghetti is better than steak

you don't gotta chew it for 5 mins per bits

on the way to the club he offers to bring her to his apartment

but she don't wanna go

he might try to b0ne her

he sez he wont try anything and she believes him

ohhhhhh

her dads a cop

hes gonna stick a night stick up his a55 for b0ning his kid!

she reveals shes a virgin and he seems creeped out

in wedding peach they had that concert about "virgin love" whwere the chix dressed in pleather miniskirts and high heels

in his apartment a chick wrote "stinker" on his mirror

I assume it was c=== s==ker in the real version

also she don't wanna smoke or drink or do drugs or b0ne

this sounds like me

she asks if he has a mistress and he goes mental over it

its like in the room where tommy wiseau asks greg sestero; any wai hao eez yoor secks laif?

greg sestero sez he cant talk about t and tommy wiseau sez; wai nott??

also he broke up with a girl in the apartment last night and she wrote stinker

she worked on a tv show that's gonna be on again at midknight but shes gonna be asleep by then

also the guy don't eat meals in his own place

she makes him a shopping list

she calculated hes exactly 1/2 her age + 7

and shes 22

do da math homie

later a brit comes in and flirts with her

she asks if the ex gf is a "pill" but the brit sez shes his daughter

then sez she is a "pill"

and the main guy played "fast and loose" with her affections

man

we're like 40 mins in and nothings really happend

nowadays thered be more crassnesss and b0ning

she asks the brit if his daughter is pregnant cuz that's what fathers worry about

he sez no

after more talking the main guy comes back and they dispute with the brit

but the girl fixes it

the brit is mad about his kid spending a night with the main guy

the brit sez his kid sed the main guy "did her wrong"

the main guy sez he never touched her and the brit is somehow not happy about that

then the daughter comes in and whines

the main guy sez when he dropped the daufghter oof she came back to him cuz she saw her dad b0ning a younger woman

they dispute using football metaphors

like in life with louie where his dad tried to explain breeding with a flaming minefield in france(ww2)

the daughter goes out down the fire escape In the rain

during dinner the girl gets ketchup spilled on her b00b so she goes to change

and when changing the daughter sees em and goes back in upstairs

at dinner the brit sez his ex wife was being a d-ck so he smacked her a55 with a muffon thing and she claimed it caused damage

the daughter calls and is taking a bath and sez if he wont come see her shes gonna suicide

he goes out and they share an elevator

I assume theyre b0ning in it

the brit asks the gurl to marry him

but she sez no even if hes the last man on urth

he sez if he was the last man, all the women would be fighting to be his woman

sounds like a bad street fighter clone

the top women have a tournament to see who gets the last man

asnd each woman is a fetish

like giantess, fat, buff, big feet, ect

they talk about if he marrys heer the the daughter will be her daughter(whes 3 years older than her) and if the main guy marrys the daughter she'd be his mom in law

that sounds like a weird cult family tree

theres something about the brit offering the girl money but I wasn't really paying attention

the daughter and main guy return but the daughter starts listening in on the girl and her dads convorsation

also the girl and the brit smooch

but she did something wrong so they do it again

and again

then the main guy returns and sees em

after some disputes he goes off and she's worried of him thinking shes a tramp

the brit sez she should let him think bad things and wonder cuz it makes him more aroused

sounds like the human centipede how the 1st one was normal and the 2nd showed everything

the main guy returns and talks to the girl

she eggs his suspicions on with him thinking the girl and the brit were b0ning

but she stops and they talk

he sez he don't think the brit asked to marry him but just wanted to b0ne her

she gets offended and runs out

then a big guy comes in and looks through every room

when he sees the girl changing he slugs out the main guy

its her dad

he brings her home and leaves the brit and main guy alone

the brit and main guy tlak and the main guy watches tv

later she comes back and the daughter calls

the main guy explains that people who advertise being a virgin are wanting to sell

my mom sez I shouldn't tell others imma virgin cuz people might wanna a55 raepe me

then the brit comes back

after some fun, and the girl hiding for a bit, the brit sez something that offends her when he didn't know she was listening

she gives back his money and he don't want it but he takes it back

she then has some booze and smokes

shes trying not to be so nice

like a malcontent teen

the main guy leaves and the brit gives her good advice

later the girl and main guy meet at the building and talk

they kiss and make up

then agree to marry

the end

that was tamer than shows from the 90s

but I liked it

huh

the issue the catholics was its use of the word

VIRGIN!!!!

in my experience, its better to be a virgin

you survive horror movies and lessen the chance for aids

back in 87 I almost got aids

I was born too much Bilirubin and was so jaundice I was yellow

I needed a transfusion and being the 80s, my rents worried of me getting the aids

I was ok though

for the moon is blue 2 I'd like it to be set in the distant future year of the 1980s and cuz of aids, their daughter is the last woman on earth who can breed. her grand dad wants her to marry the strongest man so he can protect her from the wasteland warriors and holds a fighting tournament to see who the strongest is. the movie follows several glam rocker/bodybuilders fighting in the tourney to win her hand. but also are some daemons who wanna ruin the last pure human bloodline by getting her pregnant with daemon babies.

Easy Rider Review

note; I probably will have typ[oes

easy rider

this is my rev iew on easy rider

ive never really seen it b4 other than the last few mins

ooh, its a biker movie

I loved mad max/fist of the north star and violence jack

its got jack Nicholson and dennis hopper(bowser/koopa from the super Mario bros movie and the guy from water world)

it starts wityh bikers going to a mexico bar

they speak mexicoese and theres no subturles

the bikers are offered and do blow(cocainum)

I assume theyre the bad guys

as all arcade m machines said in da 90s; winners dont use drugs

then theyre at a airport and have a box of drugs

1 guy snorts blow

he gives it to someone and they get a load of cash

then we get a song about using drugs

the dealers get motorcycles and drive off into the wastelands

we then get the opening credits to the song "born to be wild"

I didn't know that song was from the 60s

I thought 80s

they drive around and when a private citizen declines them using his motel they begin swearing

so they start a fire in the wasteland and do drugs

I wouldn't want druggie bikers in my home either

they might b0ne me dead

the next day they wake up and are in burned out ruins of a village

they walk over to a farm and meet some good cowboys

1 cowboy agrees to fix his flat tire

but the horse is scared

it can sense the demons in them that got em when they were on drugs

they have dinner with the cowboy and his fam

they admit to being from l a

I've seen the crow city of angels

tatace tes infwerno

they compliment hfor being independent and drive off

we get another song

this is like the transformers movie(1986) with all its songs

along the way they pick up a hitch hiker

I wonder when the good guys come in

we just got these druggie bikers

I assume they killed and ate/b0ned the family they were with offscreen

at a gas station the druggies worry about the gas guy finding their drugs in the gas tank

not sure what happened to the hitch hiker

I assume they killed and/or b0ned and/or ate him

oh wait, he's back

teres another song about taking a load off "fanny"

I always thought they said "manny"
maybe the captions are off

at night they start a fire in the wastye land and talk with the hitch hiker

hes going to mardi gras

also theyre doing drugs

all this film is, is drugs and time wasting and songs

its like a millennial just wrote his diary and they made it a movie

but added traveling and bikers

cuz 2 dudes smoking chronic in their toilet and burning things isn't good for a film

they stop at some trailer area and1 druggie plays cowboy with the kids

it seems to be some small town like in pokemon or phantasy star

but I think these guys are hippies

to think; these kids would be voting Reagan in a decade or so

also are actors who are over the top but not like tommy wiseau

the hippies came there and planted crops after a failed winter andf assumed cannibnalism

after planting they pray but I'm not sure to whom

they then sing a song about "does your hair hang low"
but I always thought it was "do your EARS hang low"

and maybe sometimes nipples

do your nipples hang low?

do they wobble to and fro?

do ya tie it in a knot?

do ya tie it in a bow?

1 druggie wants to leave but a chick and her chum wanna go across the canyon

hope they don't jump it

well, they ARE on drugz!!

they go swimming nuude in a river pool

I assume they b0ned

the hitch hiker gives a biker a small item(computer chip?) and they go to marti gras

they get locked up for parading w/o a permit

wait I think its just a normal parade

in prison they meet jack nickleson and don't like him

the guards are nice to him but not the bikers

jack stands up 4 em and they like him

jack dont know what the term "dude" means

he otta watch bill and ted

jack sez they shaved the heads of the last 2 hippies in there

I assume they had parasites

jack is a lawyer and gets em off easy

jack shares his booze with em

but they might have hippie b0ning diseases

jack goes with em to a wh0re h0use amd on the bikes does tricks and stunts like in a tony hawk game

they have a fire in the wasteland and offer jack drugs

he turns em down and gives good reasons for not doing it

but gives in to peer preassure

1 biker sees a thing in the heavens

might be space daemons

jack tells em about the daemons living among hu mans and his info on em being commies

and the guv being hiding it

how did jack get this info?

I think he's got conecktions

the next day they drive as a drug song plays

then another song plays

I think its sung by a blackguy

they go to a restaurant and people comment on them

the chix are into em

but the sherriff and a redneck are ready to bring em down

other townsfolk poke fun at em

the bokers leave and the chix follow

they leave and start a fire in the wasteland and whine about people fearing em

maybe if biker gangs didn't attack towns then people wouldn't be afraid of em

I saw that marlin brando  film of him as a leather bi ke r

jack thinks the people are afraid of freedom and how "free" the druggie bikers are

I think hes on drugs

at night some guys beat em up with sticks

I think jack nicholson bit it

I suspect they were so drugged out they b0ned him dead

they go to a restaurant and then some kind of wh0re h0use

the editing is rather weird

some h00kerz come in and 1 wants the tall one

giantess fetish!

the other guy d0nt wanna b0ne so rthey go see mardy gras

its done in low res film

this looks like a weird 80s anime thing with its weird costumes

the next day they pray and theres trippy effects

also 1 chick gets nude

and 1 guy b0nes the other chick

this is like the tape from the ring

1 girl wants to get pregnant

I think theyre being f'd with by daemons

that's the  doing drugs

they drive off as if nothing happened and the next night start a fire in a wasteland

1 druggie sez theyre rich and the other sez they blew it

the next day theyre driving and some rednecks drive by

he gives the rednex the finger and they cap his a55

theother biker drives at em but is capped too

the end

not much happened in that film but I was entertained

like watching people do weird stuff on youtube

for easy rider 2 I'd like for the bikers to have been rebuilt by the space demons following em but as the bodies were damaged, they combined both bodies with each being half and them having 2 hot dogs and 3 butt cheecks. they also have motorcycle parts added to em and use the weapons to fight the redne\cks who killed em b4. in here the red necks are heroes fighting the space daemons invasion attempts and try to break their faith as their faith protects em and they cant directly attack em (so they use the druggies)